I'm sure with more confidence you'll open up and not be afraid to be more personal at work. Keeping personal and professional separate is a good idea. I've dated men that I worked with and if it ends badly you may not want to go to work and see him everyday. Congrats on losing weight and feeling better in your skin. I find I'm also getting more attention, but sometimes not the attention that I want. As I'm big chested I am used to guys checking me out to an extent. I often want to feel like more than a piece of meat and be respected for who I am.

I so hear you on liking being single! I find I'm getting more set in my ways as I'm getting older, and although I thought I would have kids by now and be married,, I'm rethinking kids now as I'm getting too old. I think not having that hubby and kids support can make things harder or easier depending on how you look at it. I find I don't have to worry about anyone else, but not having that extra support makes it harder to stay motivated. I'd love to have someone pushing me all the time..hehe. I have to push myself or no one else will. ;)

I hear you to a large extent, but it is never too late to get more friends or change your vision of yourself. Maybe you will find something or someone to fulfill you in the future. :D

Yes! I've lived alone in a house that I own for 9 years now, and I have to think living with a man would be a HUGE adjustment.

I'm also thinking that I'm probably not going to have kids, even though I always thought I would. I'm in my late 30's, so by the time I find their father, I might be too old to have those kids.

While I've definitely had to motivate myself on my weight loss journey, I'm not going to ponder the what-ifs if there was a man involved. I am doing this for ME! If a guy comes along for the ride, great, but all of this is for me, not him, whoever he is. :p

Well said and I 100% agree with you. :D

5aday: unwanted attention is always awkward. I consider myself a really nice, kind person. But at the moment I have a guy who wants to see me all the time. I'm just not feeling it, so I keep putting him off. But he just doesn't seem to get it! I fear I'm going to have to be more straightforward and unkind at some stage. And then yesterday I had to go to a work meeting at a coffee shop in a mall. This guy that I've seen twice at a wine tasting saw me, came over and sat down. He is the drippiest guy you've ever met and I have absolutely no interest in him! I told him I have a meeting and he just kept sitting there! Guys are dense! :-)

Curiosity: I think one of the reasons why we have such bad parents in the world is because society has this idea that everyone should want to be a mother. I don't think it's true! We won't judge you for not wanting kids as long as you don't judge us for wanting them

PrairieGirl: Alas, I feel like my time is running out too. I've actually considered freezing my eggs, and I've done some research into adoption. I'm 32 already.

Speedy: I love that quote about being the only naked girl in the room! But I'm super conscious of my wobbly bits. I don't know what's worse: to own up to them and point them out in which case I might make them more of an issue, or to ignore them in which case the guy might think that I don't know that I'm fat!

Ok, so I went on a date on Friday night, girls. Nice guy, says all the right things, but I think he's a "one night stand looker" in disguise! In other words, he speaks long term, but I think that's what he's looking for. I'm so hoping I'm wrong because I think he's a nice guy. But don't you think it's better when guys just come right out and say that's all they're interested in? I mean, then you can make an informed decision and feel okay about it. If the promise of something more is there and it's a false promise....well I just don't have enough *&^%$'s for those guys!!!! :-) Will keep you posted on the development.

Had a reply typed & tried to submit when internet went down.:rolleyes:
momwannabe Ive reached a critical age when it comes to haveing a child, decided not to wait and am trying ai now.
Reference other posts on male attention, I sympathize. Seems the guys who find me attractive are not appealing to me. I really HATE when some think they're doing you a favor by paying you attention.
Don't know if its self esteem issues that are keeping me from finding a long term relationship or not. (certainly doesn't help!) I need to work on me first.
Came to the decision that I need to live my life for me. Work for what I want and not try to wait for something that might not happen.

I know what you mean by having guys interested in you that you are not into. I have a guy friend who seems okay with just being friends. I'm okay with it as long as he doesn't try to make the moves on me.

Many guys are one night stand lookers imo. Hopefully you find out that is not what he is looking for. I think guys should come right out and tell you what they are looking for. I find it hard to find guys who want more than just sex. I think guys want to start something that way but don't let on they are looking for anything more than that. Does that make sense girls? I mean I wonder how come most of my friends have found someone nice. I've become so focused on myself that I don't have time for any crap that many guys seem to dish out. lol. I also am more upfront about what I'm thinking so they can decide up front that they want to see me again or not.

