I'm going to stick my nose in here as someone who has lost 80 lb and tell you that it doesn't really change.
I still want to eat pizza and desserts and cookies and fries and all those other things that we know we aren;t supposed to have. I hate veggies and I never eat them.
The exercise thing I do actually quite enjoy now, but it's not so much the actual exercise of exercising, more the effect it has on my body. If I could have a runner's fit hard body without actually doing any of the running, I would in a second!!
I think personally it's more that I do sometimes have those things, I do sometimes have pizza and fries and desserts and chocolate and I love them!! And yes I kick myself when the scale goes up the next day.
But then I get back on the wagon and am good for a while and it comes off. I think you have to get used to the idea that most of the time you have to be good and sometimes you can allow yourself a treat. It's not "never" - it's "just not as often" and definitely not "all the time".
I am so not an example of healthy eating - I like white bread and white rice and pasta and cookies, and sometimes I miss a meal because I've snacked on too many cookies that day, or I've pigged a whole Easter egg.
But somehow I manage to claw it back and not put too much weight on. It's just about finding the right level.
My name's Robsia and I have an unhealthy relationship with food - still.
Accepting it means I can learn to live with it and deal with it, and not be angry at it.
Please, please, don't eat food you don't like to lose weight. Figure out foods you do like that can help you or healthier ways to cook chicken tenders and fries (yes it can be done).
Yesterday I caught a bit of Dr. Oz show and 3 ladies wanted to lose weight for their 20 year HS reunion and they were being shown a way to prepare salmon and veggies for dinner so they could have the leftovers for lunch the next day. I could not help thinking "yuck, wouldn't want to eat that for 1 meal, let alone 2".
I used to feel angry all the time. I felt like LIFE WAS UNFAIR because most people I knew seemed to be able to eat whatever they wanted and not gain weight. I DID notice that I ate a lot more than most people-- but that was because I WANTED more... other people didn't have to struggle every single day not to eat too much.... and that made me pissed, which made me feel sorry for myself... which gave me a terrific excuse to pig out on a regular basis...
The only thing I can say is that the beginning of the journey is totally different and MUCH HARDER than later on. That's why I never lost more than about 10 or 11 pounds for 20-odd years. At the beginning, any pay off for not eating the chicken fingers seems impossible and distant. The pay off for eating the chicken fingers is IMMEDIATE.
It takes a while of white knuckling through that choice feeling pissed and sorry for yourself. But then, after a while you start to see all these payoffs-- a slimmer body, better health, smaller clothes, lots of compliments, and then you start to have all these GOOD REASONS to make a good choice. And even then, most of us slip up from time to time.
I agree with what everyone here said-- you have to choose foods you like and that you feel you could live with long term.... Trazey's method of reasonable servings of the foods you usually eat might work for you, or my method of kicking the junk out of your diet and getting used to it might work. You can experiment. You have the rest of your life to experiment and get it right.
This really hits home to me. My underlying shame at my weight, and my anger at myself for "getting this way", my avoidance of clothes shopping and looking in the mirror and getting pictures taken of me... it's all part of my anger, frustration, and just general don't-wanna.
What REALLY has helped me is a book called the Four Day Win, which focuses on Transtheoretical model of change, which looks at how people change behavior in a series of steps. Most diet plans start at the "action" step... what you do. This book helps you with the earlier steps, the contemplation and preparation steps, where you are getting ready to act. Yeah, of course, we've all been "contemplating" weight loss for years (I can't remember NOT thinking about it). But the key seems to be that thinking about it isn't all that happens in the contemplation step. In the book, you begin to slowly "make peace" with your body and its need for unhealthy food (and lots of it!).
For example, for years I have thought of myself as the Dictator, who is driving the weight change, who is desperate to be healthier, happier and leaner. My enemy is my body, the Wild Child who doesn't want to starve, who sabotages my efforts, who binges whenever the Dictator is stressed, ill, distracted, bored... not paying attention. And whenever I lose my focus, the Wild Child comes out in force, and I end up gaining again.
The exercises in the book have allowed me to acknowledge both the Dictator and the Wild Child, and realize I'm not either one of them. I'm watching them, but I'm not part of that struggle. Acknowledging and loving both of them is slowly allowing me to come to peace with the needs of both.
And with that peace, I find that I am less and less interested in binging or overeating, even when I'm stressed or my TOM is at hand.
It's certainly not a quick cure (or we'd all be thin!). But it definitely works on many of the deep-seated anger, frustration, and food issues that I've struggled with all my life, in a way like no other diet book I've read.
At first I thought it was much too "touchy-feely" fru-fru for me... but I muscled through some of the early exercises, and I just can't argue with the results.
I highly recommend that you borrow this book and read it, no matter what plan you are on.
It's okay to be angry, but just remember that you didn't get to 260 pounds by denying yourself of anything. In my case, I ate what I wanted when I wanted. I had many years of gluttony to remember and cherish. How wonderful it was to eat what I wanted when I wanted. It was great. I never got mad at myself after eating several pieces of pie...or most of a pizza...or an entire bag of mini candy bars. I deserved it. I always felt great when I was done. I never wished I wouldn't have eaten it.
I'd laugh at those people who ate healthy. I'd make fun of them and mock them. I'd sit there morbidly obease and love myself because I could eat what ever I wanted when I wanted.
Good point, Lori. Sometimes, when I am craving something offplan (let's say I'm at Starbucks to get a skinny latte and I slowly peruse the pastry case thinking what I WANT to get), I remind myself that I had 20 years to eat whatever I wanted.
