Mine is kind of a mixture but it was never like a big announcement to people. My family noticed that I stopped getting chips and started eating veg and fruit and things and my sister has become my diet buddy (we keep buying each other chocolate as a joke...lol...my step-dad has had a lot of choccy since we started!) Other people I didn't really want to know, like my biological dad because I knew he would make really dodgy comments like 'about time too...' or he would try to give me really stupid tips on how to cut back on food, one of his favourites is 'use olive oil...its not really fat...'. I guess I'm hoping that I want people to just notice that I'm getting thinner rather than telling them I'm dieting and make them feel like they have to lie to me...
I've experienced both.
During past "attempts" I kept it a secret..but I think the problem was that I fully intended, or knew deep down that I'd fail.
This time around beginning last April 19th...the first couple of weeks were secret..but then I spilled the beans to everyone in my close circle. I wanted the accountability, and I wanted them to be proud of me (I attribute this to my first real "click")
Today, after a long streak of doing really well..and then a 2-3 month period of doing not so well..I'm a bit torn on how much I should have shared.
My Mom definitely does make comments that sting a bit sometimes..but I really believe that those comments aren't meant to hurt me..and wouldn't if I had a "normal" concept of myself. Generally, my family and friends are incredibly supportive, and I am thankful for them every day
I am constantly getting the "So, how's it going?" and the "How much have you lost now?"
To tell the truth, those kinds of comment only bother me when I know I'm not doing very well..when I'm feeling ashamed, and not proud of myself.
I have no idea which is the better road (even for me..)...certainly, it's a very personal choice!
You know, I attend weekly meetings about weight loss at Methodist Hospital in Houston. One of the things I had to learn to let go of was thinking I had to be perfect. Progress, never perfection. If I have eaten off plan, I go in and say - "Wow, I had a crappy week - I way ate off plan." I then get suggestions or just talk about how to avoid making those poor choices in the future.
The worst thing is when you see people come in week after week and swear up and down, I ate exactly right and I gained weight. Now, that might happen to you once in a while and could be water weight - true enough. But, week in and week out? If you can't be honest with yourself and admit when you make poor choices - how can you ever hope to correct those behaviors?
It is a process - learning to replace old behaviors with new ones. It is not fast, it is not sexy - it just takes keeping after it - making progress. LOL man, if I had a dollar for every time I made a poor choice in the last 20 months, I would have some real money. Stress is the one thing I have to continue to work on. Dealing with stress in a health non-food way is the major behavioral chance I need to make a complete part of who I am. I am not there yet, but I get a little closer everyday.
I wish you all the very best in your individual journeys to fitness!
When I got started I didn't tell anyone but it wasn't because I felt the need to keep it a secret. I approached it as, "this is how I'll live from now on" so weight loss was, to a degree, secondary to lifestyle. Of course, my intent was to lose weight but my goal was to get everything else (exercise, health, etc.) in order knowing that weight loss would be a by product of that. So, secret? No. But it wasn't necessarily up for discussion either.
Of course, as my weight loss became obvious people started to take notice. I had lost a significant amount of weight before I actually began updating my wardrobe. So, it did seem to the outside world as if I had lost a dramatic amount of weight in a very short period of time. Obviously, that wasn't the case but they couldn't see it until I was wearing clothes that fit properly. I was always amused by people who asked how I had lost the weight. I would tell them that I ate less and moved more. Their response was always the same, "No, really, what did you do?" As soon as I convinced them that was all there was to it they lost interest. Every single time. I guess it isn't glamorous enough. LOL.
I don't usually worry too much about what people think. I was somewhat uncomfortable over the holidays because I felt like everyone was watching what I ate. Not to police me, but to see for themselves what was working for me. The problem was that how I ate over the holidays wasn't typical. It wasn't out of control or anything but certainly more indulgent than usual. I don't know, it just seemed weird. But, I've never had any of the more personal questions or comments that some of you have - at least none that bothered me.
I didn't really tell anyone at first, except my husband and one colleague. Then people at the office knew I was eating better (they saw my lunches everyday), but I didn't make a big deal of it. Then they heard I joined a gym. Few people have said anything to me yet, but I can see them looking at me, trying to tell if I've lost, or how much? I have started to be more open about it, but in a casual way.
