Ammi, you seem to have reached a point where the same old same old is no longer working for you. You've come a tremendously long way, and I think it might be worth considering that it's not you failing the diet, but the diet failing you at this point. White knuckling and exercising will power over food is difficult to sustain over the long run, and perhaps you need a new approach for a time.

Have you ever considered intuitive eating? It can really help eliminate the roller coaster of 'good' and 'bad' days, and the sense of failure that goes with that. There is no longer a need to shove in loads of food X on Wednesday because you're going back on plan on Thursday. There are no foods that are off limits. If nothing else, it might allow you to relieve the pressure right now without feeling like you're abandoning your efforts all together.

Nancy - I hope your foot is better...it's one of my huge fears that something will happen to me along those lines and my efforts will be derailed. I had a knee injury once that signaled the end to the first decent bout of weight loss I'd had in a while. As I've gotten older and my joints more stressed by decades of too much weight I feel fragile in a way I haven't in the past. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Sometime this weekend, if all goes well, I will fulfill a dream I've had for almost 13 years. I will go ice skating with my son rather than staying on the sidelines. I was going to wait until I lost another 30 pounds, but I decided that was a bit of an artificial limitation so I went out and bought the most outrageously cute skates I could find:

http://www.canadiantire.ca/browse/pr...romSearch=true

I'm really worried about injuring my knees in particular, but I'll take every precaution I can and just go out and live my new life with fingers and toes crossed. I've purchased knee pads, and will look into a knee wrap as well. And - sigh - I suppose I should get a helmet, although I usually look geeky in any kind of head gear.

I work downtown, and was totally excited to discover that our main arena (also located downtown) is open for public skating from noon to 2:00 pm two weekdays. I'll be able to skate on my lunch twice a week!

This all assumes I don't kill myself on the ice this weekend of course. It will be the first time I'm on skates for 25 years. Gah!

Ammi, please keep coming here and posting. We are here for the ups and the downs. Give yourself credit for all you have done, for all the good days, and for all the times you chose to eat or not eat in support of your health.

You had several days of being on plan. You can begin again. All of us here begin again on a regular basis. I am not even that far into my journey, and have had numerous days when I went off plan. As Peggy says, we have had years of bingeing and habits that are ingrained. Be gentle on yourself.

Again, keep coming, and keep posting, no matter how many posts are like the other. It's not about having new things to say, it's about being accountable, and letting us all support each other.

Ammi: Hugs sweetie. Sometimes it is nice to look over journals etc. It may be more beneficial to you to not look into the past year from December to April when you lost 100 pounds. Tomorrow is another day. A brand new day. You haven’t eaten off your plan for tomorrow yet. So, look forward not back hun. Maybe it is time to change things up a bit? Another type of diet or perhaps a break without thinking about loosing weight. Just live! You give more encouragement and support than you know. Please don’t stop coming here even if you are “ready to try again” every single day. Huge, Huge hugs to you.

Debbie: LOL about your cats and dog working together. Kitties are cute and think that all things “flingable” are fun. Lol Of coarse Marilyn sounds like my dog Pepper. She is like a goat and will eat pretty much anything. Super great NSV’s! So happy for you.

Sue: I am glad that you found a nice place to move. Sorry you have to though. I hate moving. Lol. So very glad to see you back here though. I was getting worried. How is your step Dad? I hope okay.

Lindsey: I don’t have an Avenue around here anymore. I moved here from Southern Idaho that doesn’t have one either. I used to live in Folsom CA and there were Avenue stores everywhere in Sacramento area. I loved going there and yep, I loved their underwear too. I like the ones that are made out of Microfiber fabric. They wear well for me and are comfy. Sorry your friend did that to you. My friend that I went shopping with is just so negative about everything. I used to walk with her every day but it got to be too much for me to try to cheer her up every day. Plus she would cancel on me constantly too. Congrats on your 100% test score! Congrats getting under the 300 mark! You are rokin it.

Catherine: They don’t take it out here or in CA where my sister in law had her surgery unless it is necessary. She wasn’t put on any meds to help her Gall bladder and she had to have hers removed about a year after her surgery. I am hoping my Gall bladder is a good girl and behaves while I am loosing so rapidly. I hope you are enjoying working at the games etc. I’m glad you are getting something out of it not just sore feet. I know you are doing it for charity work but, please take care of yourself and your tootsies. Hugs Catherine. I know your pain about not having a mom to talk about things to. I wish I was there to give you a hug.

