omg. I totally agree.

I recently said at work something about blahblah, too fat for that and the guy looked HORRIFIED. he also looked embarassed for me, which I thought was far more rude than me saying I was fat.

a not so fat girl was once working at lane bryant and I said, jokingly, "Oh man you guys don't have my size in jeans, looks like all the fat girls got here before me." *Enter look of horror on cashiers face*

hahaha! So ridiculous. It's just a word, it's all in how you use it.

and I always say I'm too fat for the backseat btw. :P I am. getting in and out is just awful.

Are you actually **allowed** to say "fat" in Lane Bryant?

[Trying to imagine the size coding peculiar to said store being changed to "Like, Really Fat," "Overweight," "Obese," "Super Obese," etc.]

From the evidence offered in this thread, "fat" seems to be going the way of all the nasty racial slurs of the past.

And yeah, "thick" does sound like a piece of steak (like it ought to be followed by "juicy"), but because I am a really death-pale white girl who lives in a relatively white, suburban world, I don't hear it much, and I find it exotic. But that whole group of men who like fat women seem so kinky to me. They must be like the guys turned on by "plushies." (Who knew???)

Shout out to raeBear: I'm happy to make the palindrome member laugh!

Sounds like fun and games ;) Although, at least these people care about your feelings, vs. the encounters described in other threads of people just being nasty.

Ha. This makes me think of a guy I knew in high school talking about a girl's gross cellulite thighs and I was like "Um, my gross cellulite thighs are twice the size of hers." His response was "yeah but you're cool so it's okay." What?

It took me a REALLY long time to ever be able to call myself fat or talk about fatness outloud, but before I started my weight loss journey, I had gotten to the point where I could joke around about my fat and feel comfortable with it. And if anyone gave me the "you're not fat" comment, I would just laugh and grab a roll.

But one interesting thing I've found is that I used to get paralyzed with shame whenever anyone started talking about dieting or weight loss or calorie counting or working out. I HATED it when people talked like that, (or when skinny girls said they needed to lose ten pounds...)

But weirdly enough, now I don't mind. I jump into conversations with the skinny girls about gyms and calories, and where I used to feel that those conversations were judging me, now I feel like the conversations are supportive. And the only thing that has changed is my mindset.

And I find that my thin and fit friends are really supportive about my weight loss, always noticing and complimenting me, whereas my heavier friends sometimes get "that look". And I know where they are coming from-- they think I'm judging them for eating crap while I'm "being a saint..." Which is odd, because I'm not judging them. I know exactly what it feels like to be the fat girl helping herself to more cake. So I feel compassion.

I dunno.

Anyway, I'm with Saef, and I often employ stout, love the word FAT and absolutely despise "fluffy" as though those fat cells felt like down pillows-- NOT!

Or, maybe Flabulous Woman


Hm, supervillains are always more interesting than the superheros, so I'm thinking maybe a catwoman style villain (skin-tight black pleather showing off all the rolls, and of course, I'd have a trail of chubby chaser henchmen).

Mistress Flabulous (Flabulous pronounced in drawn out drawl - Flaaaahbulous).

:rofl:

I really like that.....I totally missed pages 2 and 3 of this post but to come back to this is awesome! lol

It's already been mentioned, but I think a lot of people believe that when someone mentions their weight or how they're fat, they are deep down fishing for compliments. I get very frustrated when people complain about their weight to me(people on the thinner side) because I feel that they purposely seek out larger people to complain to so they can receive their validation. And when one of does that, perhaps in their minds we are doing the same thing they are(even if we are not) and it bothers them. Just my two cents; I am all for speaking the truth!

And LOL at captain Flaaaaaaahbulous!

I don't think the word "stout" works for me. I am NOT a little teapot.

I occasionally just use the terms "big" or "plus size." I'm okay with "thick," but I don't really picture a fat woman when people say thick, I just picture a woman who has some fat (if that made sense to anyone but me). I'm also okay with "chubby", but like thick, I just don't feel like it describes me. "Fluffy", "squishy" or "pleasantly plump" are just obnoxiously optimistic to me. "Huskey" and "portly" are about the two worst words I can imagine.

