my boyfriend and i broke up a couple of weeks ago. i've been in this slump the past week. we tried to be friends after breaking up, but we realized that we couldn't since we kept acting and saying things like we were together. it was just too hard.
this past week and now i've just been crying every day, going through the old text messages and emails he sent me, voicemail he left me on our anniversary cuz he called me and sang me a song while i was still asleep. i barely leave my bed, i don't eat, i have no appetite. i try to force myself to eat, but i can barely keep it down.
i don't know why this one is so hard. i've never gotten this bad before whenever a relationship ends, but usually, i stopped liking the guy by the time we break up so it's not a big deal when it's over
i have no motivation to do anything. i don't even really get myself dressed up anymore. i just stay in sweats and t-shirts and bum it out at home. i feel so lame and pathetic.
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. It's hard. No one is gonna try to tell you it's not. But you have to find the strength to get up and take care of yourself. Every day you can live in some kind of 'normal' space the better you will feel. The best advice I've heard is simplified down to this:
Cut off all contact. Delete from Facebook. Hit the gym.
If you really do want to get over him, you have to stop torturing yourself with old texts and emails and voicemails. You've already established you can't be friends. You need mental and emotional and physical space from him so you can move forward. And exercise will give you happy endorphins as well as wearing you out so that you sleep harder and feel better in the mornings.
Good luck, and remember food won't make you feel better or more loved... so don't eat out of sorrow!
Its really hard Maybe you can look at what you've been doing though, going through the old texts and emails etc., and ask 'is this helpful for me at this time? do i feel better or worse when i do this?" If its not helpful or it makes you feel worse, stop Do something else. I remember after a bad breakup I walked sooo much. I think it was really helpful because it got me moving (which is really important when you are feeling down), i listened to music which helped lift my mood, it increased my appetite a tincy bit so i ate a bit more, and it gave me time to think about what had happened or be a nice distraction when i needed it. I know its hard, but it can be helpful to stay in touch with other people too, have some other interactions so you dont get more lonely
Oh man, it is horrible. I am so sorry. It's not easy, and I guess the reason why this one is harder than previous ones is because of the feelings involved.
I think one of the best things to do is to surround yourself with people who support you and try to get out and do things even if you don't feel like it. I got dumped 3 days before my 21st birthday and I REALLY didn't want to do anything at all. All I wanted to do was watch Shark programs on Animal Planet, because it was the only thing that didn't remind me of the guy.
Give yourself time to grieve, but while you're grieving try to force yourself to do things with other people. It will take time, and you may still feel not that great, but in time you'll start to feel better. I think. I'm no expert, but yeah.
And come here and chat to people!
Hugs hugs hugs. I don't know how to use emoticons.
Ugh. It really does suck. I tend to wallow in my grief for a brief time, then use my new found singledom to focus on myself and do things to make myself happy and improve ME. The best shape of my life came after I split with someone and decided I wanted to love me before I tried loving someone else.
This is teh bestest advice evar!
Remember the primary plot of your life is YOU, if you eventually get a man, thats a side-story, not the purpose or the main plot line (yes, I'm a firm believer that Disney LIED to us!).
Spend some time figuring out what you want, what your dreams are (short-term and long-term) and focus on those. Do things YOU enjoy doing. Focus on YOU! Now that you don't have to put time and energy into a relationship, you can focus your time and energy on pampering you and figuring YOU out!
Discover who you really are!
but take a little bit of time to cry, indulge yourself in some tears. But you can become a more full, complete and healthier person because of it. (I'm talking about healthy emotionally, you don't want to rebound and be all codependent BS or anything next week :P )
Life is full of broken hearts and broken people. One of my favorite quotes is "Everyone who has LIVED has baggage from past relationships and broken hearts, its what you DO with it that counts!"
I'm sorry you've gone through these emotions.
For me, when I want to forget a guy, I always delete everything that related to him. That includes old messages, gifts, his phone number on my cell, basically everything. And I stop to talk about him, stop talking with him, basically cut him out of my life, thinking he's a stranger.
I will start to plan my schedule to fit my new me without him. And try to stick to it for few months. Usually by the end of the first month, I don't feel so bad anymore. By the end of the second month, I hardly can remember his phone number. And so on.