Ratkiten: Hugs. You just have to take it as you can with what other people think and do. I haven’t been seen as a person yet so I really am not going through what you are. I am trying to think of myself as a person again now so It really is a huge mind trip. I think just be yourself and try not to notice what other people are gonna say or think. Hugs again.

Nancy: So sorry that your feet are hurting. Hugs.

Vicki: Glad you are doing okay. Sorry that you are in some pain. I am hopefully going to have the same operation next year. Lol. I know that is a long way off but, I am thinking about it and hoping I can afford to have it done. Hang in there. I am not missing Lindsey too much now. Time heals all. Lol. Hugs to you sweetie.

Donna: Hi girl.

Battle: Congrats on being down another 3 pounds. You are doing so great. Nice that you can go to Mervyns now too. You are really doing well.

John: Congrats on being right no target for you weight loss/Birthday goal. Keep up the great work. LOL about the spider thing. My hubby feels that same way about snakes and my big ole dad feels like that about mice. Lol.

Peggy: I am so happy for you getting to a point where you can “tuck” GO girl. Aww. Nice to see your brothers. How sweet and what a great surprise. I can tell that they love you just like you are/were that is why no comment on your weight loss. Hugs.

Xena: Hugs to you hun. I know you can do this. Anyone who is tenacious enough to do all the schooling that you do can do it. Hang in there. I am totally up for some kind of reunion thingy. Count me in. If it is in the future far enough away so I can save some money to go! I would love to meet you all.

Nancy: I am grinning from ear to ear at your dancing. I am so proud of you. It is amazing to me to be able to be so proud of someone and have genuine happy feelings for their accomplishments yet, I’ve never actually met you in person. I am so happy for you to dance. I can’t wait until I am brave enough to join in!

Brenda: Come on You can do it. Get it together. I know you can. I think that maybe instead of trying to loose more just maintain right now. Hopefully that will be okay until you get to feeling like continuing on the loosing. Hugs.

Patty: Glad you are back. Hugs.

Heather: Welcome Back. Glad you had a great time.

Ideal: hi there.

Kari: Glad to see you back of coarse you can join in.

Sharon: Yipeee! So happy to see you back here. You have been missed. Glad that your ISP is back up and running. Yep, I had my operation 3 weeks ago tomorrow. I will be seeing the Dr. on Thursday morning to see how I am doing, I feel great by the way, and see what my official weight loss is. I have been weighing at home and am too nervous to count it as my official weight loss until I see that the scale at the Dr.’s office is the same. So glad to have you back with us.

Meta: Have fun skating. Hugs

I am doing well. I actually got ill today and that scared me because I know I am not supposed to vomit until I am healed. I called the Dr. all in a panic and everything is okay as long as I am not in pain. After I got sick I was fine. No pain involved just queezy feeling. lol. NO more Optifast shakes ever for me. lol.

I am sorry that a few of you are struggling so much right now. I do know how you feel, I too re-read my journals recently and it made me sad how many years I would pretty much write the same thing over and over again about loosing weight and getting healthy. It is so important for me to just let all that go. Realize I can not relive the past. I can only try my very best to live right for as long as I am here on earth. I truly don't want to come here and have weight loss goals and be loosing weight while some of my dear friends are having such a struggle. Maybe I should just check in once in a while to say hello and see how you are all doing?

Blessings to you all,
Annie

ANNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't you DARE not come here and post because you are reaching your goals and some of us are struggling!! We love you and rejoice in the fact that you ARE reaching those goals you felt were just out of reach a few short months ago. As my husband says jokingly..."You don't want to piss my wife off"

Soooooooooo........



You better keep posting girlfriend....you inspire me!!!!!!!

Peace!

No way, Annie, you aren't gonna be let go THAT easily!! None of this checking in once in a while! I wanna know details and how you are doing. RNY is just a tool. After the honeymoon period, I don't want you to be alone (even though I know you have support groups thru the docs).

Yah! You don't wanna piss off Torister!

