Really OT... rant. - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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Old 12-09-2008, 09:38 PM   #1  
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Default Really OT... rant.

I'm in a thread starting mood tonight.

I am emotional tonight, for some reason! HAHA I'm just really upset right now.

I have NO friends here, where I live. Not for a lack of trying, I just haven't really made any friends that I click with. I have a lot of FRIENDS but none that I really trust with my feelings, deep thoughts etc. This girl, Julie (we'll call her) and I have gotten pretty close lately, we hang out a lot and I feel like I'm getting to know her pretty well. Well tonight I just really needed someone to talk to and I have to be honest she's not someone I feel comfortable just calling up to chat with, I don't know why. It's just awkward. So I tried my friend Jessica, I love her, we've been very good friends for years. She didn't answer. So I tried my mom. She was at her work's Christmas party with my Dad (they are still married, almost 25 years now, how cool is that? They do everything together it's so cute) And that's about where my comfortable-to-call list ends. So I tried Julie. And she said "What are you doing?" And I said "Oh, nothing..." And she said "Oh..." awkward silence... "Well..." she said "I'm decorating the Christmas tree, so I'll call you later okay?" I was like "Oh... no big deal. Bye" But then when I hung up I just felt like really crappy.

I'm a TALKER I have to talk about everything, and I love listening to other people too. How is it possible that someone who has SO much to say and listens so well has no one to talk to hahahahahahahaha I know this is PMS talking, but I'm like really bent out of shape about this for some reason. I just feel like my social life is pretty sucky and that bothers me quite a bit these days.

And now, I'm done rambling/ranting. For the 3rd time tonight... HAHA! Thanks for putting up with my craziness girls. I appreciate it! haha
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Old 12-09-2008, 10:20 PM   #2  
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Aww, honey that sucks.
I kinda feel your pain. I have a LOT of acquaintances... girlies that I hang out with circumstantially... but only one or two people that I actually feel like I can TALK to about ****, and they're all moving!

My old best friend... she still lives back home, she never went away to school, she's just been working since high school. EVERY TIME I came home, she and I would hang out, go for drinks, whatever... and recently she's decided she's mad at me and won't tell me why. It's been a few months now. I still don't know why she's mad, and she still has no apparent interest in talking to me. It's very depressing, but I don't know what to do. She messaged me on MSN the other day and asked if the countdown in my MSN name was me leaving to go to Ireland permanently. (Yes, we're talking *months* she hasn't been talking to me.) I said no, I was just going for three weeks, I still have another semester here.. and she said, "Oh. K." and that was it.
I tried asking if she was mad at me (she obviously is) and she said, "Eh. I have to go make a phone call. Ttyl."

And my other really good friend is graduating, so she's moving back home... an hour away from our uni. I'm gonna be so lonely next semester... hanging out with acquaintances, who you're only partially COMFORTABLE with just... isn't that great.

Sorry to blab about myself, just... your situation reminded me kinda of mine.

I hope that you meet someone you really click with. I know how hard it can be to feel like your social life is the pitts!

Last edited by Jelbb; 12-09-2008 at 10:21 PM.
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Old 12-09-2008, 10:26 PM   #3  
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It is SO sucky! I don't know it's comforting to know someone can relate at least hahaha

I just feel so losery. And lonely!

OH well, we're moving again in January, back home to where I grew up, and hopefully that will be a good time to make new friends! Haha, just hopefully no one that I went to high school with, haha, just kidding.

That is really weird about your best friend though, what the heck? I'm sorry, that's really crappy. I don't get it- you'll have to fill me in if you get any details on that situation haha!

Last edited by carcar05; 12-09-2008 at 10:27 PM.
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Old 12-09-2008, 11:19 PM   #4  
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Awww I'm sorry I know how you feel! I'm a talker too, and an extremely social human being. I would die if I didn't have close friends to blab about all my "life ending" situations that turn out to be nothing anyway! I'm lucky enough to have 5 girlfriends I've been friends with since I was 12. Yah we don't see each other as much, but they're always there for me and I trust them with my life.

Try to be strong, and you always have all of us! I'm sure you will reconnect and make new friends when you move back home, someone you really connect with. I think friends you trust 100 percent are so hard to find, and so great to have.
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Old 12-09-2008, 11:55 PM   #5  
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I feel ya girl. I don't have "friends" here either. Only a few people I kind of know. It's always fun filling out emergency contact cards for the kids!! I am SO looking forward to moving next year. Of course the Navy (DH is in the Navy) may decide we have to stay here which would be ok if I even had a friend!

ETA- I do have my BFFs from childhood that I talk to regularly (on the phone) but I sure know that feeling of disappointment when they all have their lives going on and you need to talk!

