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Old 11-15-2002, 05:34 PM   #1  
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Default handling difficult anniversaries

How do you handle difficult anniversaries? The anniversary of my father's death is this Sunday, and I'm dreading it. Every year on the day I relive the last day he was alive (he died of cancer) and turn to comfort food (chocolate, of course)

I want this year to be different, but I don't know how. My mom isn't someone I can discuss this with, and my husband just avoids the subject, cause he knows I"ll get upset.

Any suggestions would be welcome. I know this is off topic, but you all always have such good advice

Thank you,
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Old 11-15-2002, 05:44 PM   #2  
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You don't say how many years it's been. But it is no doubt going to be difficult a long time. My own father has been dead eleven years now and I still think of him an d his last days on the anniversary. Same with my dear brother who died almost seven years ago. However each year has been easier. The first three or so with Dad were very hard, then became easier each year. Same with brother but maybe as many as five (he was so much younger).

My DIL's father died right around her birthday six years ago and the first years were esp hard. Around the fifth year, my son was looking for a birthday gift and we came up with an event that normally she would have loved. He felt she would not want to go because of the timing but she reluctantly agreed. he also arranged a very special surprise for her at the event. She had a great time and it seemed to take away some of the bad feelings and I don't think it's been quite as hard since.

So that 's my suggestion - find something for yourself that you'd enjoy - better yet if you can find something you AND Dad would have enjoyed. Whether it's just you or you and dh - doesn't matter. But if you can find something that includes him and you explain why you want to do it that day, it may help both of you break the ice. He probably doesn't want to TALK about how you feel (God forbid) but may be more than anxious to take you out for a pleasant pastime to help ease your pain.

Please don't think this is disloyal in any way to your Dad. He would probably be the first to want you to enjoy the day.
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Old 11-16-2002, 05:54 PM   #3  
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Anagram gives some good advice. If I weren't here I'd want the people who loved me to celebrate my life, not mourn it. So maybe try to celebrate the great things about him. Maybe do something he would have loved. Know that it's Ok to be sad. And if you're worried about the food, have an OP day in his honor.

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Old 11-18-2002, 12:19 AM   #4  
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I took the day off work on the aniversary of my grandmother's death & went for a walk in the woods. I walked a mile. It felt great. She is the one who used to tell me that I was soooo pretty, but that my weight had her worried.

I felt a nice nature hike would be a good thing to do to remember her.
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Old 11-18-2002, 09:51 PM   #5  
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Thank you all for the wonderful advice. I spent the day playing with our son Matthew, who is a little character. My father passed away seven years ago, and my biggest regret is that he never met Matthew-they would have been so cute together. Matthew made me laugh and enjoy the day, which helped a lot.

I managed to stay on program, too! I didn't eat any chocolate!

Thanks for the support.

Take care,
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