Oh my goodness had to share!!!!!!!! I got on the scales this morning and saw 115.3kg! -2.2 totally missed the 116s I could cry :carrot: sorry forget you guys are not metric - I lost nearly 5 pounds in a week!! Think I need a lie down :dizzy:

Yes New Zealand is stunning, ubergirl thats so cool you've been here, its such a long way to come! I live right at the bottom of the South Island in a little place called Invercargill.

Geez Mediums and size 16s. Look at you guys go! I carry my weight in my butt with a small waist, so hard to find pants and jeans that fit over my thighs and don't bag around my waist when I'm smaller. At this point I will be pleased when thats my problem.

Photos are so important! I took befores this time round, in hopes to keep me motivated. You can definitely see a difference around your cheekbones Mandy and man you have lovely skin!

Sorry so many !!!!!!!!!!'s Its just that kind of day :woohoo:

Martini...post when you can we love hearing from you!

Mandy...wow look at you I can tell a difference how beautiful!!! And congrats on your loss!

Uber....YAY I am glad you are continuing to lose look at you getting further away from 250!

Laurie...thank you....I am hoping to make this goal! And wow a medium that is amazing...I just fit into 2 pairs of my 14's....I was so happy :)

Jessica...rocking it all the way woohooo boys and weightloss :)

Missloud....yay for the weightloss and I would love to see New Zealand oh so beautiful. We were stationed in South Korea for 2 years!

Diane...I am feeling lazy too! Still feeling run down! Hope you feel better!

Didn't weigh in today probably wont until end of month its my dreaded high carb time :( NSV I fit into my 14's capris and jeans. Not all of them but almost!

Sorry rant below....

I guess when it comes to weightloss I have mother issues. Generally I don't normally tell my mother I'm trying to lose weight because she likes to railroad the whole thing, every conversation is about how im doing what I'm doing right, how much weight I should be loosing and by when, this time she saw my calorie counting book so I got caught out. I know she thinks shes doing the right thing, but this isn't about her at all! So she just rang me to ask how my weigh in went, I told her about my huge loss, of course she proceeded to tell me I should be loosing that every week because I'm huge and it comes off faster, and see what happens when I put my mind to it. grrr if it was anyone else I would have given her an earful but rants have no effect on my mother they just go in one ear and out the other, or she gets all offended, but can never see my point of view :mad: I was never a fat kid - not even a fat teenager (although I thought I was) and I still remember my mum watching what I ate and telling me I'd be pretty if I just lost a couple of kgs. Its very weird she doesn't know her own daughter, because if you tell me to do something, I generally do the opposite :devil:

So mad at her, why can't she celebrate my successes or just butt right out :mad:

And I will turn out of being a teenager an back to my normal adult self now :dizzy: that is all lol

Mandy, I'll admit it's going to be tough. I think I'm might have to streamline some caffeine for a while but I'll figure out a way to pull through. You always look gorgeous in your pictures. I'll be honest, they're seriously inspiring me to break down and take some new ones. I don't think I'm quite ready to yet, but at some point I'm going to let my brother's fiance take some and I might even give in to ones that include more than my face. I think I'm going to wait until I've saved up enough money to get my hair trimmed and possibly get some long bangs 'cause I'll be honest, after over a year of not getting my hair cut, it's starting to look a little raggedy.

Martini, hope you have a great weekend!

Uber, congratulations on your NSV! Omg, funny story - but I've noticed myself sitting with my legs crossed more, too. More importantly, crossing them isn't making the other leg fall asleep either! <3

Laurie, OMG LAURIE I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!! Here's the thing about sizes, it really does vary from brand to brand and even from cut to cut within a brand. For example, I have a size 19 juniors top by No Boundaries (I think it's no boundaries anyway.) It's a basic black tee. The 15/17 fits but is still a little snug for me to feel 100% comfortable in it. But the size 19 sweater I tried on by the same company had so much extra fabric! As did a size 16/18 sweater by Faded Glory. It really just depends. I'll admit it can be a bit frustrating for me when I have to wear larger sized shirts but I remind myself that there are two reasons for that - well, three. My gut and my breasts. Even if my gut didn't make me feel so uncomfortable right now, I'd still have to wear larger tops to accommodate the girls. It's just a fact.

Diane, hope you found a way to be productive. I'll be honest, I let myself waste my time today. It may very well be the last full day I have off for a while, I might as well have enjoyed it.

MissLoud, I wish I could smack your mother right now. I'll admit that I have a complicated relationship with my mother when it comes to weight, too. The truth is a comment she made with I was in 1st grade heavily contributed to my belief that I've always been fat. It wasn't until my early 20s that I looked back at pictures of me as a kid and realized that I hadn't been. Now, it's a situation where I just don't talk about my weight loss with her. If at any time I'm smaller than her or losing faster than her - she's been overweight my entire childhood - I worry about her freaking out about it. I know where my mental instabilities come from and she's been making huge strides of her own accord with her weight that I'm not going to do anything that might derail her success. Especially not as fragile as she is right now with her divorce.

Jenni, congrats on fitting into your size 14s, Jenni. I'll admit that I am so jealous of you and Laurie and your skinny little bodies. I might weigh less, but you guys are fitting into smaller sizes. Reminds me of how much I need to get back to my toning and strength training.


Didn't weigh today. I figure I've got to weigh tomorrow anyway for some of my challenges no point in weighing today when I weighed yesterday. Kinda nice to feel that way. Tuesday, I'll definitely have to make the time to do measurements, though. I didn't do them last week and I really should have. BAD JESSICA. I figure I'll go half on any changes between two weeks ago and this week and enter that for last week's numbers. (shrugs)

I also posted something on facebook about the new job and the possibility of leaving my current one. J and I went back and forth in replies to it for a while talking about hypotheticals and my options. I said something in response to one of his comments suggesting that I go back to school, asking, hypothetically how I'd find the time to do that while working 60 hour weeks... Most of the reply was all serious and logical.. Then I got to the last sentence and I'm pretty sure the grin on my face was ridiculous... Really glad my brother hadn't been her at the time to harass me about it.

Uber - The first leg crossing of any weight loss effort is so awesome!!! I so wanted to comment on the two different scales thing, but the leg crossing is crowding it out because I actually get - in this profound I know this kind of way - what a big deal that is.

Laurie - I've spent the last year being bullied and harassed at work. Systematically. I haven't known how to respond to any of it. Today I approached a senior colleague and asked for help. I don't know if I'll get it, but there's something to be said for the sense of peace that comes with admitting you're no longer clear on the best way forward.

That's what came to mind while reading what you're saying about entering that weight loss zone. I have no idea what your answer is going to be about how to navigate the next ten pounds, but I do think that a big part of that answer exists in the question itself. I'm glad you're asking and putting it out there.

