Okay so, three years ago I met my current bf. This guy is the best guy ever. Im not saying hes overly romantic ,because hes not. But hes genuine, I can trust him with everything I have. And we have ridiculous amounts of chemistry. I love him, and I want to marry him. Here's the kicker, three years ago.. he was a bum.. had nothing going for him and I had everything going for me ( but still fat lol) .. so he said if I turn my life around for you, I want you to lose the weight for me. So we agreed, and so three years later.. he finished school, gained connections, and is making a six figure salary with one of the biggest IT firms.. and I'm still fat .. so now hes not popping the question because im fat.. we broke up for a we while bc of it but he came back.. but IDK WHY.. it still feels shallow, but then again we agreed upon it. Had to get it off my chest.

Happy New Year!!!! Love you all.

If your height and weight tracker are correct, then I am confused. You may be slightly overweight, but not far off from a healthy weight.

OT: If he is really that concerned with your weight now, and feels that he can/should/did leave you because of it, maybe it is time for you to really evaluate your relationship. What you wanted from him is something that is called maturity and security. Any adult would want that. It is not shallow to want your SO to be the best they can be or go after their goals. However, he seems to be holding the weight thing as bait. If he wanted to marry you, fat or not, he would pop the question. Weight may not be the thing that is really stopping him.

Ah yikes. That's tough. I can't imagine having a meaningful relationship contingent upon how I looked. Is he perhaps trying to motivate you? Or is he bitter? Does he say he isn't attracted to you? I don't understand his reasoning. Yea, you hit a problem with the weight loss. But you are still the same wonderful. He shouldn't hold it against you.

Mizzthingaling - Yeah thats the thing. What I wanted from him, is security. What he wants to me is really on the surface. I just dont know.. Ive reevaluated so many times and every time I come to the consensus of, he did everything that I asked for and I couldnt lose some weight. I feel kind of pathetic. Im not "fat" but slightly overweight.. and its kinda killing my life in terms of my rltshp not being able to take the next step.

TheLauren - Honestly, I do feel like hes being motivating. I asked him the other day if he would love me more if I was skinny and he said " No, the weight has nothing to do with the love thats unconditional.. " so hes not bitter by any means.. in terms of attraction hes constantly trying to jump my bones so thats not an issue. So there are sooooo many mixed signals.

You really need to have a serious talk with him. Perhaps he is afraid to commit and he's using this as an excuse.

I tried today.. asked him what the plans are for 2013. He said "baby, live up to my one expectation I have from you and we're golden".. I told him that my new job is in a town 45 mins away from my house and he said well you know Im planning on getting a house soon and Im looking at places tht are like 20 mins from there so thats a good thing for you. And then he slowly retracked himself after he realized what he just said "well thats if it ends up applying to you...."

It sounds like he thinks he is helping you. Hopefully thats the case. Perhaps you can explain that pressure and anxiety rarely help people achieve healthy weight loss goals.

Well I just look at myself in the mirror and Im like.. really?! am I THAT huge?? I dont know.. its turned more into a confidence issues then anything else at this point.

i think he's being a little bit of a douche, but i don't think his intentions are bad, and i don't think it's cuz the surface is more important to him. if it was, then he wouldn't have come back to you after breaking up.

i think that, to him, you guys made a deal 3 years ago, and he's lived up to his end of the bargain, and you haven't. guys tend to be really rational like that in their heads, so for him, it just makes sense. even if he does understand how hard it is for you to lose weight, he might think "well it was hard for me to turn my life around, so you should be able to do this thing for me as well".

obviously, it looks like you've already started on the weightloss, so i'm guessing you're doing it. just think of how fabulous you're gonna look in that wedding dress

Honestly, if he managed to stop being a bum and he still wants to be with you even though he has a six figure salary now... I would be disappointed too if I were him. He kept his end of the deal you both agreed upon...did you not believe he would make it so you agreed? I don't think it's fair that you call him shallow now when you agreed to it at one point. Loosing weight is hard but still I don't think it's as hard as going from a bum to making a six figure salary in 3 years. It seems he can make the commitment but you can't. Honest opinion really, I can understand why he's holding back. I don't like that not only did you not keep your end of the deal but now you are pointing your finger at him calling him shallow and a douche when you agreed to it at the start and 3 years is enough time for you to comfortably lose the amount of weight you wanted to lose. Also I definitely don't think he's shallow, he's making six figures, there are plenty of willing hot young girls with hot bodies out there, if he were shallow he would have just dumped you in an instant and moved on to another. I think you need to stop making excuses and even more importantly, stop blaming other people when you can't do what you had planned.

^ SO TRUE! I love brutal honesty, and it IS me making excuses. I made the promise and I couldnt live up to it, and that is MY fault. Thank you so much for the pure honesty Lemongrab , ur post really hit me.. and might be the reason I push myself everyday after this, since he is still waiting for me to live up to my end of the bargain.

KawaiiCandie - Thats exactly his mentality, to the tee. Yes yes yes, thinking bout the wedding dress, but more importantly the honeymoon outfits!

Ilovemo is right really. I mean maybe he feels that you losing weight is a case of showing him you love him seeing as how he changed his life for you. I think it might be about testing how willing you are to work for the relationship rather than actually being an issue with your weight. If you can't lose 40 pounds for him when it is what you promised then are you marriage material?

Re: the confidence issues. I don't think you are awfully overweight, you have the same bmi as me and I don't look too bad. However, there is a lot of room for improvement. So I would say to you: don't let this destroy your confidence, you look ok, but you really do need to lose weight now as you will most likely never be able to do it in later life.

Honestly...this! ^

You made a promise, if you couldn't handle it you shouldn't have made it. But considering his successes I think it shows anyone can do anything if they put their mind to it.

I don't think it is about weight at all. You made a promise and DID NOT KEEP IT !!!! I can see his point, if you can't keep this promise, what about the future ? In his mind he might wonder if he can trust you to keep your word.
I don't think he is a douche or that he is shallow.

I think there could be two reasons for this. 1: He did what he said and he expects you to keep your promise because he wants you to be healthy and happy with who you are before he marries you.
Or 2. He is a total douche.

Here's the thing. If you complain about being overweight. Or you go through your closet every other day looking for something that looks good on you...then he probably wants someone who is comfortable with their body and themselves like he is now. I want my boyfriend to lose weight because he complains all the time and then does nothing about it, and he has gotten to a point where it may cause him health problems. I want him to be happy as he is, just as I'm trying to be. I would never marry him at this weight, because it would drive me NUTS for him to be like this forever, and we would just make each other worse and worse. That's really bad.

But if you're happy at your weight and with how you look then he needs to shove it. You need to be where you want to be, not where he wants you to be in order to get married. There should be no weight limitation for marriage. There should be a strong relationship with a solid foundation.