Sorry I have been MIA! I still have the STAPH. It is healing they say. I actually "flipped out" at work on Friday and ended up going back to ER. They did and upper GI, and an ultrasound and couldnt find anything, so they say I do have GERD. My fever has gone away and I am done taking the antibiotics. Friday all I did was cry at my desk all day. Saterday was ok because hubby was home, but Sunday i was a mess. I don't know why I am having these crying spells. I keep saying I have to stop, but I can't. Today was a little better, but hubby is leaving tomorrow for a week to see his sister because she is being deployed to IRAQ. I am not doing well with that.
I know STAPH takes a while to heal. BUT there is something emotional going on with me I feel. I see my reg dr Wed going to see what he says.
azcyn ~ Please just take care and hold onto you! Sending you blessings!! madamruppy ~ I know!! My boys are as sweet and loveable as the day is long, but wow. are they *special* Yet I love them ridiculously! I'm off to hunt for tomato plants. I'm determined to give this a try! Take care! Jenn
Annie - you were with us in thought yesterday (some surprise there huh). About 3 miles into the event there was a guy standing cheering us on with Eye of the Tiger blaring from his boombox. I stopped and thanked him for the music. Then I told Ed (again) that it always makes me think of you!
I am struggling with food right now. TOM is right around the corner and I am soooo hungry. Went to about 2200 calories today. Boo. I am still getting my 10,000 steps each day...some more, some a little less. But food....just hungry. Stupid TOM.
Hmm...I have been gone for about 2 years I think...I woke up today and I was inspired. I am gald to be back and to see all the "new" things. I use to blog on here and that page is now gone. I am now 12lbs. heavier than when I started 2 years ago. I look forward to this journey. I am not the same person I was last time. I'm so glad to be back and to read everyone's posts.
azcyn~ Hope you get feeling better real soon! Take care of yourself!!
Dawnie524~ Welcome back! I just returned myself after being gone a few months.
Happy Tuesday everyone! Yesterday was weigh in day for me and I am so excited! This was my 1st weigh in since I joined the YMCA and started to walk 3x a week and do water aerobics 2x a week also. I lost ........ 7 3/4lb!! Such a great feeling to see all that hard work paying off!
April Showers Bring May Flowers. That is my theme today! The air smells so clean and fresh, I love it.
I am trying my best to not beat myself into another binge. I crashed last night ugh :-( I was doing so well. Disagreement with DH was Wed last week and I was binge free till last night. Had a med ginger ale, almost a whole tube of 30% fat reduced pringles and a chocolate bar. If I am to hard on myself I will just do it again tonight! I am strugging with what to do to make up for it. Is there anything or do I just suck it up and move on with a fresh day?
A positive for yesterday is that TOM is gone!
I also keep a food log. Again it is a struggle. Sometimes I feel like logging overwhelms me and I spend all day doing it and feel obsesed with it. But that is when I lose.
I just sort of had a revelation. When my exercise is on plan my food is usually not. When my food is on plan my exercise is not. I guess I will need to work on getting both on the same track! Any suggestions?
Annie - The more I type this post today the more I think that I need to go and set up some appts for counselling too.
Nice to meet you Dawnie!
Now that I have dumped on yall. Must move on with the day as DS#2 Jacob was up scratching his chicken pox till 3 am. Sorry as he says hes not scratching hes rubbing. Hoping he will catch more sleep this morning. But going to give him an oatmeal bath first.
Annie - Well I got a lot done in my kitchen, scrubbed the stove, some of the floor, reorganized a few things. Now I'm doing more today and hope to get it completed tomorrow. Just is packed with stuff, very small space, but trying to figure out where I want things is tough! As for the rest of the house, going to do that in steps.
Cyn - It sounds like you are upset about the infection and I know when I have skin problems it is very upsetting. I mean when my hair falls out, i cry and cry, and to me that is a normal reaction. You're on medication, you're stressed, you're dealing with pain and then some. This is upsetting, so I think crying is just a way of getting your feelings out.
