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Old 06-25-2009, 12:54 AM   #1  
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Default Hopefully its the hormones talking

I don't know whats up with me lately. I feel ugly. I looked at pictures of when I 45 pounds heavier and I feel like I look the same.

I'm not saying more weight= ugly, so please don't misinterpret that and get offended anyone! I'm just saying I feel overall unattractive.

Its weird because I go out and get hit on a lot, I have a very attractive boyfriend, and my aunts and grandma even told me the other day I'm starting to look like a model lol (and they used to talk about how unattractive I was).

The problem is I don't feel it. I think its because I'm at a plateau right now and I get in this unhealthy cycle: I do everything right including eating healthy and working out and drinking my water etc etc. And nothing! No loss, maybe even a slight gain. Soooo then, I cheat because I figure if I do everything right and nothing then might as well be eating something I like. THEN I feel bad about cheating and think about all the pudgy spots on my body and chastise myself.

Last weekend, I had been out drinking and after I drink I like to eat. I had one taco and 5 pieces of sesame chicken and then I felt gross. I proceeded to take two laxatives because I felt so gross. I know thats unhealthy and it really freaks me out that I did that, but I don't think I would ever do that in my sober state.

I'm getting really depressed lately and everyone can tell something is going on and I really want to stop being depressed about something this silly. I basically just needed to vent (because I fear venting to someone like my bf will make him see me as even more unattractive because I will be pointing out all my flaws-I tell you my mind is twisted!)

Thanks for listening to my long complaint lol
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Old 06-25-2009, 01:34 AM   #2  
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Hey blackbeltchica! I'm sorry to hear that you're not in a great place right now. I think we've all been there and can relate about not being happy with our bodies, even after losing "X" pounds. I know you know this, but I just want to stress the fact that drinking, binging and then taking laxatives is not a habit you want to adopt. Why hurt the body you've worked so hard to build? Also, I want to say congrats on the weight you've lost! That took hard work and dedication and you need to keep reminding yourself of how far you've come and how much healthier you are because of it!

From reading a lot of other posts on this forum lately, it seems that the best advice for you would be to take a step back and just breeeeaaathe. Try maintaining your current weight (not as a plateau but just as being happy with where you are). Keep exercising and improving your healthy habits and eating well, but take away some of the stress and pressure that goes along with wanting to drop those last pounds. I feel like you'll be less likely to cheat and binge and go through that vicious cycle.

Lastly, keep checking in with us! It's ok to be unhappy with parts of your body (who isn't??) but the important thing is to find healthy ways to deal with it, and there are some pros here who can definitely help you out with that!
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Old 06-25-2009, 11:55 AM   #3  
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I've been depressed recently two, and I often respond to depression by freaking out about my weight. I think my bf is like, whoa, I didn't sign up for this. But it's been getting better and I do think it has to do with some meds I'm on, so I need to be proactive about that and talk to my doctor. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
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