I'm ambivalent about people finding out. On the one hand, I have told a few even how much I've lost and like Helen, can see them start to do the math. I don't like the idea of being judged. On the other hand, I've been working hard at this for months and it's nice to have that acknowldged!
In the past I have announced it to the world. But, I have grown sick of falling off the wagon and having everyone know about it. This time obviously DH knows, my parents knows and a few select others. I don't get into details...just changing my lifestyle.
I also want to add I do tell my boyfriend. He is awesome. He loves me so much and tells me he wants me to live a long life. He says he worries about my health. He even goes to the doctor's with me when I get my current tests done even though hospitals scare him. He is Korean so he has a different view of skinny and fat. They think a size 10 or 12 is obese. My boyfriend is unique for his culture and very western in his thinking. He says he wants me to be healthy because "he loves me for me".
I don't feel there is a wrong or right way to go about it. It depends a lot on the environment you are in. If the people who are round you are already judgmental about your weight it is a strong possibility they will be more than happy to tell you exactly what to do and how to do it. They also will be more than willing to point out any slips you may have. I have also discovered that many of them seem to take perverse delight in trying to get you to fail by nonverbal sabotage. On the other hand if you have people who are really supportive of your efforts they will be on your side in a real way and less critical of small mistakes.
I feel the need to keep my efforts secret not because I plan to fail but because I need to room to find what works for me in my own time and in my own way. I think all of us have heard a few million pieces of advice on weight loss and most of it contradictory. Finding what works for you is a personal journey and to undertake it successfully you need people who are your team or you need to go it alone. Ultimately it comes down to being responsible for your own eating and no one can do that for you. No amount of support or lack of support from others will determine what goes in your mouth only you can do that.
Let me give an example. Fifteen years ago I had a VERY bad problem with alcohol. I did the AA route very diligently for about a year but could not seem to get or stay sober. I did everything to the best of my ability. I shared everything with my group and spoke to my sponsor daily. What I didn't do was listen to myself. One day I had an epiphany. I realized that it is my responsibility to stay sober and that no amount of talking will take the place of me monitoring my own behavior. I came to see that I did not need others to explain to me were I was wrong. What I needed was to see what needed to be done and do it.
When I came to this realization I got rid of my sponsor. I saw that the constant review of my past mistakes and the dark predictions for my future were not helping. I came up with as simple way to sponsor myself. It is called "Read the damn book and follow the directions exactly". The more I did this the more I came to see that the group was also a stumbling block. I found that I did not need to dwell on my past and also I needed to be a lot less self involved and stop talking about how I feel all the time and just get on with living my life. There is a certain amount of feeling your feeling that is good but it can run in a form of narcissism that is very unhealthy. My biggest step was when I realized I no longer need to thinking of myself solely as an alcoholic and I needed to stop referring to myself that way. That was a big step because I saw there is much more to me than just my drinking problem and I needed to look at all the parts. This epiphany did not go over well with the group since it questioned some of the basic tenants of the program. I stopped doing meetings and since that time for the past 15 years have been sober.
The biggest leap in understand was learning to be responsible and to stop looking to others to do for me what I was not willing to do for myself. Some support is good. That is why I come here. The support you get needs to be the kind that brings you to your own wholeness not support to live up to other people's expectations. I can see my environment is hostile to fat people and I can use people on my side. I also need to see my environment around me for what it is and have stop expecting leopards to change their spots.
The first couple of times I tried, I told everyone that I was starting on this day.. and doing this and that. I always failed at keeping to it. This last time I started differently. I didn't tell anyone. I just got it in my head, I'm starting on this Monday and that's it!
I didn't even tell my husband to start with for a couple days after. Now my whole family knows but no one else. I don't need for advice from people who have "known people that have done this or that and have lost weight". Or that I'm not eating this and I should be doing that! AHHH!
A great thread, a lot of insight provided that is for sure. f(x), I could have written that post myself. For me, it has always been my "dirty" little secret, though in retrospect, it is probably pretty detrimental to me to think about it in that way, like I was ashamed of how I was (am). I guess because I was so disappointed in letting myself become the way I became, that I did not want anyone else to know that I was losing the weight, so that one day, ta dah! I am a thin person. That being said, how could people not realize? I mean once you lose 90 lbs, I think people will notice (and they did). I have always been uncomfortable with the unvariable questions that are asked when people begin to notice. "Have you lost weight?" Why do I always have such hard time admitting to it? I will grudgingly admit to losing weight. Then comes the dreaded question, "How much have you lost?". I know most of the time people are trying to be supportive, but I really have problems answering the question. I guess the whole embarrassment of having to admit how much I have gained (as Helen said, people can do the math). I envy people who can shout it to the rooftops. Losing weight is a big accomplishment, I have to work on being proud on how far I have come. I will get to that point.