Ladies I have a new question heading into the weekend. I often work on the weekend or have family obligations or go out with friends. This weekend I am looking forward to staying in a recharging my batteries. I plan to sleep late and read a few trashy novels and watch lots of football. Do you all have any ideas of how I might work some physical activity into the weekend? I am thinking maybe a walk if the weather holds up or even a drop in class if I can get myself together enough to make it out of the house in time.

Also any ideas for healthy snacks or meals that will be easy and maybe even a treat but not my old favorites (ribs, wings, burgers, ice cream, chocolate). I am thinking a trip to the farmers market to get lots of fruit, maybe stuff for a complicated salad, lean protein and ?????? My plan or diet is basically to eat clean whole foods. Any suggestions would be helpful this weekend and during the coming holiday break.

5aday my sister makes a pepper steak that I'm going to try this week. sirloin or leaner cut of steak cut into thin strips, bell peppers, onions, can of mushrooms a little soy sauce and worcsetshire. more soy than worcestshire. brown steak strips off add other ingredients and cook covered. She usually serves with rice. ( which I have to skip now!). Also thought about using half of the steak, peppers, onions and seasoning with fajita seasoning to make a large salad.

speedy- that sounds good and I am going to give it a try. I ended up making steel cut oatmeal with apple cider instead of water, mango chunks, and ginger. It was yummy but usually I do not have time to cook it. I did sweet potatoes and peas and sausage for lunch. I had kale, broccoli, brown rice and stew for dinner. I always try to get at least 5 fruits and veggies in a day. I managed to pass on the brownie and had yogurt and a peach for a snack... I hope you all are having a great weekend.

Hells yes ! I'm 29, single, amazing job, no kids and no relationship. My weight is totally dependant on my current mental state, If I'm stressed - I eat, If I'm happy - eat...etc etc. I've stopped drinking as well, and that is having a major effect on my moods and social life. I am pretty determined to just finally lead a heathy life and not contstantly start a new diet every Monday. That behaviour only leads to perseved failures, which leads me to binge.

I WILL NOT LET THIS BEAT ME !!

Sophie- I love your attitude!

I'm joining the party late, but another career focused single girl here! I've been single for well over a year now and my attempt at dating was awful! I tried match and eharmony this year and it was just terrible. I really believe that guys just don't want long term relationships these days. I know so many great women that just can't meet the right guys. Last January I decided that 2011 was the year I'd meet my future husband!!! Here we are at the end of December, and I've given up! Fortunately I've been able to maintain my weight for a couple years now so I'm focusing on my TWO jobs (one of them being a fitness instructor, YAY!) and getting my own hard core workouts done at least a few times a week.

Hi Tiffany! Don't give up on finding Mr. Right...but maybe try a different approach. I am all about enjoying the journey. When dating is a chore I take a break, relax and recharge then get back out there. I like online dating but I know it is not for everybody. On the other hand I hate parties and clubs. I do not know where you live but I am in a big city and I have started attending meetups. If you are not familiar with them it is a website of interest groups organized around anything from art to beer to sports. they set up events were like minded people can meet. Some groups are singles oriented but it is not a dating site. maybe you have already tried this stuff but I thought I would give my 2 cents just in case. Dating as an adult is a challenge... I would love to hear what others have tried and like or hated.

5aday - I'm in New York City. Most people think that it would be easier to meet someone here (a boyfriend or even just friends), and I used to think so too. But it's not! My theory is that there are too many people and I'm just another face in the crowd. Men have a lot to choose from here. I've tried meetup but I've found that a lot of them fizzle out pretty quickly. I'm just doing my best to be friendly and do what makes me happy. Hopefully that will attract the right kind of attention someday! They say love finds you when you're not looking, right?? :)

Have you gone to any fitness meetups? I've gone to a few but it usually turns out to be Beachbody coaches trying to get me to sign up for something. Grr.

Tiffany- I understand the feeling of being alone in a crowd. I grew up in the country were we knew not only our neighbors but everyone in the community. I am a member of a few meetups that do active things like hiking, biking and kayaking but none of them are exclusively fitness focused. I plan to join an adventure group when I increase my fitness level. I am not currently confident in my ability to keep up with the group at my current size.