Dawnie - Welcome!
Realist - I'm with you on the TOM thing. Approaching for me as well and I'm having nutty cravings...very hungry at times. Oy.
Julia - Yeah, the binge moments make you go "UHG" when you realize you let your emotional eating get the better of you. I think emotional eating is a huge struggle, at least it is for me. One thing I've been doing is trying to figure out ways that I can express my feelings without food involved. That seems simple enough, but it is really hard to figure things out. The other thing I do is tell myself "I should not have eaten these things. They make me feel bad emotionally and physically. The next meal I shall make better choices." If I spend all my time punishing myself or telling myself I'm such a bad person, it just makes it worse. I think learning how to be proactive is better. You're on a fresh new day and you are doing something about it, you're talking about it. I think that is what makes a difference. Talking about it with people who get it and won't judge you like you judge yourself.
*****
Cleaning today and I have all this work to do, but literally not motivation to do it. I'm really just tired, haven't been sleeping well. I think the dark blue pills in my BC pack are keeping me up at night. It is hard to get to sleep and when I wake up I am tired and wanting to keep sleeping.
I also think I eat WAY to late. I need to eat earlier in the evening, around 6, so I can settle in. I think food really wakes me up and going to bed feeling "full" is just an "UHG" feeling.
Cyn: Hugs sweetie. I hope you are doing better today. Take care of yourself.
Julia: I am so nervous about counseling. I hope it is something that will help me. Maybe you shuold think about it some more and do it.
Carol: LOL. That darn song will be stuck in my head all day. lol. I did so well yesterday on eating then at the end of the day I ate a huge brownie!! Today I am not just going to pass by the snacks around here I am going to sing that song when I see the treats. Hopefully that will help me tons.
Angie: Hang in there. TOM is such a hard and awful time. Congrats on continuing to do your 10,000 steps daily though.
Dawnie: welcome back. Glad to have you with us.
Erin: Wowza! Congrats on the -7.75 pounds!!! Fantastic. It makes me want to go out and walk, walk, walk, except I am soooo cold and I freeze here right now.
Jacquie: I'm proud of you for getting so much done. Way to go.
Well, I switched it up a tiny bit today. I usually start my day with a protein shake and lately they are making me ill just thiniking about drinking them so, today I had sugar free oatmeal and a scoop of protein powder with some cinnamon on top. I have to say I am sooo full. lol. As soon as my tummy settles down maybe another hour or so I am going to start drinking water. I am going to try to get at least 64 oz in today.
It is sooo chilly here today that I actually put my heater on. I can't seem to move much, kind of like a cold lizard or something, lol. I will make myself get on the Gazelle today and do my sit ups and push ups. I did the bike yesterday with weight lifting so, I'm on track so far.
Annie-It's never too late to go back to school. I've fallen on my head, and I'm still slogging through. It's hard when you have basically spent your life telling yourself that as soon as I lose weight, I'm going to .... Now when confronted with the other half of our lives, trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up is kind of complex. It's all well and good to say that you should follow your dreams or train for a job you'll love, when you aren't even sure what your dreams are. I even had to re-evaluate what my favorite color was. It was as if I had been in a coma for a decade. Sometimes the only way to find out is to try a bunch of different stuff until something hits you. It will make you seem like a flake, but who cares.
Cyn-The crying reminds me of what my former room-mate did when she hit menopause. Have you had your estrogen checked? My high risk OBGYN once told me that large women go through menopause easier because we store estrogen in our fat that can be released slowly. If you lose your weight, it might hit you harder and faster than expected.
I'm getting to meet a friend today. She and I belong to an internet forum for Americans in Canada. Her husband is coming to Edmonton on business, and she tagged along. There was a time that I wouldn't think about meeting people because of my size. I have really gotten used to the idea that I can't lose 100 pounds in a month just to make a good first impression. It's a double edged sword to be comfortable in my skin. I got like that once when I was at my heaviest. I know I can't care enough about myself to lose weight if I hate myself, but I also don't want to get so comfortable that I don't feel the need to lose any more.
