Gidget, you' need to stop viewing adhering to a healthy lifestyle, eating well and exercise as some kind of punishment. As some kind of terrible thing to be on. Leading a healthy lifestyle is nothing to fear and loathe. Eating those other foods? - that's what's to fear and loathe. Remaining super morbidly obese - that's what's to fear and loathe.
There's nothing boring, dull, restrictive or uncomfortable about eating well. What's boring, terribly uncomfortable and restrictive is being obese. Nothing was more uncomfortable than than.
Eating well is no prison sentence. It's a key to freedom; one that will open up more doors than you can possibly imagine. Ones you didn't even realize were closed.
I'd be curious to see what a typical on plan day looks like for you. Maybe we can help you tweak your menu to make it more palatable for you.
But honestly, I believe your way of thinking needs to be tweaked a bit. And it sounds as if you're up for it!
There is no deprivation in turning down fattening, unhealthy foods. The deprivation is eating them and remaining obese.
You need to not focus on what you are giving up, but on what you are gaining.
You need to become passionate about this lifestyle. Don't dread it. Become excited about it. Embrace it. Celebrate it. Look for the joy in it. Because it's an incredible, incredible way to live. It's a joy and a blessing.
As far as your lunch, I gotta ask you, why didn't you bring some healthy foods with you? For me the key is planning. And then planning some more. And then planning some more. You've got to plan out your foods in advance, knowing where each and every bite, lick, taste and crumb is coming from. No surprises. It's much easier to stay on plan when you've got one. You decide ahead of time exactly what you're eating - and than you stick to it like glue. Like glue.
Once you make that plan, the thoughts of all those other foods will stop spinning through your head. You need to let your love of those foods die down and atrophy. But each and every time you let them in, they remain and become fresh again. You need to distance yourself from them. You do that by working past the discomfort and pushing through it, not giving into it. You make this process soooo much harder by giving in. You don't allow the good habits to become ingrained in you; but worse you re-enforce the bad behaviors and keep your wants for those foods alive. Work past those uncomfortable moments, stop giving yourself permission to veer off. Because again, then those thought of those foods are always around you. Stop making it an option TO eat them.
But by all means, add in other foods. Really, really delicious ones that taste good and are good for you. Be creative. Think outside the box. There's a whole world of delicious, exciting yet healthy foods out there. I feel like I've found the secret to weight loss - I'm eating fabulous foods and lots and lots of them, they just happen to be lower calorie. Who knew?
You need brutal honesty to do this. No excuses. None. Require more from yourself. Raise your standards. Challenge yourself. Conquer some new skills. Master something new - and wonderful.
As far as your husband, my dear, its your responsibility. You need to speak with him and tell him that you need his help and he needs to not enable you by bringing home fattening foods. But again, the bottom line will always be you.
You spoke in another thread about not getting so far in 6 weeks time and being impatient - use that impatience to your advantage - and kick it up a notch. Take this baby home. Discover just who and what you are made of. Amaze yourself.
Don't know about anybody else but.... Robin ~ you got me fired up! Fired up to fight the good fight! Thanks! I never tire of hearing/reading the words to inspire great things.
Words to live by Lottie ~ Is a cheat day when you're going out on a special date a good idea, and you're feeling great, maybe, is it a good idea when you feel like giving in? Probably not.
My visual for this journey is a bowling lane with bumpers - I have free rein within my boundaries. Those boundaries are not giving an inch for any kind of celebration, rationalization or excuse. They are made of iron and I will not fall in the gutter again. There is A LOT of room (WW points/calories) on the lane for most anything I want to eat in small portions and a lot of room for different activites (swim, walk, lift, bike and yes even bowl). Right now mostly I want to stay right down the middle and throw a STRIKE!
As far as the lunch place not having any veggie sides? It's a burger place. Ask for some tomato slices. I like to sprinkle a little salt on tomato slices and eat them plain.
I mean, not that you're necessarily going back to this place any time soon, just trying to share some of the "off the menu" ordering techniques I use when I find myself in a place like that.