I use the term obese when talking clinically about my weight and my progress, but I wouldn't be okay with anyone but a doctor calling me obese. When i'm just describing myself "fat" is my term of choice. It's acurate, it doesn't sugarcoat it, and it doesn't hurt me to say it.

I never called myself fat; I was always too embarrassed. But now that I'm thin, I adamantly REFUSE to call myself fat, ever. Those skinny girls who called themselves fat always annoyed the **** outta me. When I got home from X-mas break my mom got mad at me and told me I needed to gain some weight back because she thinks I have anorexia and explained to my brother that that means girls think they're fat when they're not, and I responded with "Are you CRAZY? I'm not fat at all!" and I then proceeded to go eat some oatmeal and ask what time dinner was at. I'm not sure if that's the reaction she was expecting... :lol:

Why does it make people of average size uncomfortable when you say you're fat?

Well, because they are embarrassed for you. Simple as that. It makes me uncomfortable when people call themselves fat, or dumb, or ugly, or any other flaw that I can see is the truth. Makes me feel badly and embarrassed for them. I never called myself fat in public even at over 300 pounds because everyone around me could see that I was morbidly obese, why draw more attention to an already uncomfortable subject.

Actually, this is a very interesting thread, and I agree that it is equally annoying when skinny chicks call themselves fat, and of course we all know that the majority of them are fishing for compliments...but what about the skinny chicks that go on about how skinny they are? This is more comparable to a fat chick going on about how fat they are in my opinion....both are sticky subjects and not a very worthy conversation topic in a private setting much less a work setting in my opinion. If I were in a situation 2 years ago that the OP was in with the car ride to the meeting, I would have simply requested the front seat and if anyone would have challenged me or questioned WHY, (which I'm sure no one would have even questioned it and therefore would be no need to add to the discussion that I was too FAT for the back seat...;)) I would have quitely said that I would be more comfortable in the front....period. What if one of the people going to the meeting were super thin and petite and said, "I have to sit in the car seat because I'm so thin and tiny"....People would be uncomfortable with that too don't you imagine? Or what if the pretty one said, I have to sit in the front because I'm so beautiful and I need everyone to see me better, and the brightest one said I need to drive because I'm so much smarter than everyone....It's crass.

I posted this question yesterday before leaving for work and just now came back in time to read the responses. Wow!! I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I can understand a bit better why people seem uncomfortable with me stating the obvious, that I am FAT. I am not going to stop saying it though (I truly don't say it very often and NEVER to get someone to tell me "you are not fat!") , crass or not. It is what it is...Thanks for your input.

Thank you ladies for a great laugh. One of the things I have been thinking about a lot lately as I begin my journey is how I am going to handle others' reactions to my changes. I thought, mortified, that if I ate differently they would all assume I was trying to lose weight. Then, by definition, I must be unhappy with my weight. I feel like I have to publicly admit that I am fat in order to lose weight. Does that make sense? It was very refreshing to hear your openness about "being fat." I clearly need to work on acceptance of the reality of my size. Maybe I should go to Lane Bryant and use your quote - that might help! LOL!

in regards to the OP's situation, I have the advantage of being taller than all of my friends (except the guys) so unless the boyfriends are with us I can pull the "i'm too tall for the back seat" card!

I used to feel like this in my earlier attempts to lose weight. The way I see it now is that everyone clearly knows I'm fat (even my VI friends can see THAT much) and I'd rather they see me working on it than ignoring it!

I am not ashamed of being fat. I don't feel I should be, and I don't feel anyone should be ashamed for me. I don't even consider my fat to be a flaw (just as I don't consider my diabetes to be a flaw. Both are not the best things in the world to be - neither are something to be proud of, both are to a degree my own fault as they're lifestyle-related, but I'm not ashamed of being either.

I find it offensive that fat is considered a bad word, and not just a descriptive one like tall, short, blonde or thin. I feel it shouldn't be a bad word, it shouldn't be an offensive word. Realistically, I know that in this society it IS a bad word, but the only way to make it NOT a bad word is to use it - so I do - and I tell people WHY I use the word (and often, they stop being embarassed about the word. They don't always choose to use it, but they understand why I do).

