Singletons?
 

Hi everyone

So, thus far I've had amazing support from so many people on this site. But I've found that most of the people I'm interacting with are married with children. I have all the respect for these ladies who have so much on their plates! But I'm a singleton, career-focused girl, and I find my weight loss comes with different challenges. So I just thought I'd put a shout-out out there and see if there are any others floating along in a similar boat.

Pretty much all my friends are married with kids. I am neither - always wanted to be, but that is the way it goes.

Career-focused? Well. I am working and also in school. I will be losing my current job and I am definitely focused on getting a job that I can live off of.

Right now I definitely know that my day to day issues are different than my married/kids friends. We do the best we can to support each other, but yes, it is very different.

Some people think I'm crazy, but I'm single and loving it :) I can't see myself ever settling down with a guy, and although I love kids, I don't want any of my own.

/waves

Well hello :)

Single, career girl/Master's student here. I agree, I have respect for the ladies with families, but it does come with different challenges, ESPECIALLY when you have a demanding schedule that causes you to travel a whole lot.

Hello Singletons :)


I just got out of a very long relationship...and my single days ever since we broke up, have been fabulous! I'm so glad to be single and free and what I please :cool: I think its aweome that you started this thread. I just started on this website today and I really see the support that everyone gives! I hope to be someone that can give it too!

:wave:

<<<<<So single!

I'm in the same boat. I work in a professional job and take night classes. I've tried dating, but haven't had much luck. I have some work left to do on myself. I definitely don't have the confidence to find the right guy. I'm close to goal, 'close' is a loose term LOL.

I'm career focused and a student, but I have a boyfriend. Does that count?

No plans to have kids and if I get married, it might be a lot later in life. I need to think about the effects it might have on me financially.

Single lady here. Not current in a relationship or kids but would love to connect with other singletons this site.

totally 100% single here too

Hey ladies!

So glad to hear there are some others in this boat! I'm trying hard to date at the moment, but having a social life, working and trying to get to gym / eat healthily is proving hard!

Single here too!
 

Hellllooooo!
i too am single and have been for the last 5 yrs now. i've found that my weight has been a large issue to why i haven't put myself out there. the guys i find attractive dont find me attractive and the guys who do as i say "want to get all up in my jelly" i dont find appealing. so i ended up just being the funny "big" pretty girl that everyone wants to be friends w/ but nothing more. WELL NO MORE I SAY!! i've been on IP for 2 wks now and i am never going back!! men hold onto your hats is all i have to say!!
may everyone else here have the same outcome from getting healthy too!!:D:D

Well, I went on a date last night. First off, dating is very hard at the moment because I'm so strict about what I'm eating and drinking, of course. But if I know I'm going out, I try and bank some calories for a couple of drinks. Anyway, we were people watching and I commented on a particular girl's dress. The guy replied, "You mean the big chick?". I really hate that that's what people see first about a person. And at the moment I'm finding it hard to get myself out of that category. I still feel very fat, even though I've lost almost 20 pounds and am only just, just overweight according to my BMI. I have decided to stop pointing out my weight to everyone! I'll often say "as a fellow non-skinny chick" or whatever, and i don't think I'm doing myself any favours!

Thanks for posting this - I often feel the same way regarding the message boards as I am not married and have no kids. I am glad to see I am not an anomoly here. How is everyone doing? I am only newly committed to weight loss but down 8 lbs in te last three weeks so I'm pretty pleased.

I'm a newly single too. I'm a student in my final (stressful) year of university. I think maybe it's good to be free of a relationship right now. I need to work on myself so I can choose my next relationship from a position of strength and confidence ... and I'm really excited!

Hey!

Rocketgirl: Wow, 8 pounds down in three weeks? That's fantastic! Well done! I find weekends quite difficult. I'm at home more of the time, and feel a bit lonely. And then I want to eat! :-)

Ohadele: I'm sorry about your relationship, but it's nice to hear you so positive!

I hit the 140's today. Or 10kgs down. Two big milestones. :-)

Single in the sense that I'm not married...and we don't live together. We live pretty far apart, actually. Makes for a lot of independence. Well, in theory; I still live at home, unfortunately, because even though I'm a manager at a hotel...the pay is terrible and I've got student loans coming out my ears. :|

It's a little embarrassing at my age, but what are you gonna do? Clearly I'm not the only one...otherwise these Occupy things wouldn't be going on.

You're not the only one Napalm tree :) I've been either traveling or renting for years now, but I moved back with my parents after my last stint overseas so I could focus on buying a place of my own. That's kinda gone out the window now as we've had a year of earthquakes where I live, so there's not many houses left to buy, and less than none than I can actually afford :(

Overall it's not too bad, and great for the finances, but I don't want to be doing it forever

I also moved back in with my mom when I got back from overseas and started my own practice. I stayed there for about 2 years and then rented for a year and a half before buying a place. It's all about timing! But I would imagine that it makes socialising difficult? I like having people over to my place. Although, at the moment, what would I give them to eat?! :-)

I am single and looking. Do any of you have any good non-food date ideas for first or second dates? I have been trying the online dating thing with some success. If nothing else it has been an interesting experience. I found that I like non-food date... coffee dates are good, museums, concerts, live music, drinks can be okay but dinner is not my favorite. I am looking forward to losing more weight and being able to enjoy more active dates like hiking, biking, canoeing.

