Fighting Distractions
 

So, I have found myself having to use a lot of mental energy to fight distractions that may impede my weightloss goals. I don't mean distractions of food or drink, but distractions of, well, just people and emotions.

There is a person in my situation who, well, isn't good at masking their preferences. It is sad because they think that they are completely accepting and kind and whatnot, but, in reality, they do these very blatant preference type things. At times it is such a depressing thing because I try to be so very open and happy and positive, and when they won't even greet me in the same manner as they do others (they greet me in a far more distracted way, but greet others in an open arms "I missed you so much my long lost friend!", kind of way) and at times they say things that are inappropriate in that it is so blatant the inequality. It just makes a person feel very downtrodden, like no matter how much I do, or how well I do things, this person (and to be honest, persons) will ignore it or fail to see it because they are focusing on this belief that my fatness makes me a person that should be hidden off somewhere and used as a workhorse, but not as a valuable member. Sigh.

Things like that take me from feeling good and happy, to feeling negative and irritable. Sigh. :( It makes me almost want to go off of my diet. I feel, even though it is superficial, that until I get to a more acceptable level of obesity, my talents are going to be ignored, and certain people will still talk to me like I am stupid.

I can't understand why someone would feel that my doing well is asking for attention and that they need to make an effort to make weird looks, downplay it, etc, yet, they lavish praises upon another person who has been very open about wanting to aggressively be promoted AND is not very truthful about the things they do.

I am also trying to not let loneliness or romance issues affect my weightloss goals. I am a person that likes to give love and receive it, and right now, it doesn't seem like anyone is interested.

So, trying to deal with emotions and people is sometimes a distraction from my goals of weightloss and I am trying to ignore those distractions or limit their impact on my weightloss goals.

I should be dancing right now because the scale is being kind and I am hovering at the 309lbs mark. Also, I noticed less swelling in my legs, so I think that maybe I retain more water due to diet? In any case, I hope I keep losing weight. I have this fear that I will be stuck at this weight. :(

Million...*please* don't give these people such control over your happiness! They are simply NOT worth you putting your health in jeopardy over. :hug:

Stay focused and I agree with Torister 100%.

Thank you. :hug::hug: I just get so discouraged at times. I need to just focus on my weight and my health and improving myself. :)

Million, you have already come a long way and I can relate to your situation. I don't know why people think that overweight people are good for nothing except eating and being lazy! Your size has no bearing on your being able to function as a normal person. I hope that makes sense. It does in my head :) Anyway, you should try and find a way to use those emotions as fuel for your weight loss. Society is so hung up on looks it's pathetic!!

I can also relate to the loneliness! I never understood it when people would say to me, It will happen when you least expect it but that's truly what happens. I had worked very hard to lose weight and had put all my effort into that and had just about given up on finding a husband (all I seemed to attract were jerks or married men) when he found me! We all deep down want to prove to others that we can lose weight and be "normal" but the important thing is for our health.

Hang in there!! You are doing great and don't let anybody keep you down!! Believe in yourself and you will amaze yourself:hug:

Thank you so much! :) My sister said the most nicest thing---she said that the only thing in the way of my losing weight is myself. And she is right. I know what I need to do, but haven't been so good about doing it.

Now, I feel like I am easing into my old healthier habits I learned years ago. I need to focus on that aspect and on doing the best I can in the situation I described. I do get very lonely at times, but I think if I just keep on working on myself, maybe the guy of my dreams will come along?

I have my sad times when the negative voice in my head will make me wonder if my ex wasn't attracted to me. I don't think that is the case, but we did have those kinds of romantic issues, so I wonder. I wonder if I just turned him off? I do wonder if some guy out there will see that I am a good woman, find me to be a good friend, and a good partner, AND find me attractive. It seems like the attractive aspect is the hard part. Yes, I do get the "You have such a pretty face, if only you lost the weight" thing quite often. Sigh. I am just going to focus on improving myself and staying focused.

