Why does it make other people (average size people) uncomfy when I say I'm fat?
 

I don't whine about it, I don't bring it up all the time but when I use the F word in a sentence people will say to me..."You are NOT fat!"

It frustrates me. I am owning my size. I don't feel bad calling myself FAT. If I called myself a huge smelly slob, that would be me being unkind to myself. It's like I shock people. Do they think I didn't notice I was fat?

For instance, today some co-workers and I were going to go to a meeting together via a car. I had a choice of sitting in the back of a small sedan with another person with a toddler size car seat between us OR I could sit in the front. I said outloud, (nicely by the way) "Can I have the front seat? I'm too fat to sit in the back next to the car seat." I didn't mean it mean, just matter of fact. They all seemed horrified that I said that.

Isn't it okay to own it? I am FAT. I am also doing something about it but still....Your thoughts?

You're running up against years of teaching that it is not socially acceptable to call someone "fat". So even if it is YOUR truth, it strikes a bad chord in most folks. If you say it in a joking way, it might make people feel more at ease....

I have a different experience. I normally don't talk about it either, but when I do, everyone just gets silent. It's like they are agreeing with the fact but they feel too uncomfortable to say anything. That's fine, someday I won't be fat. But for now, I am seriously, massively, humongous and it is a problem. Yes, it is embarrassing when you get in someone's car and you have a hard time buckling when there's a child seat in the car... I do try and get the front seat when I can. It's embarrassing, sure, but I don't think people realize that we have to cope with this stuff every day.

I used to use fat all the time!!!! Well.... I was fat! But at 213 I don't FEEL fat any more so now I use plump... because well... I AM plump! lol!

Own it sista. It's just a word.

It's funny, I have the ability to be really unkind to myself, I really do! But using the word FAT isn't part of it. If people think owning it is rude they should be inside my head sometimes when I AM being mean to myself.

I actually feel oddly good about owning it. You can only be in denial for so long!

Some people see the word fat as negative- and it might bother the people who care about you to hear you speak in what they feel is a negative tone.

Like my husband- when I call myself fat he gets upset and says that he loves me and it hurts him to hear me call myself fat cuz he feels I'm being negative with myself.

I honestly think many people don't think you're fat at 5'9" and 240lbs. When I was that size, I was overweight, but not roly poly, like people associate with the word "fat." (like I am now!) I think it's a comparative issue with people somehow.

Sounds just like my hubby!

I like the term "fat" much better than the clinical term of "obese". I cringe where I hear that. I'm fat, I accept it and use that term all the time. I don't think the term is necessarily prejorative...its descriptive.

Most people get uncomfortable when another person acknowledges their own imperfections. They are afraid if they don't disagree or somehow point out that the person is in error, then they are also saying the same thing.

Oh, GAWD! :( Obese is a baaaaaad word. If I was being unkind to myself that is what I would use! I hate that word!

Your explanation does make sense though.

I don't like hearing anyone speak of themselves in a derogatory way. Sometimes when my husband makes a mistake he says (like many do), "Gosh I'm SO stupid!" Makes me angry to hear. I'm just as angry to hear him call himself names as I would be to hear someone else call him the same names.

Maybe they're thinking you're saying it in a bad way, and I guess it's "bad" no matter how you really say it. They just react in the same way they would if someone ELSE called you "Fat" I guess...they get angry and defend you, even if they're defending you to yourself.

Ugh! "Obese" One of my biggest reality checks was when I was doing clinicals at the hospital and a man who appeared a bit plump to me was labeled "obese male". It just struck me that I probably have a medical chart out there that reads "obese female".

My husband also gets upset when I refer to my "fat". He argues with me that I should not put much stock in BMI's because it doesn't take into consideration any kind of muscle. Hmmm....I don't exercise. And neither does he. So I think it's safe to assume I'm...what's the word...oh yeah...FAT. That picture of me from Thanksgiving? Yep...fat. Last Christmas's picture...fat.

I tend not to use the word in social settings though because it is a taboo word. There's a woman at work who probably weighs around 500 lbs, and she gets the "You are not fat" comments if she brings it up.

Another thing that's hard for me on this message board even is hearing people thinner than I am use the word "fat" to describe themselves. And I know I must do it to other people too, right here in this very post! I have to get over that.

Matt said basically what i was going to say... if they don't argue with you or say nothing then it feels like THEY are calling you fat too or agreeing with it anyway.

I think it depends on the type of girl. I can talk about my weight realistically with my friends without issue. But I knew a lot of girls in high school who'd give me the "you're not fat" thing. Really? Okay, I guess I can have another candy bar and wear a bikini then!

I get what everybody's saying (I hate the word obese too). I have that feeling sometimes too, about just wanting to say it, and deal with it and own it, and not feel like I should dwell in the depths of shame for being fat.

