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Old 06-10-2009, 09:00 AM   #1
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Talking Bringing sexy back

Since it came up in another thread I am going to put the question out there and assume that we can all handle it because we are grown.

Are you bringing the sexy or you letting your weight be the deciding factor?

I firmly believe we are whole people with a spiritual, emotional, sensual, social, and physical aspects. Because we have all these pieces we have to nourish all of them to be healthy.

Here we encourage and support each other emotionally and socially for our physical health. But do you ignore your sensual side? your spiritual side?

The sensual side is the crux of my thread though and are you taking care of yourself? There is a wonderful book called, "The Women's Sex Bible". I so wish I had this thing when I was in my 20's my relationships and men would have made so much more sense.

Personally my sensuality has becomed heightend as I close in on my 40's and now I know what the term courgar is all about. Men in general I have decided look for my confidence, my smile, and my humor before my weight.

I know I have said alot here. Tell me what you think.
bljeghbe' chugh vaj blHegh- Klingon for Surrender or Die

Weight Jan 2006- 257 lbs
Current weight-202.8 (5'7 1/2)
Goal weight-155 lbs.

Last edited by rochemist; 06-10-2009 at 10:20 AM.
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:27 AM   #2
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Like you I am also approaching 40. I agree that men do look for the confidence, the smile, and the overall package much more so than I realized a few years ago. I would also say that the older I get the more I realize that sensuality and being sexy has little to do with sex--at least for me.

Spirituality? Yes, absolutely. I am truly learning to let go and let God. That is something I have read and heard for years--only now fully realizing it's power.

"Be who you are, say what you feel. Those who matter, don't mind. Those who mind, don't matter." --Dr. Seuss
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:07 AM   #3
Hi From Canada, eh?
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YAYOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I think this is SOOOO important!! I want to cry sometimes when I see thread after thread of "i'm going to buy sexy lingerie, or do/say/live/think a certain way ONCE I"M AT GOAL" that's no way to LIVE!!! Or when I see beautiful young girls who think because they have a bit of chunk on them, they've not worth being loved or desired -- so wrong!!! Like the OP said, MEN SEE CONFIDENCE!!! they also see a weak gazelle in the herd!! if you let them (only some men of course!) treat you poorly, they will ! OK enough of that -- on to the sexy groove!!!

I've been so fortunate, only 1 boy my whole life, and I didnt' meet him til I was 24 (and pretty close to a SIZE 24 at the time LOL) and I remember him saying with a wink "well, maybe i wanted to see if you had a big appetite...for EVERYTHING" hehehehe and it's been getting better and better year after year, and it makes everything else so great -- It helps a lot in life to always feel loved and to know that your dude will throw down whenever you snap your fingers LOL is that shallow????

Started: 323
Now: 171 - nope, 165 now!
NOPE -- 162 now! Holy crap i've lost a PERSON!
Goal: 160

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:24 AM   #4
Never surrender
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It's great that you asked these q's.

I'm in my 40s. I feel sexier now than I ever have before, I'm also more accepting of my body, and I'm probably in the best shape I've ever been in. Not the lowest weight, but the best shape -- muscles, yeah!

as for spirituality, yes, I joined a local church this year and it really was a great decision for me.
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Old 06-10-2009, 11:15 AM   #5
So close to onederland...
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I'll agree and say that sexiness is all in confidence and only a little in physical beauty. I've always been one of the biggest girls in my cirle of friends, and with that being said it's never been an issue for me to have a boyfriend. I had self confidence and self respect and expected men to treat me with respect. It always hurt to talk to friends that were "prettier" who would allow men to treat them poorly.

I'm 25 now and married to an amazing man. I've never wanted to neglect my sensual side or my spiritual side no matter my size.

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Old 06-10-2009, 11:21 AM   #6
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My weight never made me feel un-sexy, until I developed the pendulum belly. This is the single most unattractive area of my body and it is the one are that...well....is in the way?

Regarding my spirituality, I've just recently started my meditation/prayer times again and we are looking for a new church home. This has not been easy as I've had to confront quite a number of thought patterns that do not correlate with my spiritual beliefs, but the journey has been so very worth it.
- Rhonda

"Live the life you've always imagined." Henry David Thoreau

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Old 06-10-2009, 11:55 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by GirlyGirlSebas View Post
Regarding my spirituality, I've just recently started my meditation/prayer times again and we are looking for a new church home. This has not been easy as I've had to confront quite a number of thought patterns that do not correlate with my spiritual beliefs, but the journey has been so very worth it.
I think this is so great. I know that about 10 years ago, I made a jump to a new church, going away from the same church/denomination that my entire family has attended for years. It wasn't for me and I had to find my own path. Raised a few eyebrows with the extended family (my cousin is a pastor in a church of the old denomination), but I'm not out to make them happy. So, good luck with your new quest!! You will be happier!

