Downward spiral, please help. (Triggers)
I've been eating (somewhat) healthy/working out for awhile. For whatever reason, my weight just seemed to climb. Maybe it's because food at home is tasty (mother's a great cook) and it's tempting to say no to a Culver's burger, even if it is every other day. I'm 5'8'' and was about 165 pounds two weeks ago.
For a week I've been on a downward spiral. I guess there were two triggers. The first was a ballet class. I have a nice figure and don't have a belly, but was one of the biggest ones there, particularly in the hips, even though I was one of the most advanced. (Hourglasses don't look all that great in ballet gear.) It really hurt my confidence. The second was when I was in the Uni bookstore. I was looking at a psychology book (I'm Bipolar and love to read about it) and looked at a BMI chart. In that particular chart, I was in the overweight section.
So I just stopped eating. For the first few days it was okay. I replaced two meals a day with salads with veggies and had dressing and cheese on it. Diet coke only. I'd still burn about 600 calories on the elliptical while studying. However after those days I started skipping meals entirely and eating a salad for breakfast and perhaps a salad for dinner without dressing. At the most 800 calories, and that's pretty generous considering they were bloodly salads. At this point I was burning 600-1,200 calories a day. The past three days have been worse. I deprive myself of food and work out at the 1,200 calorie level. (Except last night, when I seriously pigged out: a chicken leg, slice of pizza, half a burger, some fruit cocktail AND a banana.)
I felt so guilty about last night that I had three mini recees cups (stupid, I know) and went and walked eleven miles. Really, I walked eleven miles. Then I went home and had one slice of pizza. Now I feel so guilty about the slice of pizza. I feel like I need to go work out more and study.
I'm probably having a negative caloric intake of about 3,500 calories a day. I have no idea how much weight I've lost because I'm afraid of the scales, but it's more than I've lost in months, I can tell that.
I know I'm crazy, but has anyone dealt with this before? I'm seeing a psychiatrist for my bipolar, and I could mention this to her, but I'm afraid of her sending me to a mental hospital. I don't what's going on with my head.
Last edited by Littlefox; 09-05-2011 at 07:00 PM.
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