Ahhh, man.
Does anyone else have a hard time with not having anyone to talk to face-to-face about weight loss stuff? Sometimes, over lunch, I wanna be like, "How the **** can there be 1,300 milligrams of sodium in this chili? That's actual insanity. I'm gonna be up two lbs in pure water weight tomorrow, which SUCKS because my weight loss is already plateauing, and the number each morning makes me want to break my scale."
But... that's not usually the kind of thing I would say to someone who wasn't a close FRIEND... most of my friends don't have weight issues, and obsessing over sodium is a very weight-loss-oriented activity. Even my friends who are bigger aren't usually working all that hard on getting it off, so they change the subject rapidly if it changes to weight loss... since mine's been pretty successful lately, and theirs have... not.
So, I just started working at this new job, and became tight with one of the girls who works there. She's easily a size 2, MAYBE a small 4... she's very little, 120 lbs. I mentioned something in passing about the weight I'd lost this summer while we were waiting in line for food yesterday, and she started off on a tangent about her own weight loss ambitions, and how her boyfriend has started hiding the scale from her, and how now that he's moved home for a bit, she's working on losing weight again. She frequently eats only a pear for lunch, and when I raised calm concerns about her low calorie-intake, she shrugs it off saying she eats more when she gets home from work.
A small part of me is THRILLED that I have someone who listens to me when I tell her about weight loss jazz, and my eating habits.... but another part of me is just so concerned about her, and doesn't want to encourage her obsessive effort to lose weight. She wants to lose 10 lbs, to get back to 110 lbs. She doesn't get her period any more, the doctors said as long as she's eating healthily, she's fine... and she says she is. She ALSO made a comment about us almost being the same size, which... immediately told me that she has some extreme body size delusion issues, because... 2-4...? Not the same as 10-12...
All I can think of to do is offer her bits of my lunch (which she has taken before) and not talk about my own efforts... So much for a weight-loss friend?
Ok, yeah, first, probably not a good idea to engage in anything body-related around this girl.
To address diet talk in general, I definitely have the urge to say the same things, like when my bf offered me a special drink last night and wouldn't tell me what was in it, in my head I was like well then how the heck am I supposed to count the calories? I definitely try to reign that in around people.
Also, diet talk from other people around me has started to make me really uncomfortable. I am actually now focusing more on healthy choices (though I have to be careful even with that, given my history...anyone heard of orthorexia?) and non-weight loss goals, like fitness and body positivity. So, I don't want to give other people the idea that I'm okay with diet talk by engaging in it myself, when it actually makes me really uncomfortable. I like this forum bc it is my outlet for talking about the topic of eating in general, but yes, sometimes I still want to engage in discussions about calorie contents when I'm eating with friends, even though I'm trying to wean myself away from that.
So for me personally it's not a matter of finding a diet-talk buddy, but of trying to rid myself of the need for a diet-talk buddy.
I try to avoid diet-talk with friends because, well, we ALL have issues. One of my friends is doing a program at her gym that focuses on fat grams, while my other friend is historically anorexic and bulimic and has WARPED ideas about what to eat (she'd rather starve than eat a piece of bread) so this forum actually helps me get my diet talk out. I prefer not to talk about it with people in person, because I a) don't want to be judged, b) don't want to deal with the "oh, I thought you were on a diet" or c) it can just get awkward. The boys know I'm trying to lose weight by eating right and exercising, and they're supportive, but I don't volunteer stuff like hey Brian, that bowl of rice is like 12 points. Sometimes they ask, and I provide info.
As for this girl - I would definately avoid talking about the losing weight aspect of it, but maybe you could talk about *healthy* foods and encourage her to eat them. My friend Jen (said anorexic) was completely ignorant that some foods are as healthy as they are, and would avoid them based on stuff she had read on gossip websites. Maybe point out the whole starvation aspect - if she continues to eat as little as she does, she ain't going to lose 1 lb. My friend was completely unaware that the reason she wasn't losing weight was because she was only eating 1000 calories per day. She was overweight, yes, but she wasn't helping herself by starving...many many people don't know this.
I suffered from an eating disorder for about 7 years of my life. I spent a year in therapy and I am happy to say that I have the disorder under control.
You hit the nail right on the head when you said she has body distortion issues. Waiting for her boyfriend to leave before dieting suggests that she is hiding it from the people that would notice it the most. A clear sign that she knows what she is doing is wrong. Consistently telling you that she is getting more to eat "somewhere else..." can be a sign that she is hiding her food intake. Also, constant chatter about weight loss can make her feel like it's a competition. The problem with people who have eating or body disorders, is that they turn around the truth until is suits their way of thinking. Then they honestly believe that is the real truth. For example, If someone said ""Wow, you work out a lot, are you trying to lose weight?" it would turn into "You should try to work out more so you can lose some weight."
