Hey all. First I want to say that I'm new, and am so impressed by the support here. I've recently changed my lifestyle (im 23) from partying and eating to really trying to take care of myself. I've been walking everyday and doing yoga. I've also been changing the way I eat ajd how much I eat. My family and friends say it looks like I'm losing weight. I just don't see it or feel it at all. Im at my heaviest I've ever been ( I'm 5'8 and I THINK around 250). I don't want to weigh myself because I'm scared of the disappointment that may bring. Even after reading so many success stories I still feel discouraged. I'm in a funk I just cant seem to shake. Any suggestions?
First - welcome to the forum. No one will judge you, so it's probably best to get on a scale and realize what you weigh and deal with it. The number is what it is whether you know what it is or not.
I changed how I eat and started going to a gym in January. I weighed myself but never got measured. Now I wish I had been measured. I'd love to know how many inches I lost. You're going to feel the same way when you start losing weight. If you don't want to know what it it, maybe someone you trust (mom, maybe?) could write down the number and not show you. Get on the scale every week and just ask if it's up or down to start. Or - just suck it up and look at the number and face reality. That's what it's all about, really. Embrace the fact that you're putting bad habits behind you and changing things for the better. Better to know the truth than wonder forever how much you lost!
That's just my opinion, but speaking from the other end of the journey, I think it's important to know how much progress you've made as you go along. At some point you'll want to be able to say, "I lost 110 pounds." Or whatever number. The number on the scale is just one guideline we use to measure health, but it's one everyone can relate to and I think that's why most people want to know.
good luck to you. You've come to the right place for help and support.
I think weight loss attempts fail so often, because we're encouraged to see discouragement and failure at every turn. We've been taught to define success in a way that virtually no one can acheive it.
At least, that's what weight loss was like for me, most of my life.
There were a lot of small revelations over the years that contributed to my success this time (and "this time" has been the only time in 40 years of dieting that I've had long-term success. I really don't fear regaining because of my new definitions of success).
The first was that the weight is only weight. It's not a measure of my worth as a human being. I want to get the weight off, especially to improve my health - but if I'm failing at weight loss, I'm not failing as a human being.
As a result, the scale is nothing to fear. I don't hate myself when I learn that my blood pressure and blood sugar are too high, so I shouldn't hate myself for any number on the scale. The scale is only a tool for me to gauge my progress (and it's probably not even the best tool - just the most convenient).
Food also can't make me a "bad" person, or a "good one" so food guilt is pointless and labeling foods "good" and "bad" is just as ridiculous.
I had to learn that a lot of factors can contribute to fluctuations on the scale. The weight of the food I eat, the speed at which digestion is occuring (which can be affected by all sorts of factors, including stress), the sodium content, horomonal cycles, even illness and injury and excercise.....
So what happens on the scale today may actually be the cumulative effects of weeks worth of data. I can't look at the scale today and decide that what I've done all week, or even all month has been bad or wrong.
Only "the big picture" patterns are important, and I can only determine big picture patterns by keeping a detailed food journal (and I still probably will not be able to see or understand most of the patterns).
Weight maintenance is more important than weight loss. Not everyone would agree, but this was vital for me. When I thought only weight loss counted (and that only rapid weight loss counted), I would get deeply discouraged by slow losses and stalls. I'd decide that if I wasn't losing, I might as well be gaining (that's messed up logic - but it's the logic we've been exposed to all of our lives. It's how "weight loss is done" in this country).
To turn that around, I had to realize that "just not gaining" was a HUGE accomplishment. In fact, it was the most important - always. That way, "not gaining" was ALWAYS at the top of my agenda, so I never felt that "if I'm not losing by my own definition of success, I might as well be gaining."
I also never felt like giving up, because I always got to celebrate the accomplishment of keeping off what I've already lost. Even if I gain a pound, I can still celebrate the 97 that I have kept off, and do my damnedest to to make sure that I don't gain more, relose pound number 98 and then try for number 99.
This way, I get to celebrate sucess more often than failure - and that's the secret of success. Being able to measure and celebrate success more than failure. Because when failure greatly outnumbers success, "giving up" is the logical solution. How long would you stick with a job that didn't provide a regular and adequate pay check? How long would you pursue a career or even a hobby, if everyone (including you) thought you sucked at it, and couldn't see any progress?
