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Old 06-18-2008, 12:05 AM   #1  
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Unhappy Never a bridesmaide, Never a Bride!

WTF? I can't seem to fit in anywhere. My friend from work on maternity leave goes out with 2 other girls from work, and no one even asks me? I'm lucky I have the man I love with me, but now I have to sit through another one of his brother's weddings - where he will most likely be in the wedding - at the head table or something - and I will be all alone =(.

I really don't feel accepted and fit in with his family (although no one is MEAN in ANYWAY, they just don't really TRY to include me). His family arranged a get-together one night (my birthday)...they called us in the afternoon, to celibrate his brother's engagement - to someone he started dating about 9 months before)... and they served a cake for the party for their engagement - not for my birthday, not one card from anyone in the family... seriously, while me and BF have been together for over 2 years... seriously... no card? But they had cards for their engagement, WTF?!?

My mom and sister live a thousand miles away... My best friend/former roommate moved up to Wisconsin (not like I would still hang out with her anyway now that I am clean - to have her smoke a bunch of pot!)

I just am NO good at finding and making any real female friends. I always end up hurt, always feel insecure in some way...
What is wrong with me?

Last edited by vixjean; 06-18-2008 at 12:06 AM.
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Old 06-18-2008, 01:25 AM   #2  
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Eeesh! Their loss, honey! The engagement party/no birthday card thing sounds weird.
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Old 06-18-2008, 01:55 AM   #3  
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I'm the same way. I think I like 3FC so much because of it. I have lived here for almost 4 years, and honestly have no friends. Even back home I only have 1 or 2. It's OK though. I really do like myself and you should too. Some of us just aren't comfortable and need ALOT of time to get to know others in order to let our guard down.

Just remember, others need time and will not always respond as we would like them too. They may feel you would prefer to be left alone. I hate it when some snot who doesn't care about me annouces my Bday on the company radio. That happened last year, and I could've died. Maybe, that's how his family felt they should handle your Bday. Give them and yourself time. I know 2 years seems like alot but in the course of a lifetime, it really isn't.

BTW, if he is in the wedding, either he should insist on a seat for you next to him or give up the head table to sit with you in the crowd. Atleast, that's what I think a real man/woman would do.
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Old 06-18-2008, 02:01 AM   #4  
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In fact, my mother never liked my exhusband, but through one wedding and 2 funerals (including my mom's) he was never outside of the reach of my hand. And NO ONE questioned it.

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Old 06-18-2008, 06:20 AM   #5  
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Default vixjean you are outgoing

HI from one of your blue teamsters

I find you very outgoing, friendly and willing to listen and share.
so,...
I think you should share your b'day with those family members - call them up - have your bf call them up =- have them over for strawberry shortcake, wine and music

Plus - female friends are not so easy to find but I know you can do it! At work, do you have break times that you could share a healthy snack?
at work, we do this - someone brings in something - fruit and crackers, those mixed rice treats, etc - puts it on the table with a try these please or
a note let me know what you think...

I don't know if it will work but I do know that you are good at sharing and show that you care!
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Old 06-18-2008, 07:46 AM   #6  
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It's too bad we all live so far apart from one another. If we had 'real' meetings, it would be so fun! I am relatively new where I live, and I have found I can make friends at work and my WW meetings. Vixjean, that sucks that your in-laws did that to you, how insensitive! Did they know it was your birthday? It's really your man's job to tell them to be nicer to you. Will he do this? If it is important to him that you go to these family functions, it should be important to him that you're comfortable when you go.
Does he have a sister or a nice cousin you could cultivate a friendship with?
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Old 06-18-2008, 08:33 AM   #7  
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Vix

Another blue team member here: I find you to be charming and funny and easy to talk to! I'm sorry his family is like that (my husband's family is too, I've just let go of any expectations of ever really feeling like a PART of the family, I'll always be just an "observer"). But my husband makes up for any lack from his family, and of course I have my own family, too.

I'm sorry you feel isolated!