I know I kind of went off topic a wee bit. I keep my weight loss journey prety quiet, except on this wonderful forum, because that is who I am. I feel that it is my own private battle. Sort of along the lines of thinking, I got myself into this, now I have to get myself out of this.
I wish no one knew, but I told my husband and best friend, and of course they mention it to people. Like my best friend talked to her boyfriend about joining a gym with me and such, so I am sure eventually everyone will know.
I don't like it because I feel like everyone is watching me, and whenever they see me they are checking to see if I have lost weight.
I'm like JennasMom, I don't want people to be monitoring my behaviour. I don't feel that I am responsible to anyone but myself. I know that when my mom talks to me about losing weight it makes me want to go out and eat 10 Big Macs! Her idea of losing weight is either not eating at all or eating foods like chicken nuggets and green beans everyday. Don't get me started on how many times she's told me not to eat bread. You'd think I ate a loaf of bread everyday! Dh doesn't really care that much as long as I am not depriving him of the foods he wants to eat. I want to be able to share successes with people but I don't want my nose rubbed in my failures. Not that I have the sort of family that would do that but I just hate the feeling of being judged all the time. I find it best to keep my weight loss efforts to myself and here of course!
I didn't announce my resolve to lose weight to anyone other than my hubby, but neither did I intentionally keep it secret. Like lucky, I didn't replace my clothes with better-fitting ones timeously, and it took a fair while before anyone noticed that I'd dropped some weight. Now I regularly get comments and questions, I just answer them simply. I don't go on about it, but if someone asks, I have no problem telling them what I've lost, and how I've done it.
There's always the inevitable questions of how much I weigh now and what I weighed before, and I answer truthfully. I mean, people can/could see how fat I am/was, so I don't get precious about it. Other people's opinions of me concern me far less than my own--not necessarily a positive thing given my skewed self-perception.
When the food police question whether I should be eating a particular food, I just say, "yes", and leave it at that. It's only happened a couple of times.
I have had one ludicrous comment that I shouldn't lose any more weight lest I look too skinny! I still have 21 pounds to drop before I even move out of the "obese" category, let alone get to a healthy size. Some people!
I have had one ludicrous comment that I shouldn't lose any more weight lest I look too skinny! I still have 21 pounds to drop before I even move out of the "obese" category, let alone get to a healthy size.
First off congradulations on your weight loss. That is something you have worked hard for and can be very proud of. That comment goes to show that it is truly impossible to please everyone. I notice something like that last night on the tube were they were talking about some Hollywood starlet who is currently anorexic but had been fat before. (Well, fat by Hollywood standards.) The situation is absurd. It seems that anorexia is held up as a beauty standard and then people who attain it are open to criticism of that too. Over all it seems that being anorexic is still more socially acceptable than being fat. I think there are very few people who have an objective attitude about weight and it takes some strong inner motivation to remain true to yourself in all the conflicting messages and role models. It is hard to understand how we have become so messed up on this issue.
)...certainly, it's a very personal choice!
Stress is the one thing I have to continue to work on. Dealing with stress in a health non-food way is the major behavioral chance I need to make a complete part of who I am. I am not there yet, but I get a little closer everyday. 
Other people's opinions of me concern me far less than my own--not necessarily a positive thing given my skewed self-perception.
I still have 21 pounds to drop before I even move out of the "obese" category, let alone get to a healthy size. Some people! 
That comment goes to show that it is truly impossible to please everyone. I notice something like that last night on the tube were they were talking about some Hollywood starlet who is currently anorexic but had been fat before. (Well, fat by Hollywood standards.) The situation is absurd. It seems that anorexia is held up as a beauty standard and then people who attain it are open to criticism of that too. Over all it seems that being anorexic is still more socially acceptable than being fat. I think there are very few people who have an objective attitude about weight and it takes some strong inner motivation to remain true to yourself in all the conflicting messages and role models. It is hard to understand how we have become so messed up on this issue. 
