[ro3311]

I'm a girl, about to turn 23 in a few months. I have been overweight all of my adult life (since 12-13) and am now in the process of losing weight. As much as i want to lose it, i'm also really scared. I'm scared that if i'll get thinner, and start dating someone, they will run as soon as they discover i used to be fat (I cant really hide it, you know - facebook photos and such). I've never thought it would be an issue but i've been readin comments online and many people say they will never date someone that used to be fat because she was ugly, because she would gain it back quickly, because of cellulite or because of low self esteem and constant need for compliments.

I just feel like no matter how I will look, i will always be the fat girl, who's just fooling everybody because she now has a good body.

this is really depressing me and even making me want to stay fat - that way I won't feel like I have this dirty secret that would chase people away... I don't know what to do anymore.

[Mimi21]

Whatever forum you've been reading online about men not dating former fat girls is total BS. Believe me, most guys with a good head on their shoulders would never shy away from a good looking girl because he doesn't see what she used to look like but what's in front of them. If they did, why would you want to date him anyway? The notion is just so ridiculous. Would you not date a man because he used to be fat? I know I sure wouldn't care. And please never ever forget that looks are temporary and the only thing that sustains is your heart, mind and soul. You might get a few dates based on looks but a boyfriend or husband needs a lot more than that. Please don't think that the losers on the sites you've been reading represent the entire male population.

[junebug41]

I agree with Mimi23

Any man worth his boots would realize that a catch is a catch is a catch...

I think people like to say things like that for the purpose of showing off, but that doesn't hold a lot if weight in the real world. I can't imagine there's a vetting process that includes the question of whether or not you were overweight at any point in your life. In fact, I think many people would be impressed by weight loss rather than hung up on it.

Plus, I can personally attest to that not being the case. When I was dating, my weight the previous year or the previous day was unimportant. All they saw before them was a woman they were attracted to. End if story.

[ryeb]

Honestly, I would think that it would be a TURN ON that you used to be "fat", because you committed yourself to being healthy and proved you can follow through with a goal!

I think it is amazing when I hear success stories!!!

[theox]

Who are these people and why do you value their comments so much? From your description, they sound ignorant and judgemental.

The reasons you say these people say they wouldn't date a person who used to be overweight don't seem very strong to me. Fat or formerly fat doesn't automatically mean ugly (and after all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder).

Many people, male and female, eventually regain the weight they lost, but not everyone does. Take a look around, clearly not everyone finds having a fat partner a dealbreaker, either. There are people who've dated and gotten married at 300+ lbs.

If somebody wouldn't date you because you have cellulite, then frankly you're probably lucky to have avoided falling in with a rather shallow person. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then cellulite is only one of the many physical imperfections you and your partner will discover about each other. There's also wrinkles, sagging, age spots, hair graying and migration, tooth loss, skeletal deformation, etc.

Not all fat or formerly fat people have low self-esteem or beg for compliments. Those are not weight issues, they are emotional issues that affect people regardless of weight.

If your body fat percentage falls into the "healthy" category, then you're not fat. You might have distorted thoughts and emotional baggage related to your weight and weight loss, but those are things that you can work on (and that you can work on while you're losing weight).

Not all people are as shallow as the people whose posts you've been reading. You might have to work harder at finding a partner who is comfortable with your past, but they're out there. People with disabilities and serious physical illnesses (including VD), substance abuse problems, mental illness, criminal histories, and very unusual worldviews can find partners. Is being (or having been) overweight a bigger dating handicap than those things?

And does the mere possibility that losing weight might not make it easier for you to find a partner outweigh all of the other potential benefits that can accompany healthy, safe weight loss?