*giggle* Love the revenge idea. I think you should go for it. Get down to your happiest goal weight, look completely SMASHING, and then shoot him down with an air of superiority.
And... BEING a blonde, who is not naturally a blonde... I will be the first person to suggest that, weight be damned, blondes get hit on in bars. I was in a bar last night with a perfectly attractive girl friend who is a brunette. She went to the bathroom once, and the washroom twice, and I had three different guys come over and either introduce themselves or offer to buy me a drink.
Believe you, me. This does not happen to me when I'm a brunette. And I'm no Kate Moss.
But you know what? It's flattering, sure....? But these guys that come up to you are NOT usually the kind of guys you want to date. Seriously. They're usually complete douches. You're better off not to be approached by the idiots, and find a man who likes you for you, and not your hair colour.
Note: The guy that I'm seeing was first attracted to me when I was heavier than I am now. You have no idea how much it can mean to you to know that your guy doesn't like you JUST when you're down to your goal weight.
And... kudos to the other ladies for pointing out that this guy sounds like a jerk. Jerks can be disguised as nice guys. But he's not putting the effort in... so he's not worth your time. Save your awesome self, and the affection you have.. for a guy who deserves it. And this guy... does not!
Sometimes I think maybe he just doesn't know I feel this way? After all, I've never told him. Which leads me to your next point: I've never told him I feel this way b/c if he doesn't reciprocate or being a couple doesn't work, it could mess up a very good friendship.
I go back and forth many times a day: 1) he likes me and is just too scared to admit / ruin a friendship; 2) he just doesn't see me that way. It's just, when we're together, it's just different btwn the two of us, then him and other girl friends and me and my other guy friends.
Just a consideration of what is possible; guys are rarely that ignorant about girls (that are interested in them). They'd know. Many of them just pretend to be clueless to avoid dealing with it/ save their own hide.
I'm not saying that your boy is like that, but that is certainly a possibility. Personally though, I agree with other girls that said you should get/ stay away from this one.
I know what you mean. My brother, who has always been physically fit, was always a good guy to everyone. Good friends with all the girls...fat, skinny, short, tall...whatever, but he always dated girls that were more physically fit. I don't know if it was because they had athletics in common or if he just liked them being thinner. I will have to ask him one day.
As for the older guy comment...my husband is 11 years older than I am. He was attracted to me when I was a bit smaller than now, but I was still heavy. However, he was much more mature than other guys that only want sex. He had been there, done that and knew he wanted more in life than just a good time. I never had great self-esteem and didn't know why he was interested in me...guess he liked the curves...haha! Anyway, we've been together for 6 years now and I'm at my heaviest...he doesn't pressure me to lose weight but we both know now we need to lose. He's gained some since we've been married and had a child.
Anyway, good luck and I know the right guy is out there for you!
I totally sympathize with being caught up on the guy friend who doesn't like you back. In my situation something did happen (he was rebounding and we were both SUPERdrunk) and that only made things worse. I didn't really end up getting over him until our friendship drifted apart (hopefully it won't take that for you). And as far as the skinny friends getting guys in bars. Yeah, I've experienced that a fair bit. But I'd say more than anything, my CONFIDENT friends attract guys in bars. Confidence really is like a magnet, and I just don't have it.
hi ladies, I wanted to bring this thread up again b/c you all were so helpful the first time and i LOVED your responses, so i'd love your input again!
So this same guy friend that I thought things would never happen with? Well, they did. Saturday night. And now I'm lost. To clear things up first, while there's no chance of me having to join the "Pregnancy/Nursing" forum due to Saturday nights activities (if you catch my drift....), it was def. not suitable for childrens eyes...I only mention this b/c I'd first like to say I'm happy to report I wasn't really body conscious throughout the whole night (and he saw...ahem...alot)! I'm not about to prance around completely nude in broad daylight in front of him, but when he touched my stomach, I didn't automatically squirm and move away like I would have 45 lbs ago!
So now, here's my dilemma, and I know this has been talked about before and there are opposing views on it. Earlier when I first posted this thread, there were those (who i agreed with!) that said I should lose the weight and get close but never ever date him. And i always kind of fantasized about that. But now that it happened, ugh, i really like him. I'm torn though, b/c while some part of me is bitter that it's only happened when i was down 45 lbs, another (larger) part of me isn't bothered by that. I know I look better, and as shallow as this probably makes me sound, I've never gone after a guy who was as overweight as i was. Not to mention, over the past few months around him i've felt more comfortable being flirty, and i def. know more confident in how i look. I don't pull away when he jokingly pokes me in my stomach or pats me on my behind.
Am I just being too easy on the guy though?? He slept over that night, and the next morning I was afraid it was going to be a "well that was fun see ya" type of thing but (and i'm sorry if this is getting too personal) he stayed for a few hours until he had to leave and was really sweet...very affectionate... def. not how you would be if you just wanted a one night stand.
Also - for the record and b/c we're in our twenties here and I feel this is often a factor - we only had 1-2 drinks so it def. wasn't alcohol induced.
Finally - i've seen so many threads about men/relationships, seriously considering we need a relationship/dating forum here on 3FC... who's with me!?!
I'll be honest, I didn't read all of the responses.... someone may have already said this but I'm putting in my own 2 cents.
#1 You can be "overweight" and still be attractive. I think I have a gorgeous face.... yeah, I said it. Also, all of the guys I have ever dated said I exude confidence and they found that sexy.
#2 Not all guys like overweight girls just like not all guys like stick thin girls. The guys I have dated have liked a girl with a little more to hold onto. Not all people are created equally and not all people are attracted to certain types of people. That's just the way the cookie crumbles unfortunately.
