Wow, I expected completely different answers, you guys have given me something to think about. I guess we are becoming too comfortable with each other. I think I may just be itching for some drama to make things exciting, that is probably why I'm even thinking about this. In the past I've noticed that I like a guy more when he doesn't show as much interest (weird, I know), but my bf tends to smother me sometimes maybe that's also it.
Anyway, I'm moving away for 4 months, so hopefully that will give us both time to grow.
It's really interesting for me to see other people in my same boat!! It's like you've all put words what I feel. I met my boyfriend almost as a rebound, I just wanted something short and sweet, but he was so persistent and I fell in love. He's stable, reliable, so loyal and loving, always makes me wonder WHATS wrong with him.. I totally agree about feeding the fire, it's so easy NOT to, but so necessary! I think I might take some of that and apply that to my life now Thanks girls for making me feel not so alone, and for letting me steal someone else's advice
I think it's perfectly healthy to know you won't go nuts.
Relationships should be complimentary, not supplementary, you don't need someone to "complete" you.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband, we've known each for 12 years and will be married 4 years this June. We are best friends, we tell each other everything, and I'd do anything for him.
BUT say he were to leave me, as hard as it would be, with time I'd be able to move on. I lived before him, I can live after him, and if the breakup had anything to do with infidelity than I'd hope even more that I'd have the strength to realize that I deserve someone who can be faithful to me. I don't think it's healthy to be at a point where you can't live without the other person, it's sweet to say it to each other, but you never know what tomorrow brings.
This is exactly what I feel about my bf - i've been together with him for 7 years and tbh, if we're separated by any means, I will still be able to live on without him. It's not that I don't love him, obviously.
Thanks bee. I can't put those words better than you did.
Hey, I think my BF broke up with me because he didn't think there was ever going to be that head over heels huge spark between us (which to be honest, i thought there was) but I think this is a crap excuse. We made each other so happy, we had the best time together, did the most romantic things together, met in the most romantic way...so why is he wasting all that just because he "wasn't sure" if we were going to be forever? What's the point in worrying about whats going to happen 6 months down the line? We were happy in the moment and now we both sit at home in our own flats at night wishing we were with each other and feeling miserable. Just because he didnt know how he'd feel in a few months time. Sure, the big spark is such a good thing to have, but if you make each other happy then what does it matter?
xx
p.s can you tell I have been thinking about relationships a lot recently???
cat- its possible that he wasnt actually happy I know with my last, he was very happy and i wasnt and it came as a shock to him because we just kept going, seemingly fine. I guess people need different things, and if it wasnt going anywhere for him apparently thats what was important to him
Last edited by Iconised Ghost; 04-28-2009 at 05:33 AM.
I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing you could move on. I love my husband and it would hurt terribly to loose him, but eventually I know I could continue my life.
He and I don't have a crazy hollywood romance story going on, but our relationship works for both of us. I see his love and romance in odd things, like helping me garden and plant flowers when I knows he dislikes doing it, or in the kindness he shows my family. We don't have to make out in the rain or have a afternoon out of "The Notebook".
So maybe my complete answer is that there's not a right or wrong, there's a does it feel right and is this how you want to live. And just because it isn't all the romance that you want, you could work on it with him if everything else is good.
Cat I'd say that your ex probably let you down gently because most guys hate confrontation. He probably didn't want to come out and say "I don't love you" and instead he said "I'm not sure how I feel" which in man speak means "I'm not that into you." Sure you guys did fun stuff and it was great- but while you were feeling in love he obviously wasn't. I'm not sure about him being home at miserable, do you know that for a fact? Does he tell you he wants you back and he's sitting at home miserable at night?
While it sucks that someone you really cared for left you- the great thing is that now you can find someone who will feel "head over heels" for you and make you happy at the same time, not just someone who is willing to stick around and not give you all his love like you deserve.
Well he sat in his flat all saturday night saying he missed me like crazy and he was miserable. And I just find it strange because 3 days before he finished with me he suggested going home to meet my parents and invited me to a wedding with him in a couple of weeks and even suggested going on holiday in the summer... He made all these plans then just suddenly decided to break up with me. I know that yes, maybe he just wasnt into me that much, but why make all these plans when he knew inside that he wasnt happy??
x
my boyfriend has never given me "butterflies" and we've been together for 3 years going on 4. when we first started dating, we both kind of knew it wasn't going to go anywhere, it was just sort of something to do. i was in a phase where i was fleeing from relationships, and he was just a guy friend that i kissed. well, first time we did it, i got pregnant, and we decided we loved each other enough to go thru it together. i wish we had that head over heels love, but at least we care for and respect and love each other in a mature way. even though we drive each other crazy, its not enough to drive us away from each other. does that make sense?