The problem with weight loss though is that we set the "success" bar so high, that virtually no one can acheive it.
You have to set your goals at a level at which you can acheive success at least half the time (If you're super confident you may be able to set it higher. If you're easily discouraged you may have to set it lower) - but set your goals at a level at which you can feel successful more often than not (even if it seem ridiculously low to you).
It's kind of crazy, but I'm "succeeding" now at a pace that is far slower than any of my previous "failures." Which is why I sometimes say that I've "failed off 98 lbs."
I haven't yet managed a weight loss average of even one pound per week. In the past, I would have labeled that failure, and would have given up and regained (and almost always more than I lost - so dieting only ever made me fatter).
I realized recently that if I had simply commited to "not gaining" I could have achieved a healthy weight decades ago - or at least I could have prevented becoming super morbidly obese. My new philosophy (aiming at "not gaining and maybe losing just one more pound) would have gotten me to goal or closer to it, if only I had never decided that gaining weight wasn't any worse (or at least not much worse) than not losing.
Not losing is an acheivement, if it also means not gaining. Simply not-gaining is often an impressive acheivement of it's own. So when you feel you can't be committed to losing, at least be committed to not gaining.
Surprisingly, seeing "not gaining" as a tremendous achievement of it's own, has made me virtually surrender-proof. Giving up isn't even tempting, because I see the success in simply not-gaining, and I know that giving up means gaining.
I think we often forget that. We give up as if giving up simply means being satisfied with the way things are, even though we know (or should know) that giving up results in the situation getting worse, not staying the same.
I started making some healthy changes earlier this year (and had a lil emergency oral surgery ) before I really started more earnestly tracking my weight and making changes, and I was afraid to jump on the scale during all that. Now I kinda wish I had tracked my highest weight this year just so I'd know exactly how much more I had lost. Ultimately the most important part is where I am now, but it can be so motivating to look back on what you've done, especially when you have some hard times.
If you're not ready to face that, that's okay too. You just may wish someday you had stuff like your starting weight (or, as close to starting as you can get ), your measurements, maybe even a photo if you don't already. If you have someone close to you that you wouldn't mind sharing that with, maybe you could wear something lightweight on a scale and don't peek, have them write that number down and put it in a sealed envelope, so when you are ready to look at it, it's there for you.
The anxiety, the fear, beating ourselves up, those mental things can be the hardest part of this all. So if you need to focus on things for now that make you happier, more comfortable, there's nothing wrong with that. But you are surrounded here by folks that have faced the scale, some with much higher, scarier numbers, so you are in good company when you take that leap.
As I was getting ready for bed last night I realized I hadn't answered you question the way I intended when I first started to type, so I'm back.
I want to add that it's pretty normal, I think, to feel overwhelmed at the start of a weight loss endeavor. I meant to say this first, right after I said "Welcome!" It's sort of like the first instant you realize something has to be done in any difficult situation - cleaning out the garage or a closet, starting a huge research paper, etc. Your first thoughts are "How am I ever going to accomplish this?" But you can and will. You have to get into the mental game first. Realize you can do it. Then just do it because you can. the next year is going to pass by whether you change your habits or not. You might as well have a positive attitude and see any change for the better as being valuable.
Everyone has their own way of losing. And by that I mean which plan they follow. But if you really analyze all the big plans out there, they reduce carbs and sugars (some drastically, like Atkins and Dukan - some moderately, like WW) and increase lean protein and veggies and fruit. And pretty much eliminate the crap and junk. You'll find a lot of members in here count calories in some way. I think this is sensible and leads eventually to being able to intuitively figure what you can eat in a day to lose and more importantly, to maintain.
Everyone has their own way of tracking progress. Some weigh every day. Some once a week. I used to weigh myself often, but only counted what I weighed on Wednesday - sort of like my own personal WW meeting. Some don't weigh very often at all. A member at my gym who has lost a lot of weight never knows how much because she never weighs except at the doctor's office. She judges her progress by how her clothes fit. Some only measure. Some never measure.
I am about the same height as you and started at 252 pounds. I'm also old enough to be your grandmother (I'm 60, so I'd be your YOUNG grandmother! LOL) so I know for a fact that someone your size can accomplish remarkable things at a regular pace and see great results. You need to know that you can do this. It takes determination and persistence. EVERYONE has to do this in their own way and time. What works for me might not work for you - mentally. Increasing your activity level and eating reduced calories and lower carbs and fat and sugar while increasing lean protein and veggies and fruits pretty much works for everyone unless there are health issues that interfere.
