he lies to you

there is no reason to read the rest of the list.

You seem pretty sure that you want to break up with him. So, why drag out the inevitable? Just tell him you need to talk and then sit down and explain to him that you're not satisfied in the relationship for a number of reasons and think it would be best to break up. And, then explain to him what those things are, but don't do it in a combative and attack-style kind of way. Just let him know what the reasons are -- gently. Let him know that you care about him and are pretty sure that he will find someone else with whom he is more compatible. Honesty is a good thing and there's no point in remaining attached if you don't want to be. You could be dating someone you adore. He could be dating someone who adores him. Just be kind and gentle, and be honest.

I'm not your age anymore but I was when I was with my ex, and your guy sounds a lot like him. Let me just list off a few things about him:

• He'd constantly lie about little things. Never could tell if he was telling the truth even when it was over something important.
  
• When in college, he'd cut class often, and if he happened to skip on a day I got home from work early, he'd get all flustered and pretend that class was cancelled. Then he wondered why he flunked out.
  
• He had no direction, just a vague, unattainable dream job that he doesn't have the drive nor talent for. He became extremely angry that I expected him to hold down a job as he felt he shouldn't have to work a "regular" job like most people.
  
• He put down his own family members for not being rich and successful like he someday planned on being (I haven't seen him for several years but he's currently in his 30's, lives with his parents, and works for minimum wage at a big box store).
  
• He promised to marry me, but that dried up with a lot of other promises he didn't intend to keep. Although I guess his reservations over it saved me a lot of legal issues when we broke it off (even though I might have gotten the several grand he still owes me).
  
• I paid for nearly everything, including the rent and bills (we lived together). He expected me to be happy for him when he quit his job because it wasn't that dream job he's pined for all his life. And if I refused to pay for something frivolous that he wanted, he'd just call his mom and pretend that he needed gas money for work and bam! She'd stuff his ATM account with free money.
  
• He constantly sabotaged my weight-loss efforts to the point I gained 100 pounds! Can't blame him entirely for it of course, but besides money issues our main arguments were over what to eat. He'd throw tantrums if I didn't eat the same things as him (and he was a big guy with an even bigger appetite for all things greasy), and on top of becoming severely depressed I just didn't have the energy to fight anymore. When I finally decided I needed to stand up for myself and turn things around, I started losing a substantial amount of weight. And then he'd claim he wasn't attracted to me and actually complained that I wasn't taking care of myself anymore!
  
• He held a vicious grudge against me for not caving into his desire for a threesome (so not my style). Several times he tried to talk me into starring in porn for easy money (which was completely stupid and irrational from all angles). I eventually found out one of the real reasons he left the last job he'd had while we were together was because he'd gotten caught browsing porn sites on his work PC and was even calling sex hotlines from his work phone!
  
• Everything was my fault. Everything. His tire went flat? It was because I didn't check it. We were out of soda? I must have been sneaking them when he wasn't looking. The power got shut off? It was because I wasn't opening up his mail to take care of the bill set up in his name. He overdrafted his account yet again? It wouldn't have happened if I'd have lent him money earlier in the week so he wouldn't have been forced to spend his.
  
• He had to have the last word on everything. He'd stir up arguments from previous years hoping to prove me wrong so he could feel like he was the better person.

I stayed with him for five years. Why? Low self-esteem. I didn't think I could do better or deserved better. Both of my parents had passed on at that point and I felt I had absolutely no one in the world to turn to and was so scared of being alone. It took me years to find the strength to leave him.

Maybe your guy isn't as bad, I don't know . . . but any guy that lies over little things is trouble to begin with, and he shows signs that he's manipulative and is taking advantage of you. As a liar, you never know what's on his mind or what he's trying to hide. He doesn't sound like he's ready to take on adult responsibilities, and there's nothing you can do to make that change.

Screw his immature @ss, I'd say get out now.

he's an emotional leech.

bin 'im.

From the way you worded your post I can see that you have already made up your mind. He's not "the one" for you. There are too many things that you have listed that seem like they are listed because they are deal breakers. It's scary to be alone if you guys have been together for a long time but know that if he's not helping you he's hurting you.

Breaking up with him is hard, but it really sounds like it needs to happen. Don't settle for him! You deserve someone who treats you better. And like some other people have said, it really sounds like you've already made up your mind about this. You could bring these things up to him and say you're not sure if things are working out and you'd like to give it a couple of weeks to work on it, but honestly, these don't sound like things that he is going to change. This just sounds like a situation you should get out of.

Honey, the fact you can list out all those flaws and ones you hate at that, you know already that things aren't working. If you're not comfortable with him sexually (i.e. you don't find him attractive, don't like the sex as far as I'm aware?) and you disagree with his personality traits that make up who he is, then end it.

I'm not trying to say that people should love everything about their partner, but put it this way - for every 1 flaw I can think of about my boyfriend I can think of 3 things I love about him. And honestly, the problems you have with your boyfriend are huge problems that would really affect me and would make me want to end a relationship too. I don't deal well with manipulative people and your boyfriend seems like one of them.

You can most definitely end it out of no where. You clearly don't love him any more - it's unfair on you and him to drag it out any longer.

I'd just get it over with. There IS no perfect break up time.

Your reasons are valid reasons, and in 3 years if he still needs you to POINT IT OUT to him? He's not planning on changing things because he's getting his perks. You pay for everything, he doesn't have to think too hard about future, he doesn't have to think too much about your needs and RELATING to you when it is easier to pedestal you (ie: keep you at arms distance behind a veneer of worship but it is still keeping you at arms distance), he gets sex, etc.

But you aren't getting your perks out of being together. You sound like you want a partner, not a cling-on. These problems are not "diffuse" -- it's clear incompatibility.

IME, breaking up fast, clean, and firm is the way to go. Don't get sentimental about the 3 yr anniv or get sucked into sweetie pie-honey bunch promises so you stay and just prolong your unhappiness with him. That would be great for him but not so great for you. YKWIM?

Just get it over with.

Then you can work on grieving, healing, and your own needs and opening up to later future happiness.

A.