You were with your mom, it would be great if you could say to your mom "Mom, I am on a personal journey to a healthy me. I MUST go to a place where I can order a healthy lunch." For the first year or so of my journey, I just said NO to places that weren't on plan. I was completely inflexible - I gave myself permission to stick to my guns. So many of us are "people pleasers" we don't like to make waves, we don't like to make situations difficult, we go with the flow.
When it comes to food, I do not go with the flow. For example - fast food, I don't eat it. For quick meals out, I will go to Chipotle or a sandwich place (Subway, Panera, whatever). That's pretty much it. Has it been occasionally awkward with other people who want to get something fast and easy? Yes. Is my slim, healthy lifestyle worth it - yes!
And I know some people might be thinking "how can you live your life as a food freak where you make social situations awkward" (because that is what I would have thought 6 years ago. I would have thought jeez, get over yourself, just EAT the food, it's not going to kill you, don't inconvenience other people!) Of course, I try to plan well enough so these situations don't happen, but I'll tell you how I live with myself - a slim and sexy size 6 with a closet full of adorable clothes and doctors that oooh and ahhh over my perfect bloodwork results.
As far as the lunch place not having any veggie sides? It's a burger place. Ask for some tomato slices. I like to sprinkle a little salt on tomato slices and eat them plain.
I mean, not that you're necessarily going back to this place any time soon, just trying to share some of the "off the menu" ordering techniques I use when I find myself in a place like that.
You were with your mom, it would be great if you could say to your mom "Mom, I am on a personal journey to a healthy me. I MUST go to a place where I can order a healthy lunch." For the first year or so of my journey, I just said NO to places that weren't on plan. I was completely inflexible - I gave myself permission to stick to my guns. So many of us are "people pleasers" we don't like to make waves, we don't like to make situations difficult, we go with the flow.
When it comes to food, I do not go with the flow. For example - fast food, I don't eat it. For quick meals out, I will go to Chipotle or a sandwich place (Subway, Panera, whatever). That's pretty much it. Has it been occasionally awkward with other people who want to get something fast and easy? Yes. Is my slim, healthy lifestyle worth it - yes!
And I know some people might be thinking "how can you live your life as a food freak where you make social situations awkward" (because that is what I would have thought 6 years ago. I would have thought jeez, get over yourself, just EAT the food, it's not going to kill you, don't inconvenience other people!) Of course, I try to plan well enough so these situations don't happen, but I'll tell you how I live with myself - a slim and sexy size 6 with a closet full of adorable clothes and doctors that oooh and ahhh over my perfect bloodwork results.
^^^ yes, yes and more yes^^^
That's it.
But I can hear it now, "ahh, but you gotta LIVE"... well, ummm , yeah, that's EXACTLY the point. I gotta live. And live well ... and long...
Love the following quote -
"They laugh at me because I am different; I laugh at them because they are the same"
I remember years ago, I had this friend. she was always running to the gym, playing tennis and taking walks. All us girls would eat out and she'd be so choosy and particular, ordering custom this and custom that. We'd be talking about recipes and she was always tweaking them.. She was eating veggie burgers without buns and piles of salad, and I used to think "Gosh, I want to be like her SO badly. I'd LOVE to be someone like that". And then one day it dawned on me - well, ummm, then BE like her. Ta da.
If you want to be your best, well then you'll have to DO your best.
Oh and read the second quote in my signature (the first one too actually).
[QUOTE=EvilGidget;3592458]I also want to say that I appreciate the comments about me thinking I need a day off is more like saying I can or will one day be able to end this journey... or that it's more that I have a mental thing I need to get over and quit trying to reward myself with food.
QUOTE]
I agree that NO one should reward themself with food, nor be a prisoner to it.
HOWEVER, I really dislike that other peoples FEARS have to become your own. Just because you didnt eat the right choice or do enough exercise one day DOES NOT = QUITTING! If that was the case, Almost ALL of those that had unwise choices would still be obese! You make a bad choice, you find your emotional connection to it, learn from the error and move on, let it go, it does not equal failure. To feel this way only make you feel like you should just give up if and "when" you do make an off choice! Especially around the holidays!
I'm just saying, I think some people here are being a tad too unrealistic to me,IMO.
