My name is Meaghan, and I'm new here, but I already have a question! lol
I've been dating my boyfriend for ten months now, and while I am not blaming him (my choices are my own), my weight loss stopped almost as soon as we started dating, and I actually gained everything back I had lost as well as a few more pounds. I was down 11 pounds after starting over last August but started dating him in October of last year and have gained it all back plus 4 or 5 more since then. Like I said, my choices are my own, and I could always say, "No, let's not get fast food, let's cook something instead" or "Let's not sleep til 11, let's go to the gym" but I've been letting him convince me to continue these bad habits.
He is also overweight and regularly expresses wanting to lose weight as well. I think he was also doing well before we started dating but with dating comes going out to dinner, getting dessert, wanting to lay in bed instead of exercise, etc. Besides that, he graduated in May and his life was turned upside down for about two months before he finally found a job about a month ago.
I am determined to restart my weight loss program on August 16th if not before. However, I will be having dinner with my boyfriend at least two, if not three or four, nights per week as well as breakfast twice and lunch once. I also like to work out six days a week (take Sunday off), but I will be at his apartment on Saturday mornings during this semester. How do I stay consistent with my weight loss plan if he does not have the motivation or desire to follow it with me? Do I just bring some meals with me when I stay over on the weekends? If he doesn't want to work out on Saturday, do I just take his card to the gym and go without him? When he comes to my place during the week, do I make it a point to cook, so that we don't eat out?
He is very supportive of me and my goals, and I think if I have the balls to say on Saturday morning, "I'm going to the gym with or without you," then he will probably drag himself there with me. But I don't know if I have the balls and, besides, I want to be prepared in case he decides that I am going without him.
I am determined to lose weight, with or without my boyfriend (just like he loves me as I am, I love him as he is and really don't care if he loses weight or not), but I don't want to alienate him either. Does anyone have any experience with this that they can share or any advice?
Just do what you have to do. Get a routine and stick with it.
Can you eat out just on the weekend date nights -- Fri or Sat?
And just get on with your workouts as usual. If you were married you would, right? So why not when dating? Ask to borrow his gym card or bring a DVD workout or whatever it is you need to do.
I hope we will only be eating out on Friday and Saturdays. This summer I had a class until 7:25p.m. so we usually only ate dinner together on Fridays and Saturdays...but we would go out for lunch too! So that was three meals at restaurants where very rarely there was something diet-friendly I could eat (in another post, I mention that I can't eat salad - I'm extremely picky about vegetables even though I have been trying to like them). This semester, I get out of class at 4:15p.m. on the two weekdays we will spend together, so I'm guessing we will have dinner together those two nights in addition to the weekends. And one of them is a Monday - he always goes to Moe's on Monday nights because of a special they run on burritos every Monday.
I'm not as concerned about the gym - it is not too hard to convince him to go, and, besides, I think I have the strength to go without him, plus it's only one day per week. It's more the food that I worry about. I don't see his habits in that area changing at all, and no matter how I look at it, when I'm eating 5+ meals with him per week, his habits affect mine.
I have found that the ONLY way to do this is stop making excuses for myself. And honestly, reading your post, I just see a bunch of excuses.
First, eating out does not necessarily equal unhealthy choices. The menu has things that you can order, and don't eat the entire restaurant portion in one sitting. Second, you guys must be absolutely rolling in cash to be eating out this often! Maybe set a savings goal for some big item you want to buy together? That would help you guys have a reason to eat at home more often.
As far as going to the gym, you have to decide that you're going and follow through. It can't depend on seeing if your boyfriend will go with you. You need to set the alarm, get out of bed, and go.
And honestly, my husband is very supportive of my weight loss, too. He's in really good shape and doesn't have anything to lose himself. But, being supportive means he doesn't eat giant slices of cake in front of me or ask me to go out to eat at McDonald's or anything that he knows would curtail my efforts.
I'm sorry if this sounded harsh, but either you're in it or you're not. You have to decide and then run with it!
First, eating out does not necessarily equal unhealthy choices. The menu has things that you can order, and don't eat the entire restaurant portion in one sitting. Second, you guys must be absolutely rolling in cash to be eating out this often! Maybe set a savings goal for some big item you want to buy together? That would help you guys have a reason to eat at home more often.