I completely understand what you mean. I see that a lot, and it's so hurtful. The way it distracts me is like "If you treat me this way now, I don't want to be close to you when you'll accept me," and it's hard to keep going with that attitude. I always end up telling myself, "Well, it's your fault they do that. It's your fault you're fat, why should they have to deal with you?" and that's not healthy at all. :(

I have also gotten the "you have such a pretty face" comment more times than I care to remember. I have yet to figure out why people can't just accept me for who I am!!

Paradise, I also feel that if someone can't accept me fat but can accept me thin, I have no need for people like that! Friendship and relationships shouldn't be based on your size! It might be your fault for letting your weight get out of control but it's not your fault that they do that! No one should have to "deal" with you! If they can't accept you for you then you don't need them!! Life is full of enough negativity by itself without the addition of negative people.

Try and surround yourself with positive thinking, positive things, and most of all positive people! I have found that it is very hard to convert a negative person and the more you are around them, the more they drag you down so your best bet will be to distance yourself from those kinds of people as much as you can!

We have to stay focused and remember why we are on this journey!! I am looking forward to continuing this journey to a place I have never been and discovering a part of myself I have never met before!!

I am taking all of your advice and trying to not let my focus on being healthy be affected by people. It does seem like weird stuff with my ex and people in another situation are really trying to upset me.

Today, a person in a place of power, who I feel does judge my weight and often talks to me slowly like I am stupid, made a request for me to not do something. Well, in the situation I followed the normal steps and didn't do anything wrong. Everything I did was appropriate. However, she said it like my touching the issue is going to make an error. What is irritating is that there is another person similar to her, who has been even more dismissive towards me, always tells me the same thing as well. No matter what it is, she makes a big deal of telling me not to touch anything. they act like I am freaking stupid and going to make a mistake. that really upsets me. Other than making me close to tears now out of frustration, I just feel like in order to stop this abuse I have got to get smaller. In this economy and with my bills, I just cant go anywhere else. Also, I do like place, just not the people that judge me. i have a degree just like they do, so why treat me like an imbecile. It is so bad at times that I wish I could just stop eating. I know that isn't healthy. I totally know that. I also know that I have a very good appetite, so I do wish I could just not have it for a few weeks, but with my metabolism I probably wouldn't lose weight anyway. Sigh. I just feel like they will start treating me better when I get to a lower weight. And after seeing pics of my face and how puffy and swollen I look, it does look like my weight is out of control.

I am just focusing on today and eating healthy and trying to do tasks and everything that needs to be done so my focus isnt on these kinds of people. :?:

In business, I have found that woman are touchy about control issues. It may not have much to do with your size as how aggressive you come across to compensate for your size. I've been there, done that.

I was lucky enough to change jobs and I took a different approach. I was laid back and I would volunteer for everything that was thrown out; usually stuff no one wanted to touch. I did my job and did everything well. I earned respect slowly. Just to let you know, the weight bias was still there. One woman that was hired at the same time I was is now a director and making lots more money than me when I am the one with more experience.

Hugs to you,
Ratkity

thank you. :) I don't try and be aggressive, and I do try and do whatever is asked of me. I have heard from certain people that they project those kinds of qualities on me, even when I am not really displaying them. I think it is because of my size---i.e, if a guy says something, he is assertive, if I say it, then I am overbearing. :(

You know...it may not have anything at all to do with your size.

I agree that it could be not related to my size. But, when I see that others are doing the exact same thing that I am doing, but being treated differently, and I have more experience, then, well, I am not sure why they feel as they do. When you couple it with the weird stares at my plate at food functions, etc., then I don't know. I have experienced this before, the same treatment, and when I lost weight then the treatment changed drastically. So, that is what I am wondering.

Million-to be fair, don't we change when we take the weight off? We are more outgoing, tend to carry less jealousy/anger in our hearts, interact with people differently. Maybe you are treated differently because you act differently.
Just a thought

Very true. I think that right now I am pretty upset, so I may be coming across wrong on this site. I think I am just hurt and frustrated because I try to be so positive and light and happy and encouraging and, when I see that I am talked to differently, when others get promotions though they don't seem to have the same dedication or experience, and when I constantly have people talking to me like I am ignorant, then, well, it just makes me feel like doing good isn't enough for some people. Also, I have heard from some comments made about image and promotion.

