I know that this is probably something you DON'T want to hear, but I'm going to give you my 2 cents. You can take it or leave it.
I have the exact feeling about money as you. My parents were never really well off when I was growing up, so I don't just run out and spend money whenever I get it. I'm pretty smart about my money and pay my bills first before we are permitted to do anything else.
Anywho...considering that you do not have the same feelings about financial and he is spending money like water without any consideration for you or your financial responsibilities, then maybe you should move on. I know it's hard, especially if you've been together for a while, but do you really want to be MARRIED to someone like that? You will be in a mountain of debt in no time because even though his parents might not mind to pay his bills for now, they won't forever. Most likely after college they will expect him to take care of himself and cut him off. Then where does that leave you? Probably heading to the court house to file for Chapter 11 (bankruptcy).
And you've mentioned that you aren't happy in the relationship and you are literally counting down the days until he leaves for break. I think it might be time to call it quits. Save yourself some heartache in the future.
But, yeah...that's just my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt if you so choose.
Kelli- I would not worry where the money is coming from if he is paying you back ( as long as it is not illegal ) He is giving you back your money! It really isnt your concern. If he gets the money from his parents then that is between him and his parents NOT you, him and his parents. Get your money and then get out of that situation. Sometimes, people get into certain situations.- You cannot help them (especially if they dont want help or want a better situation). All they will do is bring you down along with them. Perhaps, you not going on that trip will be a relief! Mentally and emotionally. I wish you the best!
Last edited by RoyalAthena; 11-06-2008 at 05:39 PM.
Okay, i'm channeling Suze right now... Why on EARTH would you EVER share money with your boyfriend!? No, no, no! Never!
Yes! I thought i was being paranoid! My ex shared his pin number with me and was like "so...whats yours??" No no no!!
Having said that, i would split accounts and then ask for your money back AND THEN split up. Because getting money out of ex's in my experience can be very troublesome
Our money was separate until this summer. I was doing an internship that wasnt paid and we were 2 hours apart. He would deposit his checks in my account so I could have gas money. Then when we came back to school we never switched it, we both got our refund checks (the aforementioned decent amount of money at the beginning of the semester). I always knew it was a bad idea and I would have never done it but I desperately needed his help in order to make it the 40 minute one way drive to where I was working. Esp since gas was 4 bucks a gallon this summer!
I know this is just as much as my fault as his. He reminded me throughout the afternoon that he would take care of everything. I hope for once I can trust him. This has really thrown my day for a loop..
Incompatible ways of dealing with money is one of the main reasons couples split. Better for it to be sooner, rather than later. And as already mentioned, how you get paid back, is not your problem, it's his. And his parents have taught him directly, or indirectly how to deal with money. If they have been there to bail him out, regardless of the circumstance, that reflects not only your bf's view of the appropriateness of doing so, but the parents view of that as well.
My husband and I have very different views regarding spending and saving money and financial responsibility. He has never spent large amounts of money without my knowledge or consent, but he is much more prone to buying impulse purchases, or considering wants before needs. He was also was raised with a financial safety net of grandparents willing to give him money whenever requested. It's my understanding that he took much more advantage of the situation before we met, and I think it may have continued without my influence. We have had to ask for their help in a few situations, some of which I know we could have avoided with better money management.
I don't know how willing your bf is to learn from this mistake and make the compromises necessary to work as a team, or whether you have any interest in doing so.... but I can tell you that even if you both are willing to put all the necessary work in, it will always be a source of stress in your relationship. I'm not saying it's not doable, but he's not going to suddenly see and do it your way. My husband and I are always going to have different values regarding how money should be spent and managed, and the required compromises mean neither of us live as we would alone or with another person with the same values. To my husband, I will always be a bit of a party-pooper, all work and no play; and to me he will always be somewhat irresponsible. Because we're willing to work it out, we do, but it isn't easy.
A wise person once said, "Show me your friends and I will show you your future." I would really be thinking on that one. Best of luck to you no matter your decision.
Loving someone does not necessarily mean it is healthy for you to be with that person.
AMEN CHICKA!!!
Also I agree with DixieD it does not get better! In fact I do believe it gets worse because the more money they have coming in the more money they feel they need to spend. Cut your losses and run!
I actually have thought a lot about the fact that I'm a firm believer in "you are the company you keep" which explains a lot about my relationship too. When we started dating my friends bf's cheated and or were physically abusive. I was just happy to have a bf who was faithful and didn't smack me around. Now.. I've grown up, my friends have changed (literally got new ones), and they have amazing MEN in their lives. I however, have yet to make an adjustment to my personal life, even though I've made changes in the right direction for my social life. One step at a time, thanks ladies for all your support!
OK, thank you god Nishkitten is on the same page. You are in dire need of some Suze Orman RIGHT NOW. She may be crazy, but the woman has TERRIFIC advice for WOMEN about money. Don't let this man ruin your financial future. http://www.suzeorman.com/
You have got to get some sound money advice. Take care of yourself first, OK? Good luck with your money issues, and keep your head up! It will turn around.
You may all die when you hear this buy I'm actually a finance major. MY money.. as in when it wasn't with my bfs, has always been spent well. I don't have insane credit card debt, I've never paid a pmt (car, utility, rent, etc) late and I pay everyone back in my family who has ever helped me out through college. I feel like I let my guard down one time and I got smashed. I do listen to Suze on a pretty regular basis. He doesn't have a card to my account or anything like that- but if he takes the card to get gas or soemthing I have to ask for it back, because if I forget the he frequents the ATM until I 1) get it back or 2) check the account and realize there's far less money in there than I thought. I didn't go off the deep end and give him complete and total access to my account. I may have made that unclear. I'm not completely financially stupid- if I was I wouldn't have a problem with whats going on right now. (Not that I'm implying anyone thinks I am) I just got caught up on some problems where I really needed his help, and when that time was over I didn't change anything. His parents sent some money for us but I'm paying my car payment with it, early, so nothing happens to the money.
I found out today why this all happened. It's hereditary, and I got it from my mother. She recently just went through her 4th divorce. I think it was final 3 weeks ago? Mr. This is the right one this time I promise- he already moved in to her house. I'm not THAT crazy
You may all die when you hear this buy I'm actually a finance major.
You're right. I actually just got back from my own funeral.
*'The Suze' finger wag* Don't do it again, young lady. The Patron Saint Suzite minions have our eyes on you...
As a pennance offering you are required to contribute extra to your savings and retirement (as you can afford it) the second you start getting a regular paycheck again. Otherwise the Great Suze is going to call you a Lovebug and then tell you that you can't afford NUTHIN'!
OOOO OOO... I win! I already have a Roth that gets $50/month. It comes right out of my checking account. I consider that one of those "financial responsibilities". My plan is to put into my 401K whatever my company matches and then up my monthy contribution to my Roth accordingly. See I'm smart. lol.
) He is giving you back your money! It really isnt your concern. If he gets the money from his parents then that is between him and his parents NOT you, him and his parents. Get your money and then get out of that situation. Sometimes, people get into certain situations.- You cannot help them (especially if they dont want help or want a better situation). All they will do is bring you down along with them. Perhaps, you not going on that trip will be a relief! Mentally and emotionally. I wish you the best!
