So...I'm really confused. This is really off topic and I havent been on here for quite some time, but thats mostly because Im really confused...and trust me, if you're thinking I'm talking about weight...I'm not. So I'm going to write this here because if everyone disserts me, says bad things or whatever, it doesnt matter.
SO! What could have me so perplexed? Well, I'm 24 and I was sure that I was as straight as a heterosexual girl could possibly be...until I met...her. OMG! She's the only girl I'm attracted to, but that doesnt change the fact that I'm attracted to a girl! A Girl! Nothing in my religion would support this. Scarcely anything in society would support this...and yet here I sit...wanting a girl! WTF?!?! Where did this come from? So yeah, I'm confused...I went on a mini version of a shopping spree to avoid eating...because I tend to be a very emotional eater. This sucks...
But wait...theres more!
So up until I met this girl...I believed that waiting until marriage to have sex was easy. Yes, thats right, I am a 24 year old virgin. But like I said...then I met her. So you might think...well, if you like her, she likes you, then whats the problem? LOL, I can never seem to keep things simple...I realize now that I have body issues. I mean I think everyone...well, almost everyone has their degree of shyness, but you dont understand. This girl is beautiful! I mean, I'm not saying I'm ugly...because I'm not...I'm just more "cute" or "pretty" if I put some effort into it while she is drop-dead stunning...with a body to match...me...I have a cute shape, but I'm fat.
Oh, and did I mention, she's a girl! What am I doing attracted to a girl?!?!
I know there's probably no one who can relate to my situation as far as being attracted to a girl when otherwise you're attracted to men...but I just had to tell SOMEBODY!
Ok I'm going to take a stab at this but I'm sure someone will come along with better advice.
First, make sure what you're feeling is real. Lots of women get "girl crushes." I know I have/had plenty myself. Women have no problem admiring other women whereas you would never find a heterosexual man admiring another man. The fact that you call her stunning and yourself fat, it may just be that you admire this girl? You aspire to look like her, she seems perfect, etc etc.
Second, if that isn't it, if it is real I would say pursue it like you would any other relationship. What would you do if it were a guy? Talk to her, get an idea as to how she feels, see if she seems into you, etc.
Again, there may be better advice coming but I would just say don't freak out, think logically, and do what you gotta do!
I totally agree with Stacey. Above all you just have to figure out who you are and what you want. If you've never been intimate with a guy (though I totally understand it from the point of religious beliefs) it's hard to say what your "preference" would be. Do you know this girl or is she just someone you see and think is attractive? Just take some time for to think it over and determine what is going on. You say that this would go against everything in your religious background etc. . Is it possible you're feeling rebellious or questioning your beliefs and this is just an outlet for that? Remember too that those that love you are going to accept you for what you are and don't be too stressed.
No, I'm pretty sure this is not simply a "girl crush." I could honestly see myself with her...for a long time, if not forever. Yes, I know her, we went to school together and we've been talking on the phone...a lot. I looked at my cell phone bill...the last billing cycle, we were on the phone for over 28 HOURS...HOURS! In one month...28 hours! And almost 500 text messages...DANG! That's a lot of talking...
No, I dont think I'm rebelling against my religion. I still feel the same way about God as I always did...and so now I feel like He might turn aganist me because I'm feeling this way. That's a crappy feeling...but then I keep thinking...To thine ownself be true... (screams!) What to do, what to do?
I can honestly, without doubt or hesistation say that I dont want to look like her. Her body is beautiful and it works for her with her personality...but it wouldnt suit me at all. Even when I pictured how I wanted to look before this situation...her body type never came to mind.
And to make matters worse...I've never been in a relationship...so I dont have ANYTHING to model it after. (Frowns) Woe is me...
It sounds like you have the beginnings of a new important relationship in your life. What about just enjoying it? I can't answer the religious aspect of your question, but if your feelings are strong and honest then you need to address that. Do you really need to label yourself "straight" or "gay" right now? And do you need to beat yourself up about having feelings for another person? She's obviously finding that you're important in her world, or you wouldn't be talking/texting etc. so much. I think you've already answered your own question when you said "to thine own self be true".
Just in case anyone thinks I may be trying to sway you in any way, I'm a heterosexual married mother of two (not that it matters in any way). I just hate to see people feeling guilty for just having feelings...
Well - As stacy said - it could be a girl crush - I will admit to those - its easy - a girl is cute - easier to get along with - something you are and someone you are more easily to relate to - etc. And you want her. But I have also had major guy crushes - and more - I think I only had a crush on one girl before, back in college. But I don't consider myself bi or gay - I am straight, and see myself with a man. (I think ) And I also admit to having non sexual crushes on women - girls whom I want to be like and who I really want as friends - though I have not had one of those in a while.