Hehe, still, I would love to experience that love "head over heel" It's like something that's in a comic book for me so it's just so cool to be able to experience it... which i probably won't have a chance unless I break up with my current man XD
aneleh - I was in the same situation with my fiance. When we first started dating, I thought maybe he was a rebound. I was totally in "puppy" love and all that good stuff. Eventually the puppy love wore off. But I started to feel different. Something I never felt before. It was awkward at first, honestly. We've been together for two years now and I've known him for five. Things are going great. We're two completely different people who found each other.
But I thought I had feelings for my ex that I was with over three years ago. I thought we had a strong connection and I didn't want to get married to my fiance if I had this hidden feelings. So we took a break and I went out to see my ex. Best decision of my life. I held on to an infatuation. I had that crazy passion / desire with him. I didn't want that. I want to get married and have a family and this guy wasn't that type. Sure, we had the same interests, same musical tastes, etc, but we would never have what Kenny and I have. Never.
but I have never met anyone that I wanted to be with forever. With my (soon-to-be-ex) DH, I was willing to make it work forever but it's not like it wouldn't have taken a lot of work and that I would have stayed 'head over heels' forever. After the first two years it kind of got humdrum, then the sex stopped, then it degraded into living with someone who annoyed the piss out of me, and had nothing in common anymore. It's not that anyone is unhappy with that sort of stability and comfort it's just boring.
I won't get married again, and I will honestly probably never get to the point where I "settle down". I'm not a house and kids kinda gal. I don't like being tied down, and I definitely do not desire one bit to be a mother. Ever. I like to to roam, and fall in love with someone/something/someplace new every few weeks. That's just how I am, and that is how I will always be. I'm happy like that.
So forever love? It can and does happen. There are couples who are testament to that fact, just that it's not made of the crap they write about in romance novels. For most people it's better though. The stability, knowledge, and comfort that comes from knowing someone in and out is the ultimate goal for them and they do what it takes to stay together and make it work. It doesn't just happen like magic though.
Thank you for posting what you did. It is nice to see something so honest. We have been married for 16 years (together for 19) and have weathered many a storm. Our relationship is stronger than ever in every way it can be--the romance is deeper and so is our intimacy. Yes, it was steamy in the beginning but it has progressed into something far more seductive than an orgasm. Sometimes though our love for each other is a decision not a feeling. I think sometimes people think they "fall out of love" when in reality it's just that the love is trying to mature. My husband is my true family and I can be myself with him w/out worries.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 04-29-2009 at 09:47 AM.
Well he sat in his flat all saturday night saying he missed me like crazy and he was miserable. And I just find it strange because 3 days before he finished with me he suggested going home to meet my parents and invited me to a wedding with him in a couple of weeks and even suggested going on holiday in the summer... He made all these plans then just suddenly decided to break up with me. I know that yes, maybe he just wasnt into me that much, but why make all these plans when he knew inside that he wasnt happy??
x
I think you need to flat out ask him wtf is going on. Does he want a relationship or not? If the answer is for sure no then he needs to not do those things. He can't call you and say "oh I miss you" and "let's go on vacation together" and so on! That's things you do with your SO.
If he gives you the "I'm not sure" crap then I'd say "call me when you are SURE then."
Sounds like the classic case of "I'm not that into you, but I want you to still be into me in case I can't find someone else..." I wouldn't put up with it. It may sound harsh but I hate wishy washy ness and wouldn't waste my time on someone who "wasn't sure" and played with my emotions the way your ex is. It's not fair to you for him to ask you to do these things if he has no intention of continuing a relationship with you, all it does is make it so it's harder for you to move on.
I totally agree about feeding the fire, it's so easy NOT to, but so necessary! I think I might take some of that and apply that to my life now 
Thanks girls for making me feel not so alone, and for letting me steal someone else's advice 
It's like something that's in a comic book for me so it's just so cool to be able to experience it... which i probably won't have a chance unless I break up with my current man XD