Excellent point!

Million...if you believe that it is the weight and weight alone..then you are doing the only thing that you have any power over. You are losing the weight!! You cannot change how people judge or how they act towards you. All that does is add stress to your life and guess what stress does? Impedes weight loss!! Honestly, control what you can (and are! which is fabulous) and let go of what you cannot control.

I want to say a big thank you to everyone on here and for all of their support. I am taking your advice and suggestions to heart.

I realize that rather than let myself get upself and be in a funk all day, I am going to just accept that there will be times when a person may not return my morning salutation, or that they may look distracted when I talk to them, etc. I just have to accept that that is how they are, and I may not be able to change their attitude at this time. I have to accept that certain people may treat me a certain way, and that it may take a while before they start thinking better of me. Who knows? But, I cannot let their actions make me the person who is irritable and upset, because, in their mind, it probably just reiterates whatever judgments that they have.

I am just going to focus on my diet, the things I want to do for myself to improve myself and other aspects of my life. I have to not let outside distractions affect my main goals.

My ex sent me a weird text yesterday about my social networking site. I had something on it that he didn't like and that he was worried about me. In actuality, it was a mistake on the part of the site, and I hadn't changed anything. But, it was a reference to being big. He said he didn't like it. Sigh. Men are so confusing and weird. :(

I actually got undressed this morning after getting dressed so I could weigh in. I am still hovering at 309lbs and I am ok with that. I know I am not drinking enough water, so I know that that aspect may not be helping my digestion and releasing of excess water, etc. So, I am going to increase my water intake starting today. At least 6-8 glasses.

Thank you all for your continued support. I cannot express how much it helps me every day.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I am thankful every day that I am able to work from home.

Something in my therapy over the years that has really helped me deal with stupid people is that you can't control other's actions. You can only control your reactions. It has helped me deal with my mother so much better. I can now interact with her like an adult (Most of the time!)!

Good luck!!! Focus on what you can change. Everything else is up to them.

Thank you everybody for all of your support. I am now down 10lbs. Woo hoo!!

I could have written your post, million. There is a woman at my job that insists on going behind me and "checking" everything before she delivers it, which would be cool except she only does it to me. One day there was a staff meeting that every employee at my job had to be at, except me, to make decisions about some new equipment we were buying for my department that I would be using. when i walked into the meeting i was asked if i could handle answering the phones while everyone else was meeting. Anyway, it does't make sense in this situation that my weight had anything to do with that, but i work with the barbie doll type, and the difference in our body types affects my self esteem to the point that if i hear them laughing in the break room when i walk by i just *know* the are laughing at me.
That's a long winded way of saying I know how you feel, but please don't give up. You know if you keep going you'll feel better some day. But if you give up things will just stay the same. Good luck!

Omg! I got so angry when I read your post. That is just a wrong way to treat a person on so many levels. (((hugs))). You are a good person, and their judgments are reflective more of their issues than anything about you. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through that.

The thing about weight discrimination is that it is so subtle and insidious at times, that you know it is due to weight, but if you tell a regular person all of the examples, because there isn't the overt name calling, it can be interpreted all kinds of ways.

All I can say is just focus on you and do the best you can. Would it be possible to talk to your boss, or is your boss the same as everyone else?

I am just trying to focus on me and getting myself together. It does hurt at times because like other posters, when I do improve I feel like I am being treated as if I am invisible. It is hard at times to feel like you really can't talk to anyone in your office, but, I am just going to try and ignore any of the negativity and focus on me and my health and improving my life. :)

No, I can't really talk to my boss because, imo, its her attitude that encourages my co-workers' collective attitude, if that makes sense at all.

I think that focusing on yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. I was so caught up in the lonliness of my life. You know, resigning myself to a life of being single and childless, etc. But it was when I started focusing on ME, and gave myself permission to be a tad selfish from time to time that I met my guy. I really feel that when I turned my energy inward, my self esteem lifted and it made me more attractive, even though I hadn't lost any weight at the time.

