So this is for anyone really. I could use a lot of opinions. I apologize if this thread is long! I'm just really stuck on something now.
Okay so to start at the beginning growing up weight wise I was always healthy. I even in grade four did soccer and loved it until an accident happened and since then I've been afraid of "flying balls." At least by my senior yr I started gaining weight. It really surprised me because I was active in my school's band and during the marching season we actually marched a good four song show (each song was anywhere from 2-5 min's). We had long practices, did football games, competitions, parades. So I was getting exercise. Now I'm where I am and am more healthy (for the rest of the story on that see my intro post).
When I was in grade four my father got a job opportunity with a company (he's a civil engineer) and he took it, so we had to move from one county to the one we're at now. It would have been way too much travel if we stayed where we were. Even now he's a good 30 min's or so away from work (depending on traffic etc). Of course that meant changing schools. In grade five all the fifth grade classes did the talent show. It was of course really corny but it was school participation and I think everyone had fun. My family and I stayed to see the rest of the show and I wanted to record it too. During this time is when I first saw him. He was this "backup dancer" for a friend who was doing some rap song. It was really cute for being in fifth grade. I just had this strong feeling for this person and I've never seen him before even though we were in the same grade he was in a different class.
In grade six there was this summer band camp type program my school had. Where you learned your instrument and did things like that and there would also be activities sometimes. Once we went to the movies and my mother volunteered to drive since we had a van. That's when I saw him again. He rode with us and another guy (who's a friend today still). We went through school together til senior yr. Eventually we became more friends. We weren't ever tight friends or anything but then again I was only tight friends with a few people in high school since I was shy back then.
After high school we lost touch of course. He went out of state. About a yr or so ago I finally decided to join Facebook and we reconnected. Right now he lives in Dallas and travels a lot for his job. He does public relations for someone. He came back to this area earlier this yr or late last yr but he went to a town two hrs or so away because that's where his parents live now. Sadly he only comes back to this area at least two times a year.
I don't know why, but this person he keeps popping back into my life. When other people are gone he's there. Because of his job we don't get to talk too often. I like to pride myself on being honest with people. I know what it feels like to have people lie to you whether it's a "good" lie or not they're still lying. I've been keeping these feelings all these years. They've never gone away even during that time he was totally out of my life.
I am a Christian and do believe in God and I do believe God brings people into our lives for a reason. For some reason this person keeps coming back into my life. I've been wanting to confess to him, but I also am weary to because of my weight. I have changed a lot since I first began on my journey look wise. He's not a shallow man and never has been. I remember during high school days everyone always liked him and watching him he always treated everyone with respect and with kindness.
I guess I worry with my looks and also the distance and his job with him traveling so much. I also have my own plans with my career goals. I want to work at the fed level and one place I've been more interested in lately is the U.S. Marshals and I want to chase fugitives. I've been thinking about this too with confessing. With that job it will be dangerous and chances of being shot and all that. Maybe making enemies and putting people in my life in danger. For some reason though this person is still in my life today when other people seem to go he always comes back.
I'm not very good with this stuff and have only confessed to people two times before. The first time the person was into someone else. We're still friends though. The second person I confessed to earlier this month and he said he would respond to what I said, but he hasn't yet. So I don't have too good experience with this stuff. And then add on I still have a good bit of weight I want to lose.
So I guess I would love some advice. Should I now or wait til I'm more confident? Only thing I'm not confident with is my looks. Even though he's not shallow it's a me thing. He has had one girlfriend before and I'm friends with her. She's a pretty woman and very kind. They stopped dating when he was away at college. I don't think anyone serious is in his life right now. With his job he is around pretty women all the time and I know I'm not as pretty as them with my weight, so that is something else I think about too. So yeah I would just like some advice. I hope this is the right place for this and I really apologize if not, but since this is the 20something thread I'd like advice from people in my age group.... I understand though if the mods choose to move it. No big deal to me.
Last edited by LittlePinky82; 09-15-2010 at 03:45 PM.
instead of confessing, I would just start off slow by maybe hanging out with him a little more, and making sure that you look really cute when you do (since guys are very visual). from there, you might be able to tell if someone more is developing, and it is my experience that things grow naturally from there...
instead of confessing, I would just start off slow by maybe hanging out with him a little more, and making sure that you look really cute when you do (since guys are very visual). from there, you might be able to tell if someone more is developing, and it is my experience that things grow naturally from there...
Well that's kinda hard with the distance... I'm in TN and he's in TX and he travels a lot especially this time of the yr.