My best friend (gay male) once told me that he didn't like me using the word "fat" to describe myself so often and so casually, and I asked him did he have a problem calling himself "gay?" He said, "of course not."


I asked "even though other people use it as a bad word and a nasty name?"

I think he understood, because he smiled, and I said.

"I'm a fabulous person, I just also happen to be a fat - in fact, a very fat fabulous person."






Actually, I think these are poor parallels, as they are preferences - however not being able to fit comfortably in the back seat often isn't a preference, it's a need. And the person stating the need should have the right to state the need or explain the need as they see fit.

Many people may have the same need - a very tall person, a person with arthritis or other mobility or flexibility issues, a fat person - and they should be able to express that need without embarassment - and the degree to which they explain their need, should be their choice.


I have no problem saying "I am not going to fit in that space," whether that space is a car, a spindly armed-chair, a restaurant booth......


Usually stating the need without referring to the word "fat" does work fine - but you wouldn't believe how many times I've been asked "why" when I've tried to be subtle about such things, and I end up having to actually say "because I'm fat." I'm usually not rude enough to then say "Duh" (but I'm thinking it).

And the sad thing is that a lot of these words are also not descriptive; calling someone short is often considered offensive, and there is the whole stereotype of dumb blondes...

I think maybe society as a whole just really needs a wakeup call.

I was trying to make a photocopy at work the other day and there were some boxes stacked up in front of the copier. I said, I can not fit my fat *** through there. One of my coworkers hollered at me, YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!! (I think he has a little crush on me.) It was nice. :)

Hey, I know I won't say I am "Fat" I will say I am morbidly obese...whatcha think, is that better? "OMG, I am sorry I cannot sit there because I am morbidly obese." Why better. Almost like saying hey, I cannot eat that because I am allergic.

This is always something I struggle with. Sometimes, when I am not dieting, I feel like people are purposefully talking alot about diet and exercise around me in hopes that they will get me interested or educate me. I REAALLLLLY hate the assumption that because i'm fat i must not know about nutrition and weight loss. I've been struggling with my weight since I was 8 for goodness sakes! I knew how many calories were in a pound by the time I was 10! I know that a lot of the time they are just talking about it because that is what is on their mind but I have had people give unsolicited analyses of the food i am eating or my exercise regimen fairly regularly. maybe it is because i am in healthcare? dunno. So it is a sensitive issue for me. For me, the emotion i experience is not shame but defensiveness. Like a little kid I revert to a dont tell me what to do and how to do it mentality.

However, when I AM living a healthy lifestyle, these diet/exercise conversations ARE very supportive and enjoyable. Part of the change is that now we have something more in common, i suppose.

im just rambling. time for bed :)

katkitten, you do have to choose your audience carefully, don't you? I also love talking about nutrution and fitness, but I try to make sure it doesn't offend. Sometimes to the point I think I'm very reticent about my journey. However it's all in the perception---if someone were uncomfortable with my changes they might accuse me of talking about it all the time (yeah, that has happened).

However I do think I've lost one more thing in losing weight. I used to look at people and see them as they were, static as it were. Now if I'm not careful when I look at larger people I can imagine what they would look like if they lost weight. Now, I NEVER say anything and I hope it doesn't show on my face but the thought does flit through my mind. Wierd, huh? OK, that might have been a bit off topic....back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Yeah these conversations can be very enjoyable or insanely offensive depending on the tone. One of my jobs is working at a gym, so I talk about my weight loss and exercise with co-workers a lot. Usually I enjoy these conversations, but one co-worker told me "don't worry about exercise, you just need to lay off the sweets" *wink*. Granted my adrenaline was already up because this was in the middle of my workout, but I've never wanted to punch someone so badly in my life. It was the most condescending advice I've ever gotten: "cut out the sweets" really? So that's what I'm doing wrong! Thank you for saving me from the misguided notion that the snickers bars would help me lose weight. Secondly, we work at a gym, you don't tell people they don't need to exercise! And the knowing wink just really threw it over the top. The wink in my now enraged mind was saying "come on, we all know you were gonna go to krispy kreme after this, weren't you?" This coming from a man who's never seen me eat. He has no knowledge of my eating habits beyond the presumptions one might make on the basis that I am fat.