Or it could be something else - I think that you should see broke back mnt - that love can be found in any relationship. whether it is mw, ww, or mm. or trans m
Or maybe this is a side of you that you have never experienced before in life. And it is OK. It is definately OK to experiment and experience - why else are we alive? (not in every sense morally OK onces - ok many defs of morality...but maybe you get my drift.
Have you inquired on her sexuality? Is she gay? or has had girlfriends??
If anything religion should make you happy and feel good about yourself - it should not restrict who you are - and I am sure you are a good person - I am agnostic, and not a firm believer in organized religion - but when I believe(d) I believe that God loves everyone and isn't it God whom forgives everyone too?
I say go for it. What have you got to lose?!?!?! This sounds like the start to a really great relationship. You obviously have a lot in common as you talked for "28 hours" and you both seem to be into each other. Go with your gut!!!
Thank you all so much for your responses. They have all been welcomed.
Yes, I know she is a lesbian and she's had a few girlfriends.
Sadly, I probably wont go for it because even if she was a man...I'd still be really reserved about the prospect of entering a relationship cause I'm scared of being hurt...lol but thats a completly different issues. And since she is a girl...I'm even more scared...man...this is actually kind of depressing.
I know I shouldnt try to "label" myself, but its hard. I've been trying to come up with a word or find a word that suits my situation...because since I like a girl...but I usually like boys...I cant be straight...but I cant be gay...but not quite bi...so I found two choices either "bi curious" or "heteroflexible"
As for my opionion. I have never labeled myself as anything. I love/like a person for who they are, what they are like, how much they love/like me, not what gender they might be. Gender doesn't matter in my eyes, it's just the shell of a person, just a scientific "label" to distinguish one from another, but there is so much more inside to see.
My 2 cents.... Follow your own heart and forget what anyone else says or thinks.
I agree with the post above me. If you like her, and feel this deeply about her, and if she has the same feelings, don't let gender hold you back! I wish you the best of luck with this situation!!!
I know TONS of girls that went through this! I'm not saying I know you from a hole in the head, but so many of us have been there (especially during those college years!). I was telling my sister about this the other day (she's 35) and had never heard of such a thing. It's very common now to experiment with this and to question and envision life like this. That's ok. My best friend fell for a girl a couple of years ago and thought she was a lesbian. Today, she's about as straight as they come.
No matter WHAT (and I say this with absolute certainty), follow your heart. Gay, straight, bi, whatever. You never know what time will tell you.
I have to chime in here too. Follow your feelings. If you are scared and don't pursue this (she obviously shares the same feelings OR she loves paying a huge cell bill) you may be missing out on the best thing you could ever have.
I know (from experience) this is a big change and a very scary step to take, all of the gay, straight, bi, whatever labels. Don't worry about those. You are a person, she is a person. If you have the opportunity to love someone and be loved in return there is nothing at all wrong with that. I say go for it.
I'm going to second everyone else on here. In college I had a couple of girl crushes, one in particular, that I think might have gone somewere if the right situation had come along. Still, I view myself as primarily heterosexual and I've been with my current bf for almost 3 years. So I would view your situation as pretty normal. Instead of beating yourself over your feelings, you should realize that they are completely natural. Hey, enjoy them! It's not every day that you get to experience "love," or even "like"!
As for your religious problem... you're entitled to your own beliefs so I'm not going to belabor the issue, but I'd just like to touch on it for a moment. I grew up very strongly Catholic, so I kind of know where you're coming from-- I've since strayed a bit from religion, but I know what you're feeling. I don't know if this will help you any, but when these situations come up I try to think: if these feelings went against God's will, then why would God create us with the capacity for them? Just something you might want to ponder. Don't let anyone else dictate how you feel, or what feelings are "normal"-- only you can decide!
Isn't the goal of most peoples' lives to find love? If you're lucky enough to actually find it, or at least find a path that you think may lead to it, who cares what form that love comes in?
As for your religion, I know that the bible says to men to not to lay with a man as you would a woman. However, if you are turning your back on a monumental person and situation, would you ever forgive yourself? You would probably question yourself for the rest of your life, and be angry that you never got to figure yourself out fully. No God I could support would want a follower to lie to themselves every day for the rest of their life.
I so agree with Nicole in her comments about religion. I too grew up in a strongly religious family and you can imagine their feelings toward me when I ended up pregnant and unmarried. Not a fun time, but everyone who truly loved me is still in my life today. I think the church's attitude toward gay people is a function of their own inability to have an open mind, not an indication of how God feels. God loves you, made you who you are and is there for the journey with you. I hope you don't truly not pursue the relationship because you're afraid of getting hurt. If you do get hurt, you'll recover. But what if you don't? What if it's great? In any case it's time to experience a relationship and enjoy it. Do you think maybe she knows how you feel already? That is a whole lot of talking for just friends.
OT- This Sucks!
) And I also admit to having non sexual crushes on women - girls whom I want to be like and who I really want as friends - though I have not had one of those in a while.