This may not be what you 'want' to hear, but it really doesn't sound realistic that things are going to work out right now for you, especially with the current situation that you are living and what you want for a job. However, realize that there are thousands of police men and women who are also in dangerous situations every day and they have families and loving spouses too...same with people who have loved ones in the military..if its what you want to do you should go for it, but don't let it drive away the aspect of a family someday. It's totally possible. I don't have any advice as far as making it known to him that you like him..I don't have much experience there either! My first boy friend found out I liked him from a rumor my "friend" started, and my second boyfriend asked me out after years of being friends at school..it didn't work out, but, it cut the tension and allowed us to be around with each other without wondering all the time. I do think you should say something. If he is truly not a shallow man he will accept you as you are. If he is honest he will not lead you on nor shoot you down with some rude comment. If he says 'okay' or wants to go out then wonderful.. if he says 'sorry' or whatever else..'lets stay friends' etc..at least you will know his feelings. And if he tells you something really rude and mean then he probably isn't the man you are looking for. Again though, it sounds like your life is pretty complicated right now.. it really sounds like you should find your footing for certain before you make a move.
I agree with Phoenix that it doesn't sound realistic right now. I'm not sure what confessing your feelings would do. Would you want a long distance relationship? Or is this more of a "getting it off my chest" kind of deal? You mention yourself that hanging out with him isn't going to happen with the distance. Perhaps just focus on you right now. Remain friends through whatever medium you maintain your relationship, and if he (physically, I guess) comes back into your life again, perhaps "confess" then.
Side note: Like I said earlier, I'm not sure if you are looking at a long distance relationship or whatever, but here's my two cents on that: don't do it. Obviously, it works for some. But in my personal experience, it's so draining. I was in a long distance relationship and my family and friends didn't even want to be around me anymore because I was so upset that we were 3000 miles apart. I was depressed. And hurt. And any other negative feeling you could feel. I vowed never to be in one again. So yeah, I know you didn't ask for advice on that, but just thought I'd throw that in there.
This is pretty much the opposite of what other people have posted..but...
It seems like your feelings for him run kind of deep... and they have for awhile. I would hate for you to wonder what might have been. My boyfriend and I were long distance for the first 3 years of our relationship. We communicated online a lot.. and lots of phone calls. It was hard, there were times when I wasn't sure if we would make it. We have now been together going on 9 years, we have our own place and hope to get married when the finances will allow it.
I think it's worth a try. If he turns you down then hopefully you can remain friends. If he's a jerk, then you learned and at least you won't always wonder.
Don't come on strong. Don't tell him your undying love for him since the fourth grade. Just casually let him know that you have had a crush on him for awhile and see where it takes you.
This is all my opinion of course. What do you have to lose?
This could be the man of your dreams and you could be the woman of his. If that's the case you guys will find a way to close the distance and make things work.
This may not be what you 'want' to hear, but it really doesn't sound realistic that things are going to work out right now for you, especially with the current situation that you are living and what you want for a job. However, realize that there are thousands of police men and women who are also in dangerous situations every day and they have families and loving spouses too...same with people who have loved ones in the military..if its what you want to do you should go for it, but don't let it drive away the aspect of a family someday. It's totally possible. I don't have any advice as far as making it known to him that you like him..I don't have much experience there either! My first boy friend found out I liked him from a rumor my "friend" started, and my second boyfriend asked me out after years of being friends at school..it didn't work out, but, it cut the tension and allowed us to be around with each other without wondering all the time. I do think you should say something. If he is truly not a shallow man he will accept you as you are. If he is honest he will not lead you on nor shoot you down with some rude comment. If he says 'okay' or wants to go out then wonderful.. if he says 'sorry' or whatever else..'lets stay friends' etc..at least you will know his feelings. And if he tells you something really rude and mean then he probably isn't the man you are looking for. Again though, it sounds like your life is pretty complicated right now.. it really sounds like you should find your footing for certain before you make a move.
Well if the fugitive thing doesn't work out I hope to do undercover work. You will have fake names and fake lives. It could catch up to you. Since I haven't yet had any field experience (still getting the associates almost done with this term hopefully) so that's why I have worries of all that. Divorce rate is very high in the police community a lone. If I do get with the Marshals I eventually want to do Air work after doing fugitive for a couple of yrs.
As for the feelings and all I dunno why but lately it seems like keeping the secret is eating me up. It hasn't really bothered me for years. I've liked boys all the time when I was going through school and never said anything. I very rarely told a friend when I liked a guy (trust issues from past bad experiences). Right now I'm mostly focused on my physical goals and getting finished with my associates at least. I'm still trying to decide if I should go a head and get my bachelor's. So I have a lot on my mind right now instead of just thinking about other things, but lately I've been feeling terribly guilty about keeping it a secret. I'm basically lying and I'm the type of person who is pretty honest. I guess I dunno why it's bothering me now. We haven't been talking too much lately because he's been traveling a lot with his job so shrug.