Luv and Hugs,
Rat

OMG!!! Annie...don't you dare go away!!! If I said anything to make you feel that way...PLEASE...disreguard it and I apologise!! I love hearing from you and your fantastic journey!! I am so happy you are getting healthy and am one of your biggest cheerleaders!! Your posts warm my heart, and I look foward to reading them. That also goes for both Ammi and Catherine!! You have welcomed me with open arms and I feel that this group has the only people who could possibly understand how I feel. My feelings just came pouring out and I didn't think anyone would feel bad. I am so sorry!!!

I want to say to all of you that being here has changed my life. This time my weight loss journey is different, and a good part of that is because of your support and your willingness to share your victories, challenges, struggles, and insights. I come here way too often, but it helps immeasurably to read about each of you and what you are facing.

On many occasions your words have brought tears to my eyes and lifted me up. None of you are frauds or failures. You are humans facing a very big challenge.

This is the hardest thing most of us will ever do in life. The success stories help me believe it is possible to lose a large amount of weight. The daily struggles help me see that we all have our ups and downs, and that overcoming our weight problems (more like, in most cases, managing) is rarely done in a straight line. The majority zig zag their way to health, and spend the rest of their lives working at it.

I want to send hugs to all of you who are struggling today, and cheers to all who have gone through today according to plan.

Annie – Don’t you dare go away!!!! One of the things that keeps me going when I am struggling is knowing that one of my “sisters” is making it. It is a beacon of hope that keeps me going in hard times. Do you know how many times I have thought about not exercising and then I think of you and it gets me up and moving? You are a star! We need your light! Keep on shining!

Ammi - I am sorry you are having such rough time, but please stay with us. I know how grueling it can feel sometimes. It is so hard knowing that I have lost so much already and yet I am still so overweight. I think this deadline you have set for yourself going to the theme park is part of your mental troubles. I know for myself that when I feel like I might fail it makes it that much harder. The thing is, I think you will do just fine as you are today going to that park, so please let that stop being a pressure for you.

Sharon – Welcome back!!! I have missed you and have wondered how you are doing. I hope your ISP starts behaving themselves.

Deb – You mentioned a bit ago about live meet ups. That would be so cool! I would really try to be there if we had something, although I know it is so difficult with us being all over the place.

Muse – At least here, Target seems to have cut back on a lot of their plus sized stuff. I couldn’t find anything I liked there. The ones I got are like this: http://www.danskin.com/womens-cotton...pant-8424.html, but slightly different. Also they were only $12 at Wal-Mart.

Meta – I tried the link you gave, but it wants me to tell them I live in Canada (postal code) so I couldn’t see the skates. However, that is so fantastic that you will be skating again with your son. I would love to ice skate again. I did it when I was little, but never got very good at it.

Kari – Welcome back! Please jump right in!


Well, I am off to watch The Biggest Loser in just a few minutes. I DVR it and so I start later into it. I like to skip over the really dramatic stuff (like the vote offs) and of course the commercials. My parents are visiting on Saturday and we are going to the Bronx Zoo. It should be fun!

Hello Everyone

Well, today started off really good - I weighed in and am down another 4lbs, which meant I was able to add another to my signature. Tonight hubby brought home a bag of baked lays and I ended up eating almost half the bag. *sigh* Even as I was eating, I'm thinking, why? So I guess on the upside I didn't let myself just sit there and finish the whole bag, which would be my usual MO. I did go walking this evening before supper, so that's two days in a row of exercise - baby steps, baby steps.

Muse, hurray for being in the 250s and fitting into those size 20s! Sounds like you'll be in the teens soon!

Lindsey, I hadn't heard about lead in those cooler bags! Between that and finding out today about the carcinogens leaching from water bottles, Big Macs and Cokes aren't sounding that bad! Just kidding, of course. Is this your first year of college?

Kari, back! You've come back to a great place for support, whether it's a or a that you need.

Ammi, sorry to hear you're feeling down. I think we can all say we've been there, and will doubtless revisit it again in the future. I take great comfort and support in reading yours and everyone else's comments, whether you're celebrating a day of being on plan or being disappointed by not losing at weigh-in, or whatever. So please, keep coming here and posting, and know that you will get out of this slump and get back on the path to wellness.

John, your response to Ammi was so very true, and something we all need reminding of from time to time. Thanks for posting that.

