First, you must know that I am a person who quickly and deeply feels guilt for even small things, so while I know most people might be able to stand their ground and shrug this off, this has me feeling really bad. It is a character flaw that I am very aware of and trying to change.
Okay, so...over a cup of Oikos Greek yogurt this afternoon, a conversation was cheekily instigated by my DH about wondering what will be left for them [DH and two stepkiddos] to eat while I am "spending all this money buying 'healthy' stuff" for myself. [Other than replacing the water filter we accidentally left at our last place, I maybe spent an extra $40, at most.] This was my first shopping trip to pick up healthier things, and I am already meeting resistance. He sees having healthy snacks in the house like fruit, yogurt, cheese wedges, etc. as wasteful, because they aren't "full meals". Granted, he is more lenient on the fruit because I am a vegetarian, and I use fruits and veggies to supplement a lot of my meals anyway. Even when telling him that these snacks would help not just me, but them, to eat healthier at actual meal times, he still sighed and rolled his eyes at me like I wasn't getting his point. It makes me feel like he thinks I am putting some materialistic wants to suit a passing phase over the health and care of our whole family.
Now, this wouldn't frustrate me as much if we went on family shopping trips, and I was deliberately making him choose small meals and junk food over large, family meal options or something like that. But, he absolutely refuses to go grocery shopping with me, yet almost always has something to criticize about what I bring home. If I get enough food, he says I spent too much on it, but if I get afraid of that and buy too little, he accuses me of never buying enough. He has also accused me in the past of not buying healthy enough stuff for myself, or at least not enough of it. What am I supposed to do here!? I feel like I live with Goldilocks sometimes! For example, I like to get a lot of produce, but because it can spoil so easily, I usually only get enough for a week, so he complains that I get stuff that I have to turn around and go shopping again at the end of the week for, and he sees it all as me being wasteful. Which hurts both my feelings and my pride, because I am almost painfully frugal and will usually forgo almost all of my personal wants for others. But - since I am the only vegetarian in the house - my diet almost dictates that I have to buy food for myself that is separate from the household stock. Is that so bad? They don't want to eat the healthier things with me, so am I supposed to just eat the calorie-ridden, family value-sized, prepackaged meals they want to get and just eat, like, 3-4 bites of it? Anyway, I know I am droning on and probably losing my point here, so I will just stop here. I basically just wanted to ask this question:
Have you ever been confronted on what kind of food you buy or how much you spend on trying to get healthy, even if you don't personally feel like it is that much?
ETA: I am still buying them all the stuff they like, but - since I actually have been going back every week due to the fresh produce concern, I've been getting them enough to last through the week, instead of major bulk shopping twice a month. I suppose this makes it look like less food coming in, but it is just the same amount simply bought over the course of 4 weeks instead of 2. I guess he is visually seeing less food, but the seeing the same amount on the bank account coming out at the end of the month...do you think that might be why he thinks I'm spending money recklessly when I'm not? Grasping at straws here.
ETA...again, lol: I also wanted to add that he is a great and loving guy in general, so I don't want his difference of opinion to demonize him unfairly by not saying that, as well!
Last edited by opheliaphoenix; 03-01-2013 at 06:33 PM.
Reason: ETA
My ex was horrible about it. He expected me to buy the stuff that he and his son wanted...which was junk food...rather than spend the money on healthy food, and his theory was, just don't eat too much of it. Um, yeah, right buddy. I'm hungry, I need to eat. Eating two potato chips is not going to satisfy hunger like an apple will.
Wow, I guess I still have some baggage there. Anyway, back to you . Just keep buying healthy food, is my opinion, as long as you don't stop buying the food that your family wants. They're not trying to change their eating habits, you are. It would be great if they would, but you certainly can't force your husband and kids learn by example. When your husband criticizes you for your shopping tell him how the criticism makes you feel, just like you did us. You're the one going to the store and if you have to go back next week for more fresh food then you don't mind.
First marriages are complicated so although I'm tempted to say some unkind things about your husband based on his comments I will refrain (and urge others to do likewise). We don't know him or your relationship but you do.
That said I don't think you should let anyone stand in the way of your health. Do the best you can to be frugal if that's necessary/important for your family but buy the healthiest choices you can within your budget.
If anyone in your family tries to stop you from getting healthy I would encourage you to seek counseling of some sort. Even just a talk with a priest or pastor (if you have one) anything that can help you sort through things.
While we can't be your counselors we can be your cheering section and encouragers so be sure to stop by 3FC for plenty of that!
I think it is easy for people to point out that I spend a lot on food, even though it is healthy food. Healthy food IS expensive. But I refuse to put high calorie and low nutritional content into my body anymore.
So yes, people may comment about my spending $7 on a Juice. But at least its not 2 big macs and a coke.
Honestly, I'd stop buying any of the unhealthy stuff and only provide healthy food for the whole family. If they want to poison themselves with junk food, the least they can do is go to the store themselves.
Thanks, guys! I have also included two edits on the main post to address the buying them things they like and the him seeming mean concern. I should have included those in the first place. I love him to death, he's my best friend...but, he's human and isn't always the most understanding when it comes to a difference of opinion. Just working on dealing with that part, ha.
Also, uclagirl4eva:
Quote:
I think it is easy for people to point out that I spend a lot on food, even though it is healthy food. Healthy food IS expensive. But I refuse to put high calorie and low nutritional content into my body anymore.
So yes, people may comment about my spending $7 on a Juice. But at least its not 2 big macs and a coke.
THIS! This is how I feel as well. If there is something healthy that costs me a bit more than usual, I will usually cut out other things on my list to compensate for the higher cost, so my overall spending stays relatively the same...I just end up getting less for myself in the process. Which I get criticized on, as well. So, that's why I've felt stuck in a Catch-22. I don't want to eat crap anymore, but buying the healthier option isn't always or even usually as cost-efficient. Sometimes you can find deals, but around here, it is very unlikely to find quality food at a lower price than the junk or low-grade stuff.
Merilung: That's what I told him before...if you don't like what I buy, you are more than welcome to come along and buy what you want! Or, better yet, buy it himself while he is out. But, his aversion to shopping of any kind, especially for something "boring" like groceries, makes him very stubborn...lol.
Last edited by opheliaphoenix; 03-01-2013 at 06:44 PM.
I'd give him a challenge. Give him the budget you spend on his higher calorie foods per week (just his mind) and tell him to go shopping for enough that will not go bad in that amount of time but enough that he will be what he feels well fed and not go without. And tell him he HAS to stay in budget. It might make him realize that shopping for better foods, prices, and still getting his things isn't as easy as it all just appearing on the kitchen counter when you get home.
Since my boyfriend pays for more than I do with household bills, and since I acquired a job, we both have agreed that I could take on the food bill and getting the healthier foods I want, for both of us. He comes along with me, and he asks me how I budget shop. He's actually learned quite a bit about it, as it's logical. Just an idea.
You can pay now for healthy food, or pay later with diabetes meds, heart meds, blood pressure and cholesterol meds. Or your life. You are making the smart choice! No helpful hints from this corner, just a hug and a kudos to you for eating and buying smart! Hang in there.
Can't you just tell him if he doesnt like it, to go grocery shopping himself? For example, if my husband did not like how I folded the towels, he can fold them next time. If I dont like how he cleaned the bathroom, I will do it next time. If someone has a problem, they should be the one to take on the task to make sure its done to their standards.
I think sometimes when one person in a relationship is trying to make a change in their life, it can throw the other person for a bit of a loop. They want to be encouraging and helpful, they don't want to say the wrong thing, they may even have some insecurities about it. I think this sometimes accounts for some of the nitpicking about things that we who are embracing a big change don't think are a big deal. Once he sees how important this is to you, and how you're sticking with it, and how much happier you are with your success and results he may ease up.
You shouldn't have to eat the things you don't want to just because your family prefers the prepackaged stuff, but bringing them around to your way of eating may be a tough sell. Finding recipes that you love and are both healthy and super tasty is probably the easiest way to bring them around.
As an side I want to recommend this cookbook: Fresh I used to eat at this restaurant all the time and it was seriously draining my wallet, so I bought the cookbook and now only hit it up about once a month. The food is amazing, and pretty easy to make.
I think it's great that you are buying less and shopping more often, and I think if you explain that to him he'll understand. Food should be fresh, in the old days people would buy what they were going to eat that day, THAT DAY. lol Plus I think it helps with recipe planning, it's harder to figure out what you're going to feed your fams every meal for 2 weeks at a time.
Stick with Ophelia, eventually I think he'll come around. Good luck!
Does this man realize that many people shop weekly as a matter of course. He seems to be unduly concerned about that. Shopping weekly gives you the opportunity to take advantage of the weekly specials that stores offer plus getting the perishible items such as fruit and vegies and dairy products.
You can pay now for healthy food, or pay later with diabetes meds, heart meds, blood pressure and cholesterol meds.
THis is what my husband told me when I was worried about the amount of money I was spending while I was dropping lots of pounds fairly quickly - new shoes, new bras, new everything (there's only so much I'm willing to buy secondhand!)
He said, "this was expensive short term, but would be cheaper long term. Sometimes being married to a PhD economist and actuary has advantages.
Accused of Spending Too Much on "Health Food".
Anyway, I know I am droning on and probably losing my point here, so I will just stop here. I basically just wanted to ask this question:
. Just keep buying healthy food, is my opinion, as long as you don't stop buying the food that your family wants. They're not trying to change their eating habits, you are. It would be great if they would, but you certainly can't force your husband and kids learn by example. When your husband criticizes you for your shopping tell him how the criticism makes you feel, just like you did us. You're the one going to the store and if you have to go back next week for more fresh food then you don't mind.
I love him to death, he's my best friend...but, he's human and isn't always the most understanding when it comes to a difference of opinion. Just working on dealing with that part, ha. 
The food is amazing, and pretty easy to make.