#3 Have you thought about YOUR own body image? You said you're at 168... and your CW on your status says 150.... either way, to be 5'6'' even though you THINK you're huge.... you probably are a lot thinner than you think you are. I remember thinking I was much "bigger" than I actually was because of my own body distortion issues.... so that may be part of your problem too. I mean, yeah you're no 120, but you wouldn't want to be either!
#4 I know I briefly saw this... if someone is ONLY attracted to the "superficially pretty girl in the room" do you REALLY want to be with them?
#5 Sometimes even if you like someone it just won't work... even if you do get to goal weight. I used to think this about one of my friends for the longest time, but in all actuality.. it had nothing to do with my weight, it had to do with the fact that even though there was SOME attraction there, there wasn't enough. We never even KISSED although I had the biggest crush on him forever. You know what? I'm glad it didn't work now. He's my best friend.... but I would KILL him in a relationship.
Thanks Feral! You make some very valid points. About the 168/150 issue, I am 150 now... when I originally posted this thread a couple months ago, i was 168... Nevertheless, I think you're right. I def. probably am smaller than I feel. I know I've seen tons of posts about it on here and how its difficult to feel how you look. Even though I'm a size 8/10 now, I'm always still a little nervous I'll go shopping and have to get a size 16 again.
I think I'm going to have to force myself to get over these body issues. While I didn't feel as self-conscious as I have in the past about my body, I still have the mindset of "how could anyone find me attractive?" My boss commented about how one of our coworkers apparently has a crush on me, and the only thing I can think of is that it's some sort of fluke!
That at our age, in your twenties, guys will always go for the thin girl? At the end of the day, a very attractive (physically) male will just not date a girl like myself.
When I met my sweetie, I was at the highest weight on my ticker, smack dab in the middle of the "overweight" BMI range. It wasn't until we had lived together for two years that I finally cracked into "normal range." Could he have gone for thinner girls? Definitely. But he didn't. There are definitely men our age who have realized that outer beauty is a hook, but inner beauty is what makes a relationship last.
I think I'm going to have to force myself to get over these body issues. While I didn't feel as self-conscious as I have in the past about my body, I still have the mindset of "how could anyone find me attractive?" My boss commented about how one of our coworkers apparently has a crush on me, and the only thing I can think of is that it's some sort of fluke!
I know how this feels! When I was 22 I weighed 180 lbs and lost about 32lbs. I'm 5'10" so at 148, I was a size 8. Over the next few years, I dropped another 3 or 4 lbs. I went from literally being INVISIBLE to men to an object of constant attention. It actually made me pretty nervous. Before, when I walked down the street, there weren't eyes following me and now there were! Before, when I went into a bar, I was ignored, now when I walked in there were turned heads, comments, and guys hitting on me. And you know what? Sometimes it didn't feel particularly GOOD. I felt so EXAMINED and I was so unused to it. I also secretly doubted that I was actually attractive...oh, the guys were just drunk or pervy, etc. But eventually you will get used to the extra attention and realize it's just part of being a cute, young girl in the whole 20-something dating scene. You know what's amazing though? When I weigh 150, I don't get much attention, but at 140??? It's weird how such a negligible amount makes such a big difference.
Oh, and going back over some of the original posts....I met the love of my life and future husband in a bar
You're right Feral! It's def. a tricky question.... I want to say it's because we've gotten closer and he's gotten to know me better, but is it? If god forbid i were to gain the weight back, what would happen?
But then again, maybe he wouldn't look at a girl my old size and initially be attracted to her, but then once in a relationship, being that size wouldnt be that big a deal? What i'm trying to say is, both of my parents have gained a decent amount of weight since having children. I'd say about 50 lbs. each. Would my dad have asked my mom out back then if she was the weight back then that she is now?? Probably not. and now - 30 years later, they're still happily married, 50+ lbs and all. Does any of that make sense?
I went through the same thing with a guy--I was right around my top weight at the time, and he was stringing me along forever. Finally, I said **** it, and stopped talking to him.
A year later, he admitted that the reason we never dated was because of my weight at the time.
Now, in that year that we weren't talking, my now-husband and I started dating. Let's just say that it was AWESOME to see the look on the guy's face when he saw how much weight I lost...sucka!
Skinny girls often, are more willing to make a move. (And although you already did make the move) That can take a lot of pressure off guys. I know that for me, I would never be against dating an overweight guy, but those aren't the guys who are confident and hitting on me. So how should I be expected to know they like me?
Either way, with your current situation, I don't think he's hooking up with you solely because you lost weight. I mean, if he was looking for the skinniest girl to hook up with, there's always someone skinnier (blonder, bustier, whatever). I think that if he's made time to keep in contact with you for years, and treats you well when you are together, that's shows me he's into you.
I think it's really easy to look at weight and say "This is why he's not into me/not making a move/etc" but for me, I've had attractive guys when I weighed 175, and attractive guys when I weighed 140. The problem getting a man wasn't weight, it was my confidence, my composure, and my willingness to accept rejection.
My current boyfriend initially said he didn't want to date me because of my weight (he felt really guilty about telling me that, but I DEMANDED he be honest about why, so I am not blaming him for it). So we just hung out and then eventually he somehow became my boyfriend without me losing weight. I've lost some weight and honestly we are having more problems in our relationship now than we did 10 pounds ago (on a short person thats a lot lol).....my point is....its easy to attach a lot of significance to weight but beyond the initial level of being attracted/not attracted its not THAT big of a deal.
