Hi Jess,
While I was able to express, I also was unable to bf, partly to do with having flat nipples and partly because the many midwives I had tried forcing my baby to bf and he didn't like the pressure, so it became a nightmare for him. So I stopped. I get those feelings of "missing out" on that bond. (And then my baby didn't like my breast milk when he was 5 months, so he double rejected me

)
Yeah, it can be hard to lose weight after having a baby. Remember that for at least 18 months after their birth, our bodies still have pregnancy hormones and we are also under a lot of emotional stress and sleep deprivation. Not a great mix for losing weight! Sometimes I also wonder if our bodies find it hard to lose weight because pregnancy mode has been activated, so our bodies are on standby? I don't know... just a thought.
One thing I have learned after all these years of losing weight, then gaining, then losing, then gaining is that if you are committed, you will reach your goal weight no matter how long it takes. Sometimes we just need that little extra motivation to lose weight, which in your case is having a baby.
Stick with it and you will lose your baby weight, etc
Edit: I have also rejoined after being away since 2014!