[echristo]

Hello All,

I'm am not happy with myself at this point in time. I seemed to have lost sight of my goals and just totally pushed them under the rug. I am not terribly over weight but I've ventured back to that place where your clothes dont fit comfortably anymore and you just feel sh*tty. I think this is in part due to a dew factors. One is that I have moved out of my home and into an apartment on campus with 3 other girls, and about 6 months ago I began a serious relationship with my bf. I also dislike my current job and find it quite boring.

Ok, so moving out has been stressful and it has only been about 2 1/2 months so it still is taking some time to get used too. I do all of my own food shopping and it actually isnt that bad. I buy good, healthy foods and some cheat stuff like frozen yougurt or cookies. (I dont like to deprive myelf otherwise I will binge worse). But I havent been able to get myself into a good exercise routine. I stopped going to my trainer bc I could afford him any more and stopped going to the gym (even though I still pay for it) bc it is too far away. Last week I managed to do Cardio 3 times and a strenght training video at home. But I still cant get into a grove.

My bf loves me so much that it is scary. He tells me how absolutely perfect I am all the time. ALthough in my mind I am not. I know most women would think Im crazy but I hate when he tells me how perfect I am bc I dont feel that way. You all know that someone can tell you until they are blue in the face but you wont feel that way unless you truly believe you are. Plus we always eat dinner together and he isnt the best eater. He tries to be healthful for me but at 5'6 140 lbs he really doesnt need to worry about watching his calories and he feels that I dont either. His mother just had WLS and lost 100 lbs so you would think that he would be sensitive. But to him, I dont have a problem. But having a eating issue is a problem whether you are 10lbs overwieght or 1000 lbs overweight. The mental damage is stiil there no matter what.

Being that I hate my job and hence am always bored, I tend to snack all day long. I probably end up eating enough calories for 3 days. Plus, coworkers like to dump there left overs at work so it just gives more stuff to snack on. Also, there have been so many family parties that I cant count them all and I cant control myself either.

Someone please help. Any suggestions are welcomed. I just want to get back on track and feel better. Thanks for listening.

~E

[Athenaphoenix]

((((((HUGS to you)))))) Sounds like you are having a hard time right now.. I always go and read the journals when I'm having a hard time getting/staying motivated (when I'm not burying my head in the sand and pretending that I'm doing great!). Someone always posts something that gets me thinking or inspired. Hope that helps a little...

[tonic]

I think that in order to be successful at weight loss.. you have to reach a point where you are ready to change and nothing will stop in your way. And only then.. will you be successful.

You could look at this as an opportunity for you to change all aspects of your life that you are unhappy with. If you hate your job, do something about it. Only *you* have control of your destiny. If you want to lose 5 pounds, then you can do it! Just tell yourself that you will your part (work out, eat better, etc) and then your body will do its part.

I've lost 40 pounds and the only way I lost it was that I was ready to do what it takes to get the job done. Now I have 10 pounds to go, I am struggling to find that drive again because its not as important as other aspects of my life right now. So I understand how its hard to get motivated, but *you* are in control of your life and you can make it happen. Set small goals and work from there. Just be confident that you can do it!!

[Jen24]

You can do it! I would echo what the above posters said--you've simply GOT to be 100% committed to a true, lasting lifestyle change. Try remembering how good & right it feels when you KNOW you're in control, instead of the food being in control of you.
I personally think it's probably even HARDER to lose & get motivated when you're relatively close to your goal....because it's probably a bit easier to be complacent. When you're really, really overweight, you're really motivated because you just want to feel *normal*. I know I'm not quite as driven now, as I was in the first 1-2 months of this journey....but I'm holding steady & I know for sure that I've changed my lifestyle.
Hopefully something in that rambling will help!

Jen

[tonic]

Jen - You are so very right. I am somewhat happy with my body.. but not totally happy. So its a lot harder to convince myself to put other stuff aside and focus on losing that last 10.

[monkeysee]

Hey E,

That's a lot of change in the past months, so it's probably nothing to beat yourself up over that you're not in a groove. First, I think it's wonderful that you've got a great guy who adores you. Also you should consider what you're doing right and not just what seems wrong. It sounds like your cooking and eating habits at home are balanced and consistent-- good for you! We're all happy for you about that, you should be too!

I think it sounds like the boring job is a real source of trouble for you right now. Are there any ways you can make it better? Can you bring a walkman and learn Spanish while you work? Or sign up for a word-a-day email and expand your vocabulary? Or learn to knit while you're on the phone? Those are things I always wanted to do-- you can probably come up with better ones for yourself-- but maybe if you really find something constructive to do, it would keep you from snacking during the day.

About the exercise... I sympathise because I am really, really, bad about sticking to a routine. You're probably better at it than me, so I feel pretty dumb giving advice. For me, it helps me to have a friend along, does that work for you too? Would your boyfriend be willing to take dancing lessons or skiing lessons with you? Or can you enlist a roomate or friend? Or maybe you just need to give it some time while you wait for other things to settle down. In that case, maybe doing small things like walking whenever possible would help you feel better in the meantime.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but most of it is advice I received at one time or another which proved helpful to me. Mostly, I think you should try to be positive about how close you are to your goal and the good things you've got going. My impression of this board is that it's a really great place for positive vibes so I think you'll be fine.

Good luck!