My point is, no matter any concerns or positive remarks you make, you are going to have a hard time convincing her that she is fine the way she is. Stop diet talk with her, and don't become her crutch to lean on. And Forestroad is right... she shouldn't be your crutch either. If you don't want to lose her as a friend, then perhaps suggest healthy activities the two of you can do, that don't involve food, such as going for a nice walk after work.
I'm sorry for such a long post, but I feel very strongly about the topic of eating disorders. Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions.
I find diet talks (outwith the forum, that is!!) embarrassing.
We have been talking of us all losing weight for ages at work, and none of us has actually ever lost any!
Now I have started in spring and did not publicise the fact.
Now some others have got together and do it jointly and talk about it all the time. I so wanted them to shut up about it at first, until they have actually started to lose (which I did not believe in).
It now seems to be happening for all of us, yet, I do`t want to talk about it. From past experience I associate it with "talking instead of doing". I now no longer mention it and just get on with it. My trousers are getting too large.
I definitely don't like talking to my friends about dieting. I'm not sure all of the reasons I have for that are healthy, though. It's really nice having the forum because my obsessiveness over the tiniest change in weight can be talked about as if it is a big thing; which it is, to me, and to many of you guys.
Most of my best friends are "naturally thin", and the few that aren't do not seem to have issues with their bodies. They are overweight, but do not equate excess weight with a drop in attractiveness, happiness, or worthiness. The same cannot be said for me. My naturally thin friends do not understand the issues I have with dieting or my body; if they go up in weight, they adjust their calories and stay approximately the same. At the same time, they aren't constantly thinking about diet and exercise, so they don't understand why I usually am.
Being overweight in middle school and high school, I have some serious issues dealing with food and body image. My friends don't have that and don't understand my issues, and so I completely understand wanting a diet-buddy. I've learned not to talk about things with my best friends; I haven't told anyone about my weight loss efforts this summer, as I didn't want to jinx it (or have them expect me to have done better than I have).
Honestly, I feel that it is probably better to only discuss diets with people who are removed from your life. For example, a therapist is the best person to get advice from; they have no stake in your life and your choices will not affect them. It's the same way with weight loss, as we at the forum all want to support you and do not consider what affect your weight loss will have on our lives. There is always a lot of competition when two friends try to lose weight together in real life.
I don't know if it's a good idea talk to her about weight loss, she's definitely got some body issues. That being said, I probably would from time to time.. I would try and hold out.. and then give in.. I'm weak
I have to say one of the reason's I'm successful at keeping consistent with losing weight this time is that I have someone to talk to. I definitely need to talk about this stuff, I am fortunate enough to have my aunt, who has a healthy idea of weight loss. She also keeps me on track with getting all my veggies and fruits.. Wish I could help yah out.. maybe if I ever drive over to TO It can't be more than 10 hours away..
I have the same problem - I don't have anyone I can really talk to about weight loss. I notice if I do it makes my thin or overweight friends I have uncomfortable. My thin friends are worried they'll say something to offend me. My overweight friends might get self conscious or want to avoid the topic of weight and have made me feel guilty for losing weight. But the majority of my friends are naturally skinny.
Some really annoying comments that I have got from people when I told them I was unhappy with my weight or that I am working on trying to lose weight:
1) You look great! You look fine just the way you are. You shouldn't be so worried about your looks. (looks? who said anything about looks? do these look like vanity pounds?)
2) There are guys who totally are into chubby chicks. Yea, the other day when I was at a restaurant I overheard these guys talking about how they like overweight girls. (I'm LOSING weight for myself! Not to impress some dude! this has got to be one of the most annoying comments i get).
3) Don't worry you'll find yourself a guy who likes you as you are. (blah)
4) You're not fat. You're just uh ....um.....big boned! (what!?)
e) have you noticed I got fat! (and this person is really thin)
5) When I was your age I was uber skinny and fabulous...but I don't have to worry about that now. Would you like a pancake? Don't deprive yourself. (ummm no thanks)
6) I need to go on a diet too, I need to fit better into my size 0 jeans ..... = /
7) what..you're losing weight? i gotta go umm..i'm late for the gym (for real, this happened)
Well they're not as bad as the comments I have got in general about my weight in the past but that sums things up when it comes to my weight loss journey. This forum has meant so much to me. It really is my major support. I have only two friends that are seriously working on losing weight but since I moved away I haven't had a chance to hangout/talk much with them as in the past.
Feeding off her Delusions
It can't be more than 10 hours away.. 