Keep doin what you're doin, and you'll get there!:cheer2:

This!! True..True...True!! Nothing is more attractive than a confident woman who loves herself enough to put herself first and take the very best care of herself that she can no matter what her size!

So true, so true! I realize that I need to put myself and my goals first, and try and live the kind of life I want.

I also, for the first time yesterday, started thinking seriously that, well, I am still somewhat relatively young (i.e., the docs haven't said yet to consider fertility options, though, to be very honest---I haven't ever really tried to get pregnant? So, who knows? Maybe I could be super fertile after all and be octomom without the fertility treatments? Not that I want 8 kids at once, but, you get the idea), and well, if I don't find someone I can be in a loving and respectful relationship with, then I may just do invitro on my own when I am a little bit older and hopefully have the money available.

Thisyear---your post touches me so. I wish I could just reach out there and give ya a big sisterly hug and a "girl, I so understand what you are saying". The same thing occurs in my situation as well, and since some of the people in power have the same issues with my weight, then, well, I can't really go to them and tell them how they are acting makes me feel. I also realized that they may be acting that way towards me because they have weight issues, and maybe they feel bad about not being able to lose weight, so when they see me eating (and usually overeating, let me be honest about it), it probably stirs up some issues within them.

Let's all just focus on ourselves and be the best that we can be for ourselves and our happiness.

So, I am trying to deal with some feelings about the ex, and they are really trying to convince me to pig out and wallow in trying to comfort myself with food.

I spoke with the ex, and, well, he seems to be grouping me in with a bunch of people in his life who ask him for things and make him feel stressed. I tried to ask him for very little in our relationship so he wouldn't think of me as one of those people, but he does, and it really makes me feel sad. I didn't ask for much, and really put my needs behind his, and yet, he treats me a bit like I am a part of the group of people he wants to get away from. it makes me feel sad because one would think that you would want to find solace in your partner, right? He didn't even want to tell me the address of his new place. That hurts a bit. Ok, it hurts a lot. I told him that I understand, and I do understand that he wants to get away from people that cause him a lot of stress, but I just would have never thought I would be one of those people, especially since I tried to do so much for him in our relationship.

I am really trying to stay focused on my weightloss goals, despite not losing any weight in almost a month (I was 308lbs on 03/26). I am still hovering around 306-308lbs. and am pretty upset and sad about it.

I do admit that I have eaten out a lot more this month, though I stuck to my okay foods----even though I thought those veggie meals were healthy, perhaps I just ate too much or they had more calories than I thought?

I admit that I haven't been the best with my water, and that I have been working a lot of overtime lately. I think that has really messed up my digestion, and I wonder if that is what is affecting my weight stall.

I also admit that there were days when I had certain binge foods like bread and rice. Maybe all of those issues combined are the reason for the lack of weightloss?

I have been fighting some distractions lately---mainly things where I feel like some people are acting in an unnecessary way that just causes stress and irritability and hurt feelings and all of that. It sometimes feels like the people know they are doing something that is hurtful or offensive, but they just don't care. So, I have to try and divert my attention from it....at times, it is pretty hard to do that and I end up feeling upset for the rest of the day. Plus, I am still dealing with the up and down of the whole relationship thing---one day I feel ok, the other day I feel a bit like I didn't do enough in the relationship or didn't do all the right things, and I worry about being alone, and I worry that when my ex has his new girlfriend, then he won't help me like he says he would, etc. I just sometimes feel all alone, and that loneliness is a really significant distraction at times from my desire to lose weight.

From reading your posts, it sounds like you put way too much stock in what other people think. I know it sounds cliche to say "who cares what they think", like something a mom would do when you're little and is not very helpful at all, but try to look at the things you're saying from an outsider's perspective.

Sometime I re-read certain journal entries or blog posts of mine, but from an outsider's perspective, like I'm reading about a complete stranger, and then I ask myself how I would feel about that person.

That tactic helps me change my attitude. I'm not saying you have a BAD/unlikeable attitude, I'm just saying that maybe you allow yourself to be a doormat.