I agree with your idea of doing what makes you happy and creating a full life is the best way to live whether you are in a relationship or not.

I have the week off between Christmas and New Years... I do not have any big plans but the weather is gorgeous so I am trying to get outside and active everyday. Today I washed my car. I am ashamed to admit that is a big deal because my poor car is not washed very often.

How are you surviving this holiday season? Any big plans for New Years Eve?

Actually, along the lines of this thread, I do NOT have any plans for New Years Eve and of course it's depressing me!! There are a handful of days throughout the year that are more painful for me to be single, and this is one of them.

My vague plans are to stay home, make myself a yummy dinner and enjoy some wine. I probably won't be able to stay up til 12. LOL! :)

All my friends are married and with kids. The last of my non married non kid friends.. Is married and is expecting in a few months. I am unwed, no children, no relationship for like 10 years, no job. Pretty pathetic life lol. But I guess I got used to it, much as I can anyway. No plans for new years, never have plans for holidays unless it consists of a lot of booze, which is actually quite rare. Gives me migraine strength hangovers. I generally hate holidays, makes me feel lonely.

I have made an effort to avoid online dating sites this week. Even though I am still looking for Mr. Right and I have lots of free time this week I do not want to appear desperate. I will revamp my profile next weekend with the hope that people will be settled into the new year.

I have never had a romantic New Year's eve but so far I only spent a few alone. The last few years have been with family-parents, sisters, nieces and nephews. We have a sleep over at my parents' house that includes lots of snacking, talking, cards and board games. I am lucky to have family nearby that I enjoy spending time with... In my 20's I lived far away from family and I would attend watch night services or other new year's eve church events that lasted well past midnight.

Hang in there Tiffany and WhisperHeart. I hope 2012 is your best year yet!

You just can't control when love is going to come your way. I guess putting yourself out there and being the best you is all you can do right?

I've been off and on online dating and it's been hot and cold. I met a few guys that were all right, a few that were just atrocious, and one guy that I fell so hard for. We dated for a few months and it was amazing for about 2 months and then he turned out to not quite be what he advertised. Or he went crazy I don't really know. But now, every time I meet a guy he gets compared to that last guy and no one lives up.

Another new year's eve alone is in store. I got invited out with friends but I just can't do the bar anymore. I feel too old, I don't want to be laughed at for being a cougar and I just don't enjoy it anymore. I am doing a race on the 1st though, it's a resolution run so that should be fun!

Single gal here...
 

I'm a 38 year old recently divorced mother to a 14 year old who is happy to be free.

My ex-husband is paranoid schizophrenic. One of the things that helped to break up my marriage was my weight loss. He couldn't handle the change in my looks and my attitude.

After 23 years in an abusive relationship, I'm not ready to date any time soon. I would like to find a good man one day. I feel I deserve a real prince after the crap I dealt with. But if it doesn't happen, I'm still 110% better off than I was. :D

Almost 51-year old single mother of two sons (19 and 14). We are spending the New Year at home. Just us. No drama, no trauma. Saved presents from Christmas to open tonight. Going to make a pot of chowder and some biscuits and watching a movie or two. Tomorrow, we're making cinnamon rolls and hot chocolate and then taking a drive into the countryside.

We've been free for three years from 26 years of a bondage to a self-serving a-hole disguised as an upstanding pillar of the community. Despite enjoying my freedom (and the boys are doing great), it's this time of year when I get royally steamed about the past. Even this morning, I'm riding a wave of anger and resentment that keeps revisiting me like the ghost of husbands past. I don't want to be in this state of mind, and yet, here it is. Makes me want to overeat!!!

I was dumped for losing weight, becoming strong, creating my own identity and building a great community reputation. It's strange that the woman I was replaced with a week after the divorce was final was a woman who doesn't speak English well at all and is about 1/2 the size of a normal American woman. And she's only there to service X's needs. She isn't even refered to as the step-mother. She's only "his wife".

Perhaps I'll tape a picture of X to the kickboxing bag I have in the garage and have a go at it. That should get my heart rate up.