Last edited by Thin4Good; 12-09-2008 at 11:57 PM.
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Old 12-10-2008, 12:48 AM   #6  
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girl I totally feel your pain!!! my only "friends" are the people I work with and I very rarely (if ever!) see them outside of the workplace.

I need someone to shop with and talk to and gripe about men with.

Lets be bff carcar.
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Old 12-10-2008, 01:10 AM   #7  
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I have no friends here in Korea. My friends in my last city were totally not call-up-and-talk-problems type of friends either. I realized I haven't made a friend like that since 2003 and I've lived in 3 cities since that year.

I'm very displeased with adult friendships. My friends I made in the last city would ditch me, not show up, cancel, flake, etc... and it wasn't just them, I did it too. But I really got down about it. At one birthday after a year there, I wasn't planning on doing anything and all these people were like "let's get together for your birthday, we have to!!," so I set up this happy hour. That day, EVERYONE canceled but one and she didn't even realize it was my birthday until I told her later that night.

I always wondered how come my parents never had friends when I was growing up and I'm afraid that's coming true more and more for people I know.

Man doesn't every girl wish for a Sex & the City type set of friends. Every woman I know would kill to have that. Why is it so impossible?
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Old 12-10-2008, 11:19 AM   #8  
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Leighish- TOTALLY bffing...

Joyra- are you freaking kidding me, on your BIRTHDAY?! That's insane.

I'm convinced that we are all just pretty selfish. The thing that confuses me is so much weight is put on our high school friendships. High school only lasts for 4 years people. FOUR YEARS. That's such a tiny fraction of most of our lives that we NEED to break free from that and make friends along the way you know what I mean? Like, I think a lot of the girls around our age (in the 20's) are figuring out that most women older than us don't have a tight group of friends. My mom sure doesn't and she's always mopy about it but doesn't do anything about it. For some reason we just don't put in the effort or something. I don't know what I'm trying to say, it's just really sad to me.

I'm a friend needer. haha
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Old 12-10-2008, 11:58 AM   #9  
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I feel your pain. I'm such a social butterfly that I can't stand not talking to people. I would even say talking on the phone is a hobby of I have talked days away on the phone, but the sad thing is I have very few NY friends. I have all my old friends from OH but when I moved to NY in 2001 I made a few friends but one lives in NJ and the other moved to TX. It's hard making "new" friends and I think everyone understands that. Just like you I crave for a close NY friend b/c I want someone to run errands with me, come over to my house to watch movies and someone I can call when I'm feeling crappy. Ok sorry my rant but I truly understand and know how you feel.
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Old 12-10-2008, 12:09 PM   #10  
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It's just so hard to find friends once you get out of school. You're not being surrounded by so many people your age with similar interests. Once we grow up and become part of the "real world," the faces don't seem to change as much. All of the women I work with have kids my age, and I don't really talk to them much more than passing in the break room.

I have two friends in town, one of whom I've only been talking to again for a few months after a large rift. Both of these friends seem to talk to my husband more than me, which is ok. I like that they get along with him, but they're also very self-centered people who seem to be around more when they need someone and not when I need someone, so I don't really feel like I have anyone to talk to about anything happening with me. I'm not a big phone person, so that doesn't bother me so much, but sometimes I just feel like I have no one to turn to for anything especially since my closest friends talk to hubby more than me, I don't know what might get said and taken wrong if I did want to talk about him. Hubby and I talk all the time, but sometimes you just need a good girl friend.
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Old 12-11-2008, 04:30 PM   #11  
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Hi girls, thought I would jump in this thread. I just find it interesting that pretty much everyone in this thread has the same problem, which I guess is why we feel more comfortable letting everything out here, but let's be honest: you can only feel so close to someone through email and chat boards. I too only have a handful of close friends I feel I can talk to about anything and everything under the sun, one being my sister-in-law who has been one of my best friends since we were 2 (we married brothers and now have the same first (Michelle) and last name). But even with the people I do have, making the time to continually connect becomes harder and harder the older we get and the busier we become. Also, I think that because of the wounds we experience in childhood and high school with friendships breaking apart, cliques and so forth we become scarred and scared to open up, even though we desire that closeness so much it's hard to let go of those old fears and hesitations. At least I find that is the case for myself, even sometimes with the people I am already close to. Connecting in a forum like this is easier because we are fighting the same fight for ourselves, but it is also difficult to communicate completely because there is no tonality and no physical expression (face, body language) and we feel that lack. Anyway, the philosopher in me is being released. Just thought I would contribute since the topic struck a cord of interest with me. May we all work towards having the relationships we desire with the same fereverency we do in losing weight, then we'll see the changes in both areas of our lives we so desire.
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