[linJber]

Mrs.Tee - we do come from the exact same angle except that I don't have the experience with my own mother to compare. There would never have been a circumstance like this between me and my own mom because of many circumstances - not because of personality. I am putting myself in the position of the mother who returns to the adult daughter's home and know this would never fly! I feel like I have the best possible relationship a mother could possibly have with an adult daughter. She's 28 and lives 600 miles from me and we try to visit (each direction) as often as time and money allow. I recall something that happened when she was in high school. I was at a parent meeting. A bunch of us decided to go out for a short while after the meeting and I started to call her to tell her I would be later than what she thought. One of the other parents made a joke at my expense about having to ask permission to go out. My reply was, "She expects me home by 8:30. If I'm late she might worry. I don't want that. And besides, if I check in with her when I'm going to be late, she has no excuse about not checking in with me if she's going to be late. This is just 2 people respecting each other." That comment comes to mind often, and to this day, when she's here, she lets me know if her plans change when she's out because it's what she would do if it was one of her friends or her boyfriend who expected her to arrive at a certain time.

This is actually the same - two adults respecting each other. You wouldn't treat a friend that way or they'd dump you as a friend, so you certainly don't have the right to treat a member of your family that way. The unfortunate thing is that it's almost impossible to separate the love that we feel for our parents and the desire to please them, from the emotions and strength needed to stand up as an adult to a parent who takes advantage of those feelings and throws their parental authority around. It's a terrible emotional game and until child steps up as a respectful adult, it won't change.

Rainbow girl - we're here for you. Let us know how things are going on a daily basis if necessary. After your mom goes back home, jump into this with both feet and make such fantastic strides toward becoming healthy that there is nothing she can do but agree that you have accomplished what you set out to accomplish this time. For now, just keep quiet (I'm not sure how you actually do that) and low key about the way you eat and just do it for yourself. I know it hurts when the person you feel closest to gives nothing but grief, but we can help. And try just a bit to set a few reasonable boundaries for next summer's visit.

You know, you aren't too far different from where I was when I started out in January. You can be at or very close to your goal if you really stay on plan from November through July. At that time, your mom's opinion of how you eat will have no impact. There are a a lot of members in here who have lost 75 - 100 pounds at the rate of 8 or 10 pounds a month. You can, too, with dedication and hard work. It's 90% mental - and then the rest falls into place. You are obviously a strong young woman. Put that strength to good use and do this for you. Not for us. Not for your mom. Only for you. You'll see how easy it comes because you're worth the effort.

Lin