I think it helps to have a goal - but make it a series of mini goals. I made a chart of weekly goals with "milestone" mini goals - 30 pounds by the time I went on vacation, 50 pounds by my nephew's wedding, etc. I also joined several challenges in here that were short term. Some challenges are aimed at changing what we do. Some are based on weight loss. No one wins, no one loses. Well, in this forum, LOSING is the goal, so I guess, everyone loses! Just get active in here and get support from the other members. Get your family on board. Set a reasonable goal for the short term. There is a New Year's challenge in here that might help you stay on track through the holidays. Then just keep going.
I assure you - you will succeed if you ALLOW yourself to succeed. Imagine it and then do it. At your own pace, in your own style. Good luck. Hope the funk passes and you can join us with enthusiasm. Time will pass anyway - you might as well do something to improve yourself and your health while it passes.
First off, start with the attitude that whatever you do diet wise and exercise wise is better then what you have been doing.
You said that you have started by changing your lifestyle. You have also started by saying that you have something you need to change about your self and facing up to that instead of being in denial. Both facing up to this and changing your lifestyle are hard things to do. You have already done these things. You have taken the first step already and you should be very proud of your strength and courage.
Think about your strength and courage when you are feeling down and scared to look at the scale. Then, one day, when you are feeling very brave, get on that scale. When you do, think about the fact that you have started a healthier lifestyle and the weight is just temporary and you will get it off.
Be gentle on yourself and forgiving. Don't beat yourself up over what you weigh. It is just what you weigh and you can change that.
You are stronger then you know and we are here for you. You can do this!
yeah, it can be tough to face a high number, but you know, it's not something etched in stone forever more. You've been making changes and are working on it. You should feel proud and motivated by that.
It seems to me that it's better to face these kinds of things. It doesn't have to define you, whatever that number may be, but it can give you an idea of where you're at now, and something of a gauge of your progress (though as you'll see here posted many times, there are many types of success with the health/weight loss, and it's not always helpful to just follow the number on the scale).
you don't have to share that number with anyone else, if you don't feel like it. you don't have to post it here, you don't have to tell your friends or family. do what works for you. I say don't be afraid to own it and move forward.
Welcome! I don't think I can give any advice that hasn't already been given here. That is the awesome thing about this place. So much support, so much encouragement, and none of the judgement we so often feel from ourselves and others. But I think we all have been at this place.
I, too, was afraid of the number when I started on the journey. I knew I had gained back most--if not all--of the 65 pounds I had lost two years before, and that so so depressing to have failed at this weight loss yet again. But, I also came to the point that I knew my health was suffering because of my weight, and I knew I had a lot more living I wanted to do, so I best get to it.
I think that the biggest thing for me was seeing this as a lifestyle change and not a diet. I made it about getting healthy and not about losing weight for the sake of losing weight--if that makes sense. And this time, I'm trying to keep it real by changing my thought processes, changing what I saw as the "right way" to lose weight.
Which was whichever way everyone else told me I should do it. By villifying myself for being weak and eating this and that evil food. Now, I pay attention to me. I know what I'm capable of and what sets me back. I know what feels right and what doesn't.
I know I'm never going to be able to give up carbs, so Atkins isn't going to work for me even though Susie Q just dropped 75 pounds. I simply figure out how to eat them in healthier ways, and I am OK with that. I'm never going to be able to give up the Annual Crawfish festival at Popeye's, so I learned to get only the crawfish instead of the whole tacklebox as an occasional treat. And that's OK because I'm committing to making healthier choices the majority of the time.
Starting was a huge task for me because I'm impatient. I'm an instant gratification kind of girl, and if the numbers don't drop, I tend to say, "To heck with it, then!" I also tend to need that accountibility. If someone else is watching, asking me how it's going, encouraging me, I tend to stay at it. That's why I'm so thankful for the "mini-goal" and challenges that are found here. Reaching my first mini-goal was so motivating, and now I'm working on my second one. Breaking this journey into bite-sized bits is such a help to me.
