I'm still a fat chick at heart...wish it wasn't always an uphill battle
This is kind of a whiney thread. I know the whole concept of a "food addict" is sort of up in the air. It's debated whether or not somebody can truly be addicted to food or if they just have especially low self control. I don't care what it's called, I have been around substance addiction enough to see enough parallels. I consider myself a recovering food addict, of sorts. And I always will be. I truly do not think that even after 10 years of eating clean would my desire for mass quantities of bad foods ever go away. I have made the decision that I like being thin MORE than I like eating bad food, and this is a good healthy decision that I'm happy with. But it doesn't change the fact that I have a horrible and constant desire to just go nuts and just eat. I think it's going to be an uphill battle fighting that desire for the rest of my life.
I know some people say they would never eat the things they used to eat or could never eat the quantities that they used to eat. They've lost the desire for sweets or fast food. Maybe that's true, and props to them if it is. If I said those things, I'd just be lying to myself.
I could still eat a whole large pizza. I still want to.
I still want to eat the greasiest sloppiest burger from McDonalds.
I still want to make a batch of cookies or a whole box of cake and eat half tonight and the rest in the morning.
I still want to go to a Chinese buffet and eat until I absolutely can't anymore.
I have not lost my desire for huge portions, I'm still not satisfied by moderate "healthy" portions no matter what ratio of complex carbs, healthy fats, bulky fiber and lean protein I use.
I still want salt, still want grease, still want sugar.
If, in a magic parallel universe, a person could eat whatever they wanted and never gain weight, you can bet your damn bottom dollar that I'd never eat a salad and grilled chicken breast again.
So yes, play the tiny violin and I'll take some fat free cheese with my whine. I wish a day would come when I didn't desire bad foods. Simple cost/benefit analysis tells me that I'm happier without those foods as a thin person than eating those foods as a fat person....so I will stay a happy thin person eating healthy foods. But it doesn't change the fact that I still desire crap, lol.
I think we all can relate to this. I know that if I eat healthy for a week, then cave in and have a huge ice cream, nasty pizza, or anything from your list, I will feel like crap. But knowing that does not change the fact that I will do it from time to time. At least you recognize that you would rather be thin than eat the yummy stuff this world has to offer. Sometimes it's difficult to practice, but you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Congratulations on your weight loss and your engagement. I think we are all still waiting to see your wedding dress pictures in the smaller size! How is the maintaining going for you?
I know what you mean; sometimes I'm just craving the nastiest fried food or a big chocolate cake or something, and I can still eat like that... but... my stomach can no longer handle the large portions nor the grease/sugar and so when I do eat like that it's like payback time and I feel incredibly sick. The horrible nauseous feeling that I know will happen is usually what keeps me at bay.
Everlasting, that is true. I have definitely caved a few times and eaten like I used to eat. Fridays are my free days and I don't count calories (never slowed my losing or hindered my maintaining), but I usually don't go nuts. Every once in awhile I do, and I regret it afterwards. Last week I had Olive Garden salad w/ dressing, soup, a couple breadsticks, and about 3/4 of my ravioli meal. Waaaay overeating relative to what I eat day to day, but in reality, that's generally what "normal" people always eat at Olive Garden. That would have been a very normal meal for me back in the day. But afterwards, man, I felt like I had food up to my throat and I felt sick.
And ade903, thanks so much for the congrats I'm thrilled about both. I really should have ordered my dress in a 4 instead of a 6, but the alterations people have assured me that it will work out fine, haha. I'll get pictures up when it's all fitted for sure. And maintenance has been going well...I am actually still sloooowly losing each week, so I'm going to bump up my calories a wee bit.
I went to a pizza place with my boyfriend last night. I ordered a salad while he ordered a delicious looking pizza and cheesy bread sticks. I seriously wanted to kick my feet and cry like a little girl. I looked over at the table next to me and saw a beautiful, thin girl enjoying a slice of pizza without an ounce of guilt on her face and i literally wanted to punch her in her face.
But, I sat there, I ate my salad and I accepted the fact that enjoying a few slices of pizza just isn't something I can do. I don't know how to eat in moderation (which I'm sure is something this girl learned from an early age) and it's something I am slowly learning. (did well for about a year and had a brief "relapse") I think it is very much an addiction. I don't have a doubt in my mind.
and saw a beautiful, thin girl enjoying a slice of pizza without an ounce of guilt on her face and i literally wanted to punch her in her face.
that was soooo funny. it sounds like something I would say!
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkendrick
I know some people say they would never eat the things they used to eat or could never eat the quantities that they used to eat. They've lost the desire for sweets or fast food. Maybe that's true, and props to them if it is. If I said those things, I'd just be lying to myself.
I feel the same. I recently wrote a blog post exactly about that. Junk food tastes good! That's why it's a big seller and so tempting - they make it that way!
I'm with you, and Casey. There are certain things that just do not appeal to me anymore but there are plenty of "bad" foods that I still want just as much as I ever did. I don't let myself have them much, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't love to pig out. Pizza is a big one for me. All pizza seems WAY too greasy for me anymore but I often long to blot like crazy with a napkin and then go to town. My stomach would hate me because it's still too heavy/greasy for it, and I would be mad at myself when my scale showed a gain, so I don't eat it, but I really, really want it sometimes. I also don't miss carbs so much anymore now that I don't eat tons of them, but every once in awhile I really want a big bowl of cheesy pasta with a creamy sauce of some sort. Beyond that, sometimes I wish I could just eat "normally" without counting calories or watching carbs, just eating what I want and when I felt like it, without even getting into eating too much or whatever...I can't do that either, I have to be careful because it's a slippery slope. Some foods will always be off limits, I'll always have to watch what I put in my mouth. And I'm certain I'll also always be a fat girl at heart But I know I'll be happier when I'm a fat girl at heart in a thinner, healthier body.
