Well, I knew the day was eventually gonna come, but when it did it still caught me off-guard. My 5 year old son was sitting next to me on the cough and snuggling. He looks at me and touches my belly and says..."Mom, why is your belly squishy?" Huh? Totally did not expect that. I really did not have an answer...then he says, "Mom, your fat...do you know that? Your really really fat, am I fat?"
EEEEEEKkkkkkkks. O.k., so it is no suprise that I am fat, I am obese. But I don't know why it hurt me so. My eyes weld up and I went into the other room. Well, if anything it is a motivator. But, it still hurt coming out of my innocent child's mouth! It is interesting to note that up until a couple of months ago, he did not know what the word fat meant. He learned fast
Kids, gotta love em!!! Dont feel bad, he loves his mommy no matter what. Kids do say the darndest things. Hearing your story made me tear up. I have 2 boys, 8 and and my oldest will be 13 tomorrow. Yikes Ive Been there. They make me tear up all the time. Kids are like sponges they absorb everything. Good luck!!
Awww, I'm sorry. That must have been hard. It doesn't mean that he loves you any less or that he thinks less of you, though. He's just making one of those observations that kids make, and that we adults take so hard. Like when they see a disabled person--we're embarassed as heck when they speak up in the store (and always so loudly!), but the kid is just making an observation.
A couple of weeks ago, I sent my 22 year old daughter an e-mail with my progress pics. After looking at those pics, I had to apologize to her for spending her adolescent years being obese. She was really wonderful about it, but I felt like a piece of you know what. You're doing something about it while your children are young, Gina, and that's something to be so proud of.
I teared up too! Hugs, mommy!!
I have a four year old and he's made observations about my big belly and lately it's my big bum! WHich is going down by the way thanks to pilates. But it still hurts even if it's from someone who is so innocent and doens't know what they are saying! You are not alone! It is a great motivator!
It is a good point, kids make observations about things all the time. Twice in the grocery store.
'Mom, why does that man only have one arm?"
'Mom, I saw a pirate! Did you see the pirate?"
Of course, loud enough so the whole store can hear.LOL!Kids!
I remember reading a story once about a kid who sees a man in a wheelchair. He has no legs. But he has a really cool skull and cross bones earring. The kids stares and stares at the man. And eventually he goes up to him and says "boy that's a cool earring!" It made the man's day!
I don't have kids myself, but can only imagine how tough it must be to hear the truth from your own child.
My sister, when she was about four (she was a loudmouth my sister - unlike my sweet self of course ) who when on a quiet bus with my mum shouted "I'm fat, your fat but that man over there is very very very fat!" My poor mum was too busy being embarrassed for the man to worry that my sister thought she was fat!
It is sad that at such young ages kids are so concerned with weight. My daughter came home about 2 months ago telling me that the kids in her class call me fat and that this hurts her feelings. Last week at the bus stop this little kid(5) tells me " My Mommy and you are both fat". Well at least I wasn't alone. lol. I know I need to get into shape but at the same time it is scary how young children are and body image is important to them.
I think I've posted before that Jacob calling me fat or saying I'm fat is one of my biggest fears. I can only imagine how hard that was to go through. And I know my day is coming too. Kids are so damn honest!! I hate seeing fat people on TV because I know what might come out of Jacob's mouth (Mommy, she looks just like you!).
All you can do is live each day and try to improve your health. For their sake and for your own.
I'm waiting for that day as well when my 4 year old says something about my weight. I remember when I was pregnant with him and I was really huge out in front and hearing the neighbour's kid call me 'the fat lady next door' and it was very hurtful. The thing is that I've never really had anyone insult me to my face or be rude to me about my weight and it hurts even when it is a child who doesn't know what they are saying is hurtful. I am really waiting for it now because I drop my son off at kindergarten and there are a bunch of us moms standing around a few minutes before we go in and for a nation that is supposed to be so overweight, they don't live in my town! All the other moms are a lot thinner than me so I figure it is just a matter of time before one of the other kids remarks to my son about how fat I am and then he'll repeat it to me. It will hurt but in the long run I"m more concerned about improving my own health and making sure my son doesn't go through life in the same situation.