Mandy - You have the most beautiful sparkle in your eyes! In all honesty I can't see a huge weight loss in your face - maybe clearer cheekbones in the today picture - but you're lovely in both photos.

MissLoud - You and I have the same body type. I always have to buy jeans that are too big for my waist because my thighs are so disproportionately big. Unfortunately that doesn't go away with weight loss for me. I just buy jeans that don't fit well in a smaller size.

As for mother issues... I'm a 40-year old woman and my mother can still make me cry like I'm four years old and just scraped my knee. I've only been able to recently find some peace with our relationship (quite accidentally and after years of distance), but it's still a conscious effort. Good luck with figuring out your path through that.

Jessica - Good luck on your first day at work!!

Jenni - Amen to not weighing until the end of the month. I'll join you. :)

Uber - I love the phrase "trampoline weight." That's exactly how it feels! Last time (in Dec 2012/Jan 2013), I got really desperate to get under 200. I had fluttered around the 2-teens for a substantial amount of time, and I started to do things I wouldn't normally do, in the hope that I would get under 200 and then be able to maintain with more reasonable steps. But I gave up. This time, I am trying to be more zen about it. I don't have a deadline. Just the knowledge that I feel better when I'm on plan than when I am not, and a sincere hope that I will want to sustain that forever, even when my weight loss goals are not always met in the time frame I want to achieve them. Your experience is also incredibly instructive. Beside from the incredible coincidence on dates matching, it's really great to see that the more reasonable solutions often work as well as the more extreme ones.

Martini - I am so sorry to hear you are enduring bullying and harassment at work. We spend SO much time at work, and it's a place we have to be to survive financially. I really hope that you find a solution soon. And your perspective is interesting (per usual). I actually think it might be a good thing that I did the trampoline thing when my kids came and I gained that 13 pounds. It actually feels like a completely new weight loss attempt in some ways, and maybe that's how I will punch through. Instead of feeling fatigued like the last time, when I had dropped about 75 pounds to get there, I feel as though I'm really starting at the 206. It will be interesting to see.

Jessica - #TeamJ all the way! You're absolutely right about sizes. I would never claim that "medium" is my size now. I still struggle to fit into a lot of larges. For me, my arms and shoulders are a big barrier, in addition to my girls. I tried on a light suit jacket from my closet yesterday. The shoulders are too snug to allow full range of movement, the fabric strains across the girls, and the stomach part is loose. I know it's ridiculous to complain about, but my proportionally smaller stomach is a feature that I want to emphasize, and by the time my shoulders fit the jacket, it will be so loose in the stomach that it will make me look shapeless. =/ But my sleeveless medium dress? It emphasizes my hourglass shape and makes me happy! Even if the hooker in my head reminds me that people will notice the flab on my arms.

MissLoud - Oh yes. The "helpful" people who don't know what they're talking about. My Trainer Boy Challenge came about because the trainer at my gym told me a lot of things that I knew were not true for people like me. "If you're not losing weight, it's just because you're coming up with a bunch of excuses." kind of stuff. Losing weight and maintaining the loss is not easy. There's a multi-billion dollar industry attesting to that. People get half of their stomachs removed in order to lose weight and maintain that loss. Belittling advice indicating it's easy is neither motivational nor respectful. I'm sorry. (But the advice you'll find here is consistently both motivational and respectful!)

Jenni - I can't fit into my size 14 jeans! Different body shapes. Different sizing. Makes clothes all guesswork. Woot on you fitting into your size 14s! Saweet! Hope you get great scale movement when you weigh in after your high carb days.

Diane - I am so excited for you to have well-deserved hunting vacation! While I love the summer, I also love crisp, cool fall days and evenings. The winter temps are not my thing, but fall is pretty great. And you know what else? Fall is a great time for hunting! =) I still think it's awesome that you were hesitant about 18s, only to find the 16s fitting. Those are great days!

Mandy - You are so gorgeous! With, as has been said, perfect skin. As Martini said, I do see some additional definition to your cheekbones, but the before photo is just as lovely as the after photo. And great jewelry. You are a class act. Still rooting for 280 by 10/09. Let's rock these last few days of September and the first week of October!

Toasted and LotusMama - Hope y'all had fantastic weekends!

205.2 this morning. And I got my first random weight loss compliment. Ironically, I considered wearing my size medium dress to work today to see if I could finally get someone to notice, and decided on two loose fitting pieces with a jacket instead because I decided I didn't really care if anyone noticed. She said, "I can really see it through your face and neck." Interesting.

Back to the weekday routine. Good food. Access to a gym within 5 minutes of work. No deadlines so pressing I can't go this afternoon. I am feeling really blessed today.

Hey guys. I've not had the chance to catch up with everyone's post but I just wanted to do a quick check in. This weekend was not the best. I got roped into a gluten-free baking party because I apparently "know how to do it" from the "great baking weight gain of 2013." It wasn't as much of a mess as it could have been but it wasn't great either. I didn't meet my 1.5 weight loss goal for the week, which is probably fair considering I was eating at maintenance for most of the week AND I was sore and retaining water from starting a new fitness regimen. I didn't work out this weekend at all, but I got back in the saddle today, this morning and I have workout plans for tomorrow morning as well. So far, I'm also doing pretty alright calorie-wise so there's hope y'all.

I hope you guys are all doing well and had great weekends. I can't wait to read up on all you've been up to later on my commute home. Wishing everyone a wonderful day.

You guys are so insanely sweet with your compliments. I'm totally blushing over here! I give credit to my mother in law for the skin... she's a nurse at a cosmetic dermatologist's office, and gives me expensive skin care stuff (usually cleanser, but also toner and moisturizer) on a semi-regular basis!

And Jessica I totally hear you on the needing a hair cut. I haven't gotten mine cut in 3 years (because we've been broke, and I can't go to a cheap place...thick hair that tends to curl, it gets butchered!) And I'm definitely a bit raggedy. You can see the line from the last time I dyed my hair. :-\

http://i62.tinypic.com/2hpqa2f.jpg

(Yeah, that's down to my butt, I blow dried it straight as possible)

Anyway, today's weigh in was 283.2... down a full pound from Friday, even with the carnival stuff (and my mini binge last night while hubby was gone).

No reason at all for it either. I was on plan all day, then got massive cravings for food at around 5pm, so I had dinner. Then I was still having cravings, so I had an orange dream bar and stopped. Later, I was reading, and hubby wasn't home so I got a bag of chips and started munching away while I read. I noticed it, put the bag away, drank a ton of water, walked around the house a bunch, and wouldn't allow myself any more food for the rest of the night. I WILL hit my mini goal of 50 pounds gone by my birthday!

