Did you ever think,"I can eat that, I really don't need to diet yet" "As long as I don't look like that I'm fine"? or "Once I reach xyz pounds, then I'll think about dieting again?" Then, once you've reach that limit, you give yourself a little leeway and BLAM... You're where you NEVER expected you'd be. I've said these things to myself.
I realized I couldn't let this go anymore when:
I asked for a table instead of a booth at a resturaunt
I purged my closet of all size 8, 10, 12, 14, 16, 18 and 20's to make room for the 22W
I had a hard time breathing after going up and down the steps
I dreaded going clothes shopping
I had a hard time getting up off the floor after playing with my son
I struggled to tie a shoe
I turn red in the face from bending over to put on my socks...
When my doctor said "It's time to start getting those extra pounds off and I'll see you in six weeks to see how your doing"!!!
I've had enough and want to be the active vibrant person I was 2 years ago...
Photos do it for me - I think a lot of times you get so used to not seeing yourself except for closeups when you comb your hair, etc. Pictures say it all - I got to the point of not wanting my picture taken and if I did see one in the group of pictures I had taken, I'd throw it away so nobody else could see it.
I never liked to go shopping for clothes - I never went above a size 22 and there were cute size 22's available but they never did fit like clothes should fit. Most of the time if I got them to fit in the butt, the legs were too baggy and I got tired of trying to make them look right by altering them.
I got tired of being winded after climbing stairs
I got tired of always wearing slip-on shoes so I didn't have to bend over to tie them
I am a person who makes up her mind and does what I need to do. I have picked myself up by the bootstraps many times in my life and have become a much stronger person because of it. The weight was one roadblock that I wasn't taking care of. I got tired of telling myself I'd have to stay fat because I didn't have what it takes to lose the weight. I am totally committed to this and don't feel that way anymore and I am a much happier person now 40 lbs. lighter. I will be able to lose the rest - I owe it to myself.
Denial is an amazing thing. When I got up to 282, was afraid to walk down my own front stairs (particularly when it was frosty) because I couldn't see my feet and couldn't be sure of keeping myself from falling I was starting to be ready.
When I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes without cutting off my air supply, I knew I had to do something (and still I ate).
When I was wearing nearly a size 26, and every time I got on the scale it showed a higher number I kept on consuming. I just didn't know what was causing my problem. I know now... it was the lunches at work that the cafeteria made with lots of food, lots of starch and all the junk food and candy I ate on top of that.
When the scale reached 282 then I freaked. I realized that continuing to gain and I would soon be 300 pounds or more. Why it took me so long to realize that I was consistently getting worse and heavier I don't know.
I didn't know how to diet. Didn't know what it would take. Every time I tried to "eat less" I would last maybe two or three days and would be so hungry I would give up. At that point I was too big to do the kinds of exercising I had known how to do in the past, so exercise (other than some walking) didn't seem a viable option. I sure couldn't do situps, I couldn't breathe when I tried.
That moment of truth happens at different times for different people. It has happened to me twice. Once at 282 and once last December when after losing 60+ pounds, finding myself within 13 and a half pounds of being back there (268.5). The first thought was "If I keep this up I'll be over 300" the second time it was "If I keep this up I will be back up to my highest weight and all that work will have been for nothing."
I wish those "moments" would come more often and keep us from "going there" more predictably. Maybe come with every 5 pounds gained or something. But for me, I don't see my body as others see me. I only FEEL it when it starts to get too huge and starts to impact my life too much.
I wish my moment of horror had happened when I first crossed into the 200s or even at 145 when I first hit that point. I guess for some people it does.
1) Being diagnosed with hypertension, high risk of stroke, high blood pressure. Sore knees, sore ankles, not sleeping well (NEVER and issue before) at the age of 34.
2) Not wanting to get into a swimming pool at my aunt and uncles house because I did not want to hear the comments about what I looked like
3) Having to become a contortionist in putting on socks and shoes
4) Avoiding any kind of outdoor activity in the summer because I did not want to have to be seen in shorts
5) Avoiding any kind of pictures of myself
I am AWESOME at self denial (Getting better though)
Wow!!! I can relate to each and every one of you!! What really does it for me, is putting on nylons and yes, I can still get them on, however, it is no easy task!
All of my children are very active and thin. I don't think I'll ever wear shorts again, but what's worse is that I don't go outside in the summer because it causes me to sweat too much, just because I'm big, not because I actually do anything...
Well, I just have to say how nice it is to see others with the same similar issues, I knew I wasn't the only one, but never realized that there were so many others, thank you so much for posting these questions, it really gave me something to think about.
Nearly 2 years ago, I started a journey to lose weight after injuring my knee. I decided at that point to become healthier. I lost around 70 lbs at that time but then started struggling with various issues including loose skin. For the last 18 months, I've been bouncing around the same 15 lbs. I did get up to 300 lbs again a couple times, each time watching my weight and getting it back down to below 290. For the last few months, its really affected me in that I know I have to continue my weight loss journey and stop being content with maintenance. I also started taking a BCP that is known to cause weight gain so I knew that it'd tip the balance for me.
Overall, I remember how good it felt when I was losing weight and having my clothes fit loose. I want that again. I want to get out of my current sizes. This weight loss journey may take me 10 years but I know I have to continue downward. I've had enough rest.
I know how you feel Nelie. I have been maintaining a 40 # weight loss for 2 years and know that it is time to start losing again. I too want that loose cloths feeling and to get into smaller sizes. I am also want to be more active and do everything possible to improve my arthritic knees. I have had enough "rest".
