So many valuable opinions have already been expressed so I'll just reinforce with my own personal experience if it means anything... at 13 I felt it was too late for me to be doing things that other kids did in terms of sports and activities because I thought I was too old, they would be so much better, and I was too big for it. I now look back and know that if I was pushed to do it anyway that it would have likely changed my life. I was scared of the unknown and didn't have anyone telling me to think any different. A busy kid doesn't have the time to just sit at home looking through the cupboards for anything and everything to eat.

Have her involved in an after-school sport. If she has the slightest bit of interest, applaud it, support it, and encourage her. If necessary, do all the steps that push her to actually be IN it. Walks are good and all but for a 13 yr old who refuses to see why she's doing it, then they'll be boring and it may end up being painful for you to go to all the effort to try to get her out and get snubbed.

And of course, no junkfood in the house. Cut the allowance and send her to school with lunches that she likes.

Talk to her and see what's going on in her head. Try not to make it all about dieting and losing weight. Reinforce how she's a beautiful girl with such an awesome personality. But say it in a way that doesn't have a 13 yr old rolling their eyes. I wish you and your daughter the best!

I have been there. I am 17 now, but at 13 I was way overweight for my age. My parents made a big deal about it, and made comments they thought i didn't hear. all of it just made me depressed. I don't agree with all of these opinions, but some of them make good points. She know's she's fat. You don't have to tell her. And often encouragement is just annoying and aggrivating. The turing point for me was when none of cothes fit anymore. Then something clicked. If that didn't happen, I really don't think I would have changed. I didn't think I could.

I love the show biggest loser, and my mom and I started playing our own family version. We competed, and it as really fun. Sometimes we got rewards, but knowing you beat the other person was a great reward in itself. Maybe you could turn it into a game. It's always more enjoyable :]

I wish you both the best of luck. keep up the good work!

:] Nelli

Thank you all for your comments! A lot of the suggestion we have done. She has been to a Doctor and had all lab related to obesity done. Normal range beside triglyceride slightly elevated, but that was two years ago. She is going Monday for a panel again . We really worry about diabetes , heart problems etc. She has been told by doctors that she could die if she doesn't lose the weight, we have been to a dietitian several years ago. I know she is really not wanting to weight 300 lbs so hopefully that its a good sign. I do still tend to buy some bad choice of food, So I need work on that. I try to stress that we are not dieting that we are making a healthy life style change. I suffer from very low self-esteem and I also worry about her, even though she doesn't she too. I will keep posting and try some of your suggestion. By the way, she has never rode a bike , she has all ways been too heavy, plus with having mild cerebral palsy, she does have some difficulty with balancing. So a lot of skills requiring balance she doesn't want to even try.

have the docs checked her thyroid? a friend of mine's daughter was having weight issues, and after years of persistance, the docs FINALLY checked her thyroid levels and they were insane. they put her on meds, and she shed the weight right off.

If not, I think that you are doing extremely well by being proactive about you and your daughter's health. I had to completely purge my house of junk food which my fiance didn't like too much, but it has helped both of us in the long run. When kids have easy access to fruits and veggies (ie cut up celery, broccoli, baby carrots) so they don't have to do much, its a great thing! The kids I babysit for are between the ages of 3 and 12 and LOVE string cheese, any kind of veggie with ranch dip, and fruit.

One last thing... Have you gotten your daughter to try swimming? One of my best friends has a brother with Cerebral Palsy, and they were able to get him swim therapy. In time, it helped him develop better coordination, and gave him something that he really enjoyed to do.

Keep being strong for yourself and your daughter!

It saddens me to hear about young kids who are so overweight, yet I see this everyday. I drive a school bus for middle schoolers. So many of these kids are beyond "overweight" these days. And so are the parents! Yet day after day these same kids board the bus with bags of Cheetos and soft drinks they purchased at school (Hmmm, no food or drink on the bus?? Seems that message doesn't quite work). It is not just the heavy kids who do this.

The example has to be set at home. All junk food must be removed from the home. Anything that is easily within reach of a ravenous teen will be consumed with abandon. My kids know that fruit, nuts and cheese sticks, celery, lean meat, whole grain bread and boiled eggs are after school snacks.
At first they were not happy. But now they really enjoy these things and don't ask for sugary treats often.