I was talking to a young (naturally very thin) woman I know and telling her how I gave a bunch of clothes to a nearby women's shelter because they have a hard time getting donations of larger size clothing. She looked so embarrassed (!!) Well, it's pretty obvious I'm not a size 4 :lol:

It annoys me that fat is such a considered such a bad word - it's more acceptable to call somone a b- or even a syphyllitic whore, than by Gosh to call anyone fat.

I've told this story many times here, so if you've heard it before, please disregard.

I casually said something about myself being fat to a friend/coworker once at work, and she blurted out "you're not fat." My mouth dropped open, and I started laughing so hard, I nearly peed my pants. I was very nearly 400 lbs at the time, so the first thing that crossed my mind was "on what planet is 400 lbs not fat?"

I REALLY embarassed my friend, and she snapped (a bit miffed that I was laughing at her) "you know what I mean."

And sadly, I did - "fat" was such a terrible, awful, horrific thing - that her intelligent, confident, witty friend could not be such an unspeakable thing. I must be something else (and I'll slap anyone who says "fluffy.")

That's true- and honestly when my fat friends complain about being fat- I don't say "oh you aren't fat" I say "well you don't have to stay fat- you CAN do something about it" and leave it at that.

But if someone like my sister (who is like 120 lbs) says she's fat I roll my eyes at her lol. I think if she's fat then I must be a WHALE...

And I don't care for people who all the time say "omg I'm so fat" so people can say to them "you aren't fat..."

I have a friend like that, she's not overweight in any sense of the word, but she has her days . . . so I told her once "You aren't fat, Im fat, you're fine" she looked horrified that I would say that and told me "You are not fat!" (I weighed about 80lbs more than her at the time) long story short, since I said it, she hasn't complained about being fat anymore.

It's strange to me though that friends or anyone else would be shocked if I said it, I don't feel like it's a negative thing. I am fat, just like Im short . . . but maybe I don't feel bad because I'm taking the right steps to change it.
Who knows.

I didn't call myself fat because I cannot stand it when my friends do that--it always seems like they are fishing for a compliment or drama or something. I am meaning the times it is thrown into casual, friendly conversations--not when we are discussing something intimate. Weight issues can be very, very touchy to most people who are overweight, underweight, normal weight. Like politics and religion it's something I veer away from discussing unless I am very intimate with someone.

ETA: And for the women that have the tackiness to stand around at teency weights and complain about their "fatness" to the obese people around them--SHAME ON THEM! They KNOW what they are doing!!!! It would be the same as eating a huge roast in front of a starving person all the while complaining about it's dryness. Do know this though---they are doing it because they deep down, truly feel as if they have nothing to compete with BUT their weight. So sad!

With women, I think it's because there is a female game that centers around using the word "fat." This is the game, which is usually played in front of a mirror:

One girl (looking for reassurance & validation): I am so fat in these jeans.
Girlfriend (to make the other feel better): You are not fat!

This game is so pervasive that when a woman describes herself as "fat," my "feelers" are immediately out, checking out the atmosphere, trying to figure out if she is making a factual statement or if she's playing the game. My experience in the real life off this website is that 95% of the time, she's playing the game. And if I agree to play the game with her, my response is **supposed to be** denial of her fatness.

These days, I am not really into game-playing. She is probably not going to get the response she wants.

My husband calls it "bloat". Not quite as bad as "obese" but still.....

touche


And on the note of the skinny girls who say "i'm so fat" so you'll say "no your not"... Thank God I don't know anyone who does this these days because the only response I could bring myself to give her would be "you sure are!"

Fat is about the only term for carrying extra poundage that doesn't make me cringe. Obese is the worst. The word even looks bulbous typed out.

Chubby, fluffy, pleasingly plump, hefty, chunky, bulky, portly, pudgy, thick, curvy (grrrrr REALLY hate this one), rotund, voluptuous, heavyset... The list goes on and on. The word "fat" doesn't sugar coat the issue or degrade, it just tells it like it is.

When I was a kid, we had a neighbor (my best friend's grandmother), who would often complain to my mom about being fat. She was very thin, and my mom was overweight. It drove my mom crazy, because she always felt obligated to tell "Agnes" how great she looked.

One day (in a less-than generous mood), instead of saying "you're not overweight, you look great" my mom said "Hmm, it does look like you've put on a bit of weight."


Now Agnes may have been fishing for compliments (which seemed most likely, since the compliments always seemed to make her so happy - even as a kid of 9 or 10, it was rather obvious), or she may have had real body image issues, but regardless, she never mentioned weight ever again to my mom.

I Agree, though I don't mind curvy or voluptuous if they're used to describe someone who is only moderately overweight and fits the description (they're proportional and beautiful). Queen Latifah comes to mind. In Chicago, she was HOT! Curves and all.