And now I have to go get ready, because we're going to an ordination this afternoon, and I have to figure out how to behave food-wise at the catered dinner afterward.

Have a great day, y'all!

Jenni Size 14 capris and jeans! You are getting to be absolutely TINY! So happy for you!

Jessica I love imagining the smile on your face! And just another word of sympathy about the "gut" issue. I carry ALL of my weight in my gut and it is just the worst place to carry it I think!

toasted Such a hard dilemma-- you enjoy baking and it's a social activity, and yet, you know that gluten free baking is not your friend. Glad you handled it ok, and also probably a good experience to learn how to do the activity that you enjoy, but only occasionally as a social thing, and not as a binge-friendly way of life. You should not worry about eating maintenance calories or not meeting your goals. Every week you don't gain should be placed in the SUCCESS category! (says the one who did not maintain the loss..!!!)

Martini You have my utmost sympathy about the workplace bullying situation. Boy is that NOT OKAY! I can tell you that it has happened to me, and unfortunately, it has happened on more than one occasion. It is quite common in my former profession (nursing) Doctors bully nurses and nurses bully each other. No wonder you have been trouble focusing on weight loss. Having a bad situation at work seems even more toxic than having one at home. I'm really glad that you finally spoke to someone about it! In the past, I suffered in silence and then changed jobs rather than trying to fix the problem. AWFUL! Strength to you, sister!

MissLoud Much sympathy with your mommy issues! In my own case, a big part of my weight issues stemmed from my mom. She had weight issues of her own and she really made a mess of raising me-- constantly picking on my weight, telling me I was fat, encouraging me to go on nutty diets... she has finally backed off of me, but she is still really hard to be around. She is always talking about how little she's eating and whenever eats anything besides diet food she calls it "being bad" or "being evil." I'm constantly telling her that food is neither bad nor good-- it just is... sigh... I strongly encourage you to consider speaking directly to your mom-- saying that your weight is none of her business and that it makes it harder for you to lose weight when she is commenting all the time, and then keep her ENTIRELY out of the loop. You know when my mom finally laid off the running judgmental food commentary? It was when my teenage daughters started calling her on it all the time-- they started giving it right back to her. She was always saying stuff about what they ate, and finally, they started teasing HER and saying wow, look how much you are eating... and finally, she seemed to kind of get the picture and back off a little-- she didn't like it when bit when she was on the receiving end!

Diane Your vacation sounds like it will be amazing. I can't imagine anything more fun than camping out on horseback! And it will be even more fun now that you are so fit-- you'll be like the Energizer bunny!

Mandy LOL. I must be the super weight conscious one around here, because I actually think your pictures look QUITE different. Your face is much thinner. You are one beautiful lady in both pictures, but to me, your face has thinned out A LOT!

Laurie Sometimes I think we are the same person exactly! I think you and me did the exact same thing... last time around, my pace of weight loss was glacial once I got to a BMI of about 30 but I just kept driving myself... I exercised too much, dropped too low on calories, and generally speaking just pushed myself way too hard. In the end, it backfired on me, which is why I'm so determined to do it differently this time around. You sound like a very determined person (as am I) and you are probably used to being able to apply that drivenness to most things in life. When the going gets tough, we think we are tougher than most people (I'm guessing.) But, will and determination doesn't trump biology and the body does what it does...taking a more zen approach is absolutely the better solution. Kudos on the random weight comment!

Thanks everybody for "getting" the leg crossing thing! Yesterday I had to get dressed up to do a book event, and it really was a lot less stressful than when I had to so so 37 lbs ago. When I'm at my heaviest, it is so hard to pull together outfits.

I feel like my plan of eating a wider variety of foods is really working. Yesterday, I measured out a 1 oz serving of the stupid veggie straws that had been driving me nuts with craving the day before. By the time I was halfway through the serving I was getting sick of them and realizing that I didn't like them that much! Goodbye craving! For dinner, I was really hungry and we ordered pizza from Dominos. Normally I skip pizza because I don't like it that much, but last night it sounded really good. I checked calories ahead of time and realized that I had plenty of calories to eat pizza. I ate 3 slices and it was delicious! But afterwards, I realized that I really didn't need the 3rd slice and I would have been quite content with 2. Got on the scale this morning, and even though I had counted my calories and knew that I had stayed in range, I STILL fully expected to see a scale bounce, but in fact, I had lost my bounce from the previous day.

Losing weight while eating more-or-less normally has been an enormous revelation for me. If I can get a handle on this, I may actually be able to shake the binge-eating habit once and for all!

Aw you guys are so insightful! Thanks for letting me rant yesterday (lol you didn't have much choice!) I have tried to talk to my mum in the past about just leaving me to the weightloss thing but it really doesn't work. My husband actually told her on the phone the other day to back off and stop putting so much pressure on me, shes still the same. Maybe when she starts talking I'll just switch to white noise in my head :) sounds like you have great girls ubergirl!

Anyone doing any challenges for October? I've decided not to do any date specific challenges this time around they get me down when I don't get what I was after. Sept I set myself excercise goals and smashed it! This month I'm sticking with the excercise and challenging myself to stay on plan 95% I know there is a couple of days when staying on plan will be hard, my son turns 4 on sunday and there is no way I'm not eating cake!

Anyway thats enough of me rambling - I'm off to work on my tan in the garden :carrot: hope I don't scare the sun away

Ugh. I feel you. Part of why my mom is more mellow now is that she is 79 years old. And even though now she TRIES to be different about it, she still incessantly makes all these little remarks. I also tried asking her to back off numerous times when she was younger and it just didn't work!!! One thing that REALLY bugged me is that she refused to use the term PLUS SIZED CLOTHES. She would always say stuff like "You know they carry clothes in YOUR size...." as if this was a big old miracle. Or, most of the time, more like, "well that jacket is cute, but it doesn't come in YOUR size...." Still makes me fume!

Just popping in to ask a quick question.

What has two thumbs and just ran 3 miles in 41 minutes?

The answer: This guy!

I took as many breathing breaks as I felt like I needed, and I didn't count those against me. I also know that the pace is glacial. But I promise - I pushed myself really hard, and felt exhausted, but great, afterwards.

MissLoud.....I joined the Columbus day challenge...there is one like every 6 weeks on here and the Halloween. Give yourself little goals that way you know you can make it if you over do it well the wooohooo!

Uber....I relate so much to you! Guess what???? I have not binged since I have been doing my plan. I have a theory as to why. I get once a week cheat something that I have wanted and craved all week. Now it cannot exceed 2300 calories for that day (which I never come close) but at least I have that. And so if I have been craving something I have it ONCE a week. I have linked that to why I have not binged. In the past I have deprived myself so bad it did not work...so if I can do something once in awhile and it works....YAY I have conquered a huge milestone!