5aday: I'm also doing internet dating at the moment, but not having much luck, unfortunately. But I also have huge anxiety about going on a dinner date. My fall back meal is grilled calamarie because it's so low in calories and on pretty much every menu here. I went on a stroll last weekend as a first date. That was pretty good and non-food related. I'm also okay with drinks because I just make sure I always have a glass of water as well as my drink and alternate sips. I don't think I'd ever go on a hiking, biking or canoeing date!

I like the idea of taking a stroll especially this time of year when there are some nice holiday lights. How about bowling or Dave n Busters or board games? Maybe dancing, but I am not much of a dancer so I would have to start with lessons or drinks lol. I like to go slow with getting to know a guy so I need ideas for going out that does not revolve around food and drinking. I was thinking that keeping my hands or feet active would be good to keep from to much eating. Any ideas are helpful.

I an single as can be, always have been. I have never even been on a date, in addition to being on the obviously heavier side I seem to be a little bit socially awkward. They are things that I am working on but am not sure that I'll ever TRUELY conquer. Really am working on being more out going and friendlier, and active.

I think my challenge is a lot of the time I wonder what the point of trying to live longer is if I'm going to be all by myself forever. I'm not obsessed with finding a mate but it does get lonely sometimes never having anyone.

Silentartic: Things do get lonely. If it helps, I deal with lots of Aspergers adults and lots of parents of autistic kids who tend to have incredibly odd social skills and they've found mates! Sorry, this is coming our wrong and sounding like I'm calling you autistic! Not at all! What I'm saying is conventional or not, people seem to find each other. Don't give up hope!

momwannabe - I know. I just have eternal foot-in-mouth syndrome as a schoolmate of mine called it. Anyways I am singler than single!

Go single gals (and guys) trying to make it work!

The plus side of being single and childless is I can make whatever i want for supper without worrying about anyone else liking it. sometimes even *I* don't have to like it if i don't *hate* it and its nutritious thats good enough most of the time.

Hi ladies - I'm divorced, mother of a 10 year old boy, full time job, just finished grad school and although I am in a relationship - I can totally relate. I've also done on line dating so very familiar with that too.

Hey
me too I am single with no kids, or i would love say In a relationship with FREEDOM :)
i respect those women with families but i am happy with my situation
so can we help each other in loosing weight???

Hey Girls

I have to wonder, if you are still (working on) losing the weight, do you question interest from guys? I wonder if he thinks I lack self confidence because I am chubby? I wonder if he thinks I will expect less because I am not beautiful. I wonder... I don't know does anyone who still has a LOT to lose have these hangups? I do... I think I maybe just got asked out which is odd because that has never ever happened to me before the "we should go out for cofee" ask out. Granted we were both tipsy (maybe drunk?) I don't even know if I am remotely interested it's just I've never even been asked out for coffee before. Totally new territory...

I'm not in my 30s but I'm going to crash this thread, because I think it's pretty awesome to have a support group like this!

@silentarctic: Personally, yes, I have questioned interest. I've never really dated and only been asked out twice, by people in random places that I didn't really know (which is weird, because the way I see it, I have more personality than I have good looks, and I would not call myself an outgoing person at all, so...). Both times, they gave me their numbers, and I was kind of flattered. But then I just went home and threw those slips of paper in the trash because I thought if I called it would turn out to be a prank-the-fat-girl joke or something. I know that doesn't reflect well on my self-image, but that's the truth. Part of me knows that I was being ridiculous, but those are my hang-ups that I'll eventually have to deal with. I know it's a really unhealthy way of looking at myself, to think that people don't want to date me or be my friend simply because I'm fat.

As for you, you definitely got asked out! He asked you to go out and do something specific with him. There really is no other plausible reason why he'd ask you to coffee - he obviously thinks you're attractive and beautiful. And I think that he will see you the way that you project yourself. All the friends that I have that are overweight are really confident women, and don't let their weight get in the way of living their lives and interacting with people. The guys they've dated never seemed to think less of them for being overweight as long as the girls themselves didn't think of themselves that way.

@silentarctic: Yes he asked you out! a coffee date can be a good thing if you are not sure about your interest level. Most coffee dates do not involve alcohol and you can get a chance to talk. I would go and see if there is anything there worth exploring further. I hope you will let us know who it goes. I will also take a stab at your other question. I am undeniably fat but I am also cute. Some days I am downright sexy. I have not dated much but I know that men find me attractive. I know I do not do it for every guy but there are plenty that like what they see. I figure I only need one good guy that thinks I am the bees knees. I have no patience for a$$ holes and I do not tolerate disrespect. I believe the way a man approaches me and treats me early on in a relationship is his best behavior. I know women big or small can find a loving man.

Hey single ladies (put a ring on it) :)

Very single gal here. I can relate. I have done the internet dating thing, but have choosen to be quite single for the last eight months. I'm sick of always attracting jerks who end up breaking my heart. I have made a choice to start focusing more on me and losing weight and less on men. I figure once I'm feeling super confident I will attract the right type of guy.