Last edited by twinmommaplusone; 12-03-2010 at 03:51 PM.
I agree that NO one should reward themself with food, nor be a prisoner to it.
HOWEVER, I really dislike that other peoples FEARS have to become your own. Just because you didnt eat the right choice or do enough exercise one day DOES NOT = QUITTING! If that was the case, Almost ALL of those that had unwise choices would still be obese! You make a bad choice, you find your emotional connection to it, learn from the error and move on, let it go, it does not equal failure. To feel this way only make you feel like you should just give up if and "when" you do make an off choice! Especially around the holidays!
I'm just saying, I think some people here are being a tad too unrealistic to me,IMO.
I'm a little confused, as I didn't see one person who equated having an off day as quitting or failure. Not a one.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 12-03-2010 at 04:54 PM.
Sometimes it's tough to shoot the gap between beating yourself up for a bad choice and giving yourself permission to do it again, but that's what you're aiming for. Punishing yourself won't do any good and depending on your psyche can be very self-defeating. On the flip side, you definitely don't want to start thinking, "I made some poor choices today, but tomorrow I won't" only to find that "tomorrow" comes next week, next month, or maybe never again. We can't give ourselves permission to repeat our mistakes indefinitely.
What's kept me on the straight and narrow this time--and I believe that this time is indeed my last time losing these pounds--is resolving never to make the same mistake twice. So far I haven't gone off my plan, nor do I intend to, but as life sometimes interferes with that, I have an emergency-screw-up-preparedness plan in mind.
What I will do:
- ask myself why I went off my plan--every detail of why it happened
- look at what I could've done differently that would've kept me on track
- pare my next few days' calories down slightly
- take the necessary actions to prevent a repeat
What I won't do:
- Beat myself up, literally or psychologically, because that never worked for me in the past anyway
- shrug and give up because I've "already blown it" and might as well inhale a cake, another failed "strategy" from my past
- cut my next few days' calories drastically; starving myself is only another form of punishment that sets me up for future failure.
I agree with others who've suggested that you may want to look at your plan more closely. If you're feeling a strong need--not just a want--to get a day off, it may be time to tweak it. It's got to be sustainable over the very long haul.
I'm a little confused, as I didn't see one person who equated having an off day as quitting or failure. Not a one.
I QUOTED HER, DID I NOT? I don't have time to go through and read all the responses from other people. It seems she certainly has more than an earful and what checking back to see what she had to say as an update. I quoted her, so if you feel this way then ask her!
I QUOTED HER, DID I NOT? I don't have time to go through and read all the responses from other people. It seems she certainly has more than an earful and what checking back to see what she had to say as an update. I quoted her, so if you feel this way then ask her!
Even if she is stating her own sentiments, my own are still the same, she should learn from her mistakes with her eating and move forward and not quit.
It's also possible to just go to a restaurant and just NOT EAT. This was a hugely powerful discovery for me. Order a diet soda or a coffee. If people invite me out to eat, I say "I don't need a meal, but I'd love to sit and talk to you and enjoy your company while you eat". If anyone is really pushy and you don't want to go into your dieting, suggest that you are feeling "delicate" because you ate something bad earlier. No one asks for more details about bathroom problems. And they don't have to know you ate your planned, packed dinner in the car on the way over.
It's amazing how many times I used to stress about which bad choice was the least bad, until I learned that "none of the above" was always an option.
I QUOTED HER, DID I NOT? I don't have time to go through and read all the responses from other people. It seems she certainly has more than an earful and what checking back to see what she had to say as an update. I quoted her, so if you feel this way then ask her!
Umm, yes, you did quote her, in her quote it said nothing about quitting. It said nothing about others saying she should quit either. I think maybe you're reading something into it that isn't there. I don't think anyone here said one day off is quitting, at the most some may have suggested it is easier to allow more slips when you allow one, but still that is not saying what you seem to be reading.
I read something recently that I loved. It was regarding "rewards" and "pampering" yourself. It simply stated, "Rewarding/Pampering yourself NEVER has a negative consequence." That really hits home for me and answers any questions for me when I wonder if I should indulge because I "deserve" it.