Jessica....still on team J and you are doing amazing can't wait to hear how your first day was! Oh and don't be jealous. I carry my weight in my butt and thighs. This is why I can fit those 14's right now....we all carry different and it has its pros and cons!

Laurie......Yay for the 3 miles in 41 minutes you double rock! And as I stated to Jessica I carry my weight in my butt and thighs so that is why I can fit those. I also have more than average muscle tone but believe me I still feel in the 220's and well I am so that be it. sizes are all different and I have 14s American eagles I cannot get into yet but those are my teen section jeans so they will not fit for awhile!

Mandy...beautiful hair! Mine is almost to my but because I cannot afford to get it cut LOL Great job on losses!

Toasted...you got this you can do this just say with me I Can I Can I Can!!!!

Did not weigh in still feeling well tired. I really want to get to walking but I cannot even think of it...feel so worn out I may have to go to the dreaded doctor if I don't feel better.....I always go when everything else fails!

Only got a moment to pop in; still got to take Luna for a walk and grab something to eat before heading to job #2, but I wanted to say hi. So I got on the scale this morning and I'm incredibly frustrated, if I'm being honest. It came in at somewhere between 199 & 200. :( It was 197 on Saturday... almost 196. I know that my eating wasn't the best - 3 cupcakes and 1 wine cooler over the weekend, but I can't imagine it was that bad! I think I'm merely comforting myself with the fact that it might have been a beginning of the week spike. Also, I'm within 7 days of my expected start date for tom, so maybe that's contributing? Or high sodium? Or not enough protein? Lord knows. :(

Go Laurie! Running is so great for you! I'm a indoor rower girl, feels so great when you push through and achieve something you couldn't do a couple of weeks ago. This is the first time exercise isn't a chore and I'm actually enjoying it! So weird

Sucky jessica! I'd blame it on TOM, maybe try dandelion tea its great for water retention. Stay strong and know you'll have a weight whoosh after TOM leaves! Takes me surprise every month, always wonder why I want to eat everything in the house. ;)

Hi all, just popping in tonight to keep myself honest.

Had kind of an off day. Little one was home sick so I didn't get much done.

I didn't have a bad day food wise, but I was nibbling a bit here and there-- which I normally don't do at all. I'm going to need to really watch that.

Toasted - The Great Baking Weight Gain of 2013 made me chuckle. Thank you. :)

Mandy - 50lb lost is a terrific way to celebrate your birthday. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Uber - Doesn't it blow your mind what normal eating looks like? I think you're light years closer to normal eating than I am, but I'm getting glimpses of it and it's like seeing the color blue or yellow or something for the first time. No description actually prepares you for that "I'm going to stop eating these veggie straws that I'm really not into anyway" moment. I could probably count on one hand the times I've felt that, but I've felt it. That's the miraculous thing. I now have some idea of what the other side might look like.

MissLoud - I think 95% on plan is a spectacular goal. Heck. 80% is pretty amazing by my standards and I'll post up a dancing carrot for anyone 51% on plan.

for all of you 51% on plan -----> :carrot:

Laurie - I actually put my two thumbs up and pointed them back at myself to celebrate with you!! (omg that is so cute, I've never heard that before)

Jenni - Hope you start feeling less tired soon!

Jessica - Hang in there even when there's no love from the scale!!

The past couple of days have been good when it comes to me being on plan. I'm just putting one foot in front of the other and it's going well. I saw 263 on the scale this morning and am hoping that it sticks for another few days until my official weigh-in day on Monday. I've promised myself some nice eyeshadows once I get into the 250s and... well... I'd really like those eyeshadows sooner than later.

Good morning, everyone!

Jessica - Grrr... The scale setbacks. I am relying heavily on the scale this time around, and I think it's been good for me in many ways. But those days when it is inexplicably high are so frustrating! Glad it's still saying 19_ rather than 20_, though. ;-) It really is the nature of daily weighing, though. Just something to be endured.

Uber - Things that throw my routine off often result in unexpected food challenges. I can't imagine being trapped in a house stuffed to the gills with junk. Sounds like you did a fantastic, if imperfect, job coping with it all, and you caught yourself before your snacking took you off the rails. Like Martini said, this sounds a lot like the way "normal people" must manage their eating. Imagine that! Instead of being kryptonite (which is unsustainable for most of us in the long run) or barreling back to Fatland, you are simply managing temptations. Also, we are totally the same person. I am incredibly driven, and am generally pretty successful in achieving my goals if I set my mind to them. Yes, the weight will, at least to a certain degree, bend to my will. But not always. And that's hard. But I pride myself on being tough. ;-)

Toasted - Life really does interfere with the best-laid plans far too often. But you're keeping on keeping on. And even though you aren't losing again at the rate you would like, you are still maintaining an incredible loss. 5'7" and 184" looks really good on you.

MissLoud - There is lots of debate on the actual physical benefits of exercise on weight loss, but it is so important to me mentally. When I am exercising, I am generally also being wiser about food choices. Yay for exercise!

Jenni - I have a huge butt and enormous thighs. Which is why, I thought, I can fit into a size medium dress (that flares rather than hugs everything below the waist), but can't fit into my size 14 jeans. But who knows? Totally glad you're rocking yours!

Martini - I TOTALLY love how into make-up you are. It's such a cliche that us fat girls don't care about our appearances. It is a goal of mine to eventually get more educated about make-up. (Apparently, I have "hooded eyelids," and should be strategizing to minimize the hood.) And those one-foot-in-front-of-another days, I think, are the ones that really make a difference. Even when I am straight-up gaining, I can have great, determined, on-plan days. It's staying on course between those bursts of enthusiasm that really makes the difference for me. Also, I have been a little worried about you and your work situation. I really hope it's getting better.

Mandy - I love those unexpected gifts from the scale. They make up for the scale being so stingy sometimes! And you also have lovely hair. Skin, hair, personality - you're completely gorgeous!

Diane - Hope you had a great start to your week and that you are rocking those early morning work-outs without any sign of soreness.

202.0 today on the scale. That's down 3.2 from yesterday. I did run my 3 miles (plus walk another half mile warming up and cooling down) and attend a 45-minute Zumba class that evening, but when I went to step on the scale, I did my typical "You know you worked hard yesterday, so even if it's up, you know you're on track" speech to myself. And I ended up with a huge loss. Woot! Kind of hard to complain too loudly about gaining 13 pounds in 9 days when I've lost 17 in the subsequent 15 days. My weight is just so frickin' weird. But it's officially a new low since 2008, and I unexpectedly punched through my trampoline weight, whether it was 203 or 204. Plus, I am 2.1 pounds from Onederland! I don't know if this one will stick, but it was great to see it. And I passed by the brownies in the kitchen a dozen times yesterday without being particularly tempted. Maybe the proximity to Onederland will provide a shield against them again today. (Yes, I admit that even knowing the brownies sat out uncovered for over 24 hours does nothing to dampen my enthusiasm for them.)