(I feel better for unloading this morning...thanks!)

Happy 2012! I go back to work tomorrow. I am trying to have balance in my life in terms of personal and professional. I have a three social outings planned in the next two weeks and my goal is to follow through with attending the events. I often plan to attend fun stuff and then I back out. It might be that I am tired or do not feel like driving to an unfamiliar place in the dark or some other excuse. I am not standing up friends or breaking dates, these are things that I am attending alone or with a large group so I feel like I will not be missed. It is really not good for my health because when I stay in I am more likely to sit on the couch and snack. Does anyone else struggled with this, how have you pushed through? Once I go out I tend to enjoy myself, it is the getting out that get me. I tried inviting friends along but everyone is so busy with family and whatnot...

I'm single and getting tired of it. For the longest time it didn't really bother me. Sure I wanted the boyfriend for support and to have someone to do things with. But it wasn't a big deal to me. Once I hit my 30's the loneliness hit me pretty hard. I started to realize that I did want the husband and 2.5 kids. But my weight and health got pretty out of control and instead of dealing with it and getting healthier I spent a few years wallowing in it.

So this year I've really hit the whole weight thing hard. I've worked for the past 4 months really working on losing some weight and I haven't lost a pound. And no, I haven't lost inches either. I'm pretty discouraged. On top of that I joined online dating. I've been on for a year. All the big sites free and paid. And over a year I got maybe 10 bites and I found that they either had no profiles, no pictures, creepy pictures/profiles, or just wanted me because I was overweight. The whole experience has made me even more jaded and discouraged. And of course I had to do an experiment where I changed my picture to someone who was thin and averagely attractive. Not a super model, but not ugly. And overnight I got over 20 emails. So, yeah, I'm not really happy with the online thing. New Years day I cancelled all of my accounts. It was hurting more than helping.

So now it's 2012, and on Thursday I turn 36. I'm now considered high risk for pregnancy if I started tomorrow. But I'm overweight, single, with no kids and just plain lonely. It sucks. I wish I could say solidarity single people, but I'm just not there anymore.

As for why this post was originally started, yes I totally agree that we deal with different things than married folks do for weight loss. Just different challenges. So it is nice to meet some people who are going through the same difficulties. Good luck to everyone.

I struggle with this. I force myself to go sign up for things so that I'm out of the house. I don't have a big group of friends where I live because I haven't lived here long and all I do is go to school and work. But even just signing up to take a bootcamp and being friendly with the other women, or volunteering for a community event, or saying 'yes' to office after hours events forces me to get out there. I'd say pick something at least once and a week and just do it. I've never regretted going out, but I'll often wallow in myself if I stay home (and eat lol). Good luck!

aliasihaya- I also find myself unintentionally single, childless and 35+. Sometimes I am hopeful about the future and I can see enjoying a long life as a single woman or even as a part of a childless couple. Other days I seem to see babies everywhere... babies and couples. It sucks and I find myself mourning the loss of a life I thought I would live. I move through the stages of grief sometimes all in one day sometimes I drag through them over months getting bogged down in anger or depression... I am working towards acceptance.
Stages of grief...
Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

PrairieGirl- I am going to try to do one social thing a week. I have something identified for the first three weeks of January. This Saturday I am going to a live music event, next week it is open mic poetry, week three I will go to a Meetup over coffee with a group of about 25 people I met in December and the following day I plan to go to the art museum for a live jazz event...

I've had the opportunity to start all over again. I moved back to my hometown almost three years ago. It was very slow going at first, trying to rekindle friendships and reconnecting with family. Eventually, I accepted that middle-aged people who already have a life don't tend to make room for new people in their lives. And the people I used to be connected to years ago, needed me to keep being that person...and I'm not!

So, all new friends now. It started with women I met in my Pilates class and through work. They are all people who support who I am and want to be now. They needed someone fun and cheeky, who keeps it light and real too. I can do that! I needed people who would call me if I didn't show up to class, or who keep me involved with my professional development. I'm looking at groups through Meet-up as well. Didn't have a lot of luck with that at first, but I'm learning I need to spend some gas money to find more people with whom I have things in common. I live in a small agricultural town and there's not a huge community of people who have even left town to travel to the next state. I'm looking for people who have lived!

