[RubyGuggenheim]

Originally Posted by Star2Be

Thank you. And you're right; I know I shouldn't be embarrassed about it, but I just get paranoid about when I do finally have my first relationship (...if I ever have a relationship... no, I shouldn't say that, but--) and I'll be completely clueless and have to explain to him, "Um, so I've never done ANY of this before..." I'll just feel like a lame-o, and like it would put all this unnecessary pressure on him because he'd think that our relationship was way more significant to me than it was to him, and so on... I dunno... I guess it mostly is just irrational paranoia, but those lingering thoughts are still there!!

If the guy is worth the effort to be in a relationship with, then he'll be understanding about all of it. If he's not understanding, you're too good for him anyway.

I think a lot of what makes specific girls attractive is their willingness to set themselves apart. My longest relationship was with a guy who was a year ahead of me in college and was liked by lots of girls (he was a singer in a band, so he got all the fangirl attention). I was definitely not as pretty as a lot of the girls who wanted him (and I was definitely in the overweight category). But he told me two years into our relationship that when we were sitting next to each other in a class and had barely ever spoken to each other, I had looked over at him and made a clicking noise with my mouth and smiled, and he immediately wanted to kiss me, and couldn't stop thinking about me after that.

I think the best way to get a guys attention is to make eye contact and do something that shows that it wasn't an accident. It shows confidence without coming across as desperate or forward. But that's just what's worked for me in the past.

[Blcarter84]

Ahh ladies!! the joys of flirting its definitely a learned art and that would have been nice if there was a course to take. It really is all about confidence and girl I FAKE THAT SHyt ALL the time!! It helps that I tell myself that I am awesome or something nice every day....I used to always be the one hiding behind everyone else....
BUT not anymore...and I will no longer just settle for a man...he's gonna have to be everything that I want and like.

And I get the compliment(you have such a pretty face) all the time....kind of a double edged sword...but now I just take it as..someone trying to be nice and give me a compliment...and I say thank you

[freedomreins]

Star2Be: I can say from experience - I DID have that conversation with my boyfriend. As soon as I kissed him the first time, I blurted out "I've never done that before!" and he just thought it was funny and cute that I was so ridiculously nervous (I was physically shaking). If he's someone worth your time, he'll be willing to go slowly and he'll be understanding. We've hit that obstacle a few other times in our relationship and he's been wonderful about it, he's never pressured me for anything at all and let me take my time getting comfortable with myself and with him. When you find someone you hit it off with, don't feel like you have to know exactly what you're doing - the only way to learn is by experience and any decent guy will be willing to let you earn some with him at whatever pace is reasonable for you.

[Star2Be]

RubyGuggenheim and freedomreins - Thanks for the reassurance! Y'know, I think deep down I sort of *know* that if the guy is worth my time, he's not going to ridicule me just because I'm inexperienced... I guess all the years of obesity/getting made fun of/etc have just instilled me with the paranoia of "everyone's laughing at me!" That's something I need to get over--I mean, isn't it a little irrational to think that a guy who is interested in me and likes me enough to want to date me or something would suddenly turn into a jerk and stop liking me just because of something like that?! Like freedomreins said, he'll probably just think it's cute and be excited to have the chance to "teach" me, hehe!

Ahhh, 3FC... Helping me to quash all of my insecurities, one by one!

[SavingServo]

Oh flirting, and boys, and all that stuff. Being the "hot one" is totally a state of mind, that much I have figured out. Although having lost a little weight is very helpful in the "state of mind" department.
My problem is that I can't ever bring myself to make any sort of move, even when a guy has made it clear he's interested. I'm super shy when it comes right down to it. And at the very bottom of it is the fact that I still have a hard time believing that someone would actually be interested in me. But when I'm drinking or rolling... watch out, I get guys all over me because that stupid insecurity goes away and it just sort of becomes "duh, I'm hot."
I have a boyfriend now, who's wonderful, but he told me the first few times we went out he really wanted to kiss me, but I just wouldn't stop talking. And here I thought I was avoiding awkward silences.
You'd think by 22 I'd have some of these things figured out. But I'm getting better, so that's something. Getting over shyness is HARD, but totally worth doing.