The way people treat you at work may not be something you can change. But you can change the people you associate with outside of work. There's lots of ways to find supportive friends. Like on this forum. Or other places that are probably against the rules for me to post (the whole "competition" thing), but I'm sure you get the idea.

I don't know about your whole situation with your ex, but just from the feelings you've expressed, it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship to hang onto. Never make someone a priority that only thinks of you as an option.

*Hugs*

thank you, i know that you are being caring and supportive. I know it sounds cliche, but it is all really complicated at times. Some of the people that distract me are above me, and I am just dealing with learning not to react to them....even when they do things that are just flat out rude or kind of just, well, not appropriate. Someone helped me to understand that when they act in that way, it is outside of me, and just more of their own character flaws. This helped me to see things better and realize that if they act that way, it is just them, and I can't change them, I can only keep focusing on what I need to do for me, ya know? I think that if I were to say something when certain things did occur, it would just be a bit too heated a situation, so, I am working on just trying to ignore things that don't help me to get to where I want to go in life. I think that is the best approach to take, as I cannot change people who act in a certain way, and probably know that how they act is not a-ok.

As for the ex, that really is kind of complicated. He is not a mean or cruel person, and is the nicest person I have ever dated. I still think that he loves me, just that he is no longer in love with me. I think that because of all of the difficulties he had, our relationship got very unbalanced, and I don't think he feels good about that (which is understandable). I do think I became too focused on trying to make things easier for him (even the dreaded potentially maternally), even if it meant that our relationship wasn't very romance filled or even focused on coupledom. I feel sad about our break-up, but he seems happier where he is now, and a little bit less stressed and taking better care of himself, and, since I care for him a lot, I think that is very important. Right now, I am just dealing with the whole loneliness aspect and fears of being alone and what it means in the bigger picture----feeling afraid, worried that in my old age there will be no one around to help me if I get too feeble or frail, etc.), and having to re-fill a part of my life that included him so much. I need to take this experience and learn from it, and I need to focus on fixing a lot of things within myself. Maybe it will be like they say, and that when I am not focused on love and romance and am instead walking around with my head a little bit more high, the right person for me will come along.

I really need to keep repeating this to myself. :) I do think that I need to mentally check out of those situations where people revert to public displays of their issues, i.e., feeling the need to correct someone's grammar mid-speech, etc. When I acknowledge it, it only upsets me and messes with my joy, as they say. I need to just focus on what I need to put more energy into, which is my health, my home, my family and friends.

I am making some really good changes in my eating, and I have started exercising (low impact for now). I am just trying to stay focused, and it is hard at times because I am also trying to ignore the little things professionally that make me feel like no one really notices (or cares) about the healthy lifestyle changes that I am making. No one has noticed the weightloss, and that is understandable, as I have a lot more weight to lose. But, I am trying to not focus on the lack of care aspect. There is a person here who doesn't ask me anything about my life, nor really asks any questions if I were to mention anything about it. But, they are all over my co-worker and so wrapped up in my co-workers life and just generally showing care. I just think that while it isn't necessary for someone to care for another person in a professional setting, it is awkward when you see such big displays of care, and a completely apathetic attitude towards oneself at a different time.

Feeling a bit blue, and trying to not get discouraged.

Hi Million, darlin'! Some of your posts make me so sad, girl!

It sounds like your workplace is very clique-ish, which unfortunately is pretty common -- especially, I have noticed, if you work with a lot of other women. The most laid back, accepting environments I've worked in have been with a lot of men. You know how women can be!

The bottom line, work is work. Yes, you chose to work there, but you did not choose the people who are your co-workers. And since you didn't CHOOSE for them in particular to be people you care about, then why care about them? I know we all spend more time with our work people than anyone else, but it's work. You are there for a paycheck, not for acceptance or warm fuzzies. Often it's possible to find fulfillment in the work we do, but that comes from knowing in our hearts that we do a good job. If you are being compensated for your work and treated fairly on performance evaluations, then the rest is just "fluff".