Great thread! A lot of the time I wish I didn't have this unhealthy relationship with food. I wish I knew what triggered this sick relationship. I'm still working on it and I still feel proud when I'm able to resist something bad but yet so good. I made a deal with myself, that I would have pizza once a month and a burger once a month. Otherwise, I make my own food and ensure that I'm making healthy smart choices. When I do get to eat those two things, I eat them slow and I enjoy them. Of course I get full fast but at least I feel like I'm splurging.
I wonder how "always skinnies" control their cravings and are able to have that healthy balance with bad food. Can I borrow one of their brains? And I'm still waiting to feel this "eat until satisfied" feeling. What is that foreign emotion? Because I go from starving to stuffed in five mins! lol
I believe that people can have food addiction...I have thought every one of the things in the first post and acted on most of them!
I have also worked extensively with heroin addicts and I have far more in common with them that I want to admit.
Too me these are the two biggest difference between food addiction and drug addiction:
Positive difference:
Food is legal so unlike a drug addict a food addict will never have to risk going to prison due to their addiction. Food addicts do not need to resort to crime to get our "fix". We do not (usually) lose our jobs or have our children taken from us due to our addictive behavior either.
Negative difference:
Though it is not easy a stop doing drugs, a person can STOP forever and NEVER have to use drugs again...No matter how good I do on a diet or how much weight I loose FOOD will always be part of my life because I will ALWAYS have to eat in order to stay alive.
For me this is the real struggle. Not the loosing weight or the short period that I can maintain my obsession with "no food" and so maintain my lower weight...it's all the rest of the time that I will have to "settle" for one cookie or one scoop of ice cream and especailly the hundreds of times I will have to drive past fast food instead of into the drive thru!
Personally I think it is better to call my "issues" with food an addiction and treat it accordingly!
Naturally thin people just.. stop eating when they start getting full. I dunno, I LIKE feeling full, stuffed even, to me that's a good feeling. I like to eat until I can't eat anymore. I don't mind the belly ache that accompanies too much chocolate. That's my "I've had enough" signal. But to them it's UNcomfortable. They don't like it, so when they're satisfied, they stop. They know the food won't grow a pair of legs and walk off. Somehow my brain doesn't seem to get that.
I also wish I didn't crave all the crap I crave. I can literally eat a metric ****ton of baked goods, it's quite sad, I've never seen someone put away a pan of brownies like yours truly. And I hate it, I wish those smaller portions I have would satisfy me. I'm like you Megan, when I stop eating I always feel like I stopped eating too soon. I want more and I have to restrain myself. It sucks, but I also prefer being thin(ner) over having that food. I feel an infinite amount better when I just live with the smaller portions than when I let myself indulge and release my inner fatty. I think it will become easier with time, just like anything.
I have a bad gallbladder and it stops me right in my track from eating anything greasy or salty, or anything good.
and I found myself not really wanting those foods. although if I do indulge in something, I find myself not stopping, like I'll continue to eat even when I'm full.
I am not saying I disagree with the comments you've made MKendrick. And I do not think it is a whiny thread.
My question to you is, what mental/emotional work have you done to understand where this feeling is coming from? Are you seeing a counsellor or therapist? It seems like doing the work behind just eating the right types of might help.
I always had hope hearing people say after losing weight that they don't crave the bad food anymore, and they learned to be satisfied with just one piece of cake, or bite of cookie.
I don't foresee that ever being me, and I'm coming to terms with it.
I will always have a sweet tooth that will have to keep at bay by avoiding the foods, because I'm not satisfied with just one bite, I want it all!
I Highly recommend "The End of Overeating" by David Kessler. This book explains scientifically why food is addicting and why otherwise rational human beings are driven crazy by it. The book is not a diet book, more of a scientific analysis of the problem.
you will be amazed by the brain scan studies cited and how wrong conventional understanding of food addiction is. I promise this book will answer your questions and alleviate your guilt.
Also
"The Thin Commandments" by Stephen Gullo. There is alot of overlap between the two books. This one is written by a psychologist, is easier to read and is similar to a diet book. Except the underlying message is there are no bad foods only bad food histories. Consider your history with a food before you eat it. ie I can never eat one slice of pizza therefore I do not eat pizza. I can eat just I dark chocolate truffle, therefore I can eat the truffle.
I feel the exact same way. I still crave all those types of food all the time its just giving into the temptation I guess. For the past month I have been off plan and eating junk food and lots of unhealthy things. I was at the point where I just didn't care what I ate because I was stressed out about a lot of things. I noticed that eating that kind of food always made me sick and I never felt very well or had any energy to do anything. Recently I just went back to eating healthy again and working out and i feel so much better and haven't been getting sick at all. So I guess its kind of a trade off. But even when I was eating healthy all the time I would treat myself to some kinda junk food once or twice a month so I didn't go crazy and feel like I was depriving myself. I think that made it a lot easier to stay on plan.
I'm still a fat chick at heart...wish it wasn't always an uphill battle
I'm thrilled about both. I really should have ordered my dress in a 4 instead of a 6, but the alterations people have assured me that it will work out fine, haha. I'll get pictures up when it's all fitted for sure. And maintenance has been going well...I am actually still sloooowly losing each week, so I'm going to bump up my calories a wee bit.