My origianl motivation to lose weight was wanting to be more actvie (a friend who was very active inpired me) and getting up to a 6x were there really was no selection in clothing. Now that I am a 3-4x, I want to get to a 1-2x and be able to buy clothing in regular department stores instead of the "large size" clothing stores. Also, I am doing everything I can to improve the situation with my arthritic knees including losing weight.
Some of the perks of maintaining were 1) it convinced me that I could lose weight and KEEP IT OFF. I had pretty much given up the hope of ever losing weight but thought I would try one more time and 2) it gave me time to adjust physically, mentally and emotionally. Something about losing weight really frightens me. Major milestones i.e., crossing a threshold such as a 00 mark are especially frightening. I am guessing it is a fear of change and probably something more.
I know that what I have to do now is to convince myself that the perks of losing are greater that the perks of maintaining. That I can deal with whatever fears come up and will ENJOY continued success.
I know I have veered off topic but it has really helped to write about how I am feeling about the "journey"
Last edited by activeadventurer; 04-10-2006 at 12:57 PM.
the day i realized that my weight, and my lack of socialization because of it, was a major contributing factor to my divorce. I was miserable, and i wanted to be sure that those that were around me knew it. Of course, there were other problems, and im not saying if i was thinner we would still be together.. but i know that my weight and my attitude were very much a part of it...
of course, it took me a solid year and three months after the divorce to figure that out.. LOL.. and by that time i had added an additional 40 pounds! *sigh*..
I'd always convinced myself I was "fat but fit". And I was, for my weight, but one day I realised with a bump that fit for a 260lb woman isn't actually fit. It's just not as bad as it could have been. Not a ringing endorsement when you're only 26.
I was also starting to creep up through the clothes sizes remarkably quickly, and absolutely hated clothes shopping. I was just about fitting in the biggest clothes at some of the normal shops that did slightly bigger sizes, after that I would be restricted to the fat shop, and I knew it wouldn't be long before I got there.
Admittedly I didn't know the 260lb part at that stage, and that was the final shock. I joined a gym in an attempt to get to being fat but fit (I never for one moment thought I might get thin and fit at that stage!), stepped on the scales at my induction and realised just how heavy I was.
I think that was the motivation that made me stick to it unlike the other times when I've started exercising but not realised how important it was to stick with it.
When I snuck a look at the dictation by my NP that said I was a "mildly obese" woman...the BIG O word...applied to me. Denial exploded! After, of course, I got on the internet in a big huff to prove her wrong...sadly the BMI confirmed her calculations...I'm still overweight mind you, but the obese part is history...only if I continue to work my plan though.
For me, it wasn't a health issue, believe it or not. I have excellent blood pressure, my blood sugar is normal, and I don't really have any joint problems consistently. HOWEVAH....I know that if I continue on this road, it is only a matter of time before I have problems.
My main motivators right now are:
--to be more active
--to feel sexier
--to look better
--to prove to myself I can do it.
Hi Jen415~I was just lucky enough to have reality slap me in the face when it did. I was on the same path as many many here. I do not pretend to know what it is like to be facing losing more than 100 lbs (although I post here a lot now because I love the thoughts and support), but if one has to lose 50 or 150 pounds, the process is the same--a complete revamp of food and exercise and addressing the issues that brought us to our Aha moment.
I would get out of breath easily, climbing stairs. When I walked with my friends I was always out of breath, especially on the hills. this would always embarrass me.
I have trouble riding my biking.
I would be sore getting up off the floor after playing with my sons.
Eating with out control and feeling guilty about what I ate and how much.
Not having the stamina for sex. I know TMI but it's true. I just couldn't do the long sessions.
My reality came in the form of chest pains. It turned out to be pulled muscle but I realized that yes, it could happen, especially since I was obese, smoked and was very inactive. It was a sobering thought but that's when I knew I had to change.
There are so many things that have set off red lights for me, but yet I just didn't do anything about it.
-that table instead of booth thing
-Being out of breath when doing just about anything.
-The horrible pain in my knees going up and down stairs
-the break in my arm in October that could only be caused by a "high impact fall". It was high impact because I put my arm out to stop myself and all my weight landed on the arm.
-The fact that I avoid sitting on the floor at all costs
-the fact that I have not one single outfit that I feel I look nice in.
-the fact that my sex drive is shot to **** because I just don't feel attractive.
-The fact that I am the biggest of all my friends.
What sent me over the edge this time (all in rapid succession):
Realizing I could have killed myself getting out of my new jacuzzi tub after a bath (it was like raising the Titanic!)
Hating that I'm only 34 and every time I get up in the morning, I walk like my grandmother because my ankles/feet hurt and refuse to bend
Being wedged in the dreaded restaurant booth and realizing that everyone else's stomachs at the table was a good 6-8 inches away
Hating what few clothes fit me anymore (I promise you all I will never again wear my “uniform” of black pants and an untucked button down shirt once I'm smaller!)
Catching a glimpse of my full-body profile in a mirror and thinking I looked like a potato on a stick (can you say APPLE-shaped?!)
The last straw: Getting on the scale and expecting to see 270 and seeing 3-0-5... I never wanted to know my scale could count that high.
How could I forget flying without my seatbelt fastened last month because I was too vain/embarrassed to ask for an extender?! That's rock bottom...
Last edited by CLCSC145; 04-10-2006 at 10:41 PM.
Reason: Forgot the airplane incident!
When I realized I couldn't let this go anymore.
(Getting better though)