Guys, I really think I need to get rid of all of my size 24 pants.

I think I mentioned it previously, about the pants falling down to my knees as I ran up the stairs... yeah, it happened again yesterday with a different pair of size 24 pants. I don't know why I keep grabbing them, except out of habit. But since today I'm wearing pants I couldn't even button 5 months ago, I think it's time to get rid of all the size 24 pants. Or at least box them up and save them for maternity clothes. :lol:

Yesterday was a long, busy day here. I cleaned the kitchen and did a load of laundry in the morning, and then hubby got back around 2, and we were in the car and on the road for a 3 hour drive to a friend's ordination. There was a catered dinner (fried chicken, corn, green beans, coleslaw, potatoes, rolls followed by red velvet cake). I had made sure to leave over 1000 calories to cover dinner. I had a wing, and a leg, a scoop of corn, skipped the green beans because I HATE canned green beans (I'll eat fresh all day long, though), a small scoop each of potatoes and coleslaw, 1 roll with half a thing of butter, 1 cup of lemonade, and a piece of the cake. I didn't eat anything after dinner... but I'm moderately certain between that sodium heavy dinner and 6 hours in the car yesterday I'm retaining some water. I checked the scale this morning, and it didn't move from yesterday so I'll chug the water today and hope for a drop tomorrow. :)

In other news, my bedding set is coming (comforter, pillow shams, decorative pillows, bed skirt, sheets), and so is the set of area rugs I ordered. I'm so excited to be turning this house into my home! :D

We'll be saving up to buy a new bed here soon!

Okay. I've already been on here too long. I have to take hubby's paycheck to the bank, stop by the vet's office and order the cats' food, and stop by the grocery store to grab stuff for dinner.

Baked tilapia (my style - with sour cream, bread crumbs, garlic, parm, and italian seasoning) and spinach/feta/strawberries/walnuts + raspberry vinaigrette salad. Might make something else. I still have half of a massive spaghetti squash to cook, and the way I like to season it would compliment the fish nicely. Hmm. Decisions.

Have a great day y'all and I'll be back later!

Jessica - Ugh-- scales woes. I think bouncing around is especially hard when you are right around the turn of a decade, and SUPER hard when you are bouncing between 1s and 2s. Give it just a bit more time and you will settle in lower where you won't be bouncing into the 2s at all!

Toasted I really do admire you for working so hard to maintain before you are too far off track. It's hard to be above your lowest weight, but there is still a world of difference between what you weigh now and what it feels like to gain most or all of the weight back.

MissLoud - Terrific news that the scale is headed down for you! You're off to a great start!

Jenni - I'm really sorry that you are feeling run down! Perhaps a trip to the doctor is a good idea!

Martini - I love that you totally get how far away we are from understanding what normal relationship with food would actually look like. I now realize that I never developed a normal relationship with food due to my crazy mother, I think developed my own (different from mom) but equally messed up relationship with food. My DH has a normal approach to food, but I really can't relate to it much-- he doesn't like sweets at all, and honestly, just doesn't care what he eats at all. He would eat a boiled tennis shoe if you set it in front of him. The best role models I have for "normal" eating are my two teen daughters (ironic, eh...?) My 17-year-old sometimes pigs out and eats and entire bag of candy bars and often eats salad for lunch just because she likes it. She has always maintained a normal weight, and if her smallest shorts start to get tight she "cuts back a little" for a few days... the whole thing is very organic. I absolutely DO NOT KNOW HOW to do that. But look at you in the low 260s!!!!! You are doing absolutely great! I hope the work situation is get some attention from your boss. Keep us posted if you feel like it.

Mandy - Mandy-- your hair is just gorgeous!

Diane - Hope you had a great weekend!

Laurie Look at you already below your trampoline weight and within spitting distance of onederland! And a new low since 2008!!!!!!!!:carrot::carrot: That is definitely carrot-worthy. Fie upon those brownies...(I had a close encounter with homemade brownies over the weekend and survived with only a nibble of the crumbs... you can do it!) Onederland here you come!

So, I'm contenting myself with inching down EVER so slowly. 248.2 this morning.

Martini's comment got me thinking... learning to eat normally is like seeing blue or yellow for the first time... And you know, I realize now, after my boom and bust 110 lb loss that I never did learn to eat normally even during that time. I "thought" that the way I lost weight the first time was me eating like normal people eat. I think I developed an idea of how normal people eat from spending way too much time growing up in a family with a mom who taught me how to be crazy about food, and let's face it, there are A LOT of women in this world who are also crazy about food... so being crazy about food doesn't really seem that abnormal. But for me, to be actually NOT crazy about food, I would need to genuinely learn that food isn't dangerous, and it doesn't control me, and I can eat a normal portion size of food I like without somehow needing to eat ALL of it as if it were my last meal on this earth. I can't tell you how much of a revelation it is for me to realize that even though I have 1) eaten a whole box of fudge, 2) eaten a few jelly beans here and there 3) eaten a few Ruffles potato chips almost every day and too many Ruffles on several occasions etc. that I'm still losing weight, and I'm losing at about the exact same rate that I lost at last time.

Hi, Everyone--

I just wanted to pop in and quickly say hello. I really appreciate the discussion about normal eating; I can so relate. It is amazing how skewed our relationships with food can be. I am not sure I know what normal eating is.

Mandy--I would say the fact that your pants are falling off is a pretty good indicator that they are too big! What a great problem to have!

Laurie--way to go on both the exercise and weight loss fronts. You have hit your stride again. I hope you can feel the admiration coming from my little corner of the world!

Jenni--I hope you are feeling better soon.

Jessica--sorry that the scale is not cooperating. Frustrating for sure, but I think it is part of the journey.

As for me, I lost 2 pounds. I am a bit disappointed, as I thought it would be more, but I will take it.

Hope everyone is doing well and I hope to have a chance to catch up on all the posts I have missed (I just looked at the most recent ones).

LotusMama - Good to see you here! And so exciting that you have posted a loss. I know what it is to want to see more, but it's awesome that you are on plan and progressing. Woot!

