"Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds"
I am so lucky in that my OH has never once said he wanted me to lose weight - he has never once altered in his treatement of me and he has always been the exact same person I met. We met when I was about 175, so I was never skinny. I went up to 213 and hated myself. I have lost the weight for me, not for him.
But it must be so hurtful to have the one person who should love you unconditionally change toward you so much. People can't be expected to keep the tiny figure they may once have had as a 16 year old for ever - biology simply doesn't work that way. And, as someone else said, as you get older, you wil start to get wrinkles and grey hair - what will he do then?
I have noticed though that other people treat me differently now I'm getting slimmer. It did occur to me that it's more that I am getting confident and they are responding to my change in attitude - but I think it's probably a bit of both. And, yes, the men are definitely showing a LOT more interest. I just thank goodess that I met my OH when I was chubby and I know he likes me that way. I did ask jokingly if he would leave me when I got skinny actually! He just hugged me and said never. I think he quite likes that he can pick me up now though.
Been there and it really is painful. It's a really complicated issue isn't it? First of all, I'm sorry that you've been experiencing this hurt. I don't think it's as black and white as some state. What I mean by that is I don't think some men and women too realize how weight struggles are so much deeper than aesthetics. If it were easy for us, wouldn't we just manage it before it became out of control? I can relate to what so many of you spoke about regarding people's reactions in correlation to my weight. When I was thinner, men were everywhere, I was called sexy and even beautiful. At my heaviest (260+ pds) I experienced being truly invisible. Both men and women treated me differently. I have a strong personality, so I never disappeared, but I felt it. I think you reach a certain weight point in our society and your gone. Thankfully, I'm married to an incredible man who I think is a rare gem. He has remained a size 34 for the most part. We met when I was 245 and he has always encouraged me to do what makes me happy. His acceptance has made it safe for me to really try to take care of myself the way I deserve. I don't feel pressured or fueled by his desires for me... it's there. I once had a boyfriend who literally micromanaged my food. It's embarassing for me to think about that and why I dealt with him. We live in such a bizarre society. Our husbands and partners are subjected to the same nonesense we are subjected to. Images of beauty are rarely overweight in our world. Overweight has stigma and shame, therefore it's understandable how they too are tainted. I'm glad you've spoken to your husband. Move forward for you and for the right reasons.
I have to comment on this because where I am size is a really big issue, more so than in the States. I was only explaining to my DH the other day how it made me feel being in your country, like people accepted me as I was, and didnt somehow make me feel stupid/worthless/lazy like they do over here. I have so many comments shouted at me when I go out, usually by men I have to say, and it is hurtful. Its like people feel that I got fat to spite them! It is very very weird, peoples attitude to overweight people. I think its silly because most people in this country are overweight to a certain extent. I think its because I dare to walk around and dont hide myself away all the time. I would love to say it doesnt affect me but I only go swimming when its adults night or ladies night so that will reduce the chances of name-calling. Peoples' attitudes are horrible. I don't know why because I personally dont live my life attempting to make others feel horrible about themselves?
I have to comment on this because where I am size is a really big issue, more so than in the States. I was only explaining to my DH the other day how it made me feel being in your country, like people accepted me as I was, and didnt somehow make me feel stupid/worthless/lazy like they do over here. I have so many comments shouted at me when I go out, usually by men I have to say, and it is hurtful. Its like people feel that I got fat to spite them! It is very very weird, peoples attitude to overweight people. I think its silly because most people in this country are overweight to a certain extent. I think its because I dare to walk around and dont hide myself away all the time. I would love to say it doesnt affect me but I only go swimming when its adults night or ladies night so that will reduce the chances of name-calling. Peoples' attitudes are horrible. I don't know why because I personally dont live my life attempting to make others feel horrible about themselves?
I'm glad you had a positive experience here with people accepting you, but trust me.....it's no easier in the U.S. than anywhere else. I have been mocked mercilessly for my weight, passed on for promotions at work, even asked not to eat lunch in the same room with co-workers at a previous job. The public boos and mockings are no less here either. I can't leave my apartment without hearing at least one derogatory remark about my weight. I think it's just a sad fact that no matter where we go people will always judge each other based on looks.
I agree, I don't live my life trying to make other feel horrible and I've learned not to allow them to do it to me.
I am very lucky, I have gained about 45 lbs with my dearly beloved and I honestly don't think he has noticed. I have never had negative comments said to my face or where I could hear them and I am by no means tiny. I am very glad that I have never gone through it but don't think I would let it get me down, I know that I have lost 3 lbs and will continue to lose but stupidity lasts forever.