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I agree with Phoenix that it doesn't sound realistic right now. I'm not sure what confessing your feelings would do. Would you want a long distance relationship? Or is this more of a "getting it off my chest" kind of deal? You mention yourself that hanging out with him isn't going to happen with the distance. Perhaps just focus on you right now. Remain friends through whatever medium you maintain your relationship, and if he (physically, I guess) comes back into your life again, perhaps "confess" then.
I guess with the question's both. I have a friend who is now happily married to a guy. Their whole relationship was long distance. He lived in NJ and she here in TN. I'm not sure how they met or anything (always felt rude to ask I guess) but now they're married and expecting their first kid. My parents had a sorta long distance relationship. It was in the same state though. My father was going to college in one town and my mother lived in another. He would visit on weekends and stuff. And obviously things worked out since I'm typing this heh heh. And now days technology and everything we have now days. But I guess, as I mentioned above, for some reason lately the whole "keeping the feelings a secret" has been eating me up. He has worked for other people before, including in Europe, so it's possible he could change bosses, but probably not since he's been living in TX now for a couple of yrs.
I guess I'm also trying to understand why this is eating me up now. I haven't had any dreams with him in it for a good yr at least. We talk sometimes and now classes have started up I'm busy with that and my physical goals. So I have plenty to keep my mind occupied other wise.
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This is pretty much the opposite of what other people have posted..but...
It seems like your feelings for him run kind of deep... and they have for awhile. I would hate for you to wonder what might have been. My boyfriend and I were long distance for the first 3 years of our relationship. We communicated online a lot.. and lots of phone calls. It was hard, there were times when I wasn't sure if we would make it. We have now been together going on 9 years, we have our own place and hope to get married when the finances will allow it.
Well I've had the feelings since I first saw the person in grade five which I'm guessing was 1993 maybe 1994? I can't remember. I graduated in 2001 if that's any help. I don't believe in "love at first sight" honestly, but that's what it felt like it was. One thing that's interesting with me is crushes and all that come and go. When I was in kindergarten I liked this boy until the middle of grade four when my family and I moved. I forgot about him. I do remember his name and everything, but feelings wise they went away. This person they never have. I dunno if that means anything or not.
Other guys I've had feelings for when I was growing up haven't come back around. Only this person. I'm glad to hear that things worked out for you all. I'm sure it's tough. But one good thing though is he has his job to keep him busy and I'll soon be finished with college and hopefully going through training and all that.
I'm also not exactly sure what to say. Should I just totally spill my guts? Just be 100% honest? The whole thing eating me up is not being honest. I know not to say the big "l" word. I'm not even sure if that's what it is. I just know I have all these feelings for many yrs now. Well over a decade. I know he's around pretty women all the time and could easily hook up with one of them.
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I think it's worth a try. If he turns you down then hopefully you can remain friends. If he's a jerk, then you learned and at least you won't always wonder.
Don't come on strong. Don't tell him your undying love for him since the fourth grade. Just casually let him know that you have had a crush on him for awhile and see where it takes you.
This is all my opinion of course. What do you have to lose?
This could be the man of your dreams and you could be the woman of his. If that's the case you guys will find a way to close the distance and make things work.
I'm technically not sure what these feelings are. I know they're positive and have been around since grade five. What's been eating me up is the honesty thing. I've never had this before so I dunno why now.
I will keep this short I let a guy I had a crush on know I liked him and he lived in the US while I had moved to India with my family...we had never met but had mutual friends. We are now married and have been together happily for 6 years. It wasn't easy but I love this man.
I will keep this short I let a guy I had a crush on know I liked him and he lived in the US while I had moved to India with my family...we had never met but had mutual friends. We are now married and have been together happily for 6 years. It wasn't easy but I love this man.
Well that's a story to tell. Thanks everyone for the advice. Sometimes I want to just spill my guts, but other times I keep saying to wait. Just another twenty pounds at least. Get at least under 200 and then maybe I will be even more confident to say something.
do you keep in touch with him often?
like, everyday or every other day?
And you haven't mentioned that did you get to meet him in real life after re-connect through facebook? I mean, you guys had lost contact for like almost 10 years .... And I don't know how close you guys are with each other now so it's hard to predict or advice something.
I think the question here is does he actually seem interest in you? Do you see any signs that can show it? (interest as in love relationship)
If not, focus on yourself. And work on your relationship with him more.
But if you just want to get it off your chest, go ahead and confess.
Good luck.