I am actually just popping on for a minute to name my horrible thought and then tell that hooker to shut up. I have gotten several compliments today on my dress. I feel like it accentuates my curves, even if it shows everyone what thick calves I have, and I really love it. But every time someone says something nice, I think, "Don't you know how fat I am? Even after losing all the weight I've lost, I'm still fat." Why would I say that to myself? I think fat women are often gorgeous, and I love it when someone not considered an ideal weight has the confidence to wear something that is fitted, and I am trying to emulate that confidence. It's a good look, and people are responding to it well. This is the part I do hate for real about the weight loss journey. I always know that I'm fat. And it always affects me some, but I am actually pretty good at ignoring those thoughts. But when I am focusing on losing weight, I think much more about the fat that hangs from my arms, or my thick calves, or whatever, than I would if I was in complete denial mode. <sigh> Off to the gym to lift weights. Maybe I will have more appreciation for what is a very functional, increasingly fit body at that point. I sometimes feel so ungrateful for what I have.

Lotusmama...thank you....I am feeling a tad bit today and I hope you get more pounds down soon! Way to go!

Martini...great job on your loss you are doing amazing!!!! I am so proud of you! And I really hope that bullying stops...bullying is NOT okay no matter what!

Uber...thank you...I avoid the doctor like nothing else....I am watching myself today is a little better. I hope you get a loss soon...I have been at 227 for like 7 days now!

Mandy...Yay for falling down pants I hope it doesn't happen anywhere where it would be embarrassing! I think you should pack them up for sure :) Your doing amazing!

Laurie....you got me thinking...I think any woman that struggles with weight has these thoughts....I know I do. I have several confident overweight friends who have told me that they do have the confidence but still feel that way. To me beauty is just that it is more inner than outer....the most beautiful people have such wonderful hearts! Okay I am going off track now...why do us women struggle with this? I got to thinking and I conclude that it has a big part to do with the media and how they view women. Lots of people don't know that stars and models so do not even look like what they put in the magazines. Edit, cropping, photo shop has really given us women a negative view on what a healthy woman should look like. So ask yourself....what would you be happy with? No what would you truly be happy with if you could have your body look like anything you wanted? For me many times it goes back to a magazine I saw and I have to correct myself (totally not saying everyone does this). So you go ahead and tell that hooker voice to shut the muffin up and tell yourself how beautiful you are....I mean it!!! Go to a mirror and say I am Laurie and I am beautiful!

We never will strive to be perfect but its us trying fixing that helps us strive to love ourselves a little more each day! With this journey that I hope is my last unless I decide to have another baby...I am REALLY trying to change my ideals of myself and my mind.....that hooker is so mean and I have booted her out for a nicer hooker...LOL

Love you all hope you are having an AMAZEBALL of a day :)

Lol Mandy of the falling down pants! Might be time to retire that size :carrot: I had a purge of my wardrobe at the weekend, got rid of anything that didn't make me feel great. Also looked at the stuff I have to srink into and got rid of anything I don't love, fresh slate!! It has left me a little low in the clothes department so I better go down a size so or I'm going to get very bored of the clothes I've got!

I like 'trampoline weight' (well I don't like it!) But totally understand it, mine is 110kg I just seem bounce around that weight, I really don't think I will feel like I have lost anything until I blast through that number on the scales.

Good work on the lost Lotusmama! May it be the start of many more ;)

Anyway the fickle New Zealand spring is changing to rain and hail this weekend, after a week of lovely days, the boys were even butt naked in the paddling pool yesterday! Don't think I'm going to get a walk in so out to the rower again.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.n...c345ba8d700c77

Don't know if this will work??? Love this!!!

Toasted - Just to echo what Laurie was saying... based on the wedding/bridesmaid photo with the purple dress, 5'7" and 184 looks really good on you.

Laurie - Your weight really is weird. That whole thing with 17lb in 15 days blows my mind. What is amazing and wonderful, though, is that you're within spitting distance of onederland. That blows my mind as well. You've come so far in such a short period of time and I feel lucky to have been a witness to it. It's remarkable stuff.

Jenni - omg I love the snails!!

Lotus - Hey hey!! :wave:

Mandy - I vote for getting rid of the size 24 clothing in some sort of ceremony. It's got to be a thing or else it isn't nearly as fun. The Cutting of the Pants or some such event. Please do take photos. :)

Uber - I am so amazed sometimes by some of the young women that I know. They are so cool and interesting and together that it's such an inspiration. It sounds like your daughters are pretty awesome as well.

With what Uber was saying about eating like normal people... Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but I don't think that eating like a normal person has been my biggest problem. Every time I counted calories and stayed under 2000 calories a day I was technically eating like a normal person. What I do struggle with is my relationship with food. Separating nutrition from moral value from psychological coping mechanisms is hard.

A lot of times I feel I should be the receptacle for "badness" (for lack of a better word) that can't exist elsewhere and has to have a home. I'd eat food no one else wanted. I'd open myself up to pain or responsibility that no one else could handle. It's taught me a lot about strength and endurance, but the underlying message I think I've been sending myself is that my job in life is to be leftover, unwanted, unloved. Food reinforces that message, but it also gives me the strength to hunker down and take that abuse.

I've never really looked at things this way before. I'll have to let this sit for a bit and mull it over later. I understand where this comes from (my parents!!! argh!!!), but I don't quite know what to do with this new perspective on things.

Thank you everyone for the support on what's going on with me at work. Now that I'm fighting back I think the situation with the bullying/harassment is going to get much worse before it gets better. That's ok. I understand the dynamics and I'm ready for it. Worst case scenario is I lose my job and go off and do something else. That's something that I can live with. :)

I see what you're saying about eating like a normal person not being quite the right way of explaining it. Maybe the difference is not what it looks like from the outside, but how it feels on the inside. I can for sure say that I can't separate nutrition from moral value from psychological coping mechanisms.... and not surprising really, since "NUTRITION" was defined for me as "never ever eating what you want or as much as you want" which is perhaps not the best way to learn to define it.

Uber - I like that "what it looks like" versus "what it feels like" distinction a lot. I think that separation gets overlooked. When I or someone else post here about a hard day/week/month with food, it's really easy to look at it as simply having more calories than our bodies need. It feels crazy-awful, though, and it takes people who have been there to know that eating a cookie isn't always just eating a cookie.

And these legacies about food that get inherited are terrible. I'm sorry you learned that food exists only on a good/bad continuum. I don't know how to unlearn these things, but awareness and effort to think differently has got to be a step in the right direction. :)

Hi all. Quick post. I'm still here, just have been having issues at work and then just out of energy when I get home.

Just wanted to say hi!!

Good morning, everyone!