Sometimes you'll miss him so much. But when it happens, I usually get up and force myself to do something else, like read a book, cooking, work out - just to keep my mind off thoughts about him.
Time won't help you to forget him. It's what you do to make it happens. So stop lying there and crying feeling sorrow for yourself. Get up and do something about it. And then everything will be alright. It definitely will be alright.
Lots of hugs for you.
Personally I jumped out of a plane....kind of helped, kind of didn't. I was going through a folder on my PC and found this picture I didn't expect to see.....didn't help.
I agree with everyone that deleting texts/emails/voicemails/facebook is the thing to do, although it is also one of the hardest things to do. And that doesn't always help because by the time things are all said and done you've memorized every conversation you've ever had with him...but you have to make yourself forget.
I know it sucks to do, I'm having to try and do the same thing *although for me it's not working because I know this one was the one* just focus on yourself for now. This can be a great motivating factor to just focus on yourself for the next few weeks/months and really discover more about you.
Reading helps me to escape...I don't know if you are much of a reader or not but imagining you are a character in your favorite novel right now just might be what you need to help you through the post break up slump.
Again I'm sorry about your breakup, I'm here if you need to talk
Chavela, the worst thing you could do it try to be friends right now. You can't go from love to friendship by just flipping a switch. I spent my 20's with the same guy who was technically only my boyfriend from 18-19. It was a never ending cycle where we'd act/ do/ say things like we were still together and then he'd start dating someone else and I'd be crushed and end up sabotaging his relationship. I stopped talking to him cold turkey 5 years ago and my life improved vastly. Just think of what I could have done with those 7+ years of my life if I'd made a clean break from him right off the bat???
It's hard but believe me, you will thank yourself for doing so, just like everyone else is saying. I've been there and I wish I would have just endured the months of crying and hurt right away instead of extending it for 7 years. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!!!
Thank you for asking this and for all of you that answered Chavela. My age doesn't qualify me for this forum, but I'm going through the same thing at 50. Maturity hasn't helped with the emotional rollercoaster that is dating/breaking up.
Break ups are hard, truth was when I began my weight loss journey I had just got out of a really tainted relationship. Yes I was very much in love with him, and it took me up until a few weeks to be over it and okay it's over. What helped me was Clouser with him, I'd send a sweet email and I'd get something nasty and harsh back, then a few moments later he'd send me back the sweetest email. But I've come to realize that theres a reason he's my ex. I also surrounded myself with good friends and family. Once I got the clouser and the weeks the pounds before then were shredding because I've learned to concentraite on myself. For a year and a half I was in my relationship not only was I unhappy but consentrating on ONLY him I gained over 25 pounds.
Once I left the situation as much as it hurt, I learned to care about myself more, I've gained more confidence, self worth and lost 20 pounds. Break up sucks, but the truth is you need to have a good closure and allow yourself to break free from him. There are other guys out there, but finding yourself and who you want to be is far more important.
Chavela, I'm in the same boat.
My boyfriend split up with me after a month long break during the first week of August.
We had been together for 5 1/2 years.
We were supposed to keep in contact, even just to talk for a bit on the phone, but he has dropped off the face of contact.. he emailed me saying he might want to get back together just not how it used to be and he just needs to get his stuff straightened out.. but I tell ya it has been tough. I was fortunate to become friends with someone during my summer session class with whom I spoke to regularly that really kept me distracted. I did want this also, to be single for a while (we were together since we were 16) but it gets lonesome.
Sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me, but I can definitely relate. The only advice I can give you is don't wallow in it too much and try tofocus on personal goals and things to do with your newfound time. It's the only thing that has been keeping me sane.. learning about theories and exchanging ideas with my friend that I find stimulating.. otherwise, I would be a total mess/recluse right now. I figured the only real choice I had was to make the most of being single and just focus on being ME and not someone's "girlfriend".. if you know what I mean. I'm not even thinking about getting into any other relationship, just working on myself.. scholastically, academically, physically, etc. We'll get through this..
Last edited by Starrynight; 09-01-2010 at 06:45 PM.
how do you get over a break up?
Good luck, and remember food won't make you feel better or more loved... so don't eat out of sorrow! 