And it didn't make me a happy person.
My life isn't all plain salmon and deprivation - now that I'm at maintenance, I do have treats and desserts and dinners in restaurants. I was never big on fast food or fries or chicken strips, so those aren't my indulgences, but they could be. I think of calories like my budget, I save up for big ticket items and enjoy them thoroughly! It's easier to stay on plan during the week and eat my salads for lunch (which are yummy, but still - salads) knowing that I am going to a fancy 5 course tasting menu with paired wines on Saturday night!
toomuchmoxie,
I don't have anything original to add to the wonderful replies that you have already been given, but I did want to emphasis that it gets better. I occasionally still have the days when I am get angry at eating healthy foods instead of junk but they are few and far between now. I also have a few days that I hate going to work but enjoy it most days. I still hate paying bills though!
My mom, who has advanced pancreatic cancer--which we've been living/dealing with for the past year--gave to me an important insight a few months ago, from her ongoing spiritual/philosophical readings. I can't recall exactly which author this came from, but the idea was this: "The most basic level of spirituality is acceptance."
She is an alcoholic with 20 years of active recovery. I am a sugar addict with 2 years of active recovery. Part of recovering from my addiction is simply accepting that I am an addict--and that it is both physiological and psychological. I cannot change the fact that I am an addict, and I will never be cured of my addiction.
But, every day, I can live in a way which acknowledges and doesn't fight against my addiction, but doesn't give in to it, either.
Part of this is that, as others have pointed out, I am a responsible adult. If I could live my ideal life, unemployed on a tropical island, I'd get up late every morning, pluck some fruit from a tree, and laze around while enjoying the delights around me. But that's not my life. Rather, my life involves the responsibilities of being the sole breadwinner for my family--providing emotionally and physically for my husband, 3 children, and sometimes my mom. There are a lot of people relying on me, and I need to be physically / mentally / emotionally ready and strong and capable to take care of them.
This is a choice. I could make other choices--I could quit my job, eat sugar and fat all the time, sit on my booty and watch TV and play on the computer, ignore my children and husband, neglect my mom. The universe / God / whatever higher power you want to believe in will allow me to make those choices, if I want. No one is stopping me, but me.
I actively choose the healthy way I am living. It is my choice. I accept that it is my choice, my power, mine alone to decide. No one chooses for me.
Every one of us always has the complete power of choice in our lives. You can accept that--or you can fight it. But if you accept it, and make the choice you really want, then you will be happier and more fulfilled.
Not much to add, other than that eating things you hate that much is a recipe for disaster. There's a lot of healthy food in this world, most of it reasonably priced, to boot. Surely you can find something you have less than lettuce salad.
I don't always love what I eat, or always want to move... But 80% of the time I love my eating plan and the remaining 20% of the time I mindfully eat more moderately, but always keeping an eye on what I love MOST - my health and the quality of life I gain by sucking it up and disciplining myself to eat in a way that honors my body more than my inner two year old.
I don't really struggle with the anger you mention, but that's because I DO eat fries on occasion, and pizza too. I eat in a way that balances flexibility and health, by adopting only the healthy habits I know I can keep up through all stages of life.
So yeah, I eat some pizza. But it's a measured quantity, and usually accompanied by a mango or strawberries, salad, and a yogurt or roasted potato with vinegar. It fits within my daily calories, and it's an INFREQUENT thing. If 80% of the time I eat in a way that gives me the body I want, and 20% of the time I plan in a more relaxed type of food or meal, then my body WILL reflect that I spend most of my time living for my health and the scale DOES go down.
The beginning is always harder, but learning to love your lifestyle so that the rewards of health outweigh the rewards of naughty food, is key to success. Hatred and frustration gain you nothing of use, try not to waste your mental energy on such an emotional drain.
Anyway, I know all of you just LOVE your frigging veggies and can't wait to exercise twice a day. You're leaping and skipping to the gym!
Ummm, not quite. About half of this is true. I do love a lot of vegetables -- the roasted ones, above all, when they get carmelized on the edges -- but I am not skipping to the gym, though I do feel compelled to go & I try not to miss a day, if I can. But I don't do this light-heartedly.
I do it out of fear. The alternative really scares me.
I was fat for so long that I started to have health problems. I was going to get diabetes & had what I thought might be heart palpitations. The doctor was checking me for arterial blockage. For me, hearing my doctor say what my life might look like in 10 years was like being told I had a disease, but there's still hope ... and that would be, not from a pill, but from stopping eating like I was still a teenager & could consume everything whenever I wanted, in one long snack-time from morning to night.
Dying is frightening. I saw my father die of stomach cancer, which may have been due partly to his bad eating habits. He choked on his own bile, since he was being flooded by it & he basically smothered slowly, with me & my mother frantically holding his head & trying to raise & lower his hospital bed & wiping at his chin with towel after towel. It is an awful way to die. Believe me, if you saw how his life ended, you wouldn't want that kind of ending for youself.
The idea that I could avert a death like that by eating & exercising was really very motivating for me. Wanting wellness very badly was enough to make me learn more about foods & nutrients & yes, vegetables, and look up recipes, and learn how to cook things (yes, I had to look up how to cook an artichoke the first time, in the "how to cook vegetables" section of the "how to" series on the Web).
I have thought of my obesity & my overeating as an illness. That was why I finally treated it. It didn't come easily; it still doesn't. But I am less frightened about my health than I was 100 pounds ago. That was worth it.
I do not know if you've had any health scares. I hope you have not. But believe me, they can be tremendously motivating.