Jenni - You are absolutely right. I actually thought about that at the gym yesterday. I was watching myself do shoulder presses with 20-pound weights, and, usually, I am able to focus on how much more sculpted my arms are starting to look or how my boobs stick out farther than my stomach (which wasn't always the case) while I'm also trying to make sure I use correct form. Instead, I noticed the size of my thighs and (again) my calves. But I also thought, "I will never have a 'perfect' body. This is enough of making myself feel bad." I also loved your snails. It's what I tried to communicate to 'trainer boy.' Even though I hadn't moved fast in the right direction (and in fact, had gained a bit of weight) over the previous year, I had never completely lost focus. If I had gained back all of my weight, I would be at 240ish right now instead of knocking on Onederland's door. I didn't "waste time," as he tried to convince me. I invested time working on figuring out long-term solutions.

Martini - Per usual, you have me thinking about this. I, too, am a big eater of left-over food. The Pizza Incident of 2014 with my hubby--where I desperately hoped that some pizza would be left over for me (because I had eaten very little so I could save calories for pizza) when my son and his friends came over, and my husband ate the last slice when I went out to say goodbye to my son, even though he had already eaten and specifically told me not to buy him pizza--may be an example of this. I could have simply asserted my right to have a warm slice of pizza with my son, and been okay with the fact that maybe someone would have had a single slice less than they wanted. I have had genuine food insecurity in the past, and that has also created a desperation to eat food when it's available. It's just so complicated! And, yes, thank you for acknowledging the weight weirdness. I'm in a Biggest Loser competition that started last Wednesday. The first week of it, I lost 8.2 pounds. I worry that they will think that I am inaccurately self-reporting. =)

Diane - Hope the issues at work get better and that all is going well in exercise and nutrition world for you!

Mandy - I love Martini's suggestion that you ceremonially rid yourself of those way-too-big size 24s! But I also like the idea of pregnant Mandy climbing into them. You know what, though? When you get pregnant, I have no doubt that you will remain nutrition-conscious and exercise-conscious (probably even moreso than now), and you will not even approach being able to use the 24s. With my first pregnancy, I was wearing my regular clothes until about 7 1/2 months. You're just getting so small!

Uber - I hate the holding pattern between whooshes. But it sounds like you are there. And I totally get the weighing on two scales. It would make me crazy-crazy, but there's still a good chance I would do it. =) Soon enough, you'll see the whoosh and neither scale will get even close to 250 again.

MissLoud - Here's to both you and I putting our trampoline weights behind us! Hoping the New Zealand weather returns to being gorgeous soon.

202.4. Up 0.4. No complaints, given that yesterday's weigh-in was down 3.2. I also was deep down hungry after lifting weights yesterday. I am wary of those moments because I can easily overeat. And though the calories are absolutely of concern, I have also found that when I am on plan consistently, overeating is very uncomfortable. Though it doesn't seem as bad as what I have heard weight loss surgery patients describe as dumping symptoms, it does incentivize me to stay reasonable, and I'm grateful for that. I did eat quite a bit, but I felt good about it. I really felt like my body needed it yesterday, and as Mandy's voice in my head frequently reminds me, food is not the enemy.

It's gloomy outside today. Was hard to make myself come to work, and may be hard to make myself do my run today. But it's slugging through the slightly hard days that bridge together the easier days and give me the results that make it all worth it when faced with the really hard days.

Have a fantastic day, everyone! Hump day!

I was thinking about my previous weights and how these goals are so important to me:

I haven't been below 210 in over 4 years!
I haven't been below 200 in over 6 years!
I haven't been below 190 in over 10 years!

This got me really thinking all those years of trying but never really understanding or getting in tune to what really made me balloon up each time other than becoming pregnant. It's not all that, it's more emotional connections to food as UBER was saying. If I do not fix this emotional connection to food (which often lies in getting depressed and eating) than I will never really heal. I look at this as an addiction. Alcoholics have alcohol, drug addicts turn to drugs, I am a food addict I have a bad connection with food and really need to fix it so I can be healthy the rest of my life! Interesting when I really think about things what pops up!

Food for thought....okay that was a really bad pun!

Some really great posts here--all of them thought provoking. Jenni--I also see myself as a food addict. I have always wondered about it, but lately, I have been thinking about it a lot.

The food addiction side of thing is not something I have really thought about in the past but reading this forum really has made me think about it. I watch my boys eat and stop when they have had enough, why have I never been able to do that! I feel like blaming it in my mother is a bit of a copout but I do think it started there. I'm a grown woman now with kids of my own, its time I grew up about food and stop acting like a teenager who doesn't like being told what to do!

Diane - I'm sorry you're having issues at work, we spend so much time there its horrible when its not the place you want to be!

Ladies do you think I should post in pounds?

I love my husband. He's a doll. He brought home cookies saying "I know you're trying to lose weight, but I thought you'd like to try these as a change up from ice cream bars at night"... One flavor is apple caramel, the other is cinnamon roll. Not a single pumpkin flavor in sight. He knows me well.

But... 1 cookie is 170 calories. HOW DO THEY DO THAT?! How does one cookie have as many calories as a freakin candy bar?! And now I have 2 dozen super calorie heavy cookies in my cookie jar. Limiting myself to JUST ONE is going to be tough.

Anyway, today is mostly a fasting day because hubby found a recipe he really liked and wanted to try, so it's "Mexican Lasagna" night. It's layered like a lasagna, but with tortillas instead of noodles, and instead of Italian flavored meat sauce, it's taco seasoned meat and enchilada sauce. And of course, cheese. I'm gonna chop up some onions to go in it, throw in some corn and black beans. And it will be topped with shredded lettuce and sour cream when it comes out of oven. If it's good, I'll see how it fares with shredded chicken next time.

Going with the discussion here, I'm really working on changing my outlook when it comes to food. There are no off-limits meals, just meals we can't have all the time. We stick to mostly fish or chicken as our main proteins, but we do throw in a good amount of pork and beef, and also smoked sausage of various meats because my husband loves them. I try very hard not to stress the sodium in a meal that my husband likes (he does love his processed meats lol), because 1 day of high sodium or high calories or high fat in one meal isn't going to derail everything I've done. I've lost almost 50 pounds. It's not going to all come rushing back if I indulge for one meal. I am approaching this in a slightly different way than I did previously, because I REALLY want to be able to continue to lose weight and not feel like I'm completely depriving myself.

Food used to be something I felt embarrassed to consume, especially in front of others. Obviously I'd already had more than I needed, or I wouldn't have been so big, right? So it would be a little nibble here or there when I was around people, and then stash the food away and stuff my face when nobody was around to see it. I would go all day at school without eating a thing, and feel like I'd accomplished something. Especially if I made it through after school activities without getting something from the snack machines. Oh, and Wednesdays when I was there until 8pm? I'd eat pretty much nothing all day, then like a slice of pizza before my 5:30pm practice, and then get home and raid the pantry as soon as nobody was paying attention. I think this history with food had become so ingrained that once I lived alone, eating became my hobby. Nobody was around to see me do it, I finally had freedom to eat when I wanted! So I did. All the time. And went from 200 to 300 in about 5 years. Once I hit 300, it was the constant yo-yo dieting, and again I fell back into that "the less I can eat in a day the better, giving into hunger and eating means failure" state of mind. It's not a good place to be.