I don't know that I've ever been curvy or voluptuous - only fat.

I think that's why I don't like those words! They have never described me. It's like curvy and voluptuous fat women are the only "acceptable" fat women in society. Grrr.

Okay, I'll admit here that I kind of like "stout," because it sounds a little retro. I've rarely heard anyone below a certain age use that as an adjective. It makes me think of a Helen Hokinson cartoon in the New Yorker. But it's definitely more jocular than "fat."

"Fat" sounds very "reclaimed" and in your face. Which, to me, is a good way to sound. :D

My sister and I both have chunky thighs (OK, we have fat legs) and when I have complained to her about it, she says that we come by it honestly because we come from "hearty peasant stock". That always makes me laugh. I'm not fat, I'm just descended from hearty peasant stock!

isnt it interesting that we hate obese when that is supposed to be the more medical/less pejorative word?

when i quit smoking about 5 years ago, I realized that one of the most important things i needed to do was be more accepting of myself and see things for how they really were. i'm fat. that's not a negative or a positive thing. it just is! And, ironically, by accepting myself as I am I become more capable of change because all that energy I used to use trying to delude myself or beat myself up can be directed towards more positive things!

I still make comments about my big butt at the office sometimes, mostly because it's really cramped in our office and my butt is still pretty big. With 40 pounds left to lose on a five foot frame, I have to keep the extra weight somewhere, you know?

But one of my coworkers gets on me every time I say anything about my butt. Then again, she also insists I can't possibly lose 40 more pounds, so who knows. People are weird.

LMAO, kaplods! That same girl I mentioned above called me a Jezebel the other day because I asked if a guy was cute. She basically called me a whore. Classy! But if I call myself fat she jumps all over me. Go figure.

LOLOL, saef, I love the way you write -- your posts always crack me up! :D

I know just what you mean about 'stout'... feel like I'm reading a Bertie Wooster story.

I don't mind 'fat,', and I'll take comfortably-padded, Raphaelean, voluptuous, curvy, cherubic or lush.... but please, leave obese out of it!!!

oh! i cannot stand "thick". before I put my myspace on private I would get so many icky come ons from men! They would often use that word as in "I like thick girls,digg?" if theydve said "curvy" girls it wouldnt have given me so much ick factor but "thick" makes me feel like a piece of meat.

I think it's the difference between describing one's health and medical status, and describing one's appearance and attractiveness.

I really don't mind fat or obese - or even morbidly obese (though the morbid part is a bit "in your face.")

I've seen "super" replace "morbid" on some medical websites, and even distignuish between super obese and super, super obese. I guess that might be an improvement. I'm not sure though, super has other connotations that I'm not sure really belong.

I just imagine that being super obese - I should be wearing a cape and spandex.

:lol:

LOL kaplods. Super Obese, hmmmmm a good superhero name could be Captain Flab.

I was seriously wondering if I should bring up a question like this... I absolutely hate it. So many people around me do that. Example: I'd jokingly say maybe I should opt for a lower fat Subway sandwich than one with a lot of calories and I'd get the angry, "Tsk! You're not fat!"

Another example. There used to be a girl at my workplace and while I wouldn't call her my friend, we were on good terms. Anyway, there's a girl at the workplace that she doesn't like. And she's about a size 10 or 12. Not fat in any way, in my opinion. So the catty first girl (who is probably a size 2 or 4) kept calling her fat in a nasty way. I said, "If you think she's fat then I wonder what you think of me!" And she goes, "Oh noooooo, you're not fat at all!"

Honestly. Some people. I really don't want people to think I'd be offended if I were called fat. Or that I'm fishing for compliments, wanting someone to just tell me, "Oh, you're not fat at all!" It really doesn't bother me. I'm just stating a fact.

People tell me that too. They're appalled when I say I want to lose 100 lbs or that I have 75 more to go. I think they mean well, but I just keep thinking, do you know the number on my scale? Trust me. I'm short. I can afford to lose the weight. My goal of 135 is nowhere near unrealistic for my height.

I think that fat is such an emotionally charged word for so many people, myself included. I am having a difficult time in my head articulating how I feel about it, but it will always be a "bad" word for me.

I am an oddball, but I would prefer to be referred to as obese because no one has ever used that in a hurtful way against me.

3 days after I started dieting I went to a huge Valentine's Day party. I turned down almost all the food that was offered to me and people kept asking why...well the 100th time someone asked me why i wasn't eating the unhealthy food I told her I was dieting...nd then she asked why again. I answered "Cause I'm really fat." The entire room got silent and the girl I was talking to laughed uncomfortably and slinked away. I still laugh about it now, I honestly have no idea why it made her so uncomfortable, I was huge it was not a secret and saying I'm dieting wasn't enough.