I think what you really need to do is to really start to build the life you want outside of work, so that you really don't have the time or energy to worry about missing out on the nice greetings and preferential treatment others are getting at work. I have a lot of friends at work and get much respect from my bosses, and I'm heavier than you are. I think it's because in my old age (almost 40 ;)), I refuse to even acknowledge the fact that people might not "like" me because I'm too fat. And if I do come across people like that, I just assume they are very surface people, and if they don't want to really get to know and love me, then THEIR loss! The bottom line is, though, that even though I have lots of nice folks at work, the people I CHOOSE, the ones I see in my outside life, are supportive and love me for who I am. If they aren't, then I just un-choose them!

To be honest, I think you need to distance yourself from your ex, because as they say, if he won't give you his new address, "he's just not that into you". I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I spent WAY too much time and energy when I was a youngster like you on that type of BS, and I often think that being all full-up into a relationship like that distracted me from maybe a decent guy or 2 giving me the 'eye' without me even noticing. All I know is, that when I really decided to be single and think about/worry about what is worth thinking and worrying about, got a couple kitties, started being more social and doing things that interest me, etc, is when it all came together for me. AND, I was fat through it all. I have a wonderful family now and the life I want, and it all started with loving myself. I'm on a weight loss journey now, but that is because I need to be physically more able to enjoy this awesome life of mine, NOT because I need to be skinny to love myself and to feel acceptance from some clique-y chicks at work!

Take this as it's meant -- with kindness and love, from someone who spent a lot of time feeling some of the things you are at your age. How 'bout getting more active on the positives thread? You don't have to get in to all the 'personals', and it doesn't have to always be about your weight loss goals. Just start saying something positive about yourself every day. You are awesome and it's time you start living it, no matter how much the scale says on a given day!

thank you so much Shannonmb. ((hugs))

I will and am focusing day by day, more on the positives, and ignoring the negatives. :)

I do think that the right person will come along for me when I am probably not even thinking about them. :)

Good for you!!! That's what I like to hear! Don't get me wrong, this is the best place ever to vent. I'm glad you have found a comfortable place here to express your deepest darkest feelings and fears. Just remember that only YOU can control how the outside world perceives you, and that is by perceiving YOURSELF as the unique and wonderful individual that you are! Can't be faked! Us chubby girls usually have a really hard time with that at some point in our lives, because we ARE constantly barraged by images that tell us we aren't what we should be. It just takes time and PRACTICE to get there! You have the right attitude, so you will! And Mr. Right always appears when you aren't looking for him, because almost every guy on Earth is irresistably attracted to someone who's doin' her own thing and rockin' and rollin' through life! ;)

thank you so much! :) I do find that I can vent on this site and be more open about how I am feeling from time to time. I will admit that when I am feeling super great, i dont really post that on here, and I should, because I can see how my posts may make me appear to be super sad and despondant. yes, i do feel that way from time to time, sometimes more often in some weeks than others, but there are times when i feel amazing, etc.

i do feel that i have a lot to offer, and that deep down i am a good person. at times, i just get bogged down by the world and so, venting on here helps me to let go of those feelings, so i can keep on keeping on and try and remain more positive about the future and continue with my goals.

I have been mia for a while, but haven't forgotten about all of the wonderful people on this site. I so appreciate all of your encouragement and support.

I have been really focusing on trying to take better care of myself. I got a bit lazy lately in some areas, so I am getting back on track with the things I want to accomplish in my life.

It has been a bit hard lately because of some issues. The ex is still there, but he hasn't been able to help like he said he would (they are his bills, to be honest, but in my name) so it makes things a bit more difficult for me. I have met a new person who seems very nice and whom I get along with better than my ex, and who does a bit more traditional dating things. I am soooo not used to that! A man paying for dinner...all of the time? I didn't think that was possible for me. I thought it was possible only for the type of women that men seemed to value in that way. I know, I know, self-esteem issues. I do think I am a good woman, and I also feel that a lot of men just don't like overweight woman, so no matter how nice and funny and caring I am, if they aren't attracted to me, they won't necessarily warm up to me the way I have warmed up to guys that I wasn't initially attracted to.

