I had never been thin- ever. That is, until now (depending on what one's definition of "thin" is). And lemme tell ya it is strange. It has taken me about 6mos to figure out my "set-point" or "normal" weight (which is 127-132 any higher I feel flubby any lower and it is impossible to maintain).
But, whew is it ever better. I mean I still have all sorts of insecurities but life is so much easier. Clothes, restroom stalls, airplane seats, moving in tight spaces, interacting with guys, etc. you name it.
I'm still wrapping my head round it, but I am slowly identifying and "bonding" with the new me. The new identity of Charlotte as not the fat girl anymore.
I'm liking it.

There was an article a little while back about kids getting fatter when they start school. I wish I could remember what it was about, but I just remember thinking that was totally me. In kindergarten I was normal sized (maybe a little larger) and then 1st grade hit and I ballooned. I wish I was at home cause I'd post the pictures. I tell people I looked like Bobby Hill (from the king of the hill cartoon) just with really long, permed hair when I was six. I am not exaggerating. From then, my awkward phase lasted until I was about 17 and lost a little weight and started feeling better about myself.

My dad's girl friend brought out pictures from my brothers wedding when I was about 9 or 10, and its so embarassing and horrible. I think most kids are cute, but even my family laughs at how I looked then. It didn't help that I developed acne and man-boobs at 9. It was really torture being in my skin then, I think especially because no other kids my age understood.

For me, the school weigh-ins were bad, but I remember being tormented for things like.. physical fitness tests, or bringing "diet" food in for my lunch. Kids are horrible sometimes.

Anyway, I'm totally rambling but as a person who's never in my adult life been smaller than a size 16 (maybe for a day or two when I bought those skinny jeans) I thought I'd add my experiences.

I think for me, its more of an issue because weight and food and working out have been things I have thought about Every Single Day since I can remember. Thats, what, about 18 years at least? It's never been ok or comfortable in the sense that I was perfectly happy with myself, but obviously if I've been this way for so long I have been TOO comfortable to change it for any substantial amount of time.

I think people who are thin and gain weight don't have that looming over their heads the same way.

I've always been in the 12/14/16 range since like....mmm...I'd say 8th grade (so when I was 11) -- I CANT WAIT TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE ONE NUMBER IN MY PANTS SIZE!! WOOOOOOOO!!

Also, the idea of being able to, if a pair of pants/skirt doesn't fit, just GO UP A SIZE in the store is amazing. I've never shopped at "plus-sized" stores, I've just always been content with only owning 1-2 pairs of jeans!! haha.

Now that I'm wearing 12s (a little snug when I bought them, but fit perfectly after about 4-5 wears), I'm realizing that an 8 is only 2 SIZES away and that a 6 (my ultimate goal) is only 3 sizes away. It feels really close, but so so so far at the same time!

I was a normal size kid until about 8 years old. I didn't really look fat...but a little chubby compared to some of the other kids. I really started gaining in middle school. It was hard because all my friends were wearing the "cool" jeans and I HAD to have them as well. The only problem is I could barely stuff my fat self into the size 13. It was so embarrassing because I couldn't get a bigger size. So I would take the size 13, try it on, and of course my mom would want to see. I remember not being able to button them. I started wearing only baggy shirts so I could still have the jeans and no one would notice I was busting out of them at the top.

Its hard to say where the problems started for me. We did move away when I was 7...so that is probably a big part. My mom also was struggling with eating disorders. I can remember many times when she would feed us whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted it because she really wanted it herself. I look back and its kind of sick. I remember eating at McDonald's and she would NEVER eat anything...just a HUGE diet coke and watch us eat. She would always say she is not hungry. I just remember the disgust on her face when I couldn't wear certain clothes. It made me feel even worse about my size. I never knew what size I really was since I MADE 13's fit until one summer when I needed to buy shorts for a vacation. I didn't want shorts but who wears jeans in San Diego in the middle of July? That is when I found out I was a 16...and only 14 years old. I didn't feel too bad in the shorts until we got to my family's house and my Uncle's new girlfriend was kind enough to tell me I should really consider working out. Thanks for the tip! I didn't want to leave the house after that! I think that was the last time I ever wore shorts. I was about 160lbs then.

I also was a victim of the whole school gym weigh in. During orientation, we all had to line up and get weighed in and they weren't discreet with your numbers. How embarrassing. Especially since we had to line up alphabetically and my crush was right behind me. They really need to stop doing that.

Anyone too embarrassed to eat at school? I think that is part of the weight gain in high school for me. I never wanted to eat at school. I felt extremely self-conscious about it. So after school, I would be SO hungry I probably ate about 2,000 calories when I got home. Plus dinner, snacks, or whatever else I felt I needed.

Oh wow...just reading everyone's replies makes me feel so much...I don't know...I never really thought anyone else knew exactly what I've been through by just being overweight. But, everything everyone's written I can relate to in some way.

It's hard to be fat. I weighed 130 lbs. in 3rd grade, and was a tight size 16 in 6th grade. I'm having a hard time believing that I'll ever be able to shop somewhere besides in the plus size section.