You never know what today will bring. Or tomorrow. It is my general rule of thumb to live each day as if it were my last. Should today bring heart ache and struggle that is ok! That too is a human experience just like happiness and love. Each journey is our own to have. Every second brings something new. We live so much of our lives protecting ourselves from feeling "bad." That is part of life. The sooner we accept it the easier it is to move on from it. I would say don't wait another minute thinking about it. Just do it. Don't live another second wondering. If he wants to pursue something with you, than great! If he doesn't you are then free to move forward instead of being stuck in limbo land. Either one is better than being inbetween and not moving forward. There is someone out there for you...this guy or someone else. Get out of limbo land and find this person. Be strong and go for it!
I saw a guy from across the quad at my junior high, and I asked a friend who he was. She said to me, 'oh that's Rob Summer, he's a hottie isn't he?' I never forgot the name, never forgot the face... it was love at first sight. throughout high school, we were better acquainted and the crush remained, but I never did anything about it. A few years after we graduated, he popped back up randomly, along with that same love at first sight feeling. I said hi, and I saw the same feeling in his eyes, and we've been together ever since. It's going on 6 years, and we're planning a wedding. So, i definitely believe in love at first sight, i've felt it twice for the same guy!
OMG if my 14yr old self could only have known that I'd be marrying ROB SUMMER! haha
But, of course, we actually met face-to-face and knew who each other were. If you feel confident that your confession won't blindside him, DO IT!
do you keep in touch with him often?
like, everyday or every other day?
And you haven't mentioned that did you get to meet him in real life after re-connect through facebook? I mean, you guys had lost contact for like almost 10 years .... And I don't know how close you guys are with each other now so it's hard to predict or advice something.
I think the question here is does he actually seem interest in you? Do you see any signs that can show it? (interest as in love relationship)
If not, focus on yourself. And work on your relationship with him more.
But if you just want to get it off your chest, go ahead and confess.
Good luck.
Often enough. I know he's super busy this time of the yr with his job and traveling and stuff, so I try not to bother him too much. He always responds whenever I do message him. Whenever I've been on at the same time as him he's not on for very long. If I do a post and an Email he'll only respond to one thing. I'm sure he has other people to keep in touch with too and all. We talked about meeting up when he came here last to the town where his parents live, but it would have been too out of the way. The town is 2-3 hrs south of where I live. He only makes it out here at least two times a year if that much. I guess it's okay to say what he does job related wise. Maybe it will help with understanding everything. He does public relations (assistant) for the Dallas Cowboys. He's always traveling this time of the yr and during the summer. During last month he was gone a whole month. I could be wrong, but I don't think he logged on any during that month.
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You never know what today will bring. Or tomorrow. It is my general rule of thumb to live each day as if it were my last. Should today bring heart ache and struggle that is ok! That too is a human experience just like happiness and love. Each journey is our own to have. Every second brings something new. We live so much of our lives protecting ourselves from feeling "bad." That is part of life. The sooner we accept it the easier it is to move on from it. I would say don't wait another minute thinking about it. Just do it. Don't live another second wondering. If he wants to pursue something with you, than great! If he doesn't you are then free to move forward instead of being stuck in limbo land. Either one is better than being inbetween and not moving forward. There is someone out there for you...this guy or someone else. Get out of limbo land and find this person. Be strong and go for it!
I really admire you for that and I wish I could be more like that. Too often I let my fears keep me back whether with things like this, physical goals etc.
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I saw a guy from across the quad at my junior high, and I asked a friend who he was. She said to me, 'oh that's Rob Summer, he's a hottie isn't he?' I never forgot the name, never forgot the face... it was love at first sight. throughout high school, we were better acquainted and the crush remained, but I never did anything about it. A few years after we graduated, he popped back up randomly, along with that same love at first sight feeling. I said hi, and I saw the same feeling in his eyes, and we've been together ever since. It's going on 6 years, and we're planning a wedding. So, i definitely believe in love at first sight, i've felt it twice for the same guy!
OMG if my 14yr old self could only have known that I'd be marrying ROB SUMMER! haha
But, of course, we actually met face-to-face and knew who each other were. If you feel confident that your confession won't blindside him, DO IT!
I always like happy endings. Too bad you couldn't tell your fourteen yr old self. But yeah with the guy I so wasn't ever expecting him to keep popping back up like he has. He's the only person who I ever had any crushes on who has. Shrug.
I was thinking maybe since I'm still too weary (mostly me stuff) I can work hard on losing these last twenty pounds I want to and then once I do this can be my reward. I dunno. Thanks everyone for the advice. You all have given me a good bit to think about.
Could use some advice
I hope this is the right place for this and I really apologize if not, but since this is the 20something thread I'd like advice from people in my age group.... I understand though if the mods choose to move it. No big deal to me. 
What's been eating me up is the honesty thing. I've never had this before so I dunno why now.
