Hi. My name is Michelle and I'm an alcoholic. I have struggled with addictions since I was 12. I took my first drink in 7th grade. It just occurred to me last night when I had the bed spins at 1 am, after a day of on plan eating that the 1 celebratory beer I had with my BF that turned into 4 was unnecessary, excessive and un-healthy! The petite spinach side salad turned into begging BF for half his burger and cheese fries (bless his heart, he doled out just a small portion of both knowing what my real food plan looks like). I ate easily 1000 calories over! The only saving grace is that I was low on calories to begin with as I was super busy all day. (Mayhap, the low calories contributed to my inability to be in control??) I have had good success with moderation for years....and granted last night I didn't puke, wet my pants, have sex with a stranger or crash my car (I've done ALL those except crashing my car while under the influence) but if I can't consistently control what I drink...I have to admit it. I am an alcoholic. I have a strong family history of addiction and I've been skirting my own personal issue for years.
I'm hungover today. I am struggling through work with a pounding stomach, vertigo, queasiness. I'm pissed off at myself. I have a good grasp on my overeating issues and realize that I need to quit kidding myself about this one...I can't drink anymore. I don't want to drink anymore. If I can't stop myself after enjoying that one beer, I need to grab some sanity and just stop it. UGH!!
I am posting this because I know there are other people here who struggle with multiple addictions and because I post here about my eating, exercise, my commitment to getting healthy and for accountability.
A science teacher I had back in high school said one very powerful thing that always stuck with me:
Accept it, correct it, and move on!
So you seem to have accomplished step 1. Acceptance. You recognize the problem, realize it's a continuing problem, and that SOMETHING has to be done. That is a very big step! Many people keep deluding themselves and putting it off, and "later" becomes "too late."
Now on to step 2. Make a plan. How are you going to correct it? Go to AA meetings? Talk to a doctor, a counselor? Scary prospects, but necessary. If this is a continuing problem, chances are you will need some help in getting past it. The good news is, there are a lot of great resources out there! You aren't alone! Many people have gone through, are going through, will go through this. And you can be one of the success stories, if you choose to be! Don't wait til tomorrow. Get on it! Make it happen! Be in control! You CAN do this!
I share your addiction...for me, it's all or nothing. I have found it much easier to maintain my weight loss without the alcohol, not to mention all the miserable side effects I've left behind. I have only had alcohol once in the past year, and like you, decided it wasn't worth it. Feel free to PM me any time.
I could be way off, but from what I am reading you may have a tendency toward alcoholism but it doesn't sound as though you are currently a daily drinker. In other words, it sounds like "quitting" wouldn't be so hard right now, or more accurately, just stop! You can't say "just stop" to an alcoholic.
I went through re-hab with my dear brother when I was 15, he was 17. He's been a severe alcoholic all his life and has quit multiple times. He uses it to self-medicate and is actually quite normal when drinking, without anxiety. But at the age 15 I was told I have the "personality of an alcoholic", which probably meant I have an addictive personality. I do. I've been terrified of alcohol since age 15 and have never once been drunk. And all of my addictions have been for good. I am addicted to chap-stick, I am addicted to financial security and now I am addicted to exercise. (And I don't use the word loosely)
I think it's ok to tell yourself you're an alcoholic and just never touch the stuff again. People don't think I'm TOO weird.
It sounds like your body was responding to your attempt to control food addiction by transferring the addiction to another focus - alcohol. Kudos to you for recognizing it. I support your effort to target and make improvements on both fronts.
It seems the support here has helped with the food piece. I'm hoping you find a similar place for the alcohol piece. It's easy to say just don't drink or just eat right but we know there are hurdles with implementing that.
I guess I'll add my 2 cents, for what it's worth. I was once told that an alcoholic is not necessarily someone who drinks every day, but someone who can't stop once they start. That's me. I used to drink every day or most days and it would always be to the point of being very drunk (this started about 5 years ago). I would usually black out. I would also have periods of sobriety, but they were pretty few and far between. I considered myself an alcoholic.
My family and I recently started seeing a nutritional counselor and we have been on nutritional supplements and have drastically changed our eating habits. That went a long way toward making me give up drinking. I decided I truly wanted to be healthy and alcohol couldn't be a part of that. Besides, I did drink one day (although not drunk, but I consumed a lot) and the next time I went to the nutritional cousellor, he did his usual body scan (hard to describe) and he said my body showed exposure to alcohol. Wow! I guess being accountable has also helped. I can't hide it.
I know that many people have been helped by AA, but it's not for me. The people I know who are members seem to have just traded one addiction for another. They are usually heavy smokers, drink LOTS of coffee, or have no social life except for meetings. I tried other things in the past, but for me it seems the really wanting to be healthy that has done it.
After a particularly hairy incident in my mid-20's, I attended AA briefly. (I've never been a daily drinker but used to be able to drink 12-18 beers in one 4 hour period and remain walking and talking...blech) I did not identify with the ladies in the group that I attended. I used it as a "I'm not as bad as them...I must not be an alcoholic"...I never went to work drunk, never needed a drink first thing, didn't end up 5 states away in a strangers bed, so I stopped going. I am a binge drinker, always have been. Even if I go 6 months without touching a drop, I am not able to stop at one. I don't drink insane crazy amounts anymore but a typical "drink with dinner" is more like 3. I'm just tired of it.
I am not sure if I will go to AA or not. If I could find a group with people like me I would likely feel more comfy. I don't know.
I do know I feel as yucky today as if I had binged on food, very similiar feeling.
My mom is an alcoholic who just recently celebrated 21 years of sobriety, and going to AA has been instrumental in maintaining her sobriety and her growth as a person. I thank God for AA. Yes, there are all types of people there, and that's one of the beautiful things about it.