Uh...I'm a college student working part-time at Office Depot, and he just graduated so he is in an entry level job. Needless to say, we are not "rolling in cash." My point was that he would rather get fast food (i.e. cheap) than cook, and I don't always have the time/energy to cook for the both of us four days per week. I do try to order something healthy when possible, but I disagree that there is always something healthy available. Example: Cookout. I found a grilled chicken sandwich I like there but, if that's where we go, that's all I can get. Their only side options are french fries, onion rings, and hushpuppies. And, frankly, one grilled chicken sandwich is not enough food for dinner. My choice would be to not go to Cookout at all and instead go to Chick-Fil-A (where you can get a fruit cup with your grilled chicken sandwich meal and the bun is whole wheat) or a deli or something like that. But somehow we still end up at Cookout once and awhile.
And I know it sounds like excuses, but I'm not trying to excuse why I can't lose weight. I'm not saying, "I can't lose weight because of my boyfriend." In fact, I know that I can lose weight, regardless of if/who I'm dating. Instead, I'm asking for advice on how to avoid giving into the bad habits he has without fighting about what we're going to have for dinner every night. Frankly, the conversation often becomes exhausting, and it's just easier to say, "Fine, we can go there."
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Originally Posted by Hickory0305
And honestly, my husband is very supportive of my weight loss, too. He's in really good shape and doesn't have anything to lose himself. But, being supportive means he doesn't eat giant slices of cake in front of me or ask me to go out to eat at McDonald's or anything that he knows would curtail my efforts.
I think the difference is that my boyfriend has the same problems with food that I have. So while I already have my own little voice in the back of my head saying, "It won't hurt to eat that one little thing," I also have my boyfriend's real life voice saying the same thing out loud. It's not that he isn't supportive, but we have the same issues so we end up either fighting those issues together or giving into them together.
I agree with Hickory. I recently moved back to the states from a foreign country and moved in with my boyfriend (in January). He is one of those men who thinks that corn and potatoes are vegetables (they're not) and that exercise is mowing the lawn and doing a few pushups. Oh and green vegetables are rabbit food.
My weight loss has slowed a bit, but I don't give excuses. I workout, regardless of whether he does or not, because you have to do it for yourself. Commit to it. If you are wishy washy about it, of course you won't do it. And before you ask, yes, I would much rather be curled up on the sofa with him than sweating my a$$ off to Chalean Extreme. But if i do that I'll be fat and unhappy and I'm tired of that.
You can't take care of someone else or make them want to change, I found that out real quick. Want to know the weird thing? Once I started cooking at home for both of us, he ate it. He ate the green veggies, the salads, the ground turkey and the lean chicken breast. And now? HE LIKES IT. And that's good for both of us. I want him to be around a long long time, just like I want to be around a long, long time. You have to be the impetus for change in your house. Just some food for though
Good luck! It's not easy, but nothing good ever is....
It's more the food that I worry about. I don't see his habits in that area changing at all, and no matter how I look at it, when I'm eating 5+ meals with him per week, his habits affect mine.
Fair enough.
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This semester, I get out of class at 4:15p.m. on the two weekdays we will spend together, so I'm guessing we will have dinner together those two nights in addition to the weekends. And one of them is a Monday - he always goes to Moe's on Monday nights because of a special they run on burritos every Monday.
Don't guess. PLAN!
Pick the days that have diet-friendly restaurants and eat the whole meal with him then. The rest of the time eat without him, BYO lunchbox, and just go and buy an on plan drink so you still enjoy each other's company.
Or just go to both places -- Cookout for him, Chick-fil-a for you. Or pick something you both can deal with -- subs, maybe. Just sit him down and get your schedules worked out.
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Instead, I'm asking for advice on how to avoid giving into the bad habits he has without fighting about what we're going to have for dinner every night. Frankly, the conversation often becomes exhausting, and it's just easier to say, "Fine, we can go there."
Can also stop hanging out together so much where it revolves around food. Good for a walk. Catch a movie. Play games. Whatever. Then there's no food fight. When you do cook, make double and freeze half. Get cozy with the crockpot -- whether you load it up before bed and put it away in the morning to reheat later or some other system. Learn what frozen foods are on plan for you and have a back up stash handy.
Oh, and also because I am so committed to healthy eating and he knows it, when we go out, he makes sure with me before we go to a restaurant. He asks me "Is it OK, can you get something there?" He supports me and my goals.