Donna, sounds like you're in need of a too. Take strength and comfort in the fact that you are doing something to change yourself for the better, and take it day by day. I think a lot of us have denial issues when it comes to our weight, or we wouldn't be where we're at.

Sharon, so great to see you back! I just came back myself after a few weeks in hiding. Sorry you're not feeling well, but glad you've got internet back!

Catherine, your journey and your struggles are a source of inspiration for me. I read your posts and think heck, if she's not giving up, how can I? I only hope that I do the same for someone else.

Meta, those are some nifty skates! Gone are the days of just white/girls, black/boys, huh? It's been years since I've gone skating (grew up in Canada) but I'd love to do it again. to you!

Annie, Please don't stay away, or censor what you say when you post. I think we all take great joy, pride, and inspiration in your journey. Sorry to hear you weren't feeling well but that it wasn't anything major. Good luck at the doctor's! I'll be curious to see your 'official' weight.

Nancy, I've only tried clothes shopping in Target a couple times, and walked away frustrated and empty-handed. Seems like their plus-size inventory could fit on one rack. Last year I was getting some really nice shirts at Walmart but this summer it was the opposite - the only thing decent things I could find were pants - then again, I was just thankful that I could finally fit into their pants! Oh, and if you enter B4C 3L3 (my old postal code, haha), you can see Meta's skates - they look like a pair of skater shoes, very cool!
________________________________________________

OK, I'm off to relax a bit before bed. Night, all!

Re workout clothes: I went to KMart and found a fair amount of workout clothes to choose from. Some were in the plus size section, and some were in the workout clothes section. I bought a pair of 2x pants for $10 on sale.

Thanks for the warm welcome! Again...it just helps so much to know there's a community of people out there who know what this struggle is like!

I weighed this morning to find that I'd lost two pounds. Hey, it's a start!

I haven't done an intro, so here's me, in a rather large nutshell!

I've done all sorts of diets in the past: low carb, Slim Fast, Weight Watchers more times than I can count. I have PCOS and that makes weight loss tricky. I'm currently taking Metformin XR and that seems to help make it a little easier by eliminating the crazy blood sugar highs and lows I would ordinarily experience.

I also have been muddling through a three-year diagnostic process to find out what is wrong with my immune system. A couple of doctors thought it was lupus, but my current specialist isn't entirely sure. Something is wrong, but I don't fit neatly into any one category of autoimmune disease. My symptoms most closely match lupus (joint pain, extreme fatigue, weird skin rashes, etc.) so I have to be careful with exercise. It, and the easy weight gain of PCOS do not go well together! But I know weight loss isn't impossible...it's just a harder road to climb for me.

I'm doing the "Setting the Captives Free" weight loss Bible study, but if I were to label what I'm doing, food-wise, it would definitely be the "intuitive eating" thing...listening to my body, not making anything off-limits, trying to eat like a "normal" person would.

I gave up binging years ago, but find that I still nibble when bored or lonely. The older I get the less I can afford those nibbles!

We're in the process of moving across town, so I'm stressed now and trying hard not to cave into the stress eating habits of old. Once we get settled, I plan to walk daily (it is an awesome neighborhood for walking!) and I want to sign up for arthritis water aerobics with that city's public indoor pool. I think gentle walking and the water exercises will be a good start. I basically hate to exercise, but I know that I really have to if I am ever going to make it back to "One-derland"!

And that is my only real goal for now. My short term goal is to reach 299. After that, I swear I will never complain again if I can just get below 200. Even if I weigh 199.9 lbs. for the rest of my life!

As far as not-weight-related things, I'm a mom of two boys, ages 9 and 5, and have been married to my DH for 16 years. I'm a freelance writer and I also homeschool my kids. I like reading, learning, painting and drawing. I scrapbook and like to cook, too.

Thanks for listening if you made it this far! I look forward to getting to know all of you better!

Ammi, whatever you do, please don't give up on yourself. You are a winner! Look how far you've come already. That in itself is no easy task. My gosh, woman, 110 lbs....I am in awe of you and hope to be where you are one of these days. I know things can get us down to where we just can't do it anymore, I feel that way right now, but it's something we have to get past, and I know we can do it. Just hang in there, count your blessings for what you HAVE accomplished, and go from there. I wish I was closer to you so you don't have to do it alone, but I'm not, but I'm right here for you if you ever need to talk. For now though...