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Old 06-18-2008, 09:03 AM   #8  
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Aww Vix, don't feel bad...screw them! It's their loss if they don't want to include you. I could go on and on about my in-laws especially my SIL and I'm working on positive thinking when it comes to them. "They're no better than me". Keep chanting that mantra As long as you have the support of your man 100% forget the rest of his family. They'll come around if they love him. As for friends, I'm in the same boat. I don't have many friends close by and it bothers me too. I love talking to everyone on 3FC and now plurk. Sometime's I wish we could all meet and just hang out and talk crazy all night Hang in there girl and we're all here
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Old 06-18-2008, 10:08 AM   #9  
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Let me tell you about the year i was pg with my first and mother's day rolled around. I was off visiting my sister 5 states away, and her kids all exchanged cards for her (my sis) and her dil who has a baby. My niece orchestrated all this. Here I was sitting there 6-7 mos pregnant, very large from it, and was completely ignored on mother's day. i thought that was very odd, but did not internalize it (as you must not). I knew it was more an issue with their insensitivity or thoughtlessness, bc after all, i was very much pg, no doubt about it!

Just make sure you are a positive, happy, cheerful person all the time and not down in the dumps. People do get drawn to lively people and generally do not want to spend time with sad, woe-is-me people. I'm not saying you are down in the dumps aroudn other people, just more to say, if you're being positive and pleasant, then you are doing all you can do and do not worry about the others.
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Old 06-18-2008, 11:23 AM   #10  
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Hi Vix,
I'm new to the boards, but have you thought about maybe meeting some people in your town..maybe a book club or a group around a hobby or something that interests you? That might at least take your mind off of your bf's family and you coworks that were so rude to you! And you would have the chance to make some brand new friends
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Old 06-18-2008, 12:03 PM   #11  
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if it makes you feel better it was about 2 years before i felt like my BF's family cared about me for the first time and even in the last 3 years since then i have only become more comfortable. Sometimes in-law families are like that. Now we are getting married and they are wonderful but i haven't felt total family support until very recently!! There can be a lot of factors that can go into it. I'm sorry they hurt your feelings!
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Old 06-18-2008, 12:05 PM   #12  
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Vixgene,


I think that sounds like an unfortunate way to spend a birthday and your co-workers sound inconsiderate. If I were you I would invite myself along on the next one of their outings. If one of them is your friend she will say 'yes' and next time they would invite you. Maybe they just don't know that you want to come. People can be self-absorbed, but it's not always on purpose.

Same with your BF's family. Maybe the engagement to someone after 9 months took them all by surprise. Who knows... maybe some family members don't approve and it is a big stress for them and they didn't think about your birthday because the brother is throwing his life down the drain. The party sounded last minute... maybe they are trying to compensate for the fact that they don't approve of the engagement.

Maybe none of this is true, but its kinda relieving to think about it this way. It sounds like your self-esteem is taking a hit right now. Just get yourself out there. There are people around to be friends with you just have to find them.
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Old 06-18-2008, 12:46 PM   #13  
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I feel bad about your situation- I feel a bit opposite of you, in a way. I have a great family, the most amazing friends- a wonderful support system; however, I always have the worst significant others and I feel that I'm perpetually single (ALWAYS the bridesmaid, never the bride). The grass isn't always greener on the other side, but I would love a happy medium. I do have a lot of hobbies and I wish you luck. Just stay strong, hold your ground, and don't let negative people and haters run your life- stay true to who you are and hopefully, you will surround yourself with the right bunch of people. Thank your lucky stars you have a supportive boyfriend who loves you no matter what; I'd give anything for that:-)
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Old 06-20-2008, 12:02 AM   #14  
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Hey ladies, I just want to say THANK YOU so much for your support. I really needed to hear from others because I had no one to really talk to.
Mango - your right I am very lucky to have my man, I am so blessed in that way. He went bike riding with me (I wanted to walk) even though he didn't want to, awe!
marheena- I know it sure did take me by surprise
skinnybeach - That had to suck to be in that situation, I would have told my sister as well

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Old 06-20-2008, 12:11 AM   #15  
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Tyler Durden - YES! An observer, I try to be like that - and that is how I feel sometimes. Sometimes I just let too much in and take a lot of things personal.

Last edited by vixjean; 06-20-2008 at 12:12 AM.
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