Uh...I'm a college student working part-time at Office Depot, and he just graduated so he is in an entry level job. Needless to say, we are not "rolling in cash." My point was that he would rather get fast food (i.e. cheap) than cook, and I don't always have the time/energy to cook for the both of us four days per week. I do try to order something healthy when possible, but I disagree that there is always something healthy available. Example: Cookout. I found a grilled chicken sandwich I like there but, if that's where we go, that's all I can get. Their only side options are french fries, onion rings, and hushpuppies. And, frankly, one grilled chicken sandwich is not enough food for dinner. My choice would be to not go to Cookout at all and instead go to Chick-Fil-A (where you can get a fruit cup with your grilled chicken sandwich meal and the bun is whole wheat) or a deli or something like that. But somehow we still end up at Cookout once and awhile.
And I know it sounds like excuses, but I'm not trying to excuse why I can't lose weight. I'm not saying, "I can't lose weight because of my boyfriend." In fact, I know that I can lose weight, regardless of if/who I'm dating. Instead, I'm asking for advice on how to avoid giving into the bad habits he has without fighting about what we're going to have for dinner every night. Frankly, the conversation often becomes exhausting, and it's just easier to say, "Fine, we can go there."
I think the difference is that my boyfriend has the same problems with food that I have. So while I already have my own little voice in the back of my head saying, "It won't hurt to eat that one little thing," I also have my boyfriend's real life voice saying the same thing out loud. It's not that he isn't supportive, but we have the same issues so we end up either fighting those issues together or giving into them together.
If this is going to happen for you, you need to re-read what you typed here and OWN it. It is cheaper to cook for yourselves than eat out. There are TONS of meals that you can prepare ahead of time and not be cooking every single night. And the conversations about where you're eating need to not end in the "easier" concession, they need to end with you saying, "I can't eat there, sweetie. My new lifestyle doesn't allow for fast food all the time! Let's go home and eat."
This website is absolutely the BEST place I have EVER found for weightloss support. But, it won't work for you unless you make this decision for yourself and stop looking back.
I sincerely wish you luck and hope that you are able to do this because it really sounds like you want to.
I have a similar problem. I practically live with my boyfriend and his family. He's been losing weight (didn't need to lose any, but losing regardless) just by having a personal trainer. He still eats out at almost every meal. So the first five months we dated, I, too, at out at every meal. When I started my diet (new lifestyle...), I sat down and told him what I was doing and why (I'm joining weight watchers. I'd love to be a size 6, but my reason for doing this is because I want to have more energy. I'm tired of being tired all the time). He told me he supported me. Two days later, he was eating Jack in the Box in front of me for lunch...and then McDonald's for dinner. So I can relate. After about 3 weeks of doing it on my own (cooking my own food...he wasn't involved), I decided to start cooking for him. Apparently he loves my cooking. Last week we bought a crock pot and I made some Thai Peanut Pork and he loved it! He talked about it for days and asked when I'm making it again. You just need to find something he likes and go from there. You can make (almost) anything healthy (erish) lol. I also plan ahead. I bring my own food to his house. Nobody in his family cooks at home. My food is literally the only food in the fridge (how are these people skinny??). I bought a cute cooler to take my food to work in. I started eating clean last week (no processed foods), so that makes it a little more difficult, but it also gives me better reason to have my food cooked and packed. I recommend picking a block of time (if you are busy and don't have time to cook) to get your shopping and preparing done. My veggies are cut up and portioned out. I have a big staple of vegetable soup set aside. Crock pots are great too because you just take 5-10 minutes preparing in the morning and when you get home, the food is done. Also leaves lots of leftovers, so you can have lunches from it.
I know that was rambling on, but basically what I'm saying is you need to tell your boyfriend what you are doing and why. And you need to plan. I'm gonna be honest, you are going to slip up. There will be date nights or weekends that you are completely off plan. But don't let that get you down. You'll only fail if you give up completely. I've cheated in regards to my diet many times. But I'm still losing because I'm not giving up. I learn from my slip ups, think about how I could have handled them better, and then keep going.