I remember when I was alot younger when I'd go shopping with my Mom, who was thankfully VERY supportive no matter what my size, we'd pretend that we were shopping for her, because I was so embarrassed to be shopping in the women's section at such a young age. If I liked something I'd be like "what do you think about this Mom?" and she'd pick it up, and carry it to the dressing room where I tried it on...

GurlyGrl: I'm with you on the eating thing, not so much in high school, but now. If I'm out with people, no matter how hungry I am I only let myself eat as much as everyone else. I feel like I don't 'deserve' to eat like everyone else because I'm so overweight....

Sheesh...I need to work on some issues on this journey.

I can't wait to be surprised, either!!

Artsnsmarts: I'm 5'9" and I know being between 145 and 155 are healthy for my height. I see you also are 5'9" and have a goal of being a size 6. Is that possible? I remember being an 8 backin the day but for some reason, I thought fitting into a 6 was for people in their 120s...I could be way off so I had to ask to see where you got that number (6) from.

Wow...this is a good thread. I have also been overweight pretty much my adolescent life. My mom kept this piece of paper that I wrote on about my daily chores and the exercises I was going to do that day...I was 7. So, I know I was thinking about needing to lose weight. I remember in 4th or 5th grade being weighed and I was a little over 150lbs. There was one other girl around that weight and I felt very relieved that I wasn't the only one. In highschool, around my senior year, I remember being 190. I told someone that when I reach 200 I'm going on diet. So, yes, I totally understand the way it can be to not have a picture in my head of what I will look like when I'm smaller. However, I was lucky enough to be very popular in school. I was a cheerleader for 2 years and I was also a homecoming maid for 2 years. So, being overweight did not affect me in the ways that other people have been affected.

I'm in the same boat. But I DO have a goal piece of clothing: a pair of jean shorts I wore when I was around 9 and about 145 lbs. I STILL have them, they are still in good condition.

Isn't it weird and kinda comforting finding gals who went through the same stuff you did? I was actually a little bitty thing when I was really young. Then my mama got with my stepfather when I was 8, I grew depressed, and started to gain weight. You can actually SEE my weight going up in school pictures! I was extremely depressed and suicidual up till very recently. I had/have a hard time making friends and being in crowds.

Kara ~ That's how I got my rep as a nerd. I used to hide in the library and read instead of going to lunch....or ANY school functions. I became good friends with my school librarians so I could always have a getaway. They would write my teachers notes, saying they needed my help when my class had a sub or I was done with all my work and just couldn't stay in the classroom anymore.

Wow, a lot of people have thi issue. I was suprised. I am SO looking forward to seeing all of you when you're at your goal weight! Yay!

I understand the no goal weight thing... I started seeing a nutritionist when I was 3 because I was a fat kid. I went to my first 'diet doc' in middle school. I don't remember ever being a size 8 or 10... which is crazy now that I think about it. Just a few months ago when I was at 250 I was thinking how CRAZY it'd be if I got down to 180. I've been over 200 as far back as I can remember. So I set that as my goal. Now that I'm nearing it, I'm still totally fat(I'm one to use the term fat loosely so don't take offense... just insert any adjective here... like obese or overweight, etc) and I know that I have another 50 or so to go. It's just strange because I thought that when I reached this magical 180 point, I'd be totally elated. I am... don't get me wrong... but it's daunting that I still have so much more work ahead of me.

Seriously... it really is good to know that I'm not the only one with such problems.

Count me in as someone who ballooned at the start of school.... There were 2 boys who teased me constantly at the start of 1st grade- I wonder if it's related... I'm also of the public weigh in crowd. I can only hope that our schools have gotten better- perhaps due to the dramatic increase of overweight children over the past decade. Looking back, it's almost sadistic what kids are put through....

I was at a friend's gig last night and in attendance was a girl from middle/high school. She wasn't a mean girl, but she certainly ran with that crowd. Well, we had a perfectly good time except every few minutes she would make a remark like, "You must think I'm such a fat a$$" "It's either beer or food because I'm now so fat"... It was really odd. She had put on some weight, but ONLY because she wasn't 15 years old!!! She was by no means overweight, but it reminded me how self conscious people are even as grown ups.

It was very, very, strange.

I too have always been heavy. I started gaining a lot of weight when I hit puberty at age 9. I have been a size 18/20 since I was a teen. The lowest weight I've ever been was 180 when I did Atkins. Since then I was my heaviest at 243. I have no idea what it is like to be thin. I think seeing what it looks like is what keeps us going. That's the goal.

lovinlifex2 - Skinny jeans are back in now, so you can bust those bad boys out the closet and buy a cute top ('cause I'm not to sure about the tie-dye thing) and some ankle boots or flats... You'l have a master piece. Do you not not that people go to thrift and vintage stores to get that retro look? I think your skin tight jeans would be fabulous

Jillybean - I know exactly where you are coming from.... I've never be an average size...When I was in elementary I remember shopping at JCPenny as well and getting the Arizona brand in plus sizes. But by the time I reached 6th Grade, I remember wearing a size 10 in petite woman sizes. I was so upset! I was one of the biggest girls in 6th grade and was only two O WELL!