[Jelbb]

In my weight loss efforts, and through spending time on these forums over the years... I've often seen women complaining about their boyfriends or husbands' insecurities regarding their girlfriends'/wives' weight loss efforts. As the ladies start to look GOOD in their fitter healthier bodies, the spouses get a little bit tense, worried about losing their ladies. From what I've seen, oftentimes this leads to arguments, hurt feelings, and weight-loss sabotage attempts.

I've heard women discuss these issues multiple times. But never... ever did I think I would be in a situation like this... or in the role that I'm in.

My boyfriend is a good looking guy. Better looking than any guy I've ever dated, and probably the only guy who I've ever felt genuinely ATTRACTED to. We just moved in together, and he joined a soccer team, and is getting incredibly muscular and very fit. He looks amazing.

However, the more attracted I am to him, the more fit he gets, and the more weight *I* gain and the worse *I* feel... the more insecure I get. The more I worry that he's meeting attractive girls at his new job... the more I worry that I'm going to lose him. It's ridiculous--- to the point that I'm tearing up here at my desk at work just admitting this (how embarassing. Good thing the office is quiet). I'm worried that the way I look and feel right now that he isn't really attracted to me.
I mean... I've dated guys before who I looked at and thought, "Eh, they're alright," but I loved them and it didn't matter. With him I don't want it to be a "Meh, it doesn't matter how she looks" situation. I want him to be wowed by me.

He just texted me that he has to stay until 10 pm at his new job tonight, and my mind immediately flashes to Hollywood " husband staying late at the office" scenarios. What is wrong with me?

I know I should be focusing on myself, and making me happy. Fitting in work outs, and eating better, working on being happy just being ME... but I can't kill the evil jealous-worry monster that takes over me whenever I notice yet again, or have it pointed out to me how attractive he is. ... and catch a self-loathing glimpse of myself in the mirror and see the ten pounds I've just gained back, and wonder, yet again, how he could be attracted to me.

I repeat. What is wrong with me?

[junebug41]

Clearly, your only option here is to dawn a scarf, trench coast and big sunglasses, get in your car and drive to his office.

I kid.

So what's wrong with you? You said it yourself, this is the first time you've ben that attracted to someone not to mention you're moving in together so I imagine you're going through a whole lot of big emotions right now.

And you know what else is wrong with you? You have NO IDEA hot HOT you really are!

Sister, you're gorgeous -no- HOT. And don't think you deserve anything less than that either.

[WitsEnd]

I don't think anything is wrong with YOU. I can't speak for everyone but I do feel like this is something we all go through. Especially when we are dealing with someone we really don't want to lose and someone we feel "inferior" to. I know how you feel. My husband is fit and handsome. I am not fit and lately don't feel even a little attractive. I know its easier said than done, but you are doing a great job getting fit. Be happy for his new job and be happy for your success. Don't let the trap of a "woman's mind" get you. I know I let it happen to me all the time.

[freedomreins]

I know it can become comfortable when you spend so much time together but if it helps you to feel confident in yourself and your relationship I have one suggestion which I find helps me a lot when I'm having an insecure day. If you don't already do it, dress up for him, wear something new, or drag something out of your closet like a bra you rarely wear because it's uncomfortable. I have a few of these pieces and they don't stay on that long for me to notice their discomfort

Best of luck and try not to worry unless you know you have something to worry about, which I'm sure you don't. Take pride in all the hard work you've put in - you're probably a lot healthier than any other girls he'll meet and he has to admire your dedication and drive to become as healthy as you are now!

[Feral]

Jelbb - weren't you closer to your starting weight when you went over to Ireland and met him? You have come a long way and you are a VERY, VERY pretty girl!!!! I think it's safe to say that we ALL feel insecure. Especially if you've been cheated on in the past (don't know if you have been) you tend to ask yourself why you aren't good enough, etc, etc. [Especially if your man DOWN GRADED it really messes with your head!]

So take a deep breath and realize he is with YOU for a reason.... remember that he MOVED TO ANOTHER COUNTRY to be with you and how much HE has progressed since all of that nonsense a long time ago about him not showing his feelings.

And maybe ask him for a hug cause sometimes you just need those!

[Kae]

I think it is natural to feel a bit insecure when there are changes going on around you... there's nothing wrong with you. Just try to keep your emotions in check so you don't over analyze the things he does or says and make them out to be something worse.

[Taylor86]

I agree with feral! You were closer to your starting weight when you went to Ireland (irish boy...I believe we called him)...

There is NOTHING wrong with you. I have looked your progress pictures several times for inspiration and you are just that - inspirational...and simply beautiful.

Have you been open and honest about your weight loss efforts with him? Maybe this is something ya'll need to talk about so you can feel like you are being open with him..

And even though his is working out and being um, ripped.. (by the way..can a girl get a picture????) he is not totally healthy either. As you have stated previously he eats lots of white pasta and lots of meat..not that awesome.

Maybe asking him if being a little bit more food aware is something you and he can do together instead of trying to do it by yourself?

This way of thinking is only adding more pressure and it not serving you in any possible way. Don't let your own mind trap you.

<3

[aml]

i have this but it's kinda reversed...

the other day my ex-boyfriend (we're still friends, we hang out pretty regularly) was at my house post-work out, pre-going to a movie and he took off his shirt to change and it was visible that he'd lost weight. and i only hadn't seen him in like a week, it made me jealous

thus my return to 3fc