I need to find some new things that are locally available for me to do too. But I'm NOT a quilter, not into book discussion groups, don't feel like volunteering at the local school. There's a belly dancing class I'm thinking about attending, but again, it's all women. Been taking some classes at a local cheese shop, but the only men that go are married to the women that drag them there. I go to some wine-tasting events, but single men aren't there unless they're gay. I don't do bars or nightclubs. I don't do church.

Maybe I should get a gym membership just to pump weights with the big boys.

I understand what you are saying here. I often end up not doing much and it is easy to just stay in and be comfortable with not doing too much. I find after awhile it can get very lonely though. When I get to that point, I push myself to go out. Even going to the gym is helpful, although not very social for me either. Yeah, it is tough when most of my friends are married and/or have kids and are very busy. I have a few married friends that like to go to the bar partying, but even that I'm trying not to do as much because I'm not 20 anymore, plus I end up drinking and eating too much.

Congrats on starting over again. That takes alot of guts and grit to start your life anew and get rid of people that bring you down. It is hard to find certain types of people in small towns ime. I am in the wrong town for a person like me. Small towns can be boring and close minded. I joined the gym about a year ago, and I go often. It is nice to see people that are like minded getting in shape, and it is possible to chat up some people if you feel up to it. I highly suggest joining the gym. :)

Congrats on getting out of an abusive relationship. I bet it was not easy. Good for you girl! You deserve a prince... I think we all do (unfortunately there aren't many out there)..hehe. Enjoy your new freedom and life with your child. :hug:

My congrats to you too, Streudel for getting out of an unhealthy relationship.

I am single too. I'm not sure that I want romance in my life even though I still have profiles on the dating sites...:dizzy: One day at a time...

I am enjoying the new year healthy eating push in the media and among friends. For me this is one of the easiest times for me to be health concision. No one bats an eye when I brown bag my lunch or skip the office treats. No one is bringing in cookies, organizing potlucks or passing out fudge. Coworkers want to take a walk at lunch and people are willing to meet at the gym. I know it will not last... soon talk of super bowl snacks and valentines candy will take over. But today is a good day!

Hi, I'm a single mother of a 5 yr old girl and a 7 yr old girl. I work full time, and I have a wonderful career, but no husband, boyfriend or prospects. I recently moved to a new city, so I don't have any friends here either. The father of my kids and I broke up about 3 years ago, but I haven't have the courage to date anyone else. I have gained a LOT of weight since the last time I dated, so I feel very insecure. I'm hoping this year I get the courage to become more social and maybe even date a little.

I only skimmed through this thread but I have to say that so many of you feeling the exact same way I feel. This should be a regular ongoing thread! Not to wallow in our own singleness or anything but it is nice to know there are so many other people feeling the same way and find support in that.

My husband is in the process of moving out. I know it is early and I am not technically single yet but I will be. I have never lived alone but I am looking forward to it. I have no kids, just my cat. Yay for being a single 30something with a cat! LOL Anyway since I have never really lived alone or been single for any real length of time I am really looking forward to spending a good year on ME before thinking about finding someone else.

I am not exactly sure how I feel about being single yet and I really have no idea how I will feel once I am really on my own so I look forward to finding encouragement from other singletons.

I went out last night with a group and had a great time. I really should go out more often. The outing was not a meal but it was dinner time and food was available. I ordered food. the food was not very good and I only ate a few bites. I have gotten much better at not eating food just because it is there and paid for.

I'm single and loving it! And I've found that regardless of my size, the confidence plays a big part in enjoying being single and in my body. Though nothing's quite moved forward yet, I've been meeting men everywhere and it feels good to have fun without so much pressure. I'm just out to enjoy myself, but happy to have time to focus on me.

Happy I found You! Looking for some supporters
 

This is my first day on this site and as I was looking through I thought everyone is married with kids. So I was about to leave this site when I saw this post I am so happy I found you all. I am single with no children. Although I am not sure if I want children I would like to be in a relationship but right now I am so uncomfortable with my weight I'm embarrassed to date. Anyway I am looking for people to keep me motivated and on the right track. I am counting calories and using gowear fit. Is anyone else doing this?