I have been having some of the same issues I mentioned previously. Some people have noticed my improvements, but the ones that are in a place of power have not noticed, AND, they seem to be doing little things often to kind of "keep me in my place". Like, they will never admit that maybe I did something right, or that I am even able to do something. I really have to force myself to smile at times, because their dislike of me or their personal views of me come through so strong. At times, a couple of people in question make it a point to try and find a flaw in almost everything I say, or in some way make it seem as if what I say is boring or completely ignore it. The thing is that it is a lot of tiny, tiny little things that are so subtle, that I can't really list everything, without it looking like maybe I am just being too sensitive. But, if you have ever been there, and you have tried to do your best, and you have someone who always makes it seem as if your thoughts are not wanted, well, that really wears down on you. I do think I have a lot of very good things to offer. I also realize that I may not be able to ever change this person's mind. Did I mention that it is people not even around me who notice my positive change, but those closest to me act oblivious. I feel like they would prefer it if I just stayed as quiet as a mouse and did whatever they told me to, without question. I was talking about it yesterday, and I don't know if I was just being emotional, but I felt like I was going to cry. I mean, I never felt like crying before. I guess I just felt like I try so hard to do the right thing, and I am constantly made to feel stupid, unliked, and unable to ever achieve more. I KNOW that I can achieve more. It also hurts that these people talk to others more like actual equal human beings, and when I try even the nicest of conversations, they act like I am some sort of buffoon. It just makes me feel down at times.

I realize that however others view me is their issue, and not mine. I don't believe than 100 percent, as I do understand that how they view me really does impact what kind of opportunities they will share with me, etc. I feel that all I can do is to keep trying to be super cheerful, even though I often feel like my face will crack, and to keep up with my weightloss. I sadly think that it is only when I have lost a significant amount of weight, that they may actually begin to treat me as a regular and equal person.

Thank you everyone for letting me vent. :)

I am trying to fight distractions on the professional arena. A co-worker sometimes makes these looks or says things that are sort of a sly put-down. My co-worker is significantly older than me, and really into fitness and watching portion sizes, etc. I often feel uncomfortable around her while eating, because she has been so outspoken about putting certain foods down, or highlighting how well she feeds her family, etc.

Recently, I was talking with a co-worker about a skill that I have that I am very proud of, and gives me some sense of positive self-esteem, and my co-worker let out this little snort/chuckle. And she acted as if she didn't believe me, or, that if she did believe me, she didn't think I was good at it. It was so weird. I just let it go cause I didn't want to engage her in an argument because she will not take any responsibility when she oversteps her bounds and is rude.

Then, when I was talking with another co-worker who is also very, very concerned with weight, though she is also older and thin like the laughing woman above, she mentioned these things I could do to lose weight, etc. Usually unsolicited advice. But when it comes to discussing things that I really am familiar with or have a skill at, she usually tunes me out or, she just totally discounts what I am saying, even if she is wrong. Sigh.

It can be emotionally draining at times because I don't want to think it is a weight bias or issue, but when you sit next to these people and eat, and hear them really talk badly about other overweight people as they pick at their food, or when you hear them go on and on about weight and dieting and fashion, and then they get a blank look when you try to discuss their favorite topic, it is a bit discouraging.

I am going to try and focus only on things that make me happy. I am trying to avoid things that frustrate me or make me upset, as I want to use my energy towards being happy. I saw a picture of myself recently where I was dressed very nicely and got compliments, but I still looked so darn tired and fat and unhealthy and matronly. I want to be a mom, but I don't want to look like someone's grandmother (no offense to grandmothers :) ).

Thank you all for letting me vent.

Have you considered therapy? I went to therapy for a while and learned to have more confidence and trust myself so I didn't need to rely on other's approval. I think those skills would be very valuable to you.

You seem to put so much stock in other's reactions to you. I can understand wanting your boss to think well of you professionally, but don't rely on other people in the office for your self-esteem. You have a spark inside and if you start to trust yourself it will grow.

Also, your ex is your ex. It sounds like it would be better if you cut out contact. I understand if he owes you money but if he isn't going to pay it would probably be better for you emotionally to let it go.

Do you have anyone who supports you unconditionally? Stick with them and cut out / don't worry about the other people.

*hugs*