I love not having to worry about anyone else other than myself (selfish as that may sound). I know there are also some downsides, but that is what friends are for and this site.

I think it is getting harder to find a guy who will like someone who is overweight or obese. I find most men quite shallow, but maybe I'm a bit jaded because of my past relationships.

Definitely! Well said! I am tolerating less and less bull**** as time goes by. I think the reason why I haven't ended up with anyone is because most of the men I don't tolerate when it comes to all the bull**** and wanting one night stands which gets on my nerves. I deserve better than that.

After lurking on this sight occasionally, I've finally jumped in. My issue with dating is the prospect of getting intimate with someone new. Who else worries what is he thinking? Does he notice this bulge, roll or other issue? Trying to work on self image. Heard someone say recently that if you're the only naked woman in the room you're looking mighty fine.:o

I am pretty happy being single infact I love my independance. There are challenges at the same time I think I will never be able to be one of those joint at the hip couple people no matter how much I love someone (family or friend) I need time away or I start to get really annoyed.

I love that I don't have to feel guilty about my food choices, I don't have a mate complaining that my cooking is too healthy etc. I make my own choices my responsibilities etc.

I have a single and thirty something and loosing weight question... How do you deal with the unwanted male attention? I used to be able to move through the world without being seen or at least not approached much. I am mostly flattered by the new attention but it can be awkward/uncomfortable. I have been a big girl all of my adult life. How do you deal with this... without slipping back up the scale and out of sight?

Jojo381972- It is nice to hear that other people can relate. I know a bad relationship is much worse then no relationship.

speedy2697- Clothing is great but at my size no man is surprised to find I am fat when the clothes come off. There is a lot you can do without being totally naked. Show a little or show a lot, take it slow, dress up. I think the point is to have fun with it. My body is not perfect now and it will not be perfect after I reach my goal weight but I can be sexy.

silentarctic- I agree there are real benefits to being single when making a life style change. I have been single for years and I really value my independence. I am looking for a man that has interest of his own and can amuse himself. I do not need to be attached at the hip to anyone 24/7. I am hoping there is some middle ground.

Single and no kids and very happy. I don't like children and thinks the whole 'marriage' thing is just silly. People always ask me about marriage and kids and when they hear I have neither they start to pity me and I find it incredibly annoying. Worse was this guy I once dated who thought he knew me better than myself and that I was really just in denial and that ALL women want kids and marriage. That relationship didn't last long.

5aday - All my normal weighted / overweight (but not obese) friends have that problem too. I think you can learn to become somewhat decensitised to it. I know that It wierds you out right now but time and experience you'll get use to it. :) Not sure what KIND of attention? (like being asked out, or just stares) without knowing that not really any specific advice other than I'm pretty sure the more you deal with it the less foreign and anxiety causing it should be :)

Speedy: Petrified, I don't even want to get intimate. I don't even know if I could, if I date I will be taking things VERY slowly. Hello i have stretchmarks and bra's are my BFF the 'girls' look so much better in them than on. Not to mentioned its been what seems like an eternity since I've been so much as kissed I honestly don't know if I will freak out or what if someone tries. :-D No advice but... you are so not alone in that. I am probably going to freak otu MORE as the weight comes off because of the skin (since i have so much to lose :-|)

I want to get married and have kids, but as I get older and this is looking less and less likely, I'm having a hard time changing the vision of what I want in life. Friends and a career are just not a replacement for the life I always envisioned. I have a really small family and I'm afraid of what my life will be like when my parents are gone. I'm content alone, but I don't feel fulfilled.

silentarctic-the attention is sometimes a look and I do not mind that. The comments are more awkward. I work in a male dominated profession and it surprises me when things shift from professional to personal. I am really good at professional. I am sure that with time I will get better at the personal. I think part of the issue is that I like to keep my personal separate from work. As I lose weight and clothes fit better and I feel more energetic I am undeniably a women. Before it was like I had to get dressed up and go out looking for the attention.

PrairieGirl- I feel you on this one. In my teens and early twenties I really wanted to have children. I turned 35 in 2011 and I am very single. I do not want to rush into something just because my clock is ticking. I have started to think about what the next 20 years might look like without children. I allow myself to morn the lost of opportunity. I think about adopting an older child. I believe there can be joy in a childless life and if that is my path I will to find the joy.

TheCuriosity- I love your attitude. The pity always sucks. People should trust that you know yourself and life is not one size fits all.

Seriously single here!

Although this isn't where I thought I would be at this age, I am not sitting at home moping about it. I travel for fun, I go to bed when I want to, and if I want to spend a Sunday in my pajamas, I do. :D I think only having to worry about cooking for me has made my weight loss journey a little easier. I was just talking to my oldest friend about this. While she is fascinated by the quick results I'm having on my plan, she isn't sure she could do it with her hubby and kids and their off-plan food in the house.

I'm starting to notice a little more male attention. I wonder - is it purely my physical appearance, or am I subconsciously more confident? :shrug: