My weightloss battle began again in June of 2002. I went to put on my prettiest summer dress and I could not zip it up. I wanted to stay in bed and cry the rest of the day. But I started watching my portions and by November I had lost almost 30 lbs. Then I idled. Sure I excercised. I think most of you have recognized I like to excercise, I get off on it. Plus my job is quite physically demanding so movement is good. I found my spark again in mid January and the momentum has been building since. I feel that it possible that I wil lose 54 lbs this year, if it takes the whole year to do it. I am losing slower than I ever have in my life and I am gaining muscle.

Still I have a fear of putting what I want on hold to idle a bit longer. Why? Think about what losing this big protective layer of fat means? I am exposed. No more joking about the fat girl. No more taking it on the chin and thinking of when.

So I am ready and willing and asking freely of your support. This challenge is up to me, but I want the truth and if it appears to you I have hit idle mode again. Yell it at me! If you can take the truth I will give it back. This is my promise.

Have a beautiful day!
Miss Chris

Chris - I don't know what to tell you. It IS scary, but part of the reason it's so scary is because most of us have this image of how *perfect* our lives will be when we are at our goal weight. The fear lies in the "what if" -- what if I lose all this weight and my life is still the same? Is that what you're feeling?

BTW, what kind of chemist are you? I was a forensic chemistry major for a semester, but could not pass organic chemistry to save my life.

Hi Chris,

I also recently "found my spark" again after remaining the same size for about a 2 month span of time. I can say I was just lucky that I didn't end up gaining weight. I think anyone who has ever tried to lose weight will tell you that there will be up and down times, and that you can't give up no matter how slow or frustrating the process.

The hard part for me is that I took a job that I have to travel about every other week (for a week at a time), so I rarely make my own meals anymore. Plus, it is hard to get enough exercise when you are living in a hotel room. But I have been lucky enough to start losing weight again and re-dedicating myself. July 1st will be the 1 year anniversery to my weight loss journey. I hope to be down 12 inches in my waist by then.

BTW, I broke down and bought a scale (it is on back order and won't arrive until the first of the month). Then I can have my actual weight on my signature! Tonight I fly to Jacksonville NC (an hour from Raleigh).

I've been idle for the last 2 months, and although I'm not gaining, I'm also not losing. I want to find that spark again, and I don't quite know how. I want to lose another 20lbs before summer, I am determined to do it. I think the weather has something to do with it - we've been in a deep freeze for the last few weeks, I swear the temperature has been -20F or colder, most nights it's been getting down to -45F with the windchill. I swear I have not been warm in months. lol

Yesterday and today gave me a sharp kick in the (__Y__) it has be 70 degrees and sunny here both days, I don't want to be lugging all this fat around on me come summer. Time to get moving!!!!!

I hear ya sister. I got Spring Fever. When it gets nicer out, I'll be more inclined to get my *** in gear. Right now I just want to hibernate.

Sometimes I think its more fear about how imperfect my life will be if I lose weight. My hubby freaked on me last time when I lost weight and since he was positive I was going to leave him he pushed me away. Boy as the weight came back on so did his security with our relationship. We are confronting that head on as I lose weight, but I will tell you my hubby and my son don't make it easy. I overheard my son talking to a friend. "Yeah, my mom works out all the time. She thinks she's fat. It's in her head."

Where does he get this? Some is from the fact that if you ever show up for parents night there are alot of fat people in Nebraska so I look more normal. Second is from his father who is inclined to tell me how sexy and perfect I am just the way I am and here honey have a rootbeer float. ARGH

So here are my resons for finding and keeping my spark:
1. The way I feel: the less weight I have the less it burdens the movement of my body. I swear you can get an endorphin rush just by flexing your muscles, but you have to have them to do that.
2. It puts together the mind/body connection giving me more self confidence
3. Vanity:Simply I want to be as hot as I feel I am. I pulled a skirt out of my closet(thinking it was one of my fat skirts) it was a size 9. I had to really think about when was the last time I was a size 9
4. To keep my self promises.

So what are your reasons?
Miss Chris

It's the same thing here! Size 18 is the rule rather than the exception. When I go back to California, though, goodness do I feel like a big fat !

I forgot to tell you Jennelle I am a classically trained analytical chemist. Heavy on instrumentation. In my current position my degree sits on the shelf waiting for someone to care.

Miss Chris

some of my reasons:

1) because i made a promise to myself that i would do this
2) because heart disease and diabetes runs in my family and being obese doesn't help matters much.
3) because i hate having my weight be the first thing people notice about me and use this to draw conclusions about who i am as a person
4) because i want to climb a mountain someday (maybe not Everest, but one of them!)
5) because i want to be healthy

Great thread!

California was a real hard thing on me. When I lived in the Midwest, I was a fat girl but there were LOTS of people just like me. The first thing I noticed was how friggin superficial this city was. Then, my city was ranked #1 in the country for healthiest people.

But here I was this chica with Super Self-Esteem. I'm a sexy thing, I'm a goddess, I'm beautiful but....

But what?

1) I want to look as good as I feel when I workout. I'm addicted to exercise, I'd just like to look that way.
2) Health. I'd like to not die of heart disease when I'm 50 something like my family history dictates.
3) I'm hella pretty now. I will turn heads when I'm through. I can dig that idea.

So, even though I'm very adament about fat girl power, I intend to stay that way when I'm not one.

Hhmm, although that spark sometimes get a bit dim (yesterday was a good example), my reasons are:

1) I have a disability and coupled with being fat, well, if people are going to look at me, I'd rather be a normal weight.
2) I don't want to have all the health problems associated with being overweight.
3) Because I want to be fit and fabulous in my fifties! I spent 1/2 of my 20s, and all of my 30s and now 40s overweight. I'm tired of it.

The midwest is a great place to be a fat chick. The average size here is about 16/18/20, or so it seems.

My spark definitely needs to be re-ignited. But these are the reasons I can think of right now.

1.) To look better in clothes. I'm sick of the bulges & trying to find something to cover them, yet not cling to them. Wouldn't it be great to just wear clothes & not worry?

2.) To look better out of clothes. No explanations there.

3.) To better my health. To be able to stop taking my HBP pill every day would be awesome. My dr said I can do that, if I lose enough weight.

I have to agree, the midwest is a great place to be overweight. When I was living in the midwest, I wasn't that conscious of my weight and what people were thinking of me. Now, on the other hand, Arizona is such a place of beautifully sculpted and tan women (who always wear short shorts, bikinis, and barly any other clothes). I've never been the type who cares what others think (never worn make-up, or spent more than 15 minutes a day on my hair) but it gets a little disheartening.

The reasons that I had an origionally spark to loose weight was entirely because I was asked to be the maid of honor in my best friends wedding. I lost all 70 pounds because of that fact, but since the wedding was in November, I've been gaining and having no desire to get back on track. Two weeks ago, I tried on my bathing suits from last summer, and saw how big they were on me and the desire has hit again. These are my new reasons:

1. Swimsuit season starts in April here and lasts until October and my boys love to swim.

2. I don't want to fit into the clothes that I was wearing last year, I feel good that the shorts that I bought three years ago, and getting baggy on me again.

3. I want to be able to walk the mile to the grocery store for my shopping, rather than paying $2 a gallon to drive.

4. I want to be happy with myself.

Its almost sad isn't it? The midwest land of the fatties! AAAH! I am doing awesome! I hope people are looking back here to see thier whys or posting them somewhere. I read everyday why I am doing BFL.

Miss Chris