[mortonpixie]

I love to run. I am not fast, nor will I probably ever be. I will never be a size 4 either. So what??

Before the last baby, I ran a half marathon. I was training a lot and feeling pretty good about myself! I weighed 175 when I crossed the finish line in May of 2008.

As you can see from my ticker, I am about 10lbs (and one more child!) heavier than then and have actually shed much since Cameron was born a year ago. I feel good that I have worked my way back to being able to go 3 miles at a time and confident that it will keep getting better and better.

There are some skinny boys at my church that get together and run. When I trained for the half marathon, I met up with that group and ran (behind...) with them. Anyway, the pastor is one of these skinny boys. Not sure they consider me a "runner" but at least acknowledge that "I run".

Okay - here's the slap. One of the skinny boys handed me a magazine article today entitled "Confessions of a Fat Runner". With much prelude of "the title didn't make me think of you, just that she's a woman...and a runner...and uh, well I know that you run...and well, here ya go."

Ouch.

And then we have the Smile, sort of. The Pastor asked me if I wanted to help him start a Couch to 5k type of thing to promote health and wellness in our congregation. He's a marthoner and wanted me to be the "everyman" face of the effort. While I am flattered, I'm also a little dishartened at being the "fat people can run to" person.

Sigh.

I really want to feel good about the nice compliment - but still don't feel included in the "cool kids" club of runners. I'm still to fat. Thanks for letting me vent. My husband hates it when I talk down on myself - it's hard to explain my feelings without him thinking that I'm being a downer.

[Priscatip]

I'm very impressed with the running! I've been working on that, and I know how much time and effort and motivation it takes to be a runner. So way to go! Very impressive.

And ouch. A few things - one is that maybe it's the mom thing? You said teenage boys, who generally lump all adults into one category. I am 26, and I work with college students, who consider me an 'old lady'. Two - maybe they are just impressed with how much weight you've lost. 43 pounds! That's fantastic. Maybe the pastor isn't seeing you as the 'everyman', but as the successful example.

I'm glad you can vent here. And I can understand the hurt.

Way to go with the running.

[Mollz]

Backhanded compliments suck.

We all feel the need to belong to a group in some way, whether its through acknowledgement or though belonging. Perhaps, if you wanted to join up with the group, ask questions about running- how to lengthen stride or increase time, does your form look right, what is the best way to avoid injury or how to correct over/underpronation. If they're serious about it, they'll take the time to answer your questions and accept you.

If all they're going to offer are backhanded compliments, stay away. Far away. And don't worry about joining their clique. Why would you want to join a group only to feel crappy about yourself and constantly worry about whether you're "cool" or not?

Run if you want, it doesn't matter that you're on a 12 minute mile compared to their 6 1/2 minute mile. Life isn't about comparing yourself to other people; it's about making you better.

[AFChick]

The teenage boys don't have any sense right now...guys in general start to get sense at about 30...

Hopefully the pastor was trying to use you as a success story...because you definitely are. I, for one, am very motivated by your dedication and the amount of weight you've lost...you've just about caught up to me and may pass me soon if I don't get my butt in gear!

I would say, be cautiously hopefull. He may not get that he gave you a backhanded compliment...he has the thin and the man thing going against his ability to have a clue...so maybe it was not intended. I would be cautious and guard your feelings though, so on the off-hand chance that he was being a jerk, he won't get you down again.

Just my 2 cents...

[weebleswobble]

Hmm. separating out the minister from the dumb skinny kid for a second...

I don't think the pastor was asking you because you're overweight. Weight loss is a billboard of spiritual self-improvement--it's visibly obvious that you are changing yourself, and the congregation can see that. You've lost some fifty pounds and even dumb skinny guys notice. Certainly "everyman" who needs a hero notices that too--and you can be their hero, their leader, their inspiration...not some skinny guy pastor who runs marathons, but a regular lady who has just had baby #2? #3? and is brave enough to get up and run with the skinny boys.

That takes guts...maybe I will call you Moxie for short, Morton Pixie.

(P.S. I am a minister and an ex fat chick and I wish I could run 3 miles like you. That's my goal!)

[mortonpixie]

Wow, gals - thank you so much! I am over my feeling sorry / comparing thing. What am I, a 14 year old!? Sheesh!!

My mom text me that day as well and said she weighed herself and found she had lost 15lbs since January! No exercise, just cutting out sugar. While I'm happy for her (she is in the 230's currently), it was depressing to hear that someone did - with little effort - what I have fought tooth and nail to do in the same amount of time. Boo.

Skinny Boy is actually a grown man...a deacon in our church. I'm sure he meant no harm. Pastor DOES mean well, I'm sure. Our families are friends, he counseled and married hubby and me, and I teach his son in Sunday School. I can't see him judging me in any other light but a positive one.

Weebles - "Weight loss is a billboard of spiritual self-improvement" Wow...thank YOU for that insight. I am using that as my mantra when I get down. This journey for me is more about health than looking good in a bikini. That quote really spoke to me.

Once again - you chicks rule!! Thank you for not coddling me but being real and caring.

[rileyozzy]

I really related to your post. I have the same situation except with a group of skinny girls. They are supportive, but they run and they run fast. I can't keep up, but I always finish.

[cjdeluca]

A backhanded compliment like that can hurt but just remember something - You CAN run, you CAN lose weight, you CAN do whatever you want in life. Don't let these people bring you down. I'm too heavy to run and have asthma which also works against me. Be proud that you can run and if you can get someone "off the couch" and help them become healthier, than kudos to you. Keep up the good work. Vent here but remember that you've lost weight, it can be done and you can be an example to someone else out there that may be thinking - they can't do it.