So, I have a friend who started her weight loss journey around the same time I did. She's got about 100 lbs to lose to be at the top of the normal range, so she's a big girl - it must be said. We were meeting up each week at the gym, sometimes more than once, to encourage each other to work out and to keep making progress. We told each other we were going to help each other stay in line.
Obviously, everyone goes about their weight loss in a different way. We ask each other how we're doing, etc etc. We confess our overeating episodes or our workout-less days. But lately, she hasn't been getting to the gym. She told me how she's downed a lot of sweets in the past few days, and when we went out last night to a restaurant, she asked what I was ordering. I told her the dish (it was very healthy, but I didn't bring up any dieting/health stuff), and she said, "Well I'm living it UP tonight!" and proceeded to order some pretty... not-on-plan food, let's say.
It made me really sad because she's done great so far, but there's really nothing I can say. It's absolutely none of my business, but at the same time, we said we'd keep each other in line. In a way, I feel like a bad friend for not saying anything... But then, I'd feel awful if I said anything.
Have you guys ever been in this situation? Any thoughts?
all you can do is keep going for yourself. you can't diet for her/or go to the gym for her, but you can be encouraging about how great she is doing and you really like having a partner. sometimes when you have that much to lose it is hard to keep up with the skinny girl, which is what you are to her.
So keep being a friend, and good luck to you and congrats on your weight loss.
completely agree with above poster. You can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. Maybe once she see's how amazing you look she'll get back on track.
Sometimes the only thing you can do is be supportive, but not in a pushy way. Maybe there are other things going on or she's overwhelmed with how much weight she has to lose.. If she doesn't make it your gym dates, can you call her and see what's up? I'm sure she'll come around, it could just be a temporary set back.
Yeah, I agree about not saying anything to her. Just keep making you're own healthy choices and setting a good example. I know I'm way more likely to order healthy if the friend I'm dining with is ordering healthy (because I'll feel guilty for pigging out if she isn't). That said I don't always order healthy, even when my friends are, and I'm still losing weight.
I definitely am the big girl in my group of friends (even though there are others who struggle with their weight) and I would be offended if any of my friends tried to food police me. But 3 of my friends have lost weight and they really inspire me. One of my friends, Liz, started her weight loss long after me and has already lost more than me. She's way more strict on her diet than I am. That works for her, it wouldn't for me. So I don't feel bad that I splurge when she doesn't, and I don't expect to see results as drastic as hers. I'll get there in my own time.
Better not to say anything. Nothing is more annoying than having someone tell you whay you SHOULD be doing. She knows what she should do. Take care of yourself. Be as supportive as you can.
Yeah, I agree with what everyone said. Just be there for her.. I did something similar back in high school and sometimes I just had to give in, and I was well aware of my friend's progress but I was glad she never said anything to me.. I knew this really thin girl that knew about my efforts and she would comment sometimes on what I'd eat and it just made me want to not diet just to spite her!! Of course I didn't.. but if I fell off and wanted to get back on, I' was happy I had that one friend to listen and support me.
We were meeting up each week at the gym, sometimes more than once, to encourage each other to work out and to keep making progress. We told each other we were going to help each other stay in line.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzie2010
In a way, I feel like a bad friend for not saying anything...
I actually think you should say something to her. You told her you'd help keep her in line, and not saying anything is kind of letting her down. But, I agree w above posters in that you can't do it for her. Say something one time, and in a sensitive way (ex--hey friend of mine, what happened to being my gym and diet buddy? you were doing so well!). If she doesn't respond positively to what you have to say, then that's that. you've said your piece and can do no more. but definitely be her buddy good luck!
Hey everyone, thanks so much for the advice! It's also good to see some people have been in that position before, especially in my friend's position. =) I'll continue trying to keep giving compliments on the progress so far, and yeah, we'll see what happens.
If you're going to say something DON'T make it about the food. She will already feel bad about that.
However, you could say something along the lines of "Come on, you're supposed to be my workout buddy!" so that she starts thinking about exercising again.
I would probably say something or at least ask whether she is still in it. It sounds like, at least in the beginning, she really wanted to do it and if thats still the case she is probably already very unhappy about her inability to stick to the necessary? Sometimes we need others to pick us up!
What would you do?
good luck!
