[caliyah]

[QUOTE=kaplods;3325077]

I learned that it really is true that you stop worrying about what other people think of you, when you realize how little they do.

So nope, no revenge fantasies for me. Been burned by them too many times. The reality is never even a fraction as good as the reality, so they were another way I set myself up for failure.[/QUOTE]

I agree with you on that point. Many people have been indifferent about my weight loss.I just feel that this journey has been about strengthening and loving myself to the fullest. Believing in myself most of all.

[Shmead]

I do think it's really important to learn how to achieve one's own closure: when we depend on someone else's emotions, reactions, or words to give us resolution, we are veering into co-dependency and powerlessness. That said, it's easier said than done.

I read a quote once that said "No one who died over the age of 100 has ever been remembered for anything else" and I worry about that. Losing significant weight is so rare that people really remember it. Right now, at least, at work it is the #1 thing people know about me. I'm the Lady Who Used To Be Fat. I used to be the Smart Fat Lady. I hope this will fade in time, that in five years one co-worker will look at another and say "Remember when she used to be fat? That's so strange to think about now". I like--love--being not-fat, but I don't want that to be the most interesting thing about me.

[dragonwoman64]

Originally Posted by milliondollarbbw

I do wish, on the male front, that I could look more attractive---mainly because I met a lot of men who really said some horrible things, and who really treated me like I was subhuman and somehow, just not worthy of being treated nicely. I think it would be nice to show up looking super duper hot, only so I could tell them, if they approached me, that maybe they shouldn't have been so jerky to me.

In some ways, I just feel a bit down because some people did treat me, like, well, a loser because of my weight. So, I would hope that I see them only when I am much better looking---they are so shallow in some ways that I think they would be very surprised---probably because they don't expect much of me.

Sorry, kind of in a down mood right now. A couple of my exes are married, and my recent ex, well, he is showing more and more that he is happier without me, so that hurts a bit. But, I just need to focus on me and continuing with my weightloss and other goals.

I've had these kinds of thoughts in the past, and they ended up being a way for me to beat me up about myself and feeling negative about the way I looked. I feel like keeping those loops have made it harder for me to lose weight. people who are shallow and nasty to you when you're heavy are shallow and nasty period. they will sap your good feelings about yourself no matter what.

I've had men (and women) say nasty things to me because of my weight, I feel sorry for them, actually. that's a pretty immature and unsatisfying way to go through the world, putting down people around you.

if you can, be happy that your ex has found happiness in a new relationship. it's proof that you can too. sometimes two people are not in the right "place" to make it together. that doesn't mean you have less to offer a partner. a relationship is a two way street that requires both people putting into it all that it requires (it's not easy).

weight is such a visible issue. people have all kinds of issues that they struggle with that are not so obvious. compassion is a great quality to cultivate.

[dragonwoman64]

Originally Posted by Shmead

I like--love--being not-fat, but I don't want that to be the most interesting thing about me.

I'm 100 percent sure it's not.