Been wondering why I am so sore today. Did I good work out 2 days ago. But then I remembered I scrubbed the kitchen, hall and bathroom floors by hand on all 4's yesterday. Wow what a work out! It took me an hour and I think I should do that more often. And since I feel it I will log the minutes!
So far so good on the food. Dinner is going to be on plan tonight also. Crunch time will be from 8-11 pm. When I am exhuasted and by myself.
I got extremely upset with myself after a candy binge this afternoon It finally hit home that I am not at a place where I can control what I eat once I reach "The Binge Zone" that hits in the late afternoon. Just about everyday, I ruin my day's worth of progress. I am going back to Overeaters Anonymous to try to get a handle on staying food abstinent. Wish me luck. I went a few years ago when I was in the 200's but never really worked the program. Then my meeting folded and I just quit. Of course, I have gained at least 50 since then and am a little sheepish about going back. Their website is huge and there are e-mail and online meetings. I don't mean to sound like a recruiter for OA. It may turn out to be a dud. I am just so desperately searching for a solution. Ack! I am coming across like one giant pity party. I just know that this is a comfort zone where I can unload.
I also have one of those problems coming up that plague the larger sized. On Saturday, I have to go to a fundraiser where there will be tables and chairs (thankfully, no booths). Now I am worried about the capacity of the folding chairs. I have sat on plastic folding chairs (the kind with metal legs) before and it was ok. The whole thing makes me so anxious. It seems so ridiculous to have to worry about such things. If the chair starts to collapse, I'll just ask for a "real" chair or, if that fails, I will make a grand exit and re-commit myself to getting healthier. In the face of all the real problems in the world, I am not going to let this take up anymore time!!
Thanks y'all for listening and I wish and a happy to the whole thread.
I only have time for a quick post -- what a long day! A good one, but long. Yesterday, too. Went to two required weight loss classes for the surgery yesterday, and today went for Three walks. The dh was there, motivating me both days. I can't imagine how folks with less supportive partners or homes do it -- he's 100% with me (while at the same time loving me exactly as I am, at whatever weight I am).
Anyway, it's back to work for us tomorrow, so I'm going to grab a few more waking minutes with him ... before collapsing for the night.
Hi, just a quickie, I'm REALLY DOWN, Aiden, my youngest has been diagnosed as Autistic, I'm devastated. Gareth (middle son) is Autistic but he is TOTALLy different to youngest son, though we knew he was struggling with anger we thought he was ADD or something. I ate some lasagne (on low carb diet!!!) and Bombay mix, stupid weak-willed me!!!! I feel quite ill today, eating that stuff AND having a couple of vodka tonics has made me feel worse.
Anyway I'm drinking TONS of water to 'flush' al the cr*p out & dreading weigh-in on Friday but at least today I feel able to cope. My mum said it could have been far worse, diagnoses of cancer, tumors etc, that I know but it's still so upsetting & worrying.
Zelma how is your brother doing, thinking of you all.xxxxxxx
xxxxxxsaron
are they *special* Yet I love them ridiculously!
all,
It finally hit home that I am not at a place where I can control what I eat once I reach "The Binge Zone" that hits in the late afternoon. Just about everyday, I ruin my day's worth of progress. I am going back to Overeaters Anonymous to try to get a handle on staying food abstinent. Wish me luck. I went a few years ago when I was in the 200's but never really worked the program. Then my meeting folded and I just quit. Of course, I have gained at least 50 since then and am a little sheepish about going back. Their website is huge and there are e-mail and online meetings. I don't mean to sound like a recruiter for OA. It may turn out to be a dud. I am just so desperately searching for a solution. Ack! I am coming across like one giant pity party. I just know that this is a comfort zone where I can unload.