As for the sensual part, I have to say that the weight has definitely gotten in the way of feeling sexy. I know that many believe that they are sexy at any weight, and I am glad that they feel that way. I just don't for me. It is definitely getting better now that I've been working out so much and losing some weight. But, I still don't feel sexy. Too many things hanging where they shouldn't and jiggling when they shouldn't be. I'm not depressed about it, just trying to make it better. But, I had to be honest!
This time, I'm going to be stronger, I'm not giving in. - Rudimental
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Old 06-10-2009, 12:16 PM   #8
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Heh. My husband doesn't care if I weight 135 or 535, as long as he's getting it on a regular basis. (Although it is nice to be able to throw down some positions I haven't been able to get into in a long, long time.)

As far as anyone else - doesn't matter if they find me sexy or not.

get out of the 230s by July 23rd: Met 7/23/2009
52 lbs. in 52 weeks (12/31/2009): Met 10/29/2009
180 (driver's license weight):
170.8 (100 lbs. lost):
160 (10 lbs to go!):
150 (final goal):

Last edited by Jennelle; 06-10-2009 at 12:17 PM.
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Old 06-10-2009, 12:25 PM   #9
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Bringing sexy back? ****, it never left!!
"All of the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening."
-Alexander Woollcott

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Old 06-10-2009, 12:34 PM   #10
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This is something I've never been able to get my head round.
I certainly have zero physical confidence while fat, in fact think of the biggest number minus than zero. I haven't had any long enough slim phases to know if I feel any different.
I feel sad for me sometimes, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm unattractive. Don't leap in and say, you have nice eyes/good skin/sunny personality/even, upon occasion it has been said, good *rse - because when I say 'I know' what makes me sad is that it is engrained as a given of the universe, like how to breathe.
My head knows that it's not true.
My head knows that attractiveness is 90% confidence and personality
I had unattractiveness bred into my knowledge from a very early age, and nothing has happened in my life that has shifted that.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not 'never been kissed' like that Scotswoman it would be rude to say I don't want to look like! I started dating at 15 (which at the time and in my circle was normal to early) and progressed um to all the normal um levels - but a) I seemed just to give up kind of in my 20s and b) being intimate or being in a relationship in which intimacy occurred completely, completely screwed me up, because of my utter conviction that they could not possibly really want to be with me, because of my weight. It just seemd so WROMG. I remember in my late teens/early 20s being convinced that my parents were paying my current boyfriend to go out with me. (I don't suppose it helped that when he left, a couple of years after me, to go to college, he wrote after a couple of weeks and said, There are so many beautiful women here. I don't want to be unfaithful. Therefore you're dumped (can't remember the words exactly) so that no-one can say I've been unfaithful to you. Actually, I remember at the time merely thinking, what a loser.

OK, wow, that's enough blood-letting for today. Wonder if it will show up on the scales tomorrow?

oh and ps, my life isn't sad - I just sometimes think it's sad that I feel this way.

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Old 06-10-2009, 12:54 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Ailidh View Post
oh and ps, my life isn't sad - I just sometimes think it's sad that I feel this way.
That about sums it up for me. Ailidh, you said it perfectly!


Blue Team

February 1st
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Old 06-10-2009, 01:07 PM   #12
Never want to go back!
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Can one bring sexy back if sexy was never there to start with? I've been told I'm pretty by friends and that if I just put myself out there I'd find someone, but I don't see it. I have a hard time believing any man can truly love someone like me. I think it's 30+ years of watching my dad hate my mom, call her a fat cow and ridicule her for being fat. The only time sex was ever mentioned by my mom was when she told me as a kid that my dad hadn't touched her for 5 years because she was fat - can you say scarring? And then they wonder why I'm not married yet? Idiots.

Sometimes I worry that I'll never get past my insecurities and fear and end up alone forever. At least I don't hate myself anymore, real progress in my book! Therapy has helped with that. The rest of me is a still a work in progress... And I have a pretty nice life otherwise, so that something to be grateful for.
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Old 06-10-2009, 01:16 PM   #13
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When I was at my highest of 250 I still thought I was pretty/attractive but I certainly didn't feel sexy. Now I feel crazy sexy! (and I'm not even near goal yet, lol)
Mini Goal: 8 lbs. gone by Sept. 3rd (see ticker)

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Old 06-10-2009, 01:22 PM   #14
Loving life!!
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My job (the one I get paid for ) is helping women unleash their inner goddess so even at my highest weight I thought I was sexy as heck

"The most exciting, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself."

My fan page on facebook! www.facebook.com/taneeisfitforlife
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Old 06-10-2009, 02:14 PM   #15
3 + years maintaining
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There's sexy - and then there's SEXY! And let me tell you at 5 foot nothing 287 lbs - confidence, shmonfidence - there's just not all that MUCH exy. That doesn't mean there's not sex, but sex-y - that's another matter. Again, there's just so much sexy there can be at that size. At least for me. I didn't feel very feminine at that size.

Having lost the weight, ummm, yeah, flawed body and all - I've got my femininity back and all that goes with it. I feel womanly once again. And boy oh boy, I hadn't realized just how much I missed it.
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