I think I'm getting better with it, but I still have to fight the urge to snack a lot when my husband isn't home... simply because I'm alone and nobody would see it. Just like doing some kind of drugs, I still sometimes feel like eating is shameful, and I have to hide it when I need my fix. It's a struggle when you can't just drop your addiction, you have to see it every day. And not only see it, you have to really work to control it. Nobody asks a recovering alcoholic to just have a small glass of wine and stop, whereas a recovering food addict still has to eat to survive.

It's tough. Really tough. And that's why you should not over-burden yourself with guilt if you mess up. That makes continuing forward SO MUCH harder. Just acknowledge the slip, realize it happened, figure out why it happened, and try to deal with that "why" better in the future. Don't hate the food for existing, the food didn't jump down your throat. That leads to a really bad relationship with food, on the other end of the spectrum.

Food is not the enemy! :) (For Laurie)

Whew. That was longer than I really intended it to be, but I hope anyone who made it through all that can maybe get something out of it that helps them or makes them think.

Hope you all are having a great day!!

Well said Mandy!

Only got a few minutes. I'm stuffing my face with dinner, gonna take Luna for her walk, grab some coffee and try to relax a little before I have to jump back on the road again for Home Depot. I'm going to try and make both jobs work as long as I can. If I can manage it, I might just be able to save up enough to get my own apartment by the first of the year. Three months is still such a long time to live with my brother, especially on his moody days, but it's not like I'll be home much to really have to interact with him anyway.

Will might have pneumonia. The lady who boards him is supposed to pick up a full spectrum anti-biotic/anti-viral and see if that fixes the problem. I'm praying it does. Poor guy's looked so miserable the last few times I've been out there and he weight still isn't going back on yet.

The scale has more or less been at 200 for the last 3 days. It hasn't gone above 200, but I'd much rather it be in the 190's. I'm not going to let myself panic, though. I can't afford to panic... It'll only stress me out which will cause more problems with the scale, so on and so forth. I think as much as I was hoping not to experience something like this, I've known it was coming. You can't have a perfect run when you've got over 100-lbs to lose, you're going to end up going slow or stalling at some point... It just sucks that it's at the Onederland border.

Also, fingers crossed, but I think I'm going to be able to get Sundays off from both jobs. As of right now, I definitely have it off from both jobs for this coming Sunday and it better stay that way, 'cause I've got a coffee date with a fellow geek who managed to snag the supervisor position he was up for.

Hi Everybody.

I posted an UBERLONG post earlier today... and then POOF! It vanished... really Mandy said so many smart things that I can just quote her!

I didn't have a terrific day-- I nibbled a little-- not enough to really add calories to my day, but that is a behavior that can sometimes start to escalate for me, and I went over calories, not from bingeing but just overdoing it a little. Felt antsy this afternoon so I went for a walk.

Not a bad day, but tomorrow, I need to make sure that I rein it back in.

See you tomorrow!

Laurie - Good job doing what you need to do even when you're not feeling it!! Hurrah for the continued scale love as well!!

Jenni & Lotus - I know exactly what both of you are saying about that relationship to food.

MissLoud - Pounds, kilos... whatever works best for you. I'm fine following either.

Mandy - So much of what you wrote is the same for me as well. Thank you for the reminder that food is not the enemy.

Jessica - It sounds like you're busy but doing well. Hurrah!!

Uber - Nice one with handling your antsy feelings by going for a walk!!

I'm on plan and puttering along. Hope everyone continues to do well!

Good morning!

Martini - On plan and puttering along! Sometimes, that's the best place to be.

Jenni, LotusMama, Mandy, MissLoud - I loved reading your discussion about food relationships. Part of me wants to rebel and be mad that we have to think so much about it, but that's the same part of me that gets upset that my brilliant, successful friend with the perfect body routinely eats entire pizzas and brags about not exercising. Acknowledging and dealing with these things is part of what I need to do to improve my life. Jenni, you totally nailed it. I also have to address the mental and emotional issues surrounding food. Like Mandy, I am trying to shake the shame that accompanies food. And it is really hard.

Jessica - Hovering right on the cusp. Ugh. But you know what? You are freaking 200 pounds! In Uber's immortal words - do you have any idea how tiny you are right now? Can you imagine telling 260-pound Jessica that you are unhappy that you are hovering at 200 pounds? Hope your coffee date is AWESOME, my tiny friend.

Uber - Every time you say a post has been deleted, I mourn a little for the dead post. I love reading what you have to say about these topics. Rarely do you post something that I had never considered, since I have spent forever thinking about these things, but you often discuss it in ways that are so helpful to me in visualizing them in ways that are helpful for me to actually deal with them. I do think that part of the process is learning how to deal with off-days. And you totally did.

204.6. A little bounce. A little trampoline action. And not unexpected. I made the mistake of bringing "dinner" food to work. I significantly limit my calories during the day to give me the freedom to eat more in the evening, so it was on plan for dinner, but not prior to dinner. Then, I had an unexpected "emergency" project that my boss handed me at 3:00. Missed my work-out, and ended up eating pizza, cookies, and a donut for dinner. Just typing that makes me shocked that I didn't go up 20 pounds. =) And I wouldn't even call it a binge, really. I just was hungry, and I had the "work adrenaline" pumping through that reminded me of law school, and all of a sudden, it just felt familiar and right to eat high calorie items.

Interesting. Unexpected. As Mandy said, the key here is to acknowledge it happened, identify why it happened (which I think I did), and then recognize that next time I do a late-night work project, I need to better prepare. Rather than walk to the convenience store across the street, I need to drive to the grocery store five minutes away and buy food that I can eat in volume (read veggies and a bit of fruit) for the munchies I get when I have a workday like that.

But now, it's time to move on. Lifting day. No off-plan food at work. It's gonna be a good day, my friends!

So I finally realized what is going on with me. I don't know if I shared before. I am 35 and last year I was diagnosed with RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis). Unlike regular arthritis this attacks your joints breaks them down and also attacks your auto immune system. Well it took me long enough to realize I am having a flare up. Today my wrists are KILLING me, my fingers are swelled, my toes and ankles are swelled, and my neck...uggg....these flares are caused my multiple things could be food, stress, not enough sleep....well I have been under extreme stress with the step daughter.

I drink over a gallon of water a day and have barely peed :( Where is it going besides retaining???? I don't know what to do can't get into the doctor until Wednesday!

At least I know what is going on!