"Look how FAT you used to be!" - A rant about people's comments - - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

kk140 · 08-26-2009, 05:20 PM

Hey ladies!

Today my sister, who is naturally thin, came in the room saying "ewww look at this!".
She proceded to show me a picture on her cell phone of me about a year ago. She then says "Look how FAT you used to be!!"
I guess I looked shocked because she said "well you're ok now but look how you used to look!"
Why did this bother me?
I explained to her that her comment was hurtful because the person in that picture is still me.

Last week, my aunt, who I see once a year told me "I'm your aunt and you know I'm honest. Last year, you were FAT, now you have a nice body, show it off!"
That comment hurt me too, for the same reasons.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

dcapulet · 08-26-2009, 05:24 PM

well, I can see how your sister reacting hurt your feelings. It, ahem, wasn't very nice. Maybe it's not the idea that you were heavier so much as how she said it?

harrismm · 08-26-2009, 05:25 PM

I think that is human nature to feel as you do.Hard to not feel bad about those comments.With that being said, you have come a long way baby!!!!!Awesome job!!!!!!!!

kk140 · 08-26-2009, 05:34 PM

Thanks harrismm!

I know it's not the idea that I was bigger that upsets me. I think it's more the fact that these people thought of me differently when I was bigger and I never realized it before. I wasn't less of a person because I was bigger...

luvja · 08-26-2009, 05:44 PM

My BEST FRIEND and WEIGHT LOSS BUDDY turned to me one day and said, "You're SO pretty, how did you ever let yourself get that FAT?"
I was hurt. I know she was trying to tell me she was proud of me, but it still hurt me. She's a bigger girl herself, but I think the most she ever weighed was like 240 lbs.

harrismm · 08-26-2009, 05:50 PM

I agree that sometimes meaning is lost in our choice of words.You all are beautiful and amazing.And yes, you are the same people you were before your weight loss.Maybe people are noticing you increased self confidence and esteem, which makes others more comfortable to verbalize things that they were not before you lost the weight.Keep it up guys.You can always just respond by saying..."yes, that was a very painful time for me".

crcossel · 08-26-2009, 06:04 PM

I don't think people are trying to hurt you.

Bad way to put it but what they are saying is "look how far you've come!"

JulieJ08 · 08-26-2009, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kk140

Last week, my aunt, who I see once a year told me "I'm your aunt and you know I'm honest. Last year, you were FAT, now you have a nice body, show it off!"

That comment hurt me too, for the same reasons.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

Of course not. They were both extraordinarily rude and mean. "You know I'm honest" is like "No offense, but ..." These people are really saying, "I'm going to be mean and nasty but I expect you to pretend I'm not. I'll probably say I'm kidding if you object, but really, I'm hoping to say something mean and nasty and get away with it. I can't resist my impulses."

shasha17a · 08-26-2009, 06:19 PM

I have a coworker that said that to me a few times last year when I lost 20lbs. She kept saying like "wow, I could tell you were getting pretty big and now you look good" ugh! This is the same "friend" that keeps asking me how much I have lost now on a regular basis.

tarryn · 08-26-2009, 06:55 PM

This happened to me with my mum about a month ago. You know for about 2 seconds i felt hurt..but then it just makes you realise, how far you've come so we actually ended up laughing about it.

mamaspank · 08-26-2009, 06:59 PM

You know, I think sometimes it is just shocking to people when they see before and afters, even if they are close family members! Good job on losing so much weight.

Thighs Be Gone · 08-26-2009, 07:19 PM

Yeah--I get those comments too. I went to a club recently and the bouncer asked for my ID and then kept looking me up and down and back at the drivers license. He actually said, "okay, what happened?"

I could have kicked the guy there and then because I was with friends--don't know if I should have been flattered or what.

I actually never knew bouncers really looked at Id's.

Cali Doll · 08-26-2009, 07:20 PM

It would have hurt me, too. Like you, I'm still the same person. I'd feel hurt for the bigger girl I used to be (who would have been crushed to hear them say that).

Wolf Goddess · 08-26-2009, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thighs Be Gone

I went to a club recently and the bouncer asked for my ID and then kept looking me up and down and back at the drivers license. He actually said, "okay, what happened?"

I could have kicked the guy there and then because I was with friends--don't know if I should have been flattered or what.

I actually never knew bouncers really looked at Id's.

In all fairness to this guy, part of his job is to look for discrepancies with ID's.

I've gotten comments like this too - sometimes people just blurt things out, others want to be cynical.

Smiling_Sara · 08-26-2009, 07:55 PM

I feel that way about seeing my own old photos. It just reminds me of how far I have come.