Another area that has to be looked into is what is available at school. This one is especially hard if you give her cash and let her make her own choices.
My daughters purchasing habits in the cafeteria are available online for me to view. Our school system works with a third party called Nutrikids. I know what she purchased every day. If she makes bad choices I can actually restrict her acct to school lunch only versus ala carte. (It should be noted that school lunches are generally way to high in calories, sometimes the ala carte offerings are superior). Maybe her school has a similiar way of tracking her spending habits?

Outside of school, watch how much spending money she has. At thirteen I used to spend my lunch money on cigarettes, great for my weight, but it lead to another addiction. It is amazing how much money kids will spend on fast food and candy.

Exercise is probably the hardest thing to get people motivated to do. I know because I am allergic to it also. Maybe if she starts out slowly just walking around the block. Maybe a new puppy that needs walked????

Sorry if this came off as harsh. I tend to be blunt. I wish her the best of luck and pray that you will be able to help her while she is still young and has her whole life to live.

I don't have the valuable personal insight many of these gals do, my teeth were bigger than the rest of my body when I was 13, and my whole family was very active together BUT I do have some valuable insight when it comes to being the example setter for an overweight child. My friend was a single father in the military, and got into a horiffic accident in January 2007 (people in VA might remember the army humvee rollover on 95N that injured three soldiers. He was the one that sustained a traumatic head injury and lost half his hand and had to be pried from the wreck by the jaws of life.)

He had a six year old little girl who I ended up being one of the primary caretakers for while he was in the hospital and recovering over the next year and a half. She was very overweight already, barely 4 and a half feet tall and already creeping over 100lbs. I was concerned. She wanted to eat nothing but fast food and junk, sit and veg out in front of the TV almost every waking hour, got tired walking a quarter mile to the park, didn't know how to ride a bike, etc. I don't eat that sort of stuff, and I definitely have never spent an entire day indoors in my life. It took her all of a whopping three days to adjust to the dietary change. The first time I fed her fresh fruit and salad she wouldn't touch it and whined and cried. Second day she finally took a few bites because I forced her and she was hungry. After the third day that's all she wanted anytime after that. If it wasn't fresh, she didn't think it tasted good anymore. She didn't complain when I treated her to a cookie or some other treat and broke it in half so we could share. It was pretty clear that *she* wasn't the problem, it was the adults around her setting a bad example and not imposing limits on portion size and WHAT they allowed her to eat and do. She got down to a still moderately overweight, but notably more svelte 68lbs while I was in charge of her. Not by forcing her to do anything she didn't want to, or withholding anything, but just by giving her healthier options (for example, if she really wanted a snack I would tell her what choices she had instead of letting her choose. She's 7, of course she's going to want a cookie if she knows we have some, but if I tell her she can have an apple or a few dried figs, a cookie won't even enter her mind as an option) and making sure we got out of the house and did things. By the time she and her dad moved back home she was keeping up on 6 mile hikes with me, no problem. Granted i've seen recent pictures and she's put some of it back on much to my chagrin, but at least now she tells her dad that she wants fresh fruit and veggies (which forces him to buy them) and she won't willingly eat fast food, which forces him to cook at home and ultimately leads to healthier options. He's been emailing me lately asking for recipes of meals that she's requested, and he's teaching her how to rollerblade because I sent her some for her birthday.

It comes down to this: YOU, as the adult, have control over the activities she partakes in and what she does. YOU have the control over what she eats. Clear out your fridge of everything that isn't healthy and replace it with better things. Lowfat yogurt, sugar-free trail mix, natural juices or flavored waters instead of soda, cookies, chips, etc. Stop letting her graze and snack before meals, quit letting her spend all of her time doing nothing. If she insists there is nothing to do, give her chores! I push-mowed, washed dishes, polished silver, precision painted mouldings, cleaned gutters, edged lawns, pulled weeds, washed cars, cleaned oil spots off the driveway, raked mulch, etc whenever I had the gall to tell my mom or dad that I was "bored". I guarantee you she'll find a way out of the house after that, be it taking the family pets out multiple times a day, or going for a walk or bike around the block or to the library or something. You also need to establish proper portion sizes and start talking to her about the road she's headed down. It's just going to get harder for her to lose as she gets older because those habits will already be ingrained into her. And you are running a real risk of her developing diabetes or heart disease in her late teens if you let her keep this up.

I'm wishing you the best. Put your foot down and be the boss. The changes won't just benefit her, but the whole family.