[echristo]

Hello All!

Let me give you a little background info on me. I am 20 years old and I am a full time student with a part time job. I've lost almost 20 pounds in the last 2 years. It has been a long journey. Two years ago I thought that if I could just get to where I am today I would be so happy. Turns out that I am still not happy with my body. It is as if I just can't ever be happy with myself. I think that it is one of the most difficult things to be completely happy.

I've been reading this great book called "When women stop hating their bodies. Overcoming Overeating." It was really helping me for a while but I am slowly regressing back to my old habit. I have come to grips with myself that I am an overeater and that it is an unhealthy habit. Food is like a drug. Some people smoke pot or snort cocainne to slip away from reality. Instead, to deal with my emotions I eat. I eat to the point that I am so stuffed I can barely get off the couch. I get the thought of purging but I've only done that once and it really isnt for me. So I just sit an wallow in my fatness. I dwell on how insane it was for me to eat all that food. Then I feel sad...sad for myself that I felt so bad that I needed to hurt myself to feel better.

Yesterday I was feeling down and somehow I began my binge around 1 in the afternoon with some coffee stuffed oreos. From there on out it was a non-stop what can I put in my mouth contest. I wasnt even eating food I liked, just whatever was around. I was about to post on this site when I got a phone call.

There is a guy in one of my classes at school and I thought he was really cute. He got my number off a class list and called me last night. We talked for over an hour and made a date for tonight. You would think that that would have made me happy. I am sitting here wasting time because I dont even feel like getting in the shower. I don't even want to go out. I feel like crawling into my bed and going to sleep. I just want to cry or scream. I feel like doing something outrageous. Something is definately wrong with me right now and I cant put my finger on it. I am way too emotional. I dont what my problem is. But I think that I am still down from my binge yesterday and I ate badly today too.

I know that I use food to fill a void inside of me. I feel lonely and that is why I want to eat. It's like food keeps me company and I just never want it to leave. I want a boyfriend but i keep telling myself that unless I am at peace and happy with myself I will never be able to give myself to someone else. It is true. I know because I always ruin relationships and it always comes back to me...

I honestly think that a lot of my bad body image comes from our society. Everywhere you go the ideal body is thrown in your face. On tv, in magazines, billboards...they all scream, "Look at her...she's hot...you want to be like her...you want to buy our jeans/shoes/perfume and look just like her...don't you? She's cool, she's happy, she's got a hot man on her arm. She's a sexual goddess...." I feel like I am constantly bombarded with images and thoughts of what I should be like.

The weight I have lost is slowly creeping back up....pound by pound...binge by binge. Summer is coming soon and I wanted to be in a bikini by that time but my self-sabotaging efforts are dragging me further and further from my goal. I feel insane.

I just want to close my eyes and open them and have the entire world be accepting and loving of everyone. Regardless of skin color, race, ethnicity, beauty, weight...everyone seen as beautiful. Wouldn't that be a wonderful place? I can just see the sun shining...I can feel the warmth...I can see the smilies on everyones face. Now that I think of it, beeuty is in the eyes of the beholder. What is stoping me from closing my eyes and opening them to a world seen through rose colored glasses?

Ok...enough of my venting and dreaming. I must get ready for my "date". I have to try and be happy. Thanks for listening.

By the way, I am also quitting smoking and the cravings are coming on real strong right now! I can resist...I can.

[Lobacal]

Echristo,

I just wanted to post and to tell you to hang in there. Learning to eat healthily isn't something that happens all at once. And I know you know that, if you've been at this for 2 years.

The other thing is, that happiness doesn't come from reaching a certain weight, or from obtaining a certain goal. Not long term happiness anyway. Happiness, comes from within. I can relate to you on the "If I can only get to that weight" and then getting there and still feeling like I should lose more. I did that. I lost down to about 125 right out of college. I was 22, I'm 26 now. And honestly, I'm slowly but surely working my way back down to the 125 again.

However...as you and both have seen, happiness doesn't come just from the weight loss.

And as far as the overeating/binging goes..take baby steps that would be my suggestion. Are you depriving youself of anything? Can you get yourself out of the house when you hit a funky mood. I know that some afternoons, especially lately, when I've hit a low, if I go jogging or get myself out exercising my whole perspective on things changes. And the desire to eat fades.

