Had a very bad conversation today and just popped back in here 'cuz I knew you would know how I am feeling! My cousin was attacking diets in general and everyone on them. When I said it's hard to generalize everyone like that and it's not like one thing that works for one person works for all. She kept attacking diets. So mine is one of the more laid back diets and so I started explaining it to her. She's like it's obvious you should be eating whole wheat, and fruits and veggies and stuff. AAARRRGGG!!! How dare she! So she actually had the nerve to tell me 'well, I lost weight without having to diet?" In that so why can't use accusatory tone! OMFG!!! So I told her sometimes you think something when you are single, a teenager and you haven't had kids. Not really arguing but things are getting heated. So, you know what she had the nerve to say? She said "Well, there are tons of women out there with kids who are very skinny and healthy!" I am so hurt right now! When I was her age - I was ****ing half the size she is! I had absolutely no stomache fat at all! In fact I was perfect body weight and had a very good looking body! I may not have been hot but I definately wasn't even close to the size she is now! So where the h**l does she get off insulting me!!!!
Sorry this is so long...just really hurt and needed to talk to someone and really felt like I had nowhere else to turn!!
That really sucks. I have definitely been there. Try not to dwell on it, and realize that one day, she will get pregnant, and super bloated, and pudgy, then after she has the baby, she will have baby fat. She sounds like an immature young lady, and it is a waste of your time to even be offended by someone so ignorant.
You know that's pretty true. She is usually such a sweet girl and I really do love her to death. I guess that's why I was so hurt! I don't think she really understands how hard it is to lose weight and no one can until they have to. I didn't! But *sigh* that just hit a nerve as I am trying so hard right now and was so proud of myself.
She's not a bad person, I'm sure... to me it just sounds like she's stubbornly defending a point that she doesn't understand. It's great that she's still young and thin, and doesn't have to try to lose weight. I wish I'd had a period of my life that was like that.
But diets mean something very different to everyone, anyhow, and they tend to have a really awful societal stigma. Somehow the half of the population that never struggle with weight issues simply do NOT understand that dieting is not bad for you, if you use the word "diet" to describe eating well, and limiting fatty and sugary foods.
It's gotten to the point where when people offer me junk, and I want to turn it down with a reason, I don't say, "Ah, no thanks, I'm on a diet," because of the asinine reactions I've gotten. Head-shaking, and "Don't be ridiculous, Jessica, take the candy/chocolate/chips/pizza." So now, instead I say, "No thanks, I'm being really good eating-wise right now," and somehow that makes it different in their minds....?
Anyhow. With regards to your little cousin.... let's be honest. Brit's right. She's gonna get pregnant one day, and balloon up, and then she'll be eating her, "Well, I don't HAVE to diet," words. Silly little one. Just shake your head, roll your eyes, and feel sorry for her ignorance. :P
If she's overweight herself, maybe it's a form of denial? Maybe she's really trying to convince herself, and not you, that she doesn't need to go on a diet because "diets are bad."
I strongly second the "she's stubbornly defending a point that she doesn't understand" call. Sometimes people, even really good, kind people, can get on a kick where they think they know everything about a topic and refuse to listen to any other opinion or thought (I think we’ve all been guilty of it at one point or another…I know I have). I'm sorry you had to go through that, it is so frustrating. When it happens to me I try (try being the operative word) to change the subject…and I note when others are changing the subject around me that I’m probably being too pushy as well. Sorry you had to put up with it and keep up with the good work.
I agree with the immaturity call, but that doesn't make her words hurt any less. For whatever reason, she is resisting the idea of dieting. Perhaps she has tried something in the past that failed. Maybe she's seen others struggle endlessly. Maybe she's just perfect and gifted and can eat whatever the heck she pleases!
Whatever the case, all signs point to her needing to change her diet at some point in her life. Her metabolism might change, she could get pregnant, she could face illness...any number of things. The best thing you can do is just shrug her off and ask that she keep her opinions to herself on the subject.
You love her, but it's hard to enjoy spending time with and respecting someone who is obviously not being too respectful of you.
The word "diet" is associated with so many fad eating plans that are restrictive and ultimately fail. I agree that eating more lean meats, more fruits and veggies and whole grains is generally eating "healthier" and NOT what many consider to be a "diet" at all.
The doesn't mean it's not a huge and difficult effort. Changing our habits is really hard, and those habits take a real toll as the years roll by! If she can't understand that now, and if she really is still a teenager, you should just let this go. She'll figure it out. We learn that not only with food, but higher education, relationships...
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So I told her sometimes you think something when you are single, a teenager and you haven't had kids. Not really arguing but things are getting heated. So, you know what she had the nerve to say? She said "Well, there are tons of women out there with kids who are very skinny and healthy!"
I haven't got any kids, but I am neither single and no longer a teenager, at the late end of 23. And I notice many women who are slim and fit - not perfect - who've had kids. My mom looks great! And there's no denying it.
And I've lost weight without trying, too.
Please forgive me for being the devil's advocate, but I feel like it needs to be said.
It's great if your cousin has no huge hang ups about her body and hates bimbos on fad diets. On the flipside, I've had friends who aggressively against eating disorders as a front, and secretly having self abuse problems.
Perhaps you guys are really having a disagreement based on vocabulary? You say "diet" and she hears "starving yourself/slimfast shakes/total restriction" but when you say "diet" you mean "making healthy choices, portion control, controlling my emotional eating".
AAAARRRRRGGGGG!!!! Need to vent!
I am so hurt right now! When I was her age - I was ****ing half the size she is! I had absolutely no stomache fat at all! In fact I was perfect body weight and had a very good looking body! I may not have been hot but I definately wasn't even close to the size she is now! So where the h**l does she get off insulting me!!!!
She sounds like an immature young lady, and it is a waste of your time to even be offended by someone so ignorant.