I have a two year old daughter that has already made comments to the fact that I have a big belly and a big butt. Even though it is hurtful, I try not to let it bother me too much. She is not familiar with the word fat yet, thank goodness.
My fear is that I don't want her to stress about body image at such an early age. I have struggled with it my whole life and I don't want her to follow in my footsteps. I can only hope that she is like her dad, really tall and skinny. So far she is. I am doing my best to choose good food selections for her so that she doen't start off with bad habits.
Lots of hugs to you
Keep your chin up. I'm glad you mentioned that it was a motivator for you. Just keep plugging away.
I know how you feel, believe me. But it is important to remember that, at the age of 5, your son isn't judging you. The word "fat" is just an honest adjective, not an insult. Of course, it does give you a chance to open up the lines of communication with him and explain how society has a duel perception of the word. Kids his age don't necessarily care if someone is fat but they do notice it. Now is the perfect opportunity to explain why an overweight person might be sensitive to his obeservations.
As for why hearing those words is so painful, I have a theory. Most of us who are obese put forth quite a bit of effort not to be noticed. We don't dress or act (other than being overweight) to stand out. Usually, most people have the good sense to keep any comments to themselves so it is easy for us to plug along pretending that we are invisible. So, when someone does say something (whether it is an innocent child or a mean adult) it throws us for a loop. I know that when my son first mentioned my weight it didn't hurt my feelings that he'd called me fat - I knew I was fat. But, it hurt because I had to accept that I was NOT invisible and it forced me to take responsibility for my weight - something I remember not being quite ready to do.
Oh dear. I can imagine how it must hurt coming from your baby.
Last year, my SIL was trying to describe someone to my 5 year old niece who couldn't remember that she'd met them before. The darling child screws up her face, trying to picture the person, and says, "Is she fat and soft like Aunty Ali, or really thin like Uncle?". SIL was mortified, but I thought it was hilarious. It was just an innocent question from an innocent kid.
Then, just last week I saw one of my other nieces (aged 6), and declined the Timbits she was passing around. She announced loudly to everyone that that's why Aunty isn't really fat now, and perhaps I'd like an apple instead. I was impressed that she understood the nutritional difference.
Someone once described me as a giant cartoon - flaming red hair, expressive face, I gesture like crazy when I talk, I'm loud, etc, etc. Kids are very attracted to me. And when they're small they tend to ask, "Are you going to have a baby?"
Reminds me of my sister. She is a large woman, always has been. One day she was sitting next to this little boy and he was looking at her arms. He said to her "You have BIG arms". My sister laughed and told him "Yes I do." When she later told the story to me, she said "He wasn't criticizing, he was IMPRESSED!"
Kids are cute and very funny that way. I'm sure your son wasn't criticizing either.
Speaking of kids and people. I remember when I was a little girl I saw this other person my size. She didn't look quite right, but I didn't understand that she wasn't a little girl like me. I wanted to go up to her and tell her "Little girl, you really shouldn't smoke." My mother wouldn't let me though, dragged me away by the hand. I didn't know the woman was a midget, I didn't know there was such a thing at the time, but I couldn't understand why my mother wouldn't let me go talk to her.
Possibly because she was afraid of what I might say?
Your FAT mom!
Ive Been there. They make me tear up all the time. Kids are like sponges they absorb everything. Good luck!!
) who when on a quiet bus with my mum shouted "I'm fat, your fat but that man over there is very very very fat!" My poor mum was too busy being embarrassed for the man to worry that my sister thought she was fat!
I can only imagine how hard that was to go through. And I know my day is coming too. Kids are so damn honest!! I hate seeing fat people on TV because I know what might come out of Jacob's mouth (Mommy, she looks just like you!).
SIL was mortified, but I thought it was hilarious. It was just an innocent question from an innocent kid.
I was impressed that she understood the nutritional difference.