I didn't mean to talk so much about me. I just wanted to illustrated that you aren't alone here. We all struggle and get discouraged. But you can do it. Just jump in, find things that work for you, and keep coming back for hugs, advice, and support from people going through the same thing.
Ahhh Kaplods - as usual spreading your fabulousmessage of non-failure - I L_O_V_E_it!!!!!!! You should be on the tellie!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KR, I cannot agree more with everyone here-in essence- it's happened whether you look at the scale or not ( and I do agree with Lin, there is a time that you'll wish you had peeked at that number so you can gauge your success in an easy number), time to move on and look forward.
Remember if you play your cards right, find a plan that works for you - sick to it - THAT number????????? YOU WILL NEVER EVER HAVE TO SEE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello and welcome to 3FC!! I know it is spooky weighing after going so long without and worring that number is going to be a large number. You are so young you really have that going for you. The metabolism is so much better when we are young. I turned 50 this year- oh I could kick myself for spending so much of my adult life overweight! And when you get older it is much harder to get the weight off. At least you have decided to do something about this while your in the beginning stages of your adult life. As painful as it is going to be you need to weigh yourself and take down all your measurements. If you are going to take control of your weight problem you have to face it head on. Yes it hurts but you are really not alone in this struggle. We all have the same struggle that is why we are here. You are on a journey now. It is a long journey filled with day's of discovery about yourself and learning to make healthy choices. There will incredible joy with each 5 Lbs. lost and real lows when the scale doesn't move for a week or 2. You have made the best decision you can ever make for yourself. In the long run you will be healthy and you will have so much more confidence in your life. Please keep us posted and
I just wanted to chime in to add that not eating the comfort foods that we get so accustomed to can be much like losing a good friend. To me, that explains why people tend to get depressed with weight loss. You also feel like you're giving up so much but not yet seeing yourself at your goal weight! Just know that it's a normal reaction and that many people here have experienced it. They key is to not give up. It will all be worth it!
linJber, what you wrote made me want a hug from you.....
KR2511--where ya be? Here's the thing. That scale is the enemy, I know it. I hate it. But...it is a measure that we need to use. You don't have to get on it daily...but you need to have the figure where you began in order to eventually judge your progress.
Jump on it...get it out of the way...write it down somewhere and put it away in a safe place.
Continue making better choices, and be honest with yourself--if you're not "on" don't expect results--but if you're on even 90% of the time, results will come. After 2 months of the initial weigh in--hop on the scale again. Any reduction is a win!!! Write it down and stick it away with the first slip of paper. Continue making better choices, and weigh yourself 2 months from then. So on and so forth.
We know when we've done well. We can feel it in our bodies, see it in our clothing. We know when we've not been following our plans, and when we've royally screwed up completely. We're humans. That's what we do. Be honest with yourself, and don't let that number on the scale paralyze you into doing nothing, or plain not knowing.
I didn't like finding out I was 198 at the start of this journey and, frankly, I was probably in the 200s myself because I just didn't want to know. I fiddled around with eating a little better before I faced the scale and got the figure. 198 didn't demotivate me at all...it just gave me an honest starting point. And, like I suggested to you, I didn't get back on the scale until a significant amount of time had passed, knowing that I'd been doing a really good job at eating better.
I still have my hate affair with the scale and currently I'm vowing to stay off it for at least a month. At worst, I know it will never read 198 again, so long as I continue to continue.
Tight hugs and good luck, and come back and let us know what you've decided to do. You don't have to confess your weight to anyone...but YOU need to know, and don't let that initial figure upset you and send you into a tailspin...because you're already on the losing path, right? Right!
extremely discouraged
I'm in a funk I just cant seem to shake. Any suggestions?
) before I really started more earnestly tracking my weight and making changes, and I was afraid to jump on the scale during all that. Now I kinda wish I had tracked my highest weight this year just so I'd know exactly how much more I had lost. Ultimately the most important part is where I am now, but it can be so motivating to look back on what you've done, especially when you have some hard times. 
), your measurements, maybe even a photo if you don't already. If you have someone close to you that you wouldn't mind sharing that with, maybe you could wear something lightweight on a scale and don't peek, have them write that number down and put it in a sealed envelope, so when you are ready to look at it, it's there for you.
Just jump in, find things that work for you, and keep coming back for hugs, advice, and support from people going through the same thing. 
