I don't really
advocate restricting food, I'm just laying out what works for me, which does include restricting food groups and certainly cutting out super-processed "food" devoid of any nutritional benefit. I also had an eating disorder when I was younger (and lost well over 100 pounds through very, very unhealthy disordered habits) but I don't find that restricting myself to whole foods triggers me. Personally, moving on to a whole foods way of life helped me move beyond the guilt/binge/restrict cycle of disordered eating, and I strongly suspect that getting adequate nutrition for the first time in a long time did wonders for my mental state. It's worth noting that I
did not lose weight on whole foods alone - I actually gained 50 pounds when I first transitioned to a vegan diet (which I no longer eat, for other reasons) - but I do think I reaped a ton of health benefits, including mental health benefits, from rewiring myself to see processed junk food as something inedible. There are many ladies here who are developing a healthy lifestyle that includes peanut butter cups and potato chips and ice cream in moderation, and I think it's
wonderful if it works for them, it just doesn't work for me.
Obviously, you are the only person who can know what behaviors trigger disordered eating for you, and you shouldn't try to follow any plan that you don't feel will help you develop a healthy lifestyle.
If you feel that seeing a professional will help you (and honestly, I feel like seeing a professional is helpful to most folks! I would SO be seeing a counselor on a regular basis just to help me cope with life if I could afford it!) then certainly do the things you need to do to set that up.
I also dislike some of the censorship that happens on this site and if it were my forum I certainly wouldn't be bleeping out curse words - but as
Arctic Mama brings up, this is a private website that we're allowed to use (for free!) as a courtesy. Someone else's house, someone else's rules.
I get that you don't feel like your making excuses, and that road-blocks can seem very,
very daunting while we're experiencing them, but from what you've written out it sounds like you're going to need to re-work a lot of factors in your life to be successful on the road to a healthy lifestyle. If you have severe income restrictions that are unlikely to improve, then you're going to need to find ways to do things on the cheap/for free. There's a lot of ways to do that, but you're going to have to figure out what works for you and then potentially network with folks who already know how to do it - dumpster diving, container gardening, farmer's market/co-op seconds.
Here is a list of Food Not Bombs groups in New Jersey - they often get all of their ingredients for free and are likely to know more about the outside-the-lines food scene in your area than I do,
and you can get free healthy food at their events. If you don't have room to cook and move in your house, y'all might want to consider reducing the amount of things you own. There's also a number of websites devoted to DIY organization for small spaces that you could browse for ideas - even screwing (free!) milk crates into your walls to store folded clothes, stuff taking up counter space, etc. would potentially give you a lot more space.
Farmer's Markets in your area that accept EBT: The closest farmer's market I found to East Brunswick is Von Thuns County Farmer's Market in Monmouth Junction - Z Food Farm in Lawrenceville, West Orange Farmer's Market in West Orange, Wednesdays at Washington Park in Newark, are also in your area-ish. There's a link under the photo on
this page that lists farmer's markets across the country that accept food stamps, in case anyone else is interested!