I also so the mindless binging from time to time too. But I think that removing yourself from the situation is key. Say...I'm feeling like I've got to eat _________ so I am going to go for a run. Or promise yourself one of that item later as a special treat.

As far as the relationships go. Hang in there...I'm personally convinced that relationships aren't the key to happiness either. If we are happy, we will be happy in those. If we aren't then we won't. But as I've said I believe the true happiness comes from with in.

Thank you for posting to the site about this. That was a BRAVE thing to do, and took a lot of courage. That's what it's here for...now I just have to manage to get myself on the computer when I need it too.

Hang in there....

Betty

[echristo]

Betty,

Thanks for replying. I was in a real funk on Friday and I just needed to get it all out. This forum is a great place to vent and see that you are not the only one with an "eating problem".
As for the rest of the weekend I did not eat well at all. I have just been eating whatever I wanted. Actually, last night I had 3 doughnuts and then a med. fry from McDonald's. The doughnuts were really good though, I am now officially a Krispy Kreme convert. If you like Cinnabon you should try the Cinnamon Bun Doughnut they make..still fattening but not as bad as the realy McCoy. Anyways, not many people can understand why they have issues with food and it does take a long time to work on it when you do actually figure it out. To top it all off, friends and family just simply do not understand it and think that it is ridiculous. Most feel like it is just a simple "mind over matter" issue where if you just dont think about you wont want to eat but it is not that simple.

The book that I am reading is actually quite helpful in showing me how to figure out what causes the mouth hunger and bingeing and how to work through it. It has been a really great help but I just dont have the time to finish and I am readng about 10 pages a night so I should be done soon.

Anyhow I think that everytime I get the feeling of a binge coming on I am going to log right on to this site and have a vent session. I would encourage anyone to do the same. It may be helpful if we could all see what causes others to binge...we may find that we have similarities and we can most definately learn from out differences.

Thanks again Betty and have a great week!

Eleni

[lacia]

echristo,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I have never been a great advice-giver, but I'd like to tell you that you are not alone in your struggle. I sometimes feel like weight-loss is a hopeless task. Will I ever look like the women in the magazines? Yes I know they are not truly "ideal" but society places so much pressure on us to look like them.

I also end up eating when I'm unhappy... to fill some kind of lonely void I suppose. I have been better this past week and have found that I just need to get out of the house. Out of the kitchen, away from the food. I also have learned that I don't think I have much self-control. I can't have "just one" Oreo, donut, piece of chocolate, etc. If I have one, I end up thinking about how good it tastes and I end up going back for more - LOTS more. So I have found it helpful to avoid anything that I crave.

I think it's a good idea to post if you can before binging. Perhaps writing in a journal might also help. Who knows - maybe we can talk ourselves out of it!

By the way, I love your signature - I'll have to remember that one from now on.

[echristo]

Lacia,

Thanks...I actually borrowed that quote from another 3FC member. It is just very hard to remember it when you are in the heat of eating something that really does taste so good!

I agree with you that it is really hard to say ok Eleni...just one cookie/chocolate/slice. But I also found that it is even harder to say...+not even one etc. You know what I mean. I am thinking about starting a daily thread where we can post how out day went, what we ate, didnt' eat, what excersice and whatever else we need to share. Come to think of it I am going to do that now. I hope you come visit and share!

Thanks,

Eleni

[tummyflab]

minutes on the lips ..... months on the hips

[jenne1017]

Enchristo--

I too just quit smoking. Well, it's been over 9 months. I had that whole "as long as it's not a cigarette in my mouth" pound gainage thing going on. If you like forums, try www.quitnet.net I am jenne1017 on there too...

Finally, on Feb 5th of this year, I said "ENOUGH!" I signed up at www.calorieking.com and they gave me a food menu to work with. Basically watching calories and learning what a portion really is. I printed it out and used all the will I had to stick with it. And I did for 2 weeks. I learned a lot and can now make my own menu.

I am now 21 [?] pounds lighter and eating much better. I started excersising last week and do feel good.

What I want to say is that you CAN do it! And we are here if you need us!

-Jenn

[echristo]

Monique,

This is a great book and the authors have written others too! It's called "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies. Freeing Yourself from Food and Weight Obsession." and it is written by Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter. If you decide to read it let me know. I would love to discuss some of the techniques they use!

Eleni