I'm a poor grad student and I eat out all the time, mostly because when life gets busy cooking is pretty low on my list of priorities. So never fear, there are good choices in the world of cheap fast food. I love Noodles & Co., most of thier asian dishes are pretty diet friendly, and you can get a small portion, with a protein and a salad on the side. Subway is also a really good option, as is Panera, or Atlanta Bread. I also frequently do Jamba Juice for lunch.
My advice: if you'll be eating out frequently, make a list of places that have good options for your diet and then write down what those meals are and what thier nutritional information is (calories, WW pts, carbs, fat, whatever it is you're keeping track of...) That way, when it's the end of the day and you're tired and starving and you and the boyfriend are deciding what to do for dinner you can say, "I'd like to go to blank," and he can order what he wants, and you can order something diet friendly, and everyone lives happily ever after.
As for the rest of the time, if you'll be at his place frequenlty, just make sure you have some good choices for breakfast and snacks about and always offer to share!
My husband has a horrible diet and the truth is I can't force him to change with me. and he is not going to lol
So you have to know that yes it means sometimes you won't be able to just remove all temptations and you have to work on compromises alot.
I can't cook to safe my life, though I am learning slowly lol. Cooking doesn't mean you have to do this crazy from scratch meal spending 5 hours in the kitchen. Alittle planning ahead of time and 10-30 mins for a meal.
Have like scrambled eggs with veggies, You can buy grilled chicken and stuff premade just heat it up and have a salad, or a sandwich, or throw it in pasta, or a tortilla etc... countless options there. Have some frozen veggies on hand they steam in the bag popped in the microwave takes like 2-4 mins.
Have something like pasta as a main dish with lots of veggies in it. But you take a very small portion of pasta, no bread and fill your plate with salad and he can eat all the pasta he wants lol <-- stuff like this will work for both of you easily.
You gotta put your foot down and talk with him and say honey I am trying to eat healthier (you don't have to say lose weight) and that you do not want to eat out so much. But compromise is great. Eat out one day a week check the restaurants website for calorie info and plan it in and make sure to choose the healthiest options.
I won't lie it is hard being in a relationship with someone who isn't on the same page as you about healthy dieting. My husband knows I have a huge weakness for pizza and every week it was lets get pizza lol or his junk food addiction- where he now has to buy stuff i don't like or keep it in the car lmao
Can't reply to everyone individually, but it seems you all are saying a lot of the same things.
I don't own a crock pot and have never tried to make any crock pot meals, but that is definitely something to look into. I like the idea of taking a few minutes to prepare something and having it ready when I get home.
I do like to cook and would be willing to cook meals for us except that I know I would be alone in that. Meaning, of all of the meals I mentioned that we will be eating together, if I decided to cook instead of going out, it would be me doing all of the buying and cooking, which is unfair. To be frank, at least when we go out, he often pays for the both of us. I will talk to him about that issue to see if he would be willing to cook over the weekends if I cooked for him the two weekdays we were together. And if he would be willing to cook diet-friendly meals.
It's not that all we do is eat when we hang out, by the way! lol It's just that we prefer to eat together rather than alone and so usually the first thing we do on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday is get dinner and then go to the movies or watch TV or play mini-golf or whatever (particularly on the weekends...usually it's just watching TV or whatever we got from Netfllix during the week).
I also liked the suggestion about picking places that are easier to get healthier foods like Panera Bread and Noodles & Company. We've been to Noodles several times, actually, but I haven't been to Panera with him. We also like Jason's Deli, which has healthy options. That is one thing I've been trying to encourage but lately it's been Chinese food, Five Guys, wings, etc. I don't think it would be too difficult to convince him to start going back to some old favorites though.
We are actually very open with each other about talking about our desire to lose weight. I guess at this point, I just need to talk to him about it again. I've talked to him about it before, and he would say that we would try to eat healthier and then the next day suggest going to Moe's or whatever. So I think I just need to have this conversation again but be very firm about it and then when he suggests Taco Bell the next day, I will suggest cooking dinner together or going to Panera or something. I have to stop giving in to his naughty suggestions!
Convincing him to go to the gym is not so hard. He says he actually likes it when we plan to work out together because doing it with me motivates him to go. We just have to break the habit of laying around in bed on Saturday morning.
I really appreciate everyone's feedback and support! If anyone else has any other suggestions, I am happy to hear them!
Need Advice on Blocking Boyfriend's Bad Habits!