Admitting is the first step, but of course there are lots more steps to sobriety I wish you peace and health in your ongoing journey.
At the risk of sounding insensitive to a very serious issue, I have to put in my two cents too. ...
I've experienced the effects of alcoholism as my father was an alcoholic. So don't get me wrong, I do definately know how big an issue it is. But Michelle, I gotta admit that I don't see an "alcoholic" from what you've described. And trust me, I keep that thought in the back of my mind when I'm drinking too as I never ever want to be what my father was.
I'm going through something very similar though as my hubby and I enjoy our beverages and buy wine by the box. Just this past Monday I said that I wanted to tone down on drinking because we had a few too many on Sunday night along with the rest of the weekend. I wouldn't say that makes us alcoholics -- we don't have any further responsibilities except to ourselves, our jobs, and our animals. It doesn't interfere with paying the bills, taking care of children, and our friends don't look down on us for it. So it's really just a problem within my own lifestyle -- just like how I want to cut back on sweets and fried food! But I can tell you that I have plenty of reasons to cut back and I'd say my first 3 are: 1) empty calories completely sabotage any chance of losing weight 2) expensive habit! 3) feeling cruddy
Those reasons alone are why I'm committing to moderation. And by what you have mentioned, it sounds like you're in the stage that you can say no to that first drink which means you won't have to worry about the other 3 that follow. Save it for the weekend if you choose. You have control and don't let your family history fool you into thinking that fate will decide you will be an alcoholic. You have control.
btw, I have to admit that my most successful weightloss occurred when I didn't touch more than one light beer once or twice a week. They do pack that caloric punch.
I do not consider myself an alcoholic, but I come from an alcoholic family. It's in my blood and for that reason I don't drink because I don't want to end up where my father and brothers have been. Thankfully my father and so far 2 out of 4 of my brothers have managed to quit. There are different path to sobriety for different people. My father just quit. After years and years of being drunk every single day, he decided he didn't want it anymore, he poured out the beer he had in his hand, and he's been fine since then. That was after trying to quit many times with other methods and they didn't work for him. I wasn't there when my oldest brother finally quit, but I believe he used AA, though I don't think he still needs it. The other brother that quit went through rehab. The important thing is to decide what will work for YOU. It is no different than losing weight. Each of us has to find a plan that works for us. I tell people that I can't drink because it conflicts with my medication. It is only slightly true, I could drink if I were willing to eat a bunch of extra carbs to prevent the major blood sugar drop that alcohol combined with my meds would cause. I don't explain that though, I just tell them I can't. That is what works for me. Good luck!
I think I'm an alcoholic too. In my early twenties if I had money I would have this conversation in my head: "I have $20. I can buy food or I can drink. Hmmm, lets think. . .I'll drink." Then I would drink until the money was all gone, or the free drinks from strangers ran out. I drove drunk ONE time and when I realized it, it scared me so bad I never did it again. I got "familiar" with strangers, I got sick in public, I'm sure I did embarrassing things I don't even remember.
I went to work, I didn't "have to" have a drink (first thing in the morning, or ever), I didn't neglect my responsibilities. But make no mistake, alcohol had control over me, not me over it. That's how I knew I was an alcoholic.
I never went to AA meetings. I got pregnant, forced myself to stop, and decided that I could not take care of a child, much less myself, until I gained control over alcohol. (My dd is almost 13 now, so it's been a while ago.)
I am a teetotaler now. I don't drink. People don't offer me drinks because they all know I don't drink. I don't preach or judge or even have conversations about it. It just is.
Good luck to you, whatever route you take, I hope you find what you need.
My boyfriend has been sober for 2 years! And he drank hard.. very hard indeed.. Drinking on the ship (hes in the navy), drinking in the shower, drinking so much he hadn't a clue how the **** he got there. he stopped drinking when he finally got a DUI. He went to rehab, and AA actually helped him more that hes probably realized. He did so much damage to his body. Although he has not had a drink not even a sip. Nor any food made with alcohol he wont eat.. if we go to restaurants i will call to ask if they cook with wine. He still thinks about it daily. I dont think he will ever drink again. but when someone asks he says he is an alcoholic.. he just chooses not to have a drink today. SO know there are lots of people who struggle with this.. YOUve made a huge step by realizing there is a problem. Why not ask a friend to go to aa with you and try that out it might help.. Just know there will always be people on here that will be there for you.. good or bad!
Yeah, you never said how long you can go without a drink (or usually do go) There is a big difference between an alcoholic and a problem drinker. You seem to be a problem drinker. (I too am someone who is terrified of alcohol because of my brother's alcoholism, and that of most of the men in my family). If you tend to drink everyday (or must drink everyday)...feel sick if you have not had a drink in "X" amount of time. Feel as though you "need" alcohol...Or find yourself drinking when you know you shouldn't (sneaking alcohol at inappropriate times, drinking when you are alone, drinking when you are lonely)...if the above things are true...you are probably an alcoholic, and you should go get detoxed for a few days, and then join a program like A.A. If those things are mostly untrue, then you are probably just a problem drinker, and you should stop drinking now...You will probably also want to join A.A. (although do so with caution because there may be ppl there who are way worse off than you and can screw with your head)...And then perhaps find an evening hobby or join some non-alcohol related groups. Because I know from experience that being social when you don't want to be around alcohol is REALLY hard. Best of luck to you! You can do this!
Good for you for doing all this hard mental work and being honest with yourself. Good luck finding whatever support out there, AA or anything else, that gives you additional tools to handle this and keep on going!
I know this isn't AA but...
You can't say "just stop" to an alcoholic. 
I wish you peace and health in your ongoing journey.