Sorry, that turned into a rant there, but normally I really enjoy talking to my co-workers about my weight-loss. Most of them are insightful and supportive.

** I love how many different directions this thread has gone. It's all been quite fun and interesting!

I think sometimes we've been trained to be too appropriate. Even in the face of inappropriateness, people struggle to find the appropriate resonse.

If someone had made the comment about sweets to me, I probably would have said something like "you're an idiot, aren't you?"

I would have said it with a smile, not so much out of being nice - but because people don't know how to respond to an inappropriate comment when it's given cheerfully (which is why this guy can say such stuff without getting punched).

Yeah... I hear you girl.

I got into one of these awkward conversations at work the other day-- I was working with someone I don't know well and I was talking calories with another one of my coworkers....

I think A LOT of the reason I talk a lot about calories at work is that work is a place I really tended to overeat and a lot of my colleagues are on the heavy side-- so there is a lot of encouragement to overeat, eat crap, stick my hand into bags of candy, etc. So talking about my diet reminds people not to offer that stuff to me.

So anyway, this other woman, she's on the heavy side-- about my height, but maybe twenty-five pounds heavier...-- and she mentions tracking calories with an app on her phone....

I get excited and think "oh, here's a heavier lady who's counting calories, maybe we have something in common...."

Only it turns out that she's had a gastric bypass about 5 years ago, and she started kind of stammering and looking embarrassed and defensive, meanwhile, the last thing on MY mind is that she should be embarrassed-- heck, if anyone understands the struggle, it's me!

But, I don't think anything I said set her at ease. I think she felt judged because everybody was complimenting me for losing all the weight by counting calories while she had had WLS and hadn't been able to keep her weight off.

But it wasn't me doing the judging... it's just such a sensitive situation that it's just hard to get it right.

The sad thing is, he IS an idoit! He wasn't really trying to be condescending, it just felt that way because a 28 year old man should have more sense. But he really, truely felt he was giving me very helpful advice.

That fact is what usually helps me keep a smile on my face (and usually, even in my heart). It's no skin off my nose, if other people act like idiots. Or even if through no fault of their own, they don't have a clue or are completey uninformed - it doesn 't really matter the topic. I'm confident in my own knowledge, so other's lack of knowledge is rarely very upsetting.

If someone tells me I can cure warts by rubbing frog pee on them - I'm not going to get offended, I'm going to laugh my *** off (if not in front of their face, then maybe later - or at least in my head). Depending on the situation, when someone says something I find completely ridiculous or that I know is just plain wrong, I don't necessarily argue or correct them (though sometimes I do) or I might say "how interesting," or "maybe you have a point" - and inside my head I may be thinking "what a moron". Now I might think they're a benign or harmless moron or I might think they're a rude and nasty moron - but generally I think most of the time it's just a case of being garden-variety morons with neither ill or good intent, when they spout off about something they don't understand (I'm sure other people are often thinking - legitimately - the same thing about me).



My dad is a perfect example of cluelessness. He was thin all of his working life, and all of my life he constantly told my mother and I how easy it should be for us to lose weight. "Just eat less," "Just skip meals," "If you're hungry, that's good - be happy, it means you're losing weight."

Then he retired from an active job, and began to look pregnant. He looked like he was in his second trimester before he started to work on his own weight. And oh, boy did it feel like the table had turned, because now it was him griping about how hard it was to get the weight off, how slow it was coming off, how he was hungry all of the time, how it just wasn't fair to only get one cookie instead of a dozen or 1/2 cup of icecream instead of a pint every night.

Mom and I would say (relatively nicely I think) "See, it's not so easy, is it," when at least on my part, I wanted to say some of the stuff he'd said to us. I just couldn't be that mean (or on days when I felt mean enough, I didn't think I could say any of it with a straight face).

I have to say that he's done fairly well getting the weight off. Getting his blood pressure and cholesterol levels down haven't been as successful. He's willing to eat less, but he's not really willing to eat better. His eating habits aren't super terrible (he does eat the healthy meals Mom or my sister makes, but a day isn't complete for him unless it contains a fair amount of sugar and salt).