Hi John
Donna, be careful out there, taxi Mama!
Hey Voodoo, welcome back!
Battleax, good deal on the 2x's.

Peggy, you are so right in it being a battle. And sometimes it does come down to every hour, sometimes every minute. The best thing I can do, is go and get my mind occupied on something besides food. That's why I'm doing more puzzles and crafts. I should get offa my behind and do more exercise, all in due time.

Meta, I hope you have the best time EVER ice skating with your son. What a great NSV!!!

Hey Annie!!! You don't live that far to where I can't come there and drag you back here!! Don't you dare think of checking just every so often. I love to hear of your progress. We are all here on the same journey, no matter what means we decide to take to get there. I want to hear your successes! You are a caring and loving person, and we can feel it thru your post...I would really miss that.

Nancy, Going to the zoo! That sounds like so much fun. It's great that your parents are coming too!

Lindsay, good for you on the walk. It is a matter of baby steps that we all must go thru. I know what you mean on being able to find shirts at Wal-mart last year...the selection this year is terrible. I did find pants though, which was the first time in ages since I've been able to buy those off of the regular store's racks.

Hi Kari, congrats on losing the 2 lbs. That is a terrific start!! I don't care much for exercise either and I'm always looking for a reason to not do it. I know I have to really get going on it instead of hit and miss like I do most of the time. The thing is to be consistent everyday, and that's my problem I can find a million reasons to not exercise, but never one to stop me from getting up to eat something I shouldn't. It's all in the discipline. I'm with ya on just getting down to 199.9 and being happy for the rest of my life!!

We are having such a storm tonight!! It started raining buckets. We got hail and the thunder was so loud it shook the house. Lightening so bright, it lit up the house. Very unexpected!! I had a pretty good OP day. I'm so sore from the gardening for 2 hours yesterday, that it's been hard to get around. But I've got my exercise all planned out for tomorrow. I didn't get in as much water as I should, but at least I did 3 liters.
To all of you struggling, just hang in there....it WILL turn around. I know we will all be going thru it time and time again..we just have to cope until it passes.
Debbie
p.s. I wanted the Blue Team to win again, darn it! (TBL)

Annie- I'll hunt you down too and drag you back kicking and screaming too! You be the light and the end of the tunnel. The pot of good at the end of the rainbow. Its you and those like you that show me this can be done. An all hope is not lost it just not hooked up to GPS.

Rat- I do to live in my own little world! Its just I try to pay attention to those around me as well

Hi debbie we musta posted near the same time.

Annie -- pish tosh. You are not going ANYWHERE woman. Goodness, when others post their successes didn't you feel inspired? You are VERY inspiring my dear and we just cannot allow you to leave. We will not allow it.

Ammi -- See above for Annie!

Catherine -- Ditto!

Hi everyone. Just wanted to check in quickly while I have a chance. Things here are pretty much status quo. My medication is working some days but not working so well some days. I had some blood drawn last weekend at the pre-screening for the upcoming health fair and will not have the results until the 29th, but that will answer a couple of the questions re: thyroid, kidney function (lasix can wreak havoc on kidneys), etc. I am nervous but know that whatever the blood work shows will only give me a direction to go in rather than get depressed and/or more stressed.

Catherine, Ammi, Donna, and everyone else who is struggling right now, I want to send you the biggest hugs possible. You are all an inspiration to the rest of us. Your bad days do not make you who you are, no matter how many you have or how often you have to start again. The fact is, if you didn't start again, you'd be much worse off than you are right now. One step forward and ten steps back seems like a huge hurdle to get over, and I know that because I've been there as well. But here's the thing.. you have an advantage because you have every single one of us there to help you get to your next step forward. You have every single one of us there to help cheer you on, pull you up when you fall down, and remind you how far you've come. You are the reason some of us are still here, plugging away. We know that you can do it, so that gives us hope that we can do it. Please hang in there. You're all wonderful!

Annie, I'm afraid we're all going to band together to keep you here. Your losses are celebrated by everyone here not just because you're one of us, and because you give us hope, but also because you are a beautiful person and you have given each and every one of us so much. Even when I'm not having any luck and the weight keeps piling on rather than coming off, you always make me smile. You, my dear, are an inspiration and a wonderful person. Please